Chapter 11

I Want a Boy for My Birthday

Under the iron bridge we kissed

and although I ended up with sore lips

it just wasn't like

the old days anymore

no it wasn't like those days

am I still ill?

Still Ill – The Smiths

"You haven't loved anything in your whole life."

Light had to fight against his immediate, truthful reaction to the accusation and come up with what he should say. What would be acceptable? Was it true? Maybe. Maybe not. That completely depended upon your definition of love. But convention says:

"That's not true, I love my family. And there was that girl behind the bike sheds. Oh fair Kimiko, where are you now?" Light said, wistfully.

"You say the words but they are meaningless. Everything you say is poison," L stated, his voice was a stormcloud and utterly miserable.

What? Hold on, what happened there?"Where did that come from?" Light said, lowering his paper across prince-like crossed legs. L simply hitched up both of his legs in retaliation and inverted himself, curling up like an angry hedgehog. The dark eyes over coal black streaks stared in the vague direction of the window. Light smiled, sadistically. He couldn't help it. "Are you jealous of fair Kimiko, Mei, Shiori and the rest of them?" he asked. "Oh no, not Misa! You must be feeling shitty if you're jealous of Misa. Or, is it because your shoulder is hurting you and your painkillers aren't touching it?" He fluffed out the broadsheet and looked very pleased with himself as he resumed reading once he gauged that the situation was just a result of minor L huff.

"I don't need a tally of your many, many girlfriends," L replied sulkily.

"Good, because I can't remember the names of most of them."

"You don't like people, do you, Light," L was leaving off the honorific for some reason. It was unnerving.

"They're OK in small doses. Some more than others," Light replied, truthfully, "Why?"

"I'm trying to understand you."

"That's nice. Feel free to ask me all the ridiculous questions you have. I'm here all day." Light's eyes flicked up to L's moody form. No response. After setting his paper aside with a tired sigh, he walked over and lay directly behind L, slightly curving around the figure. He propping himself up on one elbow so he could study L's profile and how his nose upturned ever so slightly to a point, like a pixie's and... What the fuck was he thinking? Pixies? "I was just joking," he said, reassuringly, gently circling L's painful shoulder with a fingertip. "You're such a woman nowadays. Very labour intensive."

"Am I now? Isn't that rather sexist? In any case, I'm thrilled that you're so sympathetic. I really am so very lucky," L replied.

"Truth," Light conceded, raising his hand to L's nape where fine tendrils glanced his fingertips. "The truth is that you're the only person who has ever made me feel anything. Compared to you everyone else seems, well, a bit pointless."

"What do you feel? Intense contempt and animosity?" L said, the words muffled against his knees.

"Ha, in the past. Right now it's irritation." Light had to actually crawl over L to face him. He felt a quiet flutter of pleasure as he watched how L's eyes followed his face as if it were a magnet. "Please, Ryuzaki," Light whispered, pulling at the detective, unbalancing his pose, freeing his head from the fort of his knees, into a kiss.

After a few moments, Light felt L give in, any resistance dissipated as quickly as his anger - whatever that was about. He'd worry about it later. For now, the bomb had been diffused. Crisis averted. L dragged a lazy arm around Light's back and head, dragging him further in and crushing their bodies together. A feeling of panic gripped Light. It was too much. He felt too much, he felt smothered. Kira was drowning. He pulled himself away.

"Now, let me read the paper, OK?" he said, cheerfully, putting his mask back on. He jumped up from the bed, stalking across the mattress and jumping gracefully back his chair to continue his reading.

"I'm not Misa, Light," L said sternly. "You can't just waive me aside."

Ooops. "What do you want then, oh great detective? How can I pacify you? I live in fear of your wrath because it usually ends with handcuffs and punch-ups," he said jokingly, while turning pages.

"A fuck is in order."

Light looked up from his magazine, eyes shining in mischievously. That, he could accommodate. "I concur."

"What is your relationship with Ryuzaki, Light?"

"What do you mean?" Light said, barely hiding his panic. "He's a friend, Dad. I owe him my life. I'm grateful to him and I'm learning a lot on this case."

His father shifted on the spot. Light had never seen him like this. It was almost as though he had an extremely infuriating itch in his nether regions. "Matsuda saw you kissing Ryuzaki," Soichiro whispered like it was a secret, which it was.

