Note pertaining to this chapter
Background/setting: Immediately after the mission on Luna, where a 'rogue VI' in control of an Alliance training facility was taken down, Shepard's presence has been requested at a private meeting with representatives of the Alliance on a space station in geostationary orbit around Earth. Of course, the Alliance propaganda machine is not going to let Shepard's passage in the Sol system go to waste.
This chapter is in Tali's POV. It's long and rather linear (no big stylistic surprise).
Some speculations on human history as seen from 2183, on Shepard & the media, and on quarian culture in another helping of my hefty author's notes at the end (it's completely optional ;-).
My thanks to Vocarin for beta-reading this chapter.
Chapter 11: A Picture of You.
It had been a good idea to follow Ashley and Liara on the tour, Tali thought. Indeed, being shown around another human space station had been most effective in taking her mind off the fight on Luna earlier in the day, and off her many other preoccupations.
Although it had a similar basic shape as that of Arcturus Station, where she had been a couple of weeks before, there were some major differences. For one, it was much smaller. Also, the organization of its interior was much less elegant, with narrow and cramped hallways. In addition to that, the corridors had been surprisingly crowded in a few places, almost like on a quarian ship.
Their guide, a dark skinned human male wearing the standard Alliance uniform, had explained that this ring-shaped 'Gandhi-Series' space station was one of the first that had been built in geostationary orbit after some devastating inter-human wars more than a century ago. Apparently, it had been part of a multinational effort to peacefully explore the local planetary system, way before humans had stumbled upon the mass effect technology left behind by the protheans.
It was an old construct by human standards, and it showed. Despite the refurbished floor and wall coverings, her expert eyes had easily spotted signs of repairs and other hints of wear and tear. She had even seen a few patches of rust - a sure sign of low quality iron alloy subjected to humidity, probably due to local condensation of the air's moisture, itself an indication of deficient environment control.
In some places, the ceiling of the main hallway was quite low, and it was easy to see its upward curvature as they progressed along the circumference of the station, passing doors and corridors branching at right angle. It was not an original design, but the ring shape was a cheap way to generate an effective artificial gravity as it rotated slowly, exactly like the spherical part of her birthship. The alternative would have required a lot of eezo, and humans didn't even know about it when this station had been built.
Along the way, Tali also paid attention to the humans they came across. A few wore the military uniform, but most were civilians. As on Arcturus Station, there were many body types and skin hues nobody on the Normandy had. The difference with Arcturus however was the way most of them reacted when they saw her and Liara; they stopped whatever they were doing and stared. Ashley had explained that most had never gone further away from Earth than this station and that they probably never had seen non-humans in person. Tali tried to ignore the stares.
They had now reached what was supposed to be the highlight of the tour: an observation room dominated by a large viewport which occupied more than half the surface of the external wall, showing the planet down below. It was a nice-looking planet, but nothing extraordinary. Tali had seen Earth when they were on Luna, but the space station was much closer to it and it was easier for her to appreciate the details of its surface. It was mostly blue and white because of the large bodies of water and the clouds, but a few brownish land masses could be seen here and there.
Ashley was more excited and pointed a finger at the planet. "Hey, that looks like the tip of India! ...But it's upside down!"
Entranced at the sight of the thin crescent of night, which was growing very slowly on the upper left edge of the planet, Tali was only half listening to the guide's explanations about the station being above a nation called Indonesia, and about its constant rotation making it difficult to recognize usual landmarks. The guide then went on and started to point at salient features of the planet's surface, using the enhanced reality overlay of the viewport to provide markers, enlarged images and other data.
After a minute or two of contemplation, Tali listened more closely as the man was showing a faint and somewhat irregular line visible in an enhanced picture, supposedly representing a great stone wall built approximately two thousand years ago by some long gone empire to defend against hordes of barbarians. Looking at the line, and as Ashley and Liara were quietly discussing some details with the guide, she wondered about her own homeworld and how much of her own people's buildings remained. After all, it had been only three hundred years since they had abandoned it to the geth. Is there anything to be seen from orbit? Could anybody guess that quarians ever inhabited Rannoch?
Tali tried to shrug her negative thoughts aside, listening for a while as the young man went on with his presentation. He was now showing enhanced pictures of a few funnily shaped artificial islands in the middle of a large expanse of water, the results of some social and commercial experiments in the last century, when humans were still confined to their solar system.
But she could not stem the tide of her thoughts. All the stresses she had gone through since the start of her pilgrimage - including the constant fighting, almost always at the limit of her endurance like in the lunar base just a few hours ago - had started to take their toll on her. Lately, even if her homesickness and her sleep problems were getting better, she had been feeling more jittery than ever and easily troubled by all kinds of new thoughts, doubts and emotions. All quarians preparing for their pilgrimage had been warned against such a phase in their ordeal, but she had never thought it would be this bad. She knew that, as pilgrimages went, hers was completely non-standard, but even then… She had always thought herself more solid than that. Many conceptions that she had taken as fact before leaving her home, now seemed no better than opinions…
Even her people's fear and hate of the geth had been up for questioning. Shepard's view on the matter had shaken her a bit but, on that specific issue, she remained utterly convinced that her people's perspective was the right one. She could not fault him for his lack of understanding, however. How could she expect anyone on the Normandy, even Shepard, to comprehend that the geth were pure, irredeemable abominations. His species never had to endure the fate hers had. Shepard was a human, after all.
