I rest my forehead against Jades an let my cool breaths fan out over her face in an attempt to speed up her process. Her hands are behind me, twisted tightly in my shirt. Her eyes, black as coal a minute ago, are closed now. Her face contorts in strain as she tries to calm down.
While it's definitely an ego boost to know that I work her up so much, I feel terrible (and slightly off put...) that a little impromptu make out session can leave her so inept. The least I can do is offer my silent support. A few more minutes and she opens her eyes, as green and intense as ever. Her hands untwist from my shirt and take a gentle hold of me. I relax against her and rest my head on her chest, hearing her heart finally beat at a regular pace.
A few more minutes of this and shes asleep, lips lightly pressed to my crown, gracing it with warm exhales every few seconds. I carefully detangle myself from her and slide off the bed. Knowing Jade she'll be hungry when she wakes up, so a meal at the ready could earn me a few brownie points. As I make my way upstairs though, I hear rustling in the kitchen. "Um...hello?" I call out cautiously. The noises stop and as I creep around the corner, Jades father comes into view.
"Oh, hello." He sounds almost surprised, but its hard to tell. The West's are hard to read, and if I didn't have years decoding the subtle changes in Jades body language and expressions her emotions might be a total mystery to me.
"Hi, . It's great to officially meet you." I say cheerfully, extending a hand. He stares at it for a moment, before shaking it and replying "Yes, she...doesn't really want us talking, does she?" My eyes fall to the floor. "No." He grunts in response and his eyes rake over me. "I must confess, you're not what I expected."
"How so?" He sighs deeply. "Although I've never thought about her dating, I would've thought she'd pick someone more...like her." He shakes his head. "I'm surprised, almost happy to see her with some one so...nonthreatening." My eyes snap up to him. "Excuse me?"
"I mean nice, you seem...nice." He answers cryptically. "Though I do worry for you." I shift uncomfortably where I stand. "Um, why?" I ask dumbly. "My daughter isn't like you. She's not so...nice." The distaste in the word suggests a plethora of negative descriptions he feels would be more appropriate for describing her. So I focus on the surge of protective anger his words cause, fueling my courage to ask him what Jade won't tell me.
"Mr. West, why don't you like Jade?" He sighs again. He leans against the kitchen counter and folds his arms, his movements slow and listless. "I'm afraid. I'm afraid of her." He says it so calmly, its disturbing. "Jades mother, she was like you. Sweetest, kindest...most forgiving woman I've ever met. So when our unborn child started to drain her, relentlessly, she acquiesced." His voice wavers between emotionless and angry as he speaks, and mind drifts back to Jade playing her sweeping scales. I hear them echoing behind his words, almost paralleled.
"I watched my wife, so beautiful once, whither away while Jade grew. Kicking, struggling, so restless within her. Every day was a challenge. And when Jade was born, she lost. And so did I. The anniversary is coming up..." His voice breaks and he rubs his wrist against a dry eye.
I use the time to think, but its hard to come up with anything meaningful with all this new information. "You mean your daughters birthday?" He nods quickly, ferociously. "I tried to do the right thing. Love her, like she was the only thing left of her. But she wasn't, she's not." He takes a deep breath and speaks with a quiet conviction.
"Shes the reason my wife is gone, and she's spent years reminding me. Do you know how cruel I felt? Watching my two year old stare at the wall endlessly... and-and feeling so disconnected from her, so scared. It tore me up inside. And then when she finally developed a personality its was so...brash! All she wanted to do was watch these gory movies, and how she'd laugh!" He exclaims, almost like a question, maybe a joke.
"Whenever some one died, it seemed the more undeserved the death the wider she'd smile... I know I'm not the best father, but despite whatever she is, despite what she did to my wife, I didn't smother her in her sleep. I never hit her or yelled or blamed her out loud. I know, wherever my wife is now, she'd absolutely hate me if I ever hurt Jade."
My eyes are saucers, I can't speak. No frigging- No fucking wonder Jade didn't want us to speak! The mans absolutely crazy! Crazy and...and cruel! And Jade...poor Jade...