Shit.

"Oh that. Nothing to worry about, Dad. We were just messing around," he said, with a just-about-believable tone of disinterest. He brushed his hands over his jeans as if ironing out creases. For some reason, 'just messing about' didn't seem to put Soichiro at ease.

"I know you're a difficult age, son, and that you've been through a lot lately, but -"

"Really, Dad, it was nothing. Let's not do the pep talk thing. I'd tell you if there was anything worth saying."

"Has Ryuzaki made any advances towards you?"

"No! Dad, please. It was a dare kind of thing, that's all. I'll explain to Matsuda if you want."

"That's not necessary."

Oh my God. Awkward.

"Ryuzaki! Bad. Bad. Bad."

"What is it, dear heart?" L sing-songed from the bed, typing away with his one usable hand since the other was still stuck in a sling.

"Matsuda saw us kissing and he's told my father and probably everyone else and Dad has just questioned me about it and –" Light said without drawing a breath. Actually, he doubted that he'd taken a breath since his father confronted him five minutes before. Flinging himself onto the bed in despair, his hands gripped either side of his head as if he was trying to crack it open and end all this hideousness.

"Oh dear," L said, gazing down at Light who was prostate beside him.

Light's head snapped upwards to look at him, "It's your fault. Sort it out."

"I fail to see how it's my fault. Kissing is a two-sided thing, usually," L replied, nonchalantly.

"It was probably when you assaulted me in the hallway."

"Which time? Oh, and 'assaulted'?"

"You're always groping me in public places. No have absolutely no shame or … Oh God, I feel sick," Light said in dismay, standing up dramatically.

L pointed helpfully. "Bathroom!"

"You need to sort this out. I don't want everyone thinking that we're living in some poofy turret here," Light gesticulated wildly.

"A poofy turret?"

"GOD, this is just awful."

"Calm down Light-kun. First, vacate your bowels, then we'll discuss this reasonably and without reference to poofy turrets."

"I'm not going to be sick, I'm just so embarrassed that I want to throw myself from a tall building. You're all right! No wonder you're all right. I mean, you have everything to gain from this."

"How so?"

"Well, look at you. You're all … " he motioned up and down with his hands.

"I don't understand you," L replied.

"I am not a poof," Light stated firmly.

"Are you sure about that?"

"The fact that I've slept with you -"

"Many times."

"However many times."

"I can draw up a pie chart,"

"Really, no pie ch… Urghh, no charts. The fact that I've slept with you does not equal poofiness. Whatever this is, it's nothing to do with that. The fact is that – "

"We're both poofs."

"NO! Whatever this is is purely because that we feel like we've met our intellectual equal. This is obviously not an everyday kind of meeting, it's noteworthy for both of us. Also, you are really annoying and when I'm angry I want to punch you in the face, but I must have ended up kissing you instead because you made me have a nervous breakdown. It's degraded into some twisted kind of obsession and physical act. I don't know why!"

"Light-kun-"

"Who am I kidding? I know why!" Light shrieked, suddenly. "It was because of you and that bloody CHAIN! Handcuffs, bathrooms, showers, toilets, bed! Oh my GOD!"

"Light-kun, again, I must urge you to calm down. You're talking, well, rubbish, quite frankly. I can imagine that Yagami-san confronting you on this delicate matter would be embarrassing to you, but really, it's nothing to be concerned about. I'm sure that you found an appropriate lie to placate both your father and everyone. Despite what you say, I don't particularly want Watari knowing about this, although I couldn't give a toss about anyone else."

"Humph. I didn't lie, I said we were fooling around."

"Which is actually true. Well done, Light-kun! Did that hurt?"

"Matsuda is so stupid."

"He is, yes. Anyway, don't worry about it anymore." L resumed tapping on his laptop, every so often throwing back a couple of dinosaur shaped sweets into his mouth. Light settled onto the bed beside him, dazed. "Pterodactyl, Light-kun?"

Light stared briefly at the garishly coloured and badly moulded gelatine abhorrence which was being offered to him. "I mean it though," he said, "I'm not a poof. I only sleep with you. No one else."

"That's sweet of you and accurate in the respect that there is not much of a selection of people of either sex for you to ravish here, is there, Light-kun?"