Tali glanced at their guide and Ashley. Humans were like quarians in many ways… and she shuddered at the thought of them making the same mistakes her people had, centuries ago. What she had encountered in the base on Luna was terrifyingly ominous in that respect. The way the 'rogue VI' had adapted to some of her best electronic warfare routines had been much too fast, almost as cunning as a sentient being, forcing her to change her approach at almost every hacking attempt. Fortunately, Shepard had brought Wrex and Ashley to the battle, and her shotgun had been as effective as ever in addition to her teammates' firepower. There was no way for her to prove it, but she was convinced the VI was in fact an AI, or just about to become one.
And now, looking again through the viewport a the homeworld of the humans - a young species full of wonder and confidence as it had just recently begun to reach for the stars - she thought of her own people's history. The ancestors too had been full of wonder and confidence… Then, they made the geth and now we're on the brink of extinction… Would the humans suffer the same fate? She looked on, but Earth just stood there, offering no answer while the crescent of night slowly ate at it. Shaking off her dark thoughts, Tali turned from the viewport and listened to her two shipmates' conversation.
"…yeah, 'unfortunate' is the understatement of the century. So many lives wasted. I think the only positive thing to come from those wars is that nobody's fighting for the holy land anymore – there's just too much radiation. Kinda sucks though... Would've been nice to be able to visit the place where Jesus was born and lived, without dying of cancer in the following months." Ashley sighed. "But we moved on. We're trying to tone it down a little… So what if some people can't accept the one true faith!"
Ashley had winked at Liara as she uttered the last part, and Tali understood that her rather outrageous statement was not to be taken seriously - it was one of those human facial expressions she had had to learn very quickly in engineering. However, judging by the grimace that went over their guide's face, she understood that the joke had not been in good taste.
"I sure hope so…" Liara shook her head a little. "…more religious wars would be just the kind of thing to make the other Citadel species even more wary of humans."
Obviously disappointed at her joke being ignored, Ashley shrugged and nodded grimly. "Yeah… agreed."
Silence filled the room as each was alone with his or her private thoughts for a while. From their many discussions, Tali knew that it was best not say anything when Ashley started to talk about her rather peculiar religious beliefs – that would just encourage her to talk more about them and she would get that strange look in her eyes… The attraction of a faith like hers was understandable, and many quarians were doing something similar when they appealed to the ancestors. But Tali was of the opinion that, whatever supernatural power there was - if any - it wasn't interested in people's affairs. The universe was a cold and uncaring place - she agreed with her father on that point. One had to be courageous, steadfast and then, when everything that was possible had been done, one could only hope for the best. Hope was all that there was.
The silence was broken by the guide. "There is much more to see! Would you ladies be interested in observing the remains of the old Himalayan geoengineering complex? It's quite spectacular and I think the cloud cover is currently very light over that region… We could also look at some mountain glaciers, the whales that are feeding in the Northern Oceanian preservation zone-"
Ashley cut him off as she glanced at her two companions. "What do you think, girls? Personally, I think I've had enough." Looking back at the guide, she added, "No offense, corporal, but we can watch all of this on the 'net' later."
Liara approved, "Yes, I think we should go. Shepard could be done with his meeting anytime by now… I'd hate to be the cause of any additional delays."
Tali didn't feel like staying longer and simply nodded when Ashley looked at her. The gunnery chief turned to their guide. "Corporal, we're done here. Please lead us to the chow hall. "
The young man snapped to attention, crisply saluting Ashley. "Yes Ma'am!"
The three followed him out of the room and in direction of the station's main cafeteria. The crew of the Normandy had been told to wait there for their commander to come out of a meeting with representatives of the Alliance government, and then they were all supposed to be part of some enigmatic media event.
They had no clear idea of what the event would be, and everybody on the Normandy had been speculating about it. They had all been told to wear their formal uniform. Having only her suit, Tali had done the best thing she could under the circumstance – hop into the shower again, right upon returning from Luna. Personally, she could not care less how she looked on some news vid broadcasted around the galaxy, but she wanted to be at her best for her shipmates.
While they made their way toward their final destination, Tali ignored the conversation between her companions and the guide, preferring to look around. As on their first leg of the tour, most humans they met were just staring at them. They obviously were just curious, but Tali realized now that some gazes tended to follow Liara a little bit more. This had probably been going on earlier too, but she just had not noticed. Even on the Normandy, she had seen some humans looking with admiration at Liara as she passed by. She was not sure she could recognize lust in a human gaze, but she wondered if that was not part of what was going on.
She watched Liara walking in front of her, seemingly unaware or uncaring of the looks that were directed her way. She sighed. Asari were the very definition of beauty… And they were all over the extranet, in movies, in music vids, in ads… in practically all nooks and crannies of the main media outlets.
Her father had a habit of ranting against asari influences at every opportunity. She shared his opinion, as most self-conscious quarians did, but she was not sure there was much to do about it. Ranting, however, was certainly not going to change a thing. The way she saw it, it was a question of sheer numbers: people and resources. Quarians were only seventeen million, and could not provide enough cultural output to compete against all the vids, music, literature and other fashionable products or ideas brought back by pilgrims or picked up from the extranet every time the Flotilla came close enough to a comm buoy. It was a losing battle. Despite all the efforts deployed by the elders to steel the mind of younger quarians against outside influences, it all came unraveled when they had to go on their pilgrimage. Even something as basic as courtship was now completely contaminated by asari ideas… According to her father, it was now so bad that close to half of the pilgrims left their birthship with a fully functional nerve stimulation program, hoping to score with somebody, preferably an asari.