"Youre crazy!" I shout. I can tell I've startled him because his eyes are a bit wider, but he still has this eerie languid demeanor about him. "She's your daughter, how could you say those things!" His eyes are wild now, and I step back hesitantly as he approaches. He takes my hands and looks into my eyes deeply. And I let him, too terrified to move. "She's not my daughter. She's not normal. I don't know how long you've know her but trust me..."
The idea that hes going to say another awful thing about her jumpstarts my limbs, and I yank my hands away. I stumble towards Jades room, I'd run if I had the strength to keep my momentum up. I nearly trip down the stairs and only slow down once I'm outside the door to her subsection. My hand shakes as I turn the knob and some part of me, delirious and scared, expects to see a monster lying there.
But instead its Jade. Soft, soft and peaceful while she sleeps. I swallow the urge to cry and make my way to her. As I take my place next to her she stirs, before turning and draping an arm over me. I hold onto it like its a life raft, and look to her calm face like a lighthouse. I am surely drowning.

Jade, otherworldly beautiful. Confident in movement, abrasive in speech, sweet when were alone. Jade, the girl of my dreams. Literally. I know that's not normal, but it couldn't mean that Jade is evil. I think of the way she speaks to me, holds me, kisses me. There are a lot of adjectives I could use to describe Jade, at times sinful, but never evil.
Maybe this is what the dreams are for. To show her to me, make me love her before we met so I'm ready to save her. Already willing to take her away from her creep of a dad. I scowl deeply as involuntary memories our conversation flood my mind. I've been trying to avoid them and I'm dreading the moment when Jade finally talks to me about him. At least I won't be as blindsided as when her father told me.
I can be ready this time, I can practice. Tell her he's crazy, and she is too if she believes shes anything but perfect. I'll tell her... I'll tell her I love her. That I always have, and I always will. I smile fondly, remembering the quote she told me. Sweet words carried on soft piano tones, she played with the keys shyly. Shes way too sweet to be a monster, no matter how much she tries to convince people she is. Or vice versa.
Just then a knock comes at my window, and it'd be a coincidence if she wasn't always on my mind. I draw back my curtains and there's Jade, squatting on my roof with her bottom lip caught between her teeth, fingers drumming on the sill with anticipation. I unlock the barrier and I'm almost immediately tackled into my room.
Her strong arms wind around my back and keep me upright, and I can feel her smiling behind the kiss. When it brakes I stare up at her and blink in surprise. "I missed you." She huffs between gulps of air. I look into her bright green eyes and shes so happy, how could anyone not love her? She kisses me again, and when I try to pull away she grabs my cheeks and holds me close. I smile faintly and resign my self to her lips.
The fingers of one hand tap my cheek playfully, and we break the kiss with soft laughter. I wrap my arms around her neck and sag against her in the embrace. She entered my room with the same exuberance she always does, and I fear it's making my less than ecstatic mood more apparent.
"I missed you too." She senses a graveness in my tone and frowns. "Are you okay?" I look up and there's a certain direness in her eyes, like if I say the suns too bright she'll knock it down. "Yeah." I choke out unconvincingly. My eyes shoot away from hers in the rapture of my pain, my embarrassment. She leans closer and brushes her lips against mine, leveling our eyes. "You can tell me." I almost laugh, or maybe sob at the irony. I just said this to her less than a week ago about her father and the discomfort he brings her. She does it again and exhales a shaky breath against my lips. "If I did something, you can tell me."
I kiss her halfheartedly then withdraw from her arms to sit on my bed. "No, its not you...its me." She smiles distantly, there's a panic in her eyes. "Uh oh." Another ghost of a smile. I shake my head and extend a hand to her. She smiles gratefully and takes it, sitting beside me. She lays her head on my shoulder and I'm quiet for a minute, gathering my thoughts, courage, and waiting untill shes absolutely comfortable.
She breathes out heavily, contentedly, and her head angles up a bit. I feel her nose under my jaw, and I can almost see the smile that's surely gracing her lips. "Waitin' on you." She says softly. And god, do I love her. I turn my head and meet her lips, softly at first, but when she tries to deepen it I move back. Not too far though, close enough that I still have to whisper. I keep my eyes closed and just force it out. "I talked to your dad."