"Exactly! Exactly! How could I? I'm trapped here. How could I have a girlfriend?"

"Well, there's always Misa-san. I'm positive that she'd oblige."

"What? Fuck, no. I'd rather sleep with Watari."

"I'm sure that he'd be terrified to hear that. But yes, now that I know that you've had sex with me because of your nervous breakdown which I wasn't aware you were having, it all makes sense. Not that I mean to put myself down. Once bitten by L then – "

"Don't be lewd. It's just that I've never met anyone else like you. I'm not flattering you, it's just a fact. I can accept it," Light said as if trying to convince himself more than L. "I don't go for men."

"Think that if it makes you happy. But for you to say that having lived your long eighteen years of life on this earth and that I'm the only man that you'd 'go for', well, despite it not being your intention for your words to have this effect, I am flattered."

Light had risen from the bed and had started pacing, apparently frightened by his own words. Pacing was never a good sign. It always made L feel seasick. "Ryuzaki, maybe we could go away for a while."

L barely held back a smile at Light's random thought pattern. "Away?" L repeated, just to make sure that he heard right.

"Somewhere. Away."

"Somewhere, away. Well, let me just get us a travel brochure and book a return trip there immediately."

"No, maybe Russia. That's far away. I need to put a sea between myself and this situation."

"Ah, you want to visit the tomb of Stalin, the forerunner in the mass murder stakes. Maybe get some tips?"

"Shut up, L!" Light's eyes burned with a sudden fierceness. He stared at L before he turned and thundered into the bathroom. The door banged shut. L heard Light forcefully slam his back against the other side of the door and the pathetic, rough, internal sound as he slid to the floor. L sighed. He walked to the closed door.

"Light-kun. My apologies. I know that we're not supposed to talk about the mass murdering. Light-kun?" There was no answer but he persevered. "Please open the door. I don't like it when you're angry with me." He crouched to the floor and sat, leaning against the door. "I'm sorry Light-kun. I misjudged your humour. How can I make it up to you? Do you want Matsuda to be killed? I would not be at all adverse to that. Just say that word." Still nothing. "Light-kun, if you wish to go to Russia then I shall take you there, although I must point out that it's very cold and there are many Russians. Light-kun? Have you died? Your silence is intense. Only people in a holy order with a vow of silence have taken things this far. I love you dearly. I have never met anyone to sulk for quite so long once over the age of six. Light-kun? I'm getting a bit worried about you now."

"St Petersburg," Light replied, his voice distant and fogged as the sound travelled through the door after echoing off the tiled walls of the bathroom.

"Why this sudden need to travel? Don't tell me that you're tired of our cosy poofy turret?"

"I'm not a poof!" Light shouted through the door. L gauged that Light was approximately positioned as a mirror image of himself, only with a door separating them.

"So you said. Now, please come out of there, Light-kun. I'm worried that you might do something rash like Lord Castlereagh." There was the sound of hesitant movement from the other side and then a the turn of the door handle. L took an involuntary intake of breath when Light's face returned into view. "Well done, Light-kun."

"St Petersburg," Light said, moodily, as if this was a deal-breaker and if it wasn't agreed upon to his satisfaction then he would live in the bathroom forever.

"But, Light-kun, we are working on a case right now which is, if you haven't noticed, rather pressing. Besides, the fact is that you are still a suspect of sorts. How am I supposed to explain the need to take you for a sojourn to the Winter Palace?"

"Yes, well obviously not right now but one day. St Petersburg."

"Very well."

"And make it clear that it's not some poofy holiday."

"But it will be a poofy holiday. I have no intention of there being a lack of poofiness on this holiday."

"Enough of the poofy now," Light said tiredly, coming back out of the bathroom. L stood.

"Very well. I'm going to kiss you now, ok?" L said.

"Ok. No, wait. What about England? I want to see where you grew up too."

"Absolutely nothing to be gained from that, Light-kun, except intense boredom and an umbrella."

"Please. I know nothing about you."

"You know that I was born in Russia and spent some time in England, which, surprise surprise, are destinations on your holiday wishlist. Truthfully, there's very little to know."

"Lie."

"Not a lie. Really, my life is has been uneventful, punctuated only by one case after another."

"That sounds eventful," Light argued.

"Enough of this. I want to kiss you now."

