Author's Notes: It looks like the Rescue Mission segment of this fic will have to be a trilogy, since I couldn't get everything in this segment and still post the chapter in a timely manner. So, I hope everyone enjoys this chapter of "Sweet Mother", and hopefully I won't take too long getting Part III out. Thank you for reading and please review :)

Chapter 11

Rescue Mission of Recklessness!

Part II

"Alright family unit, according to the scanners we're two hours away from the flagship. So if anybody needs to use the pee can do it now," Jeem announced.

"Stupid Irkens and their stupid no-bathroom-having hearts," Gaz growled as she took the thankfully empty can to the back of the ship.

"Irkens don't have hearts, sweetie," Jeem called back to her in a condescending tone of voice, "Alright Membrane, we're approaching the moment of action, so you need to know how to handle yourself when you go before the Tallest of Irk."

"Tallest?" Membrane asked uncomprehendingly.

"Yes, son. The royalty of Irk is measured in a most literal way," Jeem explained with her politician's smile, "They are the tallest their people have to offer, and according to my research there are currently two Tallest. Address them as 'My Tallest', and make them believe you are the emperor of earth. If they think you're important they'll be more likely to take you seriously during negotiations."

"Why am I negotiating?" Membrane asked, "I don't even haggle over the prices of my very expensive lab equipment! I just pay whatever the price tag says. You're much better at this sort of thing than I am, so you should go."

"No, I shouldn't," Jeem countered, "I'm old and frail, therefore I don't strike the commanding pose I once did. You are tall, strong, and young. They will believe you are earth's emperor. Now, first let us practice how to behave like a member of the royal family."

Jeem then rooted around in her coat until she pulled out a large Sweet Mother brand blueberry muffin that was partially unwrapped and sprinkling crumbs all over the floor of the ship.

"Eat this," Jeem ordered.

"Ew, Mother! No! I don't want your pocket muffin!" Membrane exclaimed in disgust.

"Membrane, if you want to look the part you need to keep snacking during negotiations," Jeem told him.

"Why?" Membrane asked.

"Because Irken Tallests must constantly eat in order to maintain their height and strength," Jeem explained, "Therefore eating is viewed as a status symbol. Your hand must hold a snack and your face must look distant and analytical. Those are the marks of a busy and on-the-ball leader."

"Fine..." Membrane sighed heavily as he took the muffin from his mother's hand, "What do I do now?"

Gaz had just sat down after using the bathroom, and Jeem motioned her over for the next part of the lesson.

"Alright test tube munchkin, we are going to rehearse the most likely scenarios for Dib's hostage negotiation," Jeem intoned, "You will be you, I will be the Tallest, and Gaz will be Dib."

"Hey! Why do I have to be stupid Dib?" Gaz shouted indignantly.

"Because I am the Tallest, and I say you are Dib," Jeem replied haughtily, and Gaz crossed her arms and pouted.

"Now Membrane, try to talk me into giving your son back...now," Jeem called for action and then sat back to see how Membrane would react.

"Well, um...I insist that you return my son to me, Mr. Tallest," Membrane tried to sound authoritive, but it just came across as awkward.

"Why should I?" Jeem replied; playing the part, "Your meat-spawn was a gift to us from one of our soldiers, and I see no reason why we should listen to you or your disgusting face noises."

"Well I...I...Oh, Mother! This is hopeless!" Membrane broke down and Jeem facepalmed, "I've failed my only son! He's going to be cut to pieces because I was too foolish to listen to him!"

"Don't you dare start crying on me, munchkin!" Jeem barked at him, and he sniffed but tried to calm down, "Now, we'll try this again. This time you be the Tallest, I'll be you, and Gaz will be Dib."

"I have to be Dib again?" Gaz complained, "I didn't even get any lines last time!"

"Yes, now March yourself over to your alien master, you worm-baby!" Jeem ordered harshly, and Gaz squared her shoulders and stomped over to Membrane, "Now, let's try this again. My Tallest, first of all I want to thank you for taking time out of your busy schedule to meet with me this evening."