She snorted. Even herself, the very daughter of the great admiral Rael'Zorah, was of the opinion that all asari were beautiful, and felt diminished by not being one… She was envious of them all... At the same time, she was irritated and disappointed in herself for feeling that way.
But she was not particularly attracted by them; they looked too much like women, even though she knew they were not really women in the usual sense. Glancing at Ashley, she shook her head. With the exception of the hair/tentacle difference and the skin color, human women and asari were almost identical. Tali knew what she was attracted to, and it was… broader shoulders, a trapezoid upper body, a thicker build… Images of Shepard in the training room two days before flashed briefly in her mind, but she quashed them at once, irritated.
These were ridiculous feelings and despite her efforts, she just could not get rid of them. There was a long list of reasons why they were absurd but, apparently, reason had no grip on feelings. In fact, the more she struggled, the more they seemed to take root. It was not Shepard's fault, but he seemed to have pushed all the right buttons. She had not told Dr. Chakwas, but she did 'get it.' After all, quarians did have the 'finding one's Captain' trope, which was not too far, culturally, from the 'damsel in distress' that humans had. It was a childish narrative circulating on the Migrant Fleet's intranet, mainly among pre-pilgrims, and it was also the source of countless cheesy jokes among adults. But in a way, it was a true quarian cultural icon… And Shepard, through his attitude and his actions, and even though he was not a quarian, fitted almost perfectly with the naïve storyline. After all, he had welcomed her on his ship like a true quarian captain would have, and they were on an important and life-threatening mission. Just like in the stories.
She glanced at the two women who were conversing as they walked in front of her. She sighed again. Maybe her stupid feelings would disappear if Shepard was committed with someone… That would make him even more inaccessible. Surely that would make things simpler… After all, Liara and Ashley had been rivals for his attention for a while now, and that was one of the main topic of conversation in engineering. Keelah, even the pilot asked for my opinion on the matter…
She looked at the blue alien's back, just a meter in front of her and to the left. Going for an asari would be the fashionable thing to do for Shepard… but she felt uneasy about it. Her understanding was that asari thought so highly of themselves that people from other species – 'lesser species' as she had heard an asari say – would likely be considered as pets or toys… That would be an insult for someone like Shepard. But Tali didn't believe Liara was like that. She was a bit aloof, and her coolness right after her mother had died had been... unexpected, but Tali had seen her generosity and compassion in several other instances, like with the colonists on Feros.
She shifted her gaze to the other back, more on the right. Going for his own species would be more natural… Ashley had a good heart, but she was so blunt, rigid and argumentative… She grimaced at the thought of Shepard, so considerate and open minded, having to contend with someone like her…
What am I doing… She felt nothing but disgust at herself as she realized that she had been trying to find faults with the two women. Ugh!... I can't believe this. I'm so pathetic. Looking up ahead, she recognized what had to be the entrance to the cafeteria and felt relieved at the sight. With more people around, maybe it would be easier to keep her mind busy with more constructive and realistic thoughts.
Having thanked their guide, Tali and her two companions managed to get through the people massed in front of the cafeteria's entrance, likely attracted by the presence of the first human Spectre and the coming media event. Once they were in, they quickly spotted the tables at the other end of the room where their crewmates were seated.
The stares in the corridors had been easy to deal with, but it was now positively intimidating for Tali to cross such a big room, filled with hundreds of humans, many of which were gazing at her. Fortunately, she was not alone and found comfort in the presence of Liara and Ashley.
As they came closer, Pressly got up from a table where other bridge officers were sitting and beckoned to them. He indicated another table where Kaidan, Wrex and Garrus were already seated. "Ground team, you're together at that table. There's a review on tonight's program, so I'm keeping every section together."
They nodded at the XO, Ashley adding a formal "Understood," and quietly went to their assigned places. Along the way, they passed the engineering team and Tali exchanged salutations with them. Chief Adams discreetly waved back at her, smiling briefly. I suppose I could have been at that table too. But maybe they prefer to keep all the non-humans together… Ever suspicious, Tali wondered if the reason she was being kept away from the other engineers was to avoid controversy… After all, some of the ship's technologies were supposed to be well-kept secrets.
She sat between Wrex and Kaidan, and all her speculations evaporated when she noticed that people were actually eating. Kaidan had a half-empty plate in front of him, and several empty ones were piled in front of Wrex, who glanced back at her and belched an informal greeting. Her crewmates at other tables were also eating, and she saw a few coming back from a series of counters on the far left side of the room, where the food was being handed out.
Kaidan leaned toward her and handed her one of her tubes of nutrient paste. "When we learned this was turning out to be a 'dinner and a show' kind of situation, Pressly sent someone to fetch food for Garrus and you."
Tali thanked him and glanced at Garrus, who was already finished, his turian ration pack lying empty and torn on a plate in front of him.
Ashley sighed noisily. "Change of plans, what a surprise!... But hey!" She smirked. "…I won't complain if there's a free lunch!" She looked at Liara. "Might as well hurry and get something to eat right now, before the psyop people show up and we can't eat anymore."
Liara acquiesced, saying that she was hungry too. Both women got up and moved toward the counters.
While Tali was hooking the tube to her helmet, she wondered who were the 'psyop people' Ashley had talked about… They seemed sinister. As she started eating her bland fare, she noticed that Kaidan and Wrex's food looked different from what was available on the Normandy. Also, beside Kaidan's plate were two rounded things that she had never seen before. She assumed these were fruits - such things were very rare on the Flotilla as their production was too resource-intensive.