"No, you need to go and tell my dad that this is all your fault and that you tripped and fell into my face so that it looked like we were kissing but we weren't. You need to tell him that and make it good. Tell him that you're a monk. Tell all of them. Call a meeting. Tell them that you're married and find me physically repulsive. No, they'd never believe that. Tell them -"

"Right!" L said, and, like a referee, held one official looking finger straight up in the air due to a lack of a red card. "Enough of that. Enough of this. This is a reaction to the confrontation with your father. You want to run away and for me to make excuses for that fact that Matsuda is a complete tit. You shouldn't be embarrassed that we love each other."

Light's eyes widened in horror and unexpectedly flung himself out of harms way, back onto the bed, as if to avoid a knife that L had thrown in his direction. He turned his face into the pillow. "I don't love you," Light told the pillow. L used his powerful deductive skills to reason that everyone loved pillows, so he chose to completely ignore Light's last statement.

"Light-kun."

"What? I'm tired! I'm tired and you're a fucking parrot - 'Light-kun! Light-kun! Light-kun!'" Light said with more purpose while at the same time dragging an arm over his head in an attempt to either muffle the sound or hide himself. Either way, it was not going to work.

"Light-kun, I don't believe that you're tired. You slept for seven hours which is more than enough for anyone, especially someone who's done nothing but drink coffee and read the paper. Light-kun?"

"WHAT?" he forced out, lifting his head to face L, his eyes alive with annoyance, "This is a major crisis for me. My father thinks that I'm sleeping with you!"

"But you are."

"I know that but I don't want anyone else to! And I'm tired! Arguing is tiring. Sex is tiring. Listening to you is TIRING! I want to sleep and not hear you droning in my ear. What exactly do you have to say anyway? Is it important? Hmmm? Is it full of dreadful import?"

"I do love you," Ryuzaki stated, happily. He crawling across the bed and lay his head on Light's stomach.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm going to sleep here."

"I don't want you lolling on me like some great dead fish! Get off and go to your side of the bed," Light shouted, as if to a disobedient dog, but there was only a slight snuggle in answer. "And stop it with the sappy comments," Light commanded. "You're full of it and it's revolting." He meant it, but it still sounded rather weak-willed.

"Please be quiet and go to sleep, Light-kun. I'm tired now."

"But I thought that you were going to kiss me."

"Oh, yes. I was, wasn't it?" L smiled.

"Light, I'm not sure you realise how I feel for you. I'm having trouble comprehending it myself so I shouldn't really be surprised that you don't either. Despite this, I'm strangely annoyed that you don't. This business is quite confusing."

Light gently swept his fingers across L's arm which was currently wrapped around his torso. The sudden tenderness of the action caused L to flinch and look up at Light, his eyes wide and staring. "L, this is lust, if anything. There's really no need to analyse it into more than it is. It's like I said before, we're fascinated by each others minds, but brains can't have sex, or meld or whatever, apart from in Star Trek. Anyway, luckily our bodies are attached to our brains and that's why we do what we do. It's the closest our brains will get to melding. You don't need to dress it in fancy clothes. It is what it is. It was a good lay."

"A good lay, Light-kun? What vulgar slang you use nowadays. Anyway, I don't believe that this is a simple, primal affair, Light-kun, and neither do you. You're avoiding having to deal with potential self-revelations, which is why you're reacting the way you have to your father. You can't seriously think that he'd disown you, he thinks that you're the messiah. But no, you have a completely different way of dealing with things. Instead of acting like a well-adjusted human being with some respect for other people, you've decided to convince yourself that you're the straightest man since Warren Beatty, despite the blatant evidence to the contrary."

Light felt all shaken out and boneless. He was also in a bloody good mood for once so L's preaching wasn't going to be rewarded by rising hackles. "You're saying that because you're lusty. Full of lustiness like a wandering Tudor minstrel. All we've done today is have sex. Sleep, sex, spar, sex, tea, sex -"

"Anxiety attacks," L added.

"Followed by yet more sex," Light concluded. "That's all we've done. I admit, I'm not complaining, I think I could represent my country in the sex olympics now and go for gold, but there's work to do. Actual work, remember that? Work? Because we've done none of that. People have probably died because of it. People are dropping like flies due to our inability to keep our trousers on. We could do something about it, but no, you have to use whatever mental instabilities you think I have to excuse the fact that we're acting like hormonal idiots." Light added some pressure behind his touch upon L's arm as if to say, 'Enough of this. Stop joking about, there's a good lad.'

