Author's Note: Sorry this update took longer than usual. This chapter took forever to write because I think it may be the last one :/ I wanted to make it perfect. I am almost positive this is the ending, but if I change my mind, I'm sure you'll all be alerted. If I do write another fanfic, it will likely be skins, so keep your eyes peeled (;
Thank you so much to everyone who read and reviewed, your support was spectacular I appreciated every bit of it. :D
"You alright, Eff?" Naomi asks softly as she walks up to Freddie's gravestone. Effy is sitting on the grass staring at her hands. She's not crying, just staring straight down. Cook hadn't heard from Effy all day after he left her house the morning after the party. He said it was best to give her some space, and let her gather her thoughts, but Naomi could tell he was concerned. The cemetery was the first place she looked. Effy doesn't answer her right away, so Naomi sits down on the ground next to her.
"Is it wrong for me to wish the grave were mine sometimes?" Effy pushes a few brown wisps out of her face as the wind blows gently.
"No," Naomi sighs, "but wishing doesn't really change anything, does it?
They both exchange glances and Naomi shrugs. She can't even imagine what it would be like to lose Emily. But the hardest part for Effy is that there was always someone else, someone who clearly, never totally left her heart. James Cook.
"No one had ever cared about me the way Freddie did, besides my brother."
The silence after that sentence kills Naomi, and she has to add, "And Cook."
Effy just nods gently, "Yeah, and Cook."
In all honesty, Effy feels guilty. She feels like she always has to mess everything up in her life. She has this intense fear of being happy, because being happy means that she's vulnerable to her emotions.
"You know, it's okay to love them both."
That's the first time anyone's ever said that to Effy. When this whole thing with Cook/Effy/Freddie started, everyone told her to choose. They told her she couldn't have it both ways, and she had to pick which one she loved more. The thing about choosing, especially when it comes to people, is that someone always gets left behind. Effy chose Freddie. She'll never regret choosing Freddie. She'll always regret leaving Cook behind.
Naomi had always pushed for Effy and Freddie to be together, but in the last couple months she'd witnessed the passion between Effy and Cook that she couldn't deny. It's very possible that Effy has more than one soul mate, considering Effy seems to have more than one soul. She has the calm, beautiful, carefree side that everyone saw with Freddie, but she also has this fiery, intense, exhilarating side that everyone sees with Cook.
"He's never going to hold it against you, you loving Freddie the way you do."
Effy wipes away a few stray tears, shaking her head.
"Sometimes I just worry, you know? I worry that I'm with Cook to fill the void Freddie left when he died."
Naomi has had this exact conversation with Cook at least five times, because he worries about the same thing. She wishes they'd realize that they'll never be happy together if they keep questioning the integrity of their relationship.
"If that's true, then why Cook?"
"What do you mean?" Effy asks, and leans down to light a cigarette.
"I mean if you really just needed someone to fill Freddie's void, why did you choose Cook? He's not very smart, in fact he's really quite stupid. I guess he's pretty fit, but that's not saying much considering you could have just about anyone. He's gotten into more fights in the past two years than most guys will their whole lives. He's aggressive, careless, and maybe even a little selfish. So of all the guys out there to pick from, why did you choose Cook?"
A smile spreads across Effy's lips as Naomi talks. All of these things that Naomi seems to consider a negative, are the things that make Effy love Cook. That must be why Cook loves Effy, too. He sees her negatives as positives. Her faults are not faults to him.
"Because I love him." Once the words start pouring out Effy can't really get them to stop, "It's fucked up how completely in love with him I am and it scares me because I worry that the more I fall in love with Cook, the more I'll forget about Freddie."
Naomi's never seen Effy cry before. She watches as the strongest person she knows breaks down in front of her and Naomi has no idea what to do. She looks weak, and small. Should she comfort her? Probably. But Naomi has no idea how. She scoots over and puts her arm around Effy's shoulders.
"You've gotta stop punishing yourself, Eff."
As they walk back to Effy's house, Naomi sees Cook sitting on the front step with Emily. She nods Emily over to give Cook and Effy their space. They watch as he wraps Effy up in a hug and presses his face into her hair. It's beautiful, really. The way they don't need to say anything, they just understand. Emily wipes away a tear running down Naomi's face.
