Tony let out an audible groan as he rolled over in bed. He had survived the liquor cabinet incident but he had severe cuts on hos arms and face and more minor cuts on his legs and torso. While he didn't break any bones. He was still sore all over. Everybody said that he was damn lucky that he didn't pull the whole cabinet down on himself. Well the two people that were still talking to him. He wished that he had died. That's what he wanted, to die. He was planning on taking his life the morning after the incident with the cabinet but Gibbs insisted that the hospital release him to his care. Being suicidal and living with Gibbs, was the equivalent of being a severely disabled toddler. He was lucky if he got to poop without supervision. Not only was he never alone in the house but also Gibbs slept on an army cot in his room and sat outside while he took a shower. All this happened after Gibbs had already removed all the guns, knives, rope, pills, and anything else that could be used in a suicide from the main floors and locked them down in the basement. In a large gun safe that had a combination lock with the pick blocked.
"Tony are you OK?" Gibbs asked sitting up on the cot.
"Everything hurts." Tony groaned.
"It will be over in a few days." Gibbs assured.
"Why can't I have pain pills?" Tony asked.
"Because I cannot trust you at all." Gibbs replied.
"I can't off myself with one fucking pill! And besides! I WANT to die! I want to be free of this emotional torment!" Tony snapped.
"It won't make it any better if you die. It won't bring her back." Gibbs explained.
"But I wouldn't hurt anymore." Tony replied.
"I will get you help and you will come around. You will always hurt but it you will learn to deal with the guilt." Gibbs assured.
"Who will treat me? Who will make me not miserable?" Tony asked.
"Rachel Cranston" Gibbs replied.
"She can still stand me?" Tony asked.
"Yes and she is extremely concerned." Gibbs replied.
"Why did this happen? Why did I have to be driving? Why couldn't I have told Joel to ask somebody else to get Melisa or asked Jimmy to come home early. Why didn't I see that truck until it was too late? Why did I kill her?!" Tony questioned crying out at the end.
"Life is cruel sometimes Tony but it was an accident. You were helping out a friend. That truck driver was drunk out of his mind. He was going way too fast and ran that stop light. I am just glad that you and Melisa are OK." Gibbs explained.
"I...I O...Ohh G...Goooddd Gi...Giibbbsss. Iittt huuurrrrttsss. Sssooo mmucchh!" Tony cried out slurring his words.
Tony had lost track of the amount of times he had broke down crying over the past few days. Sometimes he would literally wake up crying out of grief. Gibbs or Joel, whichever was with him would run to his side and grab him into their arms. The two of them were supporting and loving him but he felt like he was completely alone in the world. The teammates that he had once considered family had turned on him and now despised him. Even Ducky hated him now. He could understand the Palmer's and even Ducky hating him. Tori was their child and Ducky's surrogate granddaughter but the treatment he got from Abby, McGee, and Bishop was almost unbearable. He felt empty and alone. All he wanted was to be free but Gibbs wouldn't let him die. Gibbs kept insisting that he fight and get better, but Gibbs had no clue. Yes, Gibbs had endured a horrific tragedy but when Shannon and Kelly died. Everybody flocked to his side and offered him shoulders to cry on. Just like everybody was doing for the Palmer's now. The agent who had been driving when Shannon and Kelly were killed was honored for being killed in the line of duty but Tony was just a worthless idiot who wasn't paying attention to the road. He would never receive honors. In fact when he finally got his wish and died. Everybody would probably spit on his grave and curse his name.
"You are OK, I have got you. You are safe and you are loved." Gibbs assured to Tony as he wept.
"It hurts so much!" Tony cried out.
"It's supposed to but it will get better. I promised." Gibbs assured.
"You don't understand! When Shannon and Kelly died everybody ran to your side! But I didn't lose a wife and child! I killed somebodies baby and hurt another persons!" Tony snapped.
"Tony, you didn't kill her." Gibbs assured.
"Tell that to them!" Tony cried.
"Who?" Gibbs asked.
"Abby, McGee, Bishop, and even Ducky!" Tony spat.
"Tony I hardly think that your teammates would be that cruel." Gibbs offered.
"Well they were." Tony sniffed.
"When?" Gibbs asked.
"Saturday at my apartment. Ducky wasn't there but they said he hated me too." Tony explained.
"That was the day after the accident. I am sure it was a reactionary thing and they regret it now but I will still speak with them tomorrow." Gibbs replied.
"Ask Vance" Tony muttered.
"What?" Gibbs asked.
"Vance was with me. When it happened. He drove me home from the hospital after the accident happened." Tony explained.
"Why didn't you call me?" Gibbs asked.
"I did but you wouldn't answer. Nobody would." Tony explained.
"When?" Gibbs asked.
"Noon" Tony replied.
"That was when I was helping Jimmy." Gibbs explained.
"Yeah right" Tony replied bitterly, turning around to face they wall.
"Tony, I love you." Gibbs assured.
"If you loved me you would let me die!" Tony snapped punching the wall as hard as he could.
A/N: My last update from Hinton! Will try to update my other stories tomorrow. The funeral happens in the next chapter and sparks fly when Tony shows up. New chapter will be up soon. Please review and thanks for reading