"I don't believe that that's wholly true," L replied, mournfully.

"Well, I should know better than anyone that you'll believe what you choose to believe and there's no way that I or anyone else will convince you that you're wrong. If you're in love with me," he could hardly say the words without laughing, "then, well, I guess I'm flattered. Just don't expect much in return, no sweeping love story, no Shakespeare quoting. As far as I'm concerned I'm just -"

"Passing time," L finished, sadly.

"That makes it sound cruel. It's more than that, but you understand, don't you? This is... weird for me."

"I'm well acquainted with that weirdness, Light. Besides, you're eighteen. You think that there's more to life."

"More to life than this poofy turret? Don't be silly," Light said, closing his eyes.

"No, really. You'd leave. If you could, you'd leave."

Alarmed, Light opened his eyes and inclined his head towards L's. "Why are you saying this?"

L hesitated, shifting ever so slightly. "Because the Light I knew before we left that church, before Hashimoto, that Light would have told me that he'd never leave."

I still wouldn't, Light said inwardly. Oh, and I love you. No, it's not like the old days anymore, is it L? You did notice. You know, and you don't care. You wonderful, weak, broken little thing.

Shit.

"What do you mean, 'that Light'?" he asked. This isn't Invasion of the Body-Snatchers, Ryuzaki. I'm still here. It's just that it's been a difficult time. The whole thing was an epic fuck up." L shivered against the words. "It wasn't your fault," Light assured him, "I didn't mean it like that. Things go wrong, and things did go wrong. You went all heroic, like Danger Mouse jumping infront of bullets and it just went wrong."

"You did. You went all Danger Mouse. You ran at a Yakuza boss who had a revolver pointed right at your head," L parried.

"Yes, well, we needed the book,"

"We didn't need it that much," L said, softly, as if he hadn't intended to say it out loud at all.

"Liar. You wanted that book as much as I did. You would have done the same thing if you were in my position. The bastard had the book, V was dead, we're standing around like a line of ducks, he's focused on you, I saw an opportunity so I took it." Light said, matter-of-factly, massaging between his eyebrows with his fingertip. "In any case, it doesn't matter now. The bad guy's dead, the book - whatever it was – is gone. That was the objective for you, I suppose. Yet another win. Yet another star on your badge. Well done, L."

"Sarcasm doesn't suit you, Light," L replied with the emotionless manner and tone he tended to use when hurt.

"Yeah, well you shouldn't have stolen my research. You essentially told me that I was a complete waste of space and made me feel stupid, again, and all that time you were using my lead and planning some secret agent crap without me."

"I hope that you're not suggesting that if I'd included you from the start then things would have gone differently."

"Yes, I'm saying that. It would have gone differently." You did fuck up, he thought. It is your fault. You're the reason I lost the Death Note. "But, as I said," Light sighed, "it's water under the bridge and now the bridge has burned down as well, so no use crying now."

"I know that it's my fault," L admitted.

"I told you that it wasn't. It was a result of a combination of contributing factors that -"

"Please, don't patronise me."

"Well don't be pissed off because you didn't get your way. Just because I did something spontaneous so you couldn't approve of it in writing beforehand."

"Hashimoto was alone. There was no need for you to do something so rash and... bloody stupid. We were armed, we outnumbered him, and yet you thought that it would be best to walk up to a maniac, maybe have a nice chat and then what? Hope that he'd give you the book as a thank you gift? I just have no idea what was going through your brain then. I cannot conceive of why anyone, but especially you, would do something like that. I'm 'pissed off', Light, because you blame me. And I do too."

"Oh shut up. I can't fight with you while we're horizontal and not wearing any underwear. I'm not indulging your martyr complex. I have absolutely no time for it, L. None. Anyway, it wasn't like that. I blame everyone else. Their reactions were slow."

"Nobody was expecting you to go suicidal!" L said, becoming a little frantic. He began to make an effort to push himself away from Light.

"Ok, ok. Stop it now," Light eased, stuck somewhere between losing his patience and stroking L's hair calmingly like a parent would placate a child.

