BACK TO ROOTS
Vegeta walks into the kitchen the next morning to find Krillin making his sandwiches and, honestly, it's the first good thing to happen to Vegeta all day. Part of him believes that yesterday must've been a concussion-induced nightmare because, really, would Krillin walk out on him so easily? Would Vegeta really headbutt a drone? Would Vegeta really admit that maybe – just maybe – he misses a place he shouldn't call home? His brain is screaming no, but his skull is nodding yes. God, it hurts. It hurts so freaking much, and while Vegeta prides himself on being a free man, boy were those healing tanks nice. Back when he was in Frieza's armada, he never had to feel pain for very long. Whenever he landed anywhere civilized, he had state-of-the-art healthcare; and if civilization was not nearby, well… he could just put himself to sleep until he got there. Earth's primitive though, and probably always will be (since the only woman whose mind is worth a damn doesn't seem to be doing anything about it), so he won't be having any healing baths anytime soon.
Oh well. His ancestors never had 'em either. Time to get back to his roots.
… which wouldn't include taking sandwiches from a human monk, mind you, but Vegeta's decided to ignore that part.
Speaking of the monk, he's at the counter putting together the fifth of seven sandwiches. "Morning," he says. He's listening to the radio. He doesn't bother turning around.
Vegeta takes a seat and finds he's kind of happy that the sandwiches aren't done yet. Not because he's being forced to wait, but because he knows they'll be fresh, and there's nothing better than that. As usual, morning training didn't go well, and Vegeta's pissed about that, sure, but just being in this kitchen calms him a bit. Krillin's a stress and always will be (the punk), but the sandwiches are still going strong; and for Vegeta, a train never stops when there's still tracks to run.
Whatever the case, the radio's gabbing about something called 'football,' and Vegeta can't be bothered. Krillin seems to be having a decent time with it though. When the newscaster mentions something about a loss for West City, Krillin says, "Yamcha must be pissed," and chuckles. It's strangely wistful.
"He's the three-eyed one, right?" Vegeta asks as Krillin turns towards him with the platter of sandwiches. "The one who lost his dumb arm?"
"Who?" Krillin asks. He sets the platter down. "Yamcha? Nah, you're thinking of Tienshinhan. I'm," (he furrows his brow and sits down), "... not actually sure if Tien likes football. Maybe?" He contemplates it for a moment before bringing his coffee cup (selected for its lack of writing) near his lips. "Do you know what football is?"
Vegeta grunts.
Krillin's well-versed enough in Vegeta's noises to take note of the disinterest. "Well, anyway," he says after taking a sip, "Yamcha's the guy with, you know, the scars? Cocky sometimes, has long hair, partners up with a flying cat?" When he sees Vegeta's as confused as ever, he adds, "You've probably seen Bulma yelling at him before…"
"Oh, right," Vegeta says. "Him."
He takes the first bite of his first sandwich to congratulate himself. He deserves something for remembering such an insignificant detail, right?
Krillin meanwhile is concerned about the fact that, just now, Vegeta technically started a conversation. Vegeta never starts conversations. Ever. Unless he's about to kill you, Krillin thinks. Probably not even then. He decides not to think about it too hard. Instead, he pays attention to the radio while Vegeta pays attention to the sandwiches. It works.
By the time Krillin opens his mouth again, Vegeta's figured out that football must be some kind of sport, and that Krillin's question of the morning be would somehow related to that. He's right. But before Krillin gets the whole sentence out, he cuts himself off. It's abrupt enough that Vegeta actually flinches. Krillin sets his coffee down and looks to the left out of the corner of his eye.
There's more than a moment of silence.
"You… you broken?" Vegeta finally asks because, hell, maybe that's possible with humans? He doesn't fucking know anymore.
The question causes Krillin to snap out of it and look back at Vegeta. "S-Sorry," he says, blushing. "I-I got distracted, um…" He pauses and looks in the same direction again, then like that he's suddenly out of his chair. "I'll be right back," he tells Vegeta.
Before Vegeta's can protest, he's gone.
Not that Vegeta was going to protest, of course. It's just that this is the second time Krillin's run out of the kitchen without Vegeta's permission, and it's annoying. Really annoying. Wasn't Krillin the one who insisted on getting something outta this whole sandwich situation? Wasn't he the one who decided he needed a little consistency in his life for some strange reason? It's Vegeta who needs some damn consistency! Krillin can't just half-ass the whole thing! That defeats the purpose! How dare he just –
Not even thirty seconds after Vegeta starts bitching, in walks Bulma Briefs.
She enters with a huff and an afro that's… unkempt at beast. You see, Bulma Briefs is Stressed. This is a statement that can be used as a summation of her life since Bulma Briefs is always stressed for some reason or another, but the stress she's been experiencing these past few days has graduated to a capital 'S.' It's made worse by the fact that she has no way of de-escalating it.
… well, okay, yes she does, but she's having trouble doing it, and that's the problem. The ensuing all-nights have resulted in knots in her hair, bags under her eyes, and a faint but consistent smell of B.O. that she's so far been able to blame on someone else.