"What?" She asks softly. I open an eye and see that hers are still closed, and I think she was making to kiss me again before I spoke. Now her eyebrows are gathered. "What?" She asks again, but with much more anger. Her eyes open and the ferocity swirling in those vibrant green irises is frightening. "I talked to your dad and he told me-" "What!?" She yells, so loud I jump in place and half expect my dad to come running in.
"What did he tell you?" She says with measured rage. "Everything." She huffs out a broken laugh and gets up, heads for the window. "Where are you going?" I ask, and she freezes. Her balled fist twitches by her side and she faces me again. "I'm going to leave. I'm very angry right now, and I don't feel like proving him right." She says with the same thinly veiled anger behind forced calmness. "Right about what, Jade?" I ask, exasperated.
"About being a monster." She says, curtain coming down. "Jade, youre not-" I stand and mean to approach her but she yells again, halting me. "Cause you'd fucking know!" I glance behind me at the door and she takes the hint and lowers her voice. "You went... behind my back so you could weasel your way into knowing this-" I try to interject "Shut up! I wasn't comfortable with you knowing this about me, so you fucking get it from the source?! Fuck you, Tori!"
I open my mouth but I'm at a loss for words. I know what I did was wrong but I didn't know how dark their problems were. I knew it was personal and maybe I intruded on that but I don't deserve this...Oh hell, maybe I do, but it still hurts. "Fuck you..." She says again, although quieter. Tears spill uncontrollably from my eyes when I reach for her and she jerks away. "I'm so sorry Jade, I didn't mean to. He was just being so cruel, I couldn't take it anymore. I thought-" I pause and laugh humorlessly "I thought he was just a jerk, Jade. And that if he told me why he was I could show him why he should love you like...like..." I do. "Like he should." I finish.
She surges forward with an accusatory finger and tells me I had no right, but the rage is gone. I sit back down at the head of my bed and stare at my hands lying limp in my lap. "I know." I reply miserably. "Jesus, are you crying?" She asks in the same accusing tone. "Yes." I sniffle indignantly. "Shit, dude I'm sorry, okay? Is that what you wanna hear?" I glare up at her in a mix of anger and disbelief. She looks to the ceiling for a moment then back at me. She kneels beside me on the bed. "I suck at this, okay? I suck." She reaches for my hands but I pull away. I don't want to touch her right now, I don't think either of us deserve the comfort.
I see a look a panic flash across her eyes. "Tori I'm sorry." She says pointedly and grasps for me again. "No, Jade." I say quietly, refusing to look at her directly. I see a look of pure terror come over her out of the corner of my eyes, though.
"Tori, please come closer. Please just come closer." I look at the pained expression on her face and reluctantly comply. Instantly Jades arms enfold me and she kisses me. I pull back. "See? Its not just 'closer', Jade." I wrap my arms around myself, and she does the same to my whole torso. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry."
"Stop that. Don't say that, if your sorry you wouldn't do it." I reason quietly. Jade buries her face in my neck. "No, I don't regret touching you... I'm just sorry I need to, I'm sorry I'm like this..." she says, almost sobs. "I'm sorry I'm so sorry..." she mutters between pressing kisses to my skin. This is all too much...How do I fight with her when she needs me so much? When we need each other...
I guess we just explain ourselves, be as honest and as... forgiving as possible.
"I know you like touch but I just need some space after the things you said. And you should too." I phrase my last sentence like a question, and Jade goes rigid and pulls back. "I just need to feel you, to make sure you still care. To show you that I still care." She explains. "Normal people express that with words." Jade pulls away completely.
"What if I'm not normal." No... I take her chin. "No baby, I didn't mean it like that." Her eyes close and tears spill down her cheeks and onto my palm. "But I did. I have- I have these dreams..." She sobs, and my heart rate picks up. "Are they about me?" Jade nods through tears. "I think so..." I wrap her rocking frame in her arms. "Its okay, I have them too."