"We haven't spoken about it, have we?" L said, fighting to regain his composure and allowing himself to be held in place by Light's arm. He missed the simplicity of being the heartless Tin Woodsman.

"Shhhh...yes we have."

"Not really."

"There's nothing to say."

"Everything's changed," L said, sadly.

"For things to stay the same, they have to change."

L turned his eyes to Light for the first time since this 'talk' started. "That makes absolutely no sense," he said, unblinking.

"Then let's leave it now, eh? Shall I get you some tea?" Light said cheerfully, distracting L quite proficiently with a gentle nuzzle of the neck. L's breath hitched as it always did when Light drew close to him.

"Everyone thinks it's strange that you're fetching tea and cake for me," he related.

"Yeah, because you really care what they think, don't you? And I didn't say anything about cake," Light said, playfully touching L's throat with his lips, somewhere between a bite and a kiss. "You can get that yourself," he breathed hotly into his cheek.

L's injury was a new source of fascination for Light. The afternoon light lanced across the angry corona where the bullet had exited on his shoulder. Dim memories of violet and sage-coloured bruises still remained and Light's fingers travelled over them, following them with dew-drop kisses. L stared at the ceiling as though completely detached as Light's fingers travelled across to the jut of L's adams apple, down to his sternal notch. His fingers curved, like he was drawing him, following the prominent outline of a collar bones until, as though seized by some sudden ardour, Light gripped L urgently and drew himself above him, intruding into his view of the ceiling.

"Hello," L smiled weakly, eyes softening for the sight of him. Light paused, his own quicksilver eyes became shocked and troubled, and L saw it. After a moment, Light leaned down and kissed L. It was the barest of touches, a thin offering. He was waiting for L to comply and take over, which of course he did, at which point Light drew away. This was becoming a common theme. L sighed and opened his eyes to see Light grinning at him, coldly.

Light was battling against something; he had been since the church. L had noticed, the first time Light visited him in the medical room, that something awful had happened and Light wasn't the same. L's heart lurched at the coldness, the frozen idea that Light hated him for what had happened, that he blamed him and was disappointed in him. In those first few days, he experienced Light's subtle changes. Light was evasive, at times conflicted, aggressive and domineering. He had always been selfish, but even that was amped up. He was more prone to adopting what L suspected were flat-out lies without any glimpse of the mental anguish which Light would normally have suffered and protested about. His considerable charm and recently acquired deviancy, combined with his terrifying intelligence, was an invincible force which he employed as a new and brutal weapon to satisfy L and, to a far lesser extent, the task force. L wasn't blind or stupid but, despite himself, he wasn't immune to Light's seductions. It was a bitter pill. He often felt, afterwards, sometimes during, deadened, utterly empty and alone. But there were moments, like this, when Light was almost as he once was. Then L would see that flash of panic in his eyes; the uncertainty, and something like love and hate, only L never saw the outcome of internal struggle because Light would do what he was doing now. He would distance himself from L and patch up the cracks from where his heart's blood fell like tears. L would worry that whatever it was that Light was fighting, it always seemed to win out.

L felt like a corpse being viewed at a wake.

"So, tea, sugar bowl," Light said, suddenly. "I think I'll have something. Maybe Italian. What do you think? Italian? I could send Matsuda around to pick something up from L'Estasi's."

"Light-kun will have just what he wants, he's really not at all interested in my views."

"Nnnnyah," Light cooed like it was a taunt, pecking him briefly on the cheek as some consolation. "God, I have a headache after all the hysteria. Where are the non-industrial strength paracetamol?"

"I don't know. Where you left them I suppose," L replied vaguely.

"Some detective you are!" Light laughed sourly. He collected his clothes from the floor on his way to the bathroom leaving L, alone, where he'd left him. L wondered for a moment whether he would move at all until Light came back. There really seemed no point.

"We're going to play musical chairs?"

"Yes, Matsuda-san. Humour me."

"What is it, some European thing?" Aizawa said moodily watching Watari and Matsuda move chairs back to back into two lines.

"What if we sit on each other's laps?" Matsuda said distractedly, staring at the chairs with worry. His eyes, as always, betrayed him. They flickered up, giving L and Light the once over. He was obviously deeply concerned about sitting on their laps in particular.