Needless to say, she's not very happy.
"There you are!" she shouts as she rounds the table and stands near where Krillin had been sitting not thirty seconds prior. "I've been looking all over for you! Am I gonna have to put some sorta tracker on you or something?" She scrunches her nose on instinct. "Ew, you stink!"
She's not wrong. "Look who's talking," Vegeta mumbles as he takes another bite of his sandwich. Usually she gets more of a raise out of him, but he has a faint hope that he'll be able to go back to enjoying his sandwiches soon enough, and well… they don't taste as good when he has high blood pressure.
"I'm not here for your insults, Vegeta," she tells him. "I'm here to yell at you!"
"Well, you done yet?"
"Done? I haven't even started!" She throws her hands down on the table. "Do you have any idea the amount of time I've had to put into fixing that stupid training room for you these past few days? I know some wear and tear is inevitable, but I feel like I'm building a new one every night!"
"And?"
"And I'm telling you to stop it! I'm busy, Vegeta! I've got my own problems! You understand me?"
He doesn't. He understands the concept of other people having problems, sure, but when those problems intersect with something he wants, his understanding gets short-circuited. Especially in this case, when she was the one who insisted that he live here. Her job as a hostess is to be at his every beck and call. Surely Earth can't be that different, right? He's starting to doubt it.
"Okay, Vegeta?" Bulma goes on. "For the fifth time, don't attack the drones! There was one in there that almost looked like you planted your face into it!"
Yeah, that's because he did, the demons respond; and Vegeta stuffs the rest of the sandwich into his mouth to make them shut up.
That's around the time Bulma notices that there are, in fact, sandwiches. And a coffee cup. And a radio. She stands up straight, puts her hands on her hips, and asks, "Who is the world made you this many sandwiches at seven in the morning?"
Vegeta's about to answer, but she cuts him off. "Whatever. I don't care." Bulma looks over towards the radio, listens for a second, then looks back at Vegeta. "Wait, you know what football is?"
Vegeta's about to answer that, but Bulma doesn't care about that either. "Look, Vegeta, I don't have time to be dealing with your bullshit, alright? I have way more important things going on right now, and they don't involve you. So why don't you just sit here with-with your sandwiches," (she gestures towards them with some confusion), "and-and your coffee," (she gestures towards that too, and it's the first time Vegeta notices that Krillin shoved it towards him on his way out), "and just calm down, alright?"
Vegeta would usually be yelling to high heaven by now, but he's too confused about the coffee and in too much of a sandwich high to properly respond.
Bulma takes the silence as an agreement, mostly because she takes anything she finds agreeable to be a universal sign of agreement. "Glad we understand each other!" she says, clapping her hands together. "Just don't put too much pressure on the cook staff, alright? I had a guy quit a few days ago because of you."
Vegeta's still too dumbfounded to respond until he says, "Later!" and grabs a sandwich off the top of the pile on the way out. He snaps out of it when he hears down the hallway, "Wow, this sandwich is fantastic!"
He twists around in his chair and screams, "THAT'S MINE!"
He hears back, "I BOUGHT IT; I EAT IT," and like that, she's gone.
And not even thirty seconds after Vegeta starts bitching about that, Krillin's back.
He grabs his coffee cup as he's walking back towards his seat and, in the same place Bulma had just been standing, takes a shallow sip. Then he's back at the counter where he left all the ingredients and, before starting on making an extra sandwich, he turns down the radio a bit. "Sorry," he says, not facing Vegeta. "Sometimes nature calls, you know?"
In response, Vegeta chews slowly on his next sandwich. He knows he's been duped – he just has no idea how.
He's about to ask, but Krillin changes the mood. "So, Saiyan sports," he says as he spreads the last of the mustard onto the top slice of bread. "That's what I was asking about, right?"
Vegeta doesn't answer him, but Krillin doesn't seem to mind. He turns off the radio entirely before bringing over the extra sandwich and restoring order back to the platter. He sits down and grabs his coffee, and it's like nothing happened.
Vegeta's willing to go along with it because he doesn't want to care. "Too broad," he says.
Krillin furrows his brow. "Too broad?"
"The question. Saiyan sports. Too broad."
Krillin sets his coffee down. "Oh, right," he says. "That probably includes stuff that was popular in the Empire, right? There has to be a lot, huh?"
No kidding. Many planets in the Empire were outright destroyed, of course, so many great pastimes have been lost to the cosmos, but Frieza had a soft spot for good ol' competition. Want to live? Compete amongst yourselves to prove you're strong enough to be of use. Want to please? Compete amongst yourselves to stand out. Want to amuse? Play a goddamn sport. It's actually a path many in the Empire have taken to make their way through life with minimal complaint, and those people were probably the only ones to truly mourn Frieza when they heard of his death. (Cooler's no sports fan). Frieza's fascination with all things athletic gave rise to all manner of sports – so many that you could not possibly keep track of them all.
Vegeta was a fan of almost none of them. Why train to kick or throw or what-have-you when you're not using those skills to beat the shit out of someone? It's just not practical!