Kaidan noticed Tali's glance and explained. "They have it easy on a station like this, so close to Earth. Fresh fruits and vegetables, fresh meat, eggs…" He pointed at the fruits. "It's been a while since I had any fresh plums and oranges."
Wrex grunted as he swallowed his last bite, looking at the fruits. "The plums are alright, but the oranges are sour…"
Kaidan laughed. "You have to peel them first…"
Wrex just shrugged as he got up. "Harumph… I need more food."
Watching the krogan trudge away toward the counters, under the gaze of hundreds of Alliance personnel also in the process of eating or just standing along the wall near the entrance, Garrus chuckled. "I bet half of them are here just to see the krogan eat."
Tali however was wondering what was going to happen next. All she had been told was that there would be a media event and she wanted to know more. Turning to Kaidan, she asked, "So, what's next… Where's Shepard?"
Kaidan shrugged. "Still with the Alliance brass, of course… Wouldn't be surprised if they were actually having dinner with their pet Spectre. After that, I suppose the brass will show up here, make a short speech, shoot a few vids and pictures… That sort of thing. Might be a few hours before we're done."
Garrus asked "I don't get it. As a Spectre, Shepard's practically his own boss… why does he waste his time for the Alliance like that."
Kaidan grabbed the orange fruit. "Hmm… In a nutshell, I'd say it's the price he has to pay for the Normandy and its crew." As he started to tear large chunks of thick but soft-looking peel from the fruit, he continued, "But if I know Shepard, I think he truly wants this too… He knows the Alliance will use this to improve things between humanity and the Citadel species. It's all about building bridges."
Both Garrus and her nodded in understanding. Tali could find no flaw in Kaidan's explanations; she knew that Shepard was very thoughtful, and it made complete sense to cooperate as much as possible with one's allies. However, what Ashley had said a minute ago had sounded ominous and she had to ask. "Ashley talked about 'psyop people' coming..."
Kaidan chuckled as he divided his fruit into smaller wedge-shaped pieces. "She was talking about the APRS, the Alliance Public Relations Services. They're in charge of media releases… and you can be sure they'll want to extract every gram of value out of Shepard's passage in Earth's orbit." Quickly, he ate a couple of pieces of his fruit as he scanned the cafeteria, indicating the crowd of humans that were seated in the room. "There's a lot of poverty on Earth, and many are envious of the privileged few that can travel abroad. The personnel on this station includes a lot of civilian contractors, and many are from… well, less privileged backgrounds. That's why they had us come here, on this old station instead of a more classy place like Arcturus… They probably want us to be seen among more 'popular' crowds, to appeal to the masses on Earth. At the same time, they probably want an easy, sympathetic and well-controlled crowd, and that's why we're here rather than on Earth's surface."
Garrus scanned the crowd, noticing that several humans were looking back at him. Most were smiling. "I agree, they look quite sympathetic." Bringing his attention back to Kaidan, the turian commented, "To be honest however, I never paid much attention to human politics. It looks rather… twisted."
Kaidan chuckled again. "Yeah… You have no idea. The short version is that the Alliance, through the APRS, has a two front war on its hands. On the domestic front, it has to fight xenophobic human-centric tendencies, like the Terra-Firma party, and show that humans are welcomed by the rest of the galaxy. On the galactic front, it has to fight against other species' suspicions and demonstrate that humans can work hand in hand with everyone else…" He smiled as he concluded, "…and that's where Liara, Wrex, and you two come in."
Garrus chuckled. "Ha! My father will have a seizure when he learns that his son has become a pawn in a human public relations campaign."
Tali too wondered what her father would think… He'd probably say something about wasting my time… In any case, she was sure he would not approve. Her auntie Shala was usually supportive, but he never was. Whatever she came up with. But he'd be wrong. Quarians were not used to deal with the media and had no public relations services, but maybe she could do something about that, however small it was. In a way, she was going to piggyback on the event - a quarian publicly shown to be on Shepard's team could only be a good thing for her species. Ancestors knew how much her people needed to improve their public image.
Her line of thought was broken by Ashley and Liara's return, each happily carrying a tray filled with food. Wrex soon followed, his own tray filled to the brim, and everybody started talking about food again.
They had been at the table for close to an hour and, even if Tali was enjoying the company of her teammates, the distraction was not enough to prevent her anxiety from building up. Busying her hands with her empty food tube was not helping either. It had been folded in so many ways and so many times, that she was surprised at it still holding together. She just kept wondering what was going to happen next. Suddenly, as she looked on, there was a change in the cafeteria; people started to get up all around and the noise of the crowd increased noticeably. As if on cue, Pressly came over, saying, "It starts in fifteen minutes… Clean your table and help with the tidying up."
Tali threw her empty tube among the rest of the trash on Wrex's tray, which Kaidan promptly put on top of all the others before leaving in direction of the counters to dispose of them. The counters, to her surprise, were slowly being retracted through an opening in the nearby wall, revealing another room on the other side. Everybody was moving around and, despite the appearance of chaos, she realized tables were being stacked and moved also in the other room. Wanting to contribute to the collective effort, Tali took upon herself to help with the chairs. All in all, it took barely ten minutes for the room to be completely transformed.
While this had been going on, a team of humans dressed in pale grey suits had unrolled a red carpet near the entrance to the room, and they were now busy installing some kind of podium on it. A few others, similarly dressed and accompanied by a couple of camera drones, were arranging portable lights directed toward the podium. Some others were trying to guide the crowd of soldiers and civilians away from the carpeted area. One of the people with the pale suit – Tali guessed she was the leader of that group – came forward and was met by Pressly. They exchanged salutes, then had a short conversation, Pressly indicating the crew of the Normandy behind him.