"Well, needless to say, If we sit on each other's laps, then we have to kiss and who knows where that may lead? One of us may well be debauched and divorced in the morning. It's a game of chance, Matsuda-san," L said, one-handedly throwing a neatly wrapped parcel into the poor man's arms.

"He's kidding, Matsuda," Light whispered into Matsuda's ear.

"I know thaaaat," Matsuda stressed, while trying to wipe his brow inconspicuously with the back of his hand.

"How's Sayu, Light?" Matsuda said, leaning onto the back of Light's chair as the occupant picked over a sausage roll trying to gauge what precisely it was made from.

"Hmm? Oh, she was fine last time I saw her, Matsuda-san. You should ask my father. Apparently she's fine. Failing Maths, but fine," Light said pointedly towards L, as if to suggest that, not only was he responsible for ruining the life of the most talented and promising youth in Japan, but he was also dooming said youth's sister to a life of servitude and lost opportunities devoid of a proper understanding of algebra.

"Oh, I mean, she's still at school and everything?"

"Uh, yeah. Last time I heard. She's 15," Light said. He stared at Matsuda darkly.

"That's Light-speak for 'If you so much as think of my only sister without her wearing a double thickness boiler suit, hobnailed boots and a balaclava, I will use your empty cranium as a chalice for my piña colada,'" L said, affecting some brutish affectation for the translation.

"I didn't mean that," Light objected in L's direction before turning to Matsuda and repeating earnestly, "I didn't mean that, Matsuda-san."

"Just calling it as I see it," L explained.

"It's ok, Light. I'll, uh, I'll just be over here," Matsuda stuttered, scurrying away.

"Not funny," Light said, trying to hold back a smile as L rocked precariously on the heels of his feet.

While the rest of the task force were otherwise occupied watching Aizawa try to cover Matsuda with party streamers without waking him, Light and L slipped outside into the hallway. L was optimistic.

"Ryuzaki?"

"Yes, Light-kun?"

"I... Here." Light said, pulling a beautifully wrapped parcel out from behind his back.

"What is this, Light-kun?"

"It's your birthday, isn't it?"

"What makes you think that?"

"Oh, I don't know, the fact that there was a big cake with a candle, which you ate. Then there was the second equally big cake which you actually shared. The streamers, kazoos, and amusingly shaped balloons, the party games including but not limited to charades. Oh, and the Napoleon or Wellington party hats made of newspaper that you insisted we wear. That might have been a clue."

"I didn't eat the candle and the hats are part of a cunningly engineered psychological exam I put all my employees through."

"How does that work?"

"It's all dependent upon whether you choose to wear your hat like Wellington or Napoleon of course, Light-kun. It's very revealing psychologically."

"As is musical chairs."

"Exactly."

"Right. Well, here," Light said, proffering the present with renewed gusto like it was a burning hot plate he was quite keen on getting rid of, thank you very much. "Matsuda couldn't find me any wrapping paper at such short notice that didn't have monsters on it. I mean, you would be born on Halloween, wouldn't you? I should have planned ahead, but then I thought that Halloween paper was kind of appropriate," Light pointed at the too-cute-to-live vampire print paper.

"You mean because we're fighting monsters?" L inquired.

"Uh, yeah. If you like to think of it that way."

L's wrinkled his nose at Light's good temper. It didn't stop him tearing at the parcel even so. Light leaned against the wall, waiting, scanning his burgundy ensemble and frowning at how that cake stain really was never going to wash out, was it? He picked off flecks of brightly coloured paper and the hundreds and thousands which L had thrown at him in a fit of peak.

Inside was a layer of tissue paper.

"Oh, Light-kun. So thoughtful. I like paper."

"Stop pretending to be stupid. It's under the paper," Light said with an irritable tone, reaching forwards and pulling out some of the loose sheets of rice paper.

"Of course. I beg your pardon," L said, grinning, before batting away Light's interfering hands and peeling away the last few layers of tissue himself. "Oh."

"You don't like it," Light said, sadly.

"Yes, I do. I just..." he was floored. Quite floored. His ability to speak was a thing of the past.

"I wanted you to have it," Light said.

"But, Light-kun, your father gave you this."