"We should go home now, yeah?"
After Freddie died, Naomi watched Cook bring home girl after girl home to make himself forget about Effy. To be honest, Naomi didn't understand. She didn't understand why Effy, what is so special about Effy? Yeah, she's pretty and she has that whole alluring thing going on, but she's just Effy. She doesn't really care about Cook, or anyone else for that matter. Then she sees his face as Effy walks up to him and she understands. It's the same face she makes when Emily's approaching her. Naomi smiles as Effy closes her eyes and hugs Cook back. Effy and Freddie were cute. They were always cute. But Effy and Cook are passionate, and beautiful.
"Yeah." She nods as they link arms and make their way down the sidewalk.
Effy knew her mom wasn't home, and she was practically desperate to get Cook inside. Her eyes blink open and she smiles as she presses her lips against his, pulling him up the front steps and through the door. She pushes him against the wall in the hallway and slowly lifts his shirt over his head, pressing her body against his. Effy's done questioning her heart now. She's tired of analyzing the same situation every time she and Cook get close again.
Cook runs his hands up her shirt, and feels the cold skin of her back and stomach. He wants to make her warm. He wants her to feel as warm as he does at this moment. His mouth travels over her neck and collarbone greedily. It seems like she's trying to be gentle with him, so maybe he should do the same. As he pulls her shirt off, he studies the features of her face. For a moment, he forgets what he's doing. He just gets lost staring at her. He loves her.
She loves him. Effy walks backwards into her bedroom so that their eyes never lose focus. She can tell it takes a lot for him to control himself and not just throw her on the bed aggressively like usual. She hadn't even realized that his fingers had been laced with hers since the moment they embraced outside. His hand comes up to cup her face and he rests his thumb against the side of her mouth. Her eyes get glossy with tears, because this is everything. All the shit she's been through is over now. This is everything. Cook is everything now. This is all she wants. There's no more thinking, no more questioning. This is everything. She doesn't even have time to whisper, "I love you" before his lips come colliding into hers. Effy falls onto her bed and smiles as Cook climbs on top of her, sliding his hand up her leg and firmly grasping her waist. Just you and me, babe.
It's always you and me, Cook thinks to himself as Effy lightly bites the skin on his neck. A rush of excitement runs through him. He was trying to take it slow, but now he has to have her. Cook pins Effy's arms to the bed as he slides down and kisses her stomach and hipbones. He's getting lost in a moment and losing control of himself. Effy's fingernails dig into his shoulder as he enters her slowly but roughly. It's like the first day of college all over again. All he can think about is right now. After Effy told him she loved him, they'd had sex. It was incredible, he wouldn't deny that, but she was distracted. He could tell her mind was somewhere else the whole time. This time is different. It's like she's put everything else behind her, and she's finally his.
Effy lets out a soft moan as she wraps her legs around Cook's waist. She's glad she went to visit Freddie today. He and Naomi helped her realize that there's nothing wrong with being happy. This is genuine happiness. Her mind can't think of anything else.
An hour later, Cook collapses onto the bed, exhausted, and stares up at the ceiling. He would normally try to gather his thoughts after something like this, but now he doesn't have to. He and Effy are together. He doesn't have to worry how it will affect anyone else. He could fall asleep any minute, but Effy's voice snaps him out of his hazy state.
"You think he's happy?"
"Who, Freds?" If it were any other girl, Cook would just pretend to be asleep so he wouldn't have to talk to the fucking twat laying next to him. But this is Effy, he doesn't play those games with her. He looks over and sees her nod gently out of the corner of his eye before she continues her thought,
"Yeah, I mean his girl and his best mate ended up together in the end. Think he's happy?"
Cook snorts a laugh. He had been stuck in this mindset that Freddie was watching them, angrily clenching his fists and cursing Cook's name repeatedly. But Freddie knows how much Cook cares about Effy. Freddie knows that Cook would fucking hurl himself in front of a van to save her. Freddie knows that Cook has never loved another girl besides Effy, and probably never will. Maybe Effy's right. If not Cook, then who?
"Yeah, I do." He doesn't really know how else to respond, as much as he wants to throw out a clever remark.
"He always knew," Effy starts, "He probably knew even before I did."
"Knew what?"
"That I was still in love with you. That I am still in love with you."