Ashley was watching this and frowned. "There they are… the psyop people." Glancing at her, she added, "Wonder how they'll manage to hide the fact that there's a Williams in Shepard's crew…"
Ashley had told her about her family's bad reputation among the Alliance, and Tali understood all too well what she meant. After all, one's reputation was among the most precious thing any quarian had on the Migrant Fleet. Fortunately for Ashley, she thought, and despite the obvious injustice in being punished for something that a grandfather had done, humans had other options… Quarians only had the Flotilla.
Kaidan, who had returned from his waste-disposal trip, heard what Ashley had said and shook his head. "I understand your worries, Chief, but they probably just won't say anything about you. They may list your name among the crew, but nothing more. And it's the same with me, I don't expect them to list me as a biotic… They'll just want to avoid ruffling any feathers."
There was a commotion near the entrance, and someone shouted the human military call that she had heard several times now; "Attention." The people near the entrance quickly formed some kind of ranks, the uniformed humans making their formal salute and standing to attention, while the others – the civilians - just stood straight. This reaction spread like a wave throughout the crowd, with everybody straightening up and doing the same. Tali looked at her shipmates and noticed that they were standing apart from the rest of the crowd, in a neat formation. Along with Liara, Garrus and Wrex, she followed Ashley's directives, standing straight and still in the location she was indicated. Tali never had had to bother too much with Alliance military formalities up to now, but she didn't want to disrupt her shipmates' arrangement.
Soon enough, a group of officials came in through the doorway. By the way they walked, it was clear to Tali that these were important humans. Some were dressed in expensive-looking suits, and a few others were dressed in military uniform, with multiple ranking symbols on their shoulders and on the front of their chest. Her eyes quickly locked on Shepard, who was in the middle of the group. He looked good in his 'dress blues' as people aboard the Normandy had called the formal uniform. He also seemed calm, and this had a soothing effect on her nerves.
The group came to stand behind the small podium, and one of the officers readily stepped on it. She was rather short, but had big arms and a thick, barrel-shaped torso. She also seemed quite stiff in Tali's opinion. Looking at the color of her hair and at the wrinkles on her face, she realized the woman had to be quite old.
The silence was almost complete in the room and everybody seemed to be holding their breath. The public relations personnel were quickly doing a few last minute adjustments to their equipment and, finally, the woman that had talked with Pressly earlier on made a 'thumbs up' signal to the officer on the podium, who nodded back at her.
Scanning the crowd with what Tali interpreted as a stern gaze, the officer on the podium said, "At ease." Her voice was strong and clear, and the effect of her two words was immediate; everyone in the crowd seemed to relax and the military personnel, including all the Normandy's human crew, let go of their stiff salute.
Tali leaned a bit toward Kaidan and whispered, "Who's that?"
Barely moving, the lieutenant whispered back "Fleet Admiral Thorgenson… She's also the Systems Alliance's minister of defense…"
Impressed by the importance of the woman on the podium, Tali decided to pay closer attention as the admiral launched into a speech. She barely noticed the cameras filming the scene.
Admiral Thorgensen started by giving a summary of recent human history, then went on with how humanity was finally getting accepted by the rest of the galaxy and how this was symbolized by Shepard being named a Spectre. Turning briefly, she signaled Shepard to come forward and to her side on the podium. She shook his hand, saying that humans could be proud, now that the best of them was a Spectre. As the crowd erupted into applause, Tali watched Shepard and smiled; this was a great honor for him. The admiral then stepped back, offering her place to Shepard.
"I'll be brief and to the point," he announced over the dwindling applause. His voice was as commanding as the admiral's had been and, to Tali, Shepard looked completely self-confident. He scanned the crowd for a few seconds, waiting for the hand-clapping to cease completely. "The Systems Alliance has all my gratitude for lending me its finest ship and, I believe, its finest crew. These men and women are all dedicated, know the risks of my mission, and it's an honor to be working with such superb professionals." He smiled briefly and nodded at his crew. Tali glanced at her human shipmates and noticed how they smiled back, responding to the praise.
"I'm sure some of you have noticed a few non-humans among my crew..." Shepard paused briefly for effect. A few snickers were heard among the crowd, and many also craned their neck to look at her and her teammates. As Garrus had remarked earlier, most were smiling and seemed rather sympathetic. "...Each one of them has decided to support my mission on a purely voluntary basis. They too are dedicated and professional, and they have fully earned my trust." Those words made Tali feel taller, and she straightened a bit.
After a short pause, Shepard went on a new track. "Spectre duty is the real deal. It's a tough job and the hours can be horrible..." He smiled slightly, and the crowd responded with murmurs and a few snickers. Ever since meeting him, Tali knew that Shepard had a gift with words. Still, she was impressed at how he managed to work a crowd.
However, Shepard became more serious as he continued, "...But the toughest part of the job is not the danger. It's the hard choices Spectres are asked to make. Yes, I'm talking about life and death situations." The crowd was now completely silent, understanding the gravity of what the man in front of them was saying. "And sometimes, circumstances may be such that there are no good choices... only bad and worse. But even then, Spectres still have to make the call." Shepard was silent for a little while, letting the crowd digest what he had just said.