"It's ok, he knows. I asked him and he was fine about it. It's from him too. It's from all of us, y'know." Light scuffed his foot agitatedly on the carpet while L continued to stare at the contents of the box. "Oh jeez, here," Light said, reaching in the box and plucking out his, now L's, bronze watch. He grabbed L's wrist and drew closer to him so he could fit the timepiece snugly in place, where the chain cuff once was, and fasten the clasp.

"You don't have to give me this, Light," L said, dropping the honorific pointedly, as always.

"I know, I know. I said I wanted you to have it didn't I? If you don't want it, just say so. I won't... actually I will be offended, but I'll get over it. I won't be surprised. It is you after all," Light said, tightening the links so that the beautiful watch wouldn't hang loosely from L's wrist like a hair scrunchy. Light was trying to be annoyed and aloof, but not really managing.

"I never said that I didn't want it. I just know how much this means to you," L said quietly.

"Ryuzaki, my family has given me lots of things. I have a wristwatch for every day of the week. I want you to have this one because you like it and, well, it's all I can give at the moment. That you'd want anyway. I was going to give you a shirt but I figured that you'd never wear it and it'd be a duster by the end of the week. It's not like I can go to Shibuya or somewhere. Not without you noticing and calling in an armed squad to take me down."

"I wouldn't have called an armed squad," L said in a subdued tone, gazing at the clock face and admiring it from a whole new perspective.

"That's progress then, I suppose," Light said, teasingly.

"Thank you, Light," L said, suddenly looking up into Light's eyes intently.

"You're welcome, L," Light said softly, returning the gaze. Still holding L's wrist.

"I wouldn't have given it to you if I'd have known that you'd stare at it for hours like it was the holy grail," Light said.

L kept flipping his wrist back and forth admiring the shine of the bronze metal on his porcelain white skin. "It's the same colour as your hair, you know?" L said distractedly.

"Ryuzaki, not the time," Light said pointedly, referring to Ide and Matsuda who had overheard their remarks. In fact, apparently, they made it their business to. Sometimes Light wondered why L hadn't sacked them, well, at least Matsuda. Ide did at least make himself in some way useful. Matsuda must purely be kept in L's employ out of sympathy. Either that or because it would take too long to train someone else about his preferred deserts and for that someone to then go forth and find said deserts within in the sprawling metropolis of Tokyo. It did strike Light on more than one occasion that Matsuda's working life was not dissimilar to a really messed up pacman.

"Oh, yes. Sorry," L apologised, glancing briefly over his shoulder.

"It's ok," Light said with an unintentionally tender expression.

"Can we make it the time?" L said, unambiguously.

"We're supposed to be working. That's what we agreed. You said that we'd spent too much time 'playing silly buggers' and we had to work through the night to catch up," Light reminded him, more out of habit than genuine opposition. He'd long known that his unspoken role was to counter everything L said.

"Obviously I was joking," L said, dipping his head at a slight angle in emphasis.

"Obviously," Light repeated, smiling.

A few seconds later, L had sprung up, alarmingly fast considering one arm was still in a sling, and began making his way to the door. "Thank you, everyone, and goodnight," he told the room. He stalked his way across the office with Light following close behind. Elvis had left the building.

Light stopped at the door and realised that some explanation was necessary. "Ryuzaki has decided that we'll all call it a night and continue tomorrow morning at... at 7am, Ryuzaki?"

"9am," L modified from further down the hall.

"9am," Light said, "So, that's it. You can go home. Dad, please say hi to mum and Sayu for me?"

"Of course, Light. I always do," Soichiro said, with a bemused expression.

"Thanks. Night then," Light said, turning, and following in L's footsteps. Having lost sight of the ebony head around a corner, Light's pace quickened, smiling to himself that it was though there were magnets which had replaced the chain so they couldn't be parted for long, even if they wanted to be.

A/N Disclaimer:

Anyone watch "Peep Show"? Remember the lines that went something like this:

"We're going to open them (the presents) in bed? What if our feet touch?"

"If our feet touch then we fuck, obviously."

Genius. I totally stole that, only somehow removing the win!homoerotic undertones (my one talent?) and replacing it with stupid!Matsuda and musical chairs. Apparently I couldn't rip the line verbatim because that would be plagiarism or something. I dunno. Imagine L and Light saying the above lines but don't tell anyone I told you to.