Chapter 11: A shocker
Urahara, the pervert, did give the girls a gigai, but what he didn't include was a vital part of any society I will ever live in called CLOTHES. My shirt is baggy enough to fit Iono-chan down to the knees while I give Destiny my undershirt and jeans.
"This shirt is crushing my boobs!" Destiny complained, grunting in pain to emphasize her point.
"Would you like to walk around topless?" I ask, very grateful my body is still resistant to cold due to Mom's training (Mon937: Maybe I'll make a mini-series about that, but I know for sure it won't pop up in this one). Autumn is generally not a good season to be standing in nothing but boxers.
"I'm fine, thank you." Destiny blushes and Iono-chan's blush becomes a deeper shade of red than I've ever seen on her face before.
"Yes you are." Darius says in a silky kinda voice.
"Darius, are ya THAT bored?" Trel asks him.
"What, I can't appreciate a good-lookin' girl?" There's suddenly two very loud smacks in my soul.
"So what does that make us!?" Shea yells, referring to Mana and herself.
"My sister and a girl who'd sooner kill me than kiss me. 'Sides you're not much to look at anyway." At that, I sense a pair of murderous intent in my soul. They may not be interested in Dare, but that doesn't mean they'll take that insult laying down.
"RUN, DARE! RRRUUUUUUNNNNNNN!!!!" Trel yells, imitating Shortie off of Scary Movie (Not mine but the way) and dying of laughter, I fall to the floor laughing my ass off too, scaring the shit outta the girls in the Material World since they can't see or hear what's going on in my soul.
"Si...I mean M, Montage-kun! What's wrong!" Iono-chan says, rushing over to my side. She grabs my head, treating me to a look down her (well, my) shirt. I manage to shut my eyes and turn the nosebleed down to a trickle that I cover up by smashing my head into the ground.
"Sorry!" I breathe in between laughs. "My family.. is just...very weird." After a few minutes, my laughter dies down and Dare is still on the run. "OK, first order of business is..." Urahara then charges into the room with a camera yelling, "Say cheese!" I make to slash the camera with a nonexistent zanpakuto, but, by some strange irony, a black cat jumps right in front of the camera and he took the shot. Who knew black cats could be lucky creatures too? While he's yelling at the cat for reasons I can't fathom- I mean, the cat's licking itself, how's it gonna understand him?- I grab the girls and shunpo down to the basement. I'll admit, it was a very slow shunpo, but it got the job done. "Alright, from the top. First order of business is getting some clothes. Unfortunately, Shea's old clothes at the house aren't gonna fit ya and we can't very well go out in public wearing what we're wearing.
"Sir, you're not suggesting we..." Iono-chan says
"Unless you've got a better idea, we've gotta do this." Destiny claimed.
Iono-chan sighs and says, "OK, but where are we to hide our gigais and/or bodies? I do not exactly trust Urahara-san."
"We'll stash them at my house for now. I honestly doubt anyone will go in there right now with it looking like something outta a horror movie. Just to be safe, we'll go to the third floor, seeing as it's now impossible to reach from the second normally. This "third floor" is actually a really big attic. The ladder leading to the third floor is hovering over the center of the that is the second floor, making it very near impossible for normal humans to get to.
"OK, let's go!" Destiny says and prepares to take off.
"HOLD IT!!" Iono-chan yells and Destiny almost trips over herself.
"What the hell!?"
"We've gotta decide who carries Kazu... I mean Montage-kun. His shunpo is...shaky, at best, in his human body right now."
"I'll do it!" Destiny immediately volunteers, scooping me up onto her back before I could object. "Let's go!" At that, they race off to my house while I shout directions. Iono-chan is cautious the entire way, always holding her shirt down due to a complete lack of undergarments. In about five minutes we reach my house and all its gory glory. The girls step in and fall into sheer shock at the amount of blood splashed everywhere. Destiny recovers first, after about 7 minutes.
"So, how much of this is yours?" she asked nonchalantly. Her eyes and face were broadcasting anything BUT nonchalantness, but I decide not to bring that up.
"Let's see. There's that huge pile right there where Asesino impaled me on a spear. Then from the pale, the random splatters are from when I hit the floor." I point over a little left from the center of the room. "Mana stopped the bleeding, so there's no more until over here," I point near the door, "Where she impaled me and the rest of my family. Then the bloodstained walls are from Asesino hacking me family into zanpakuto and doing the same with my arm." I mindlessly blurt out.
"Wait a second! You had a zanpakuto made after you!?" Iono-chan shrieks. Damn! Me and my big mouth! I let slip my ace-in-the-hole without thinking. Time for damage control.
"Yeah, I sorta did. At the time, it only had the soul of my arm, but it's been filling up with my soul for 20 years now. Only, this is my trick up the sleeve, so..."
"You need it kept a secret so it stays a trick, right?" Destiny reasons
"Right. I can trust you with that, right?"
"You can trust me with anything as long as we can hurry this up and get some clothes." Iono-chan jokes. Destiny and I had to do a double take at Iono-chan. I only knew her for 12 years so I couldn't judge, but Destiny had this look on her face that said in all the 93 years she'd known Iono-chan, she'd never heard Iono-chan one joke. Instead of dwelling on it, I crack up and laugh even though the joke wasn't funny. Soon after, Destiny starts laughing and after that Iono-chan. I've been accused many times of having a disease. It's called Contagious Laugh and anyone hearing me laugh will at least chuckle. It's proven, I've even gotten the soutaicho to laugh. It was one of the single most disturbing things I'd ever heard. It was like a donkey got drunk and couldn't remember how to bray properly. I made a mental note never to make Yamato-jii laugh again.
"Well, in any case," I say as we calm down, "Let's get situated here." I climb the stairs to the second floor, creep around the edge, and leap for the ladder. Thank goodness I got it, or the other two would be laughing for an entirely different reason. I climb up to the third floor and froze. There's a shrine here to Darius, Shea, and Trel set up next to the one we set up for Mom! There were also flowers that didn't even look a day old yet. When I walk a little further in, I see a picture of me, in a coma, with thousands of paper prayers. I wasn't even aware people did this anymore!
"I wonder who did this." Shea thought aloud. I wonder if she and Mana have captured Darius, but this seemed like a bad time to ask.
"I only have a slight clue, but this means two things: A) I'm not as severed from the Living World as I thought and B) This floor isn't as secure as I thought.