Then, he started on a new track again. "Now, as most of you know, Spectres respond to the Citadel Council. As such, their duties are to the greater good of the galaxy at large, and to all its citizens. Whatever the species." He scanned the crowd, frowning a little. "So, if some of you still think that a human Spectre is a shield or a sword that humanity can wield against other interests in the galaxy... well, I'm sorry to burst your bubble." Still frowning in apparent disapproval, he shook his head slightly for effect.
Looking at the crowd, who was reacting ambivalently to his last comment, Shepard continued,"Believe me... it may be tough at times to balance my duties with my sympathies for human issues. However..." Shepard glanced briefly at the fleet admiral. "...I'm fortunate to have the support of people who understand fully what is at stake." The admiral didn't flinch, but Tali had the impression a few of the officials behind the podium were squirming a little. Obviously, Shepard had had some disagreements with them in his earlier meeting and had thrown a pointed barb at them. She approved wholeheartedly. Nobody should even think of influencing him.
Again, the crowd had reacted ambivalently to his comment. When the snickers and mutterings finally died down, Shepard spoke again. "The galaxy is a big place. There are tons of opportunities, but also challenges and dangers. There is a lot of good out there, but some bad too. Humanity still has to find its proper place in all of that. It's not going to be easy." He paused, scanning the crowd, which was now silent and expectant. "A human Spectre can help, sure. But humanity - and that means each and everyone of you - has to be up for it. Each must reach out to grab the opportunities, each must find the inner strength to deal with the challenges, and each must be unwavering in the face of danger. It's also my hope that each will choose the good over the bad if it comes to that." He paused a few seconds for effect. "In the end, as the first human Spectre, I can only make one promise. And that is to never stop looking for the best interest of all, as fairly as I can. The rest however, is up to you. Thank you."
With that, the crowd erupted in applause again. Tali was impressed. Shepard had said difficult things, but he had been fortright. Also, the last part of his speech had empowered his listeners and, apparently, the crowd had liked that.
Shepard turned and saluted the fleet admiral, then stepped down the podium. The admiral had to wait some time for the applause to die down. When the noise level was low enough, she said, "Wow. I should ask him to write my speeches from now on." This got her a fair amount of laughter. After a short time, when the noise got low enough, she launched into another speech.
Tali quickly lost interest in the rest of the oration – the topic now seemed to be more internal to the Alliance, and she understood little of it. Also, the tone of the speech was almost the same as those her father gave, and that was boring. She had heard too many of them when she had been allowed to tag along with Admiral Zorah on his tours, years ago.
Luckily, the speech did not last long. When the last applause finally died down, the admiral went back to discuss briefly with Shepard and the other officials. Tali knew they would now be coming for the review as such, and Shepard would probably have to present each and every one of them to the admiral and her entourage. She was anxious to get this over with…
Shortly, the fleet admiral and Shepard, accompanied by the other officials and two camera drones, set off from behind the podium and came over to meet the crew. Refraining from nervously jumping up and down on her feet, Tali followed the progression of the presentations, which turned out to be much less formal than she had feared. As the group of officials got closer, she could better see the way Shepard stood, so straight and energetic, and the way he smiled as he presented each member of his crew. He seemed to enjoy the event. This was Shepard's life, she thought. He had been in the military for many years… and through this event, his hard work and sacrifices were being recognized.
At long last, it was the ground team's turn to be presented. For some reason, Admiral Thorgenson first shook hands with Liara, who was presented as the 'resident prothean expert and biotic powerhouse.' Of course, the admiral had to go for the asari first. But Tali had no time to dwell on the irritation, as she anxiously prepared for her own turn. Awkwardly, the admiral then shook Wrex's claws and the krogan merely grunted when Shepard labeled him a 'battlemaster.' Then it was Garrus' turn. Shepard described him as a the ground team's 'sharpshooter,' and Tali almost laughed when the turian replied 'Yes, very sharp shooter' as he shook the admiral's hand.
Then it was her turn. The admiral took her offered hand in hers for a firm and solid shake. "Ah…" she said. "…this must be the person who gave us the evidence." Despite her wrinkled face, the admiral had very fierce and intimidating eyes.
Tali managed to blurt a "Yes…"
But Shepard quickly supplemented, "Tali'Zorah nar Rayya. Technical genius and our acting combat engineer."
The admiral nodded, still looking at her. "Yes… Humanity owes you a lot, miss Zorah."
Tali glanced at Shepard, who smiled back and seemed genuinely proud of her. Befuddled, she lost track of what was going on as the admiral went to shake hands with Kaidan and Ashley.
She was still trying to make sense of what had happened and get control of her nerves… Part of her was mocking her for being so easily upset… She never thought such a simple thing as a little praise could make her almost giddy… And was Shepard really proud of me? Lost in herself, she did not realize what was going on around her until she felt a hand close on her arm and tug at her.
It was Ashley. She seemed concerned. "Tali? You OK?"
Tali tried to come up with a suitable response, and finally managed to say "I... yes. I was just... thinking about something." This was a lame answer, she thought.
Ashley's obvious concern evaporated. "Well, snap out of it then! Time for the family snapshot."
Looking around, Tali quickly realized what Ashley meant and took place between Liara and Kaidan in one of the three ranks that were being formed by her shipmates. She managed to put a lid on her emotional turmoil, calming herself by taking slow and deep breaths as the photo session began.
Later that night, while keeping watch over her workstation near the drive core, Tali took a short pause to look again at the group picture that had been sent to everyone on the Normandy. It was the one that had been selected for public release. Many pictures had been taken during the photo session, with variations in the crew's arrangement, but always with Shepard right in the middle of the front row. She was glad this was the one that had been chosen; in it, she was among her fellow engineers near the left edge of the middle row, Shepard was sporting his usual confident smirk, and everyone was looking right at the camera. The picture would figure prominently in her pilgrimage report, when she finally got down to it.