"I guess what I was asking," Krillin says, "is about Saiyan sports in particular. Did your planet have anything original to it?"
"... honorable duel of equal exchange," Vegeta replies.
"That wasn't a sport! That was a coup!"
Oh. Vegeta tries again. "... third-class warriors fought in pits a lot?"
Krillin doesn't seem so sure. "Were there any rules?"
"... kill everything?"
Look, if you want the honest-to-god truth, which Vegeta will never give because he's not an honest-to-god person, Vegeta has no fucking clue.
Well, okay, it's a bit more complicated than that. You see, Vegeta wasn't on his planet for very long, and seeing that Frieza destroyed it soon afterwards, there's… gaps in his knowledge. Saiyan lore? Knows it like the back of his hand. Saiyan history? Even more so. Saiyan customs? Definitely. Anything else? Doesn't know shit. He knows modern culture had been heavily influenced by the Empire because the Empire infects everything it touches, so he can cobble together pieces into a narrative that mostly makes sense, but he's not sure if any of those narratives are actually true. He should've asked Raditz or Nappa while he had the chance. He wonders why he never did but he doesn't let himself for very long.
The pits, though – the pits were definitely a thing. He remembers going to them with his father on occasion and it always being a big hoopla whenever they did. Going to the pits was one of the only times Vegeta ever found himself outside of the caste walls, though, so he always made a big hoopla about it too. The old woman would dress him up in his ceremonial robes and walk behind the carriage during the procession and make sure Vegeta didn't wipe too much blood of his face during the ensuing feast. It was also one of the only times he saw the entirety of his massive Tribe in one place, and there was so much bowing and kissing that, by the end of it, he could hardly see straight.
He remembers the first fight he watched particularly well. As his father sat on a throne of bones and gold and Vegeta on a pillow by his side, two warriors in the pit swore their allegiance and lives to the royal family's entertainment.
Then they killed each other. Literally. One had a sword, the other had an ax, and they both swung in such a way that they managed to behead one another. It took the crowd a moment to catch up on what had just happened until five-year-old Prince Vegeta had started laughing. Then the crowd had laughed too. (You never want to let a Saiyan prince laugh by himself). It's one of those things that would've been written about in the epic of Prince Vegeta, 202nd of His Name had Planet Vegeta survived. It would have only been proceeded by the event that earned him the title 'Untrodden.'
Vegeta wonders sometimes how many would've been decapitated in his name if his planet had survived. Probably a lot. It would've been a better death than the one they had. At least they could've gone down fighting instead of like dogs.
"We had a lot of things like that too," Krillin says. "Fighting, I mean. We still do, though most of 'em don't involve killing anymore. Actually, all of us used to enter these World Tournaments that would have you fighting one-on-one. Goku won one of 'em. Against Piccolo."
Vegeta almost chokes on his sandwich. "That green asshole competed in a tournament?"
Krillin gives a real smile. "Yeah, I know, sometimes I can't believe it either. I actually fought him, you know."
"And you didn't die?"
"Hah. Very funny." Krillin motions with the mug towards Vegeta. "You know, one year Tienshinhan was actually the one who beat Goku."
Vegeta almost chokes on his sandwich again. "The three-eyed guy?"
"Yeah, that's right."
Vegeta will always be embarrassed about how Goku beat him that day he came to Earth – even years after he had laid their rivalry-to-the-death to rest; but he'll never be as embarrassed as he is in this exact moment. Tien? Tienshinhan beat Goku in a fight? The guy who lost his arm and died from performing the same attack too many times? That guy beat Kakarot? THAT GUY beat KAKAROT and Vegeta didn't?
Vegeta's not sure if the sandwiches can cure this. He might need to kill everyone on the planet now, starting with fucking Tienshinhan.
Krillin raises an eyebrow at Vegeta's now extremely red face. "It was on a technicality," he says, "if that makes you feel any better."
"WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY THAT IN THE FIRST PLACE?"
Because Krillin needed a laugh this morning. The past few days have been rough. "They were up in the air, and Goku hit the ground outside of the ring a split second before Tien did. Announcer called it. Tien actually felt terrible about the whole thing."
Vegeta's face is back to normal and the sandwiches are going down well again. "Next thing you're going to tell me is that you've beaten Kakarot before."
Krillin raises an eyebrow again. "Vegeta," he says. "Goku and I trained together. For years. Of course I've beaten Goku in a fight. I've beaten Goku in a lot of fights."
Vegeta's not sure how to respond to that. He decides it's best to keep eating. If he keeps eating, then Krillin won't be dead, and that's probably a good thing.
Krillin knows it's time to bail. "I gotta take care of a few things," Krillin says, getting up from the table with his coffee. "I'll see you at lunch, alright?"
As the monk's leaving, Vegeta says, "The woman's not coming back, right?"
Krillin pauses for a second, then looks back at him with a smile. "Nah, enjoy your sandwiches."
Vegeta does.
Sponsor: This chapter is brought to you by fucks. Fucks: Bulma gives exactly zero of them.
(Additionally, the following chapter was revised on September 16, 2018 to address minor grammatical concerns. There has been no change to content).