She sighed as she turned her omnitool off; the picture would also be a souvenir of her silly happiness when Shepard had presented her to the fleet admiral. She was still trying to understand what had happened. Obviously, in retrospect, his pride could not mean much - he probably was proud of each and everyone under his command. However, it truly drove home the fact that she had no control over her own feelings. Ugh... Could I get any more pathetic? The very idea that she may have found her captain, and that he was human, was just too crazy. I must be losing it. Certainly, all of this had to be the result of all the stress and doubts of her pilgrimage.
Her situation seemed inextricable. Leaving the Normandy was out of the question - the mission was too important and she had given her word to Shepard. Also, she had already asked for his help with her pilgrimage gift... Acting on her feelings was simply unthinkable. Talking to anybody about them probably would not help, and she didn't want to run the risk of her problem becoming public knowledge. The only option left was to keep everything under wrap, and hope that her feelings would abate... eventually. They have to. In the meantime, she was determined to push herself even more for her shipmates and the mission. That's the least I can do for my captain. It was a sad situation, but she could live with sadness.
Author's Notes
Human history in Mass Effect, as seen from the year 2183: Very little human history is provided by the game, and there is a very long hiatus between what we know (up to now) and 2069, when the first settlement on Luna is founded. The only things that are said are very imprecise. I remember from Drew Karpyshyn's books that wealth had shifted from the west to the east (?India), that there had been severe environmental damage (including the oceans rising by 2 meters) but that it was on the mend, and that most people were of very mixed racial background (like Anderson).
Not mentioning any political event on Earth is an easy way to avoid possible controversies, and I have no problem with that. In this chapter however, I did make a few allusions to possible events on Earth (wars, a geoengineering complex in the Himalayas, some multinational efforts to build stuff in orbit, etc) that appear plausible to me. There have been many wars since 1945 and now, and I don't see why there would be less in the next 50 or 100 years (peace is nice, but here's a quote I've seen, attributed to Machiavelli: 'history repeats because the passions of man never change'). Note that for the wars, I'm not pointing any finger, even if I poke a bit at Ashley's character while alluding that her religion was somehow a factor and that there was some nuclear contamination in the near-east (but maybe not only there, and it could be either bombs or 'accident' at one or more nuclear reactors - like Fukushima). Now just to make it clear, I'm not convinced that religion - as such - causes wars (I would be more inclined to say that it may facilitate them under some circumstances...) but it was easier to write it that way. ;)
Shepard and the medias: In this story (paragon Shepard from Mindoir and Hero of Elysium) Shepard was a well-known figure even before he got promoted – very publicly - to "first human Spectre." His very first Spectre mission - taking down Saren - was also given to him very publicly. The Normandy being a state of the art Alliance ship is also known to the public, although the details of its advanced features are much better kept secrets.
In the game, Shepard has to deal a little with some of the medias through Emily Wong (Future Content Corporation news service), Khalisah Bint Sinan al-Jilani (Westerlund News) and, in ME3, Diana Allers (Alliance News Network). That doesn't seem enough to explain why so many ordinary people are able to recognize him/her with ease when they see him.
It would not be surprising if he (or his image, at the very least) had been much used– starting when he was still 'only' a N7 operative, especially with the 'hero of Elysium' background - in some propaganda campaign(s) by the Alliance Public Relations Services (APRS) in their perpetual drive to win hearts and minds at home (Earth) as well as abroad (human colonies and Citadel species). Now that Shepard is a Spectre – but still is part of the Alliance military - it would make sense for the APRS to showcase him (as well as his ship and crew) to further their goals.
That's how I came up with the setting of this chapter: Shepard's passage in Earth's vicinity (to deal with the rogue VI on Luna) would provide the perfect opportunity for the APRS to organize something.
Some considerations on Shepard's character:
Shepard, whatever his/her background, is a military man/woman through and through. One would suppose that, as part of the N-School training, such a soldier would have been exposed to situation where there is no support of any kind available. Still, practically all the situation he/she may have participated in must have had some degree of oversight, and limits within which he/she has had to operate.
A Spectre is something different, in the sense that there is practically no oversight, and also very little support. The objective(s) of a Spectre (as given by the Citadel Council) may be clear, but everything else is left wide open.
It would take time for someone as well trained and conditioned to work within well-defined constraints (as Shepard is, no doubt) to suddenly be able to function optimally as a Spectre.
Being still part of the Alliance would offer some possibilities, as Shepard would have the option of using some of its structures/services (especially for intel) while he builds his own personal network of contacts and allies. Also, I would expect a paragon Shepard (like in this story) to be more willing to keep close ties with the Alliance, while a renegade Shepard would cut ties faster and with less reluctance.
Ashley's religion: Her specific religion is not specified anywhere in canon. However, she has some well defined beliefs (god and an afterlife from whence dead people - her father - can watch her). She also talks about the beauty of the universe as a reason for her beliefs (a tired old argument I'm sure many of you have heard too). Using the old and reliable method of 'if it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck... then it probably is a duck,' my conclusion is that she's very likely to be a christian. But it's not much more than a detail in this story.
Some speculations about quarian life and culture:
Let's start with some low level statistics. With a population of seventeen million quarians living on fifty thousand ships, one comes up with close to 300 quarians per ship on average. There must be many more small ships than large ones (like the Rayya, which is a liveship – involved in food production). With all quarians having to undergo pilgrimage at some point in their life, and assuming a steady state population and a life expectancy of one hundred and fifty years, you come up with an average of about three hundred quarians leaving for (and returning from) their pilgrimage every day, on average. That's a fair amount of traffic. Assuming an average pilgrimage duration of six months would mean that close to sixty thousand quarians are on pilgrimage at any given time (the number would be higher if the average pilgrimage duration was longer). On a ship like the Rayya, assuming a population of one hundred thousand, there would be approximately two pilgrims departing and returning each and every day. That would mean that the captain of the Rayya would have to greet two returning quarians each and every day, each time having to decide if the applicant is worthy or not, etc… On a smaller ship with a crew of two hundred, there would be only one to two applicant(s) per year, so the captain would have a much less busy 'official' schedule. That probably means that larger ship would require more people doing administrative duties (aka civil servants) since the captain would have to delegate some of his functions.
The pilgrimage is an absolutely central part of quarian life. I would expect most young quarians to be, from their very first day, absolutely obsessed by their upcoming pilgrimage. For a present day north-american, something vaguely similar would be the 'prom' (its a very imperfect comparison - I can't come up with something that truly compares - as the importance of the pilgrimage plus the stress it must be inducing would be orders of magnitude higher for quarians compared to north-americans and their 'prom'). The young quarians' attitude toward it would likely span the entire spectrum from the very positive (bold, ambitious personality, eager to prove one's worth) to the very negative (anxious personality, eager to get it over with). As Tali explains in the game, quarians receive lessons, implants (and more), and are well prepared for their adventure when the time comes.
I would expect the pilgrimage to be - potentially - a very transformative period for a quarian: it's when all he/she has learned and all he/she believes in gets tested by the outside world. Most will probably choose to stick with the security of what they know and believe, and eventually return to the safety of the womb (the Flotilla). Others will return to the Flotilla as changed, stronger persons. A few (as Tali says in the game) will never return, and will instead seek elsewhere for a better life; that's the selfish option. That's why I think Tali must be having doubts and questions during her pilgrimage. Tali is obviously one of those who will eventually return home as a stronger person. As all talimancers know from the game, her transformation in ME1 is just the start of a long process that will continue in ME2 and ME3 when she finally overcomes her deepest beliefs/fears about the geth and her own people.
Bureau of Pilgrimage: However decentralized the decisional/executive power may be among all the ships of the Flotilla, it is possible that some sort of administrative infrastructure would be in place to improve the efficiency of the pilgrimage. This infrastructure could be a loose affiliation of local individuals on each ship, working together to coordinate pilgrim's information, transportation to and from the Flotilla, and to keep track of the pilgrims' whereabouts. It could also gather and analyze intelligence brought back by pilgrims. These administrative infrastructures would likely be more developed and more formal on larger ships (with more civil servants). Freedom's Progress (Veetor's rescue) is an example of quarians keeping track of pilgrims and the lengths they are ready to go to rescue one of theirs.
Pilgrimage Reports: Information is vital to the security of the Flotilla (the survival of the quarians). Quarians can get lots of intelligence by tapping the extranet, sending scouts and things like that, but not making any use of the information gathered by pilgrims would be extremely wasteful (foolish!). That could be an essential part of the Flotilla's intelligence services. Just think about it… If there are sixty thousand pilgrims all over the galaxy at any given time, that makes a lot of spies.
The mystique of the Captain: I'm not the first to think of this, but it is plausible that quarians would attach a great importance to the idea of the Captain. A man or woman of action and decision, the Captain would be the person who leads, protects, provides for, guides and gives purpose to the crew. The personality of a Captain must have a huge impact on the crew of a ship. For example, it may be one of the main factors that would attract returning pilgrims. Once again, this influence is probably more pronounced on smaller ships where the relationship with the Captain would be much closer and personal. One could speculate that, because of the importance of the pilgrimage, there must be a huge amount of fantasizing about one's return to the Flotilla and finding the 'right Captain.' That might even have some naïvely romantic implications, the Captain being viewed as a powerful and desirable mate. That's what I was referring to in this chapter when Tali mentions the 'finding one's captain' narrative and the cheesy jokes about it. I imagine young quarians writing romantic fictions about that and publishing them on the Flotilla's intranet… lol!
Fleet and Flotilla: I thought it would be nice to integrate references to that movie in this chapter, as a way to explain why Tali has a thing for men of other species. After all, it could be argued that it's canon because it's in the Citadel DLC... In the end however, I decided against. While I thought Tali's part in the Citadel DLC was very funny, with the singing and all, her talk of puberty and sleep-overs kind of disappointed me: I felt the authors ruined another good opportunity to represent her as a mature person and also as an alien (which she definitely is). For one, I have a tough time wrapping my mind around the idea of Tali having a sleepover in her cramped family cubicle on the Rayya, having her parents move out for the occasion (I just don't think her father would have approved)... Also, representing Tali's past life as something even remotely similar to some present day north-american teen (you know, having a pajama party with other girls in her room, including pop corn, chick flicks, etc...) seems a bit strange considering what she says about her family life and her upbringing in ME1: the more I think about it, the less probable it seems. Hey, I'm not saying it's impossible, just that it's stretching things a lot in my opinion. To me, in the end, the Citadel DLC is not much more than a big caricature (candy from Bioware to placate the fans' fury about the endings fiasco in ME3), so the pieces of lore that it may contain are highly suspicious at best.