"Get to the point, earth scum!" Membrane hammed up his part as Tallest, finding playing this role to be easier.

"Of course, My Tallest," Jeem replied smoothly; not missing a beat, "You have captured a very important member of my species, my own heir Dib. As you may or may not know, family lineage is very important to us earthanoids, and I am aware of what is important to you as well."

"And just what might that be, emperor earth man?" Membrane asked, and Gaz chuckled a little at her dad's bad acting skills.

"Along with being emperor of earth, I also have exclusive access to one of the largest snack emporiums in my galaxy," Jeem explained as she pulled a small silver suitcase out of her coat, "Here are some samples of the different snack foods we offer. Choose whichever ones you find appealing and tell me how much you'll require before you will give me back my heir. I must warn you though My Tallest, I do love to haggle," At this declaration Jeem gave Membrane a wide impish grin.

"Oh, Mother. Why can't you do this?" Membrane sighed defeatedly, "You're better at schmoozing people than I am. I'm a man of science. Isn't there a more logical way to negotiate with these aliens?"

"No. There isn't," Jeem shot down the idea, "They commit genocide for no good reason and they send a single soldier to conquer an entire planet. Logic doesn't apply here. We're dealing with a hive mind, and the only way this will work is if you can earn the alliance of the hive's queens. Well, kings in this instance, but you understand where I'm coming from."

"But I don't know if I can do it," Membrane replied worriedly.

"Yes you can! You have to!" Jeem exclaimed insistently at him, "I...I can't go in there. You have to do this, munchkin."

"Mother...you're scared," Membrane suddenly realized.

"I'm not scared!" Jeem protested, "I'm just...son, I'm old. I can't stand upright for more than a few minutes at a time. If the Tallest have to look down when they speak then they'll never respect our representative. You're the tallest one here that has healthy legs. Earth has a most unforgiving gravity, and it has taken its toll on me. Dib's life depends on this going well, and ability does not matter. You are the most qualified for this. You can do it Membrane, because this is where you have always belonged. In charge, standing tall and proud, with a head full of ideas and a gut full of drive and ambition. I know you can do this, Membrane. I've always known."

Membrane couldn't believe what he was hearing. His hateful old mother had never shown encouragement or support of him like this before. He hated that it took a world-threatening event to make it happen, but she finally expressed belief in him. Membrane felt a tear escape past his goggles, and he took them off to wipe his eyes with his sleeve. He was so caught up in the moment that it caught him off guard when Gaz gasped in shock.

"Whoa!" Gaz exclaimed as she pointed at her dad's face, "Look at your eyes! They look like huge blue bug eyes!"

"Gaz, honey! This isn't what it looks like!" Membrane quickly shouted as he tried to put his goggles back on.

"Dad, that is so cool!" Gaz shouted excitedly, and Membrane looked back at her with confusion written all over his partially uncovered face, "You look just like a mutant! That is so awesome! Can you melt people with your laser eye powers? Were you the one that cut off Grandmother's thumbs? You look just like a Piggy Slayer in Piggy Slayer 4, the spinoff to the Vampire Piggy Hunter series!"

"Your father doesn't have special eye powers," Jeem assured everyone, much to Gaz's disappointment, "Also son, if you want to leave your goggles off that might actually help."

"No way, forget it!" Membrane shot down that notion, "If I'm representing the human race, then I at least want to look like I belong in the human race."

"Do you?" Gaz asked innocently.

"YES!" Membrane screamed defensively, "Can we not talk about this!?"

"Of course, munchkin, anything you say," Jeem replied agreeably, "Now, let's work on your snacking again..."

Zim led Dib through the halls of the Massive in chains as they were flanked by red and purple clad guards on either side of them. The ship lived up to its name as they took elevators, scaled stairs, and walked down seemingly endless hallways to get to the throne room. Dib would've been impressed if he weren't so terrified.

One thing that did manage to pierce through the wall of panic was the thought that Irken architectural design was awfully gaudy. Everything was a garish pink, red, vermillion, fuchsia, or purple color. It would've looked girly if everything and everyone didn't look so dangerous. The Irkens would occasionally see them walking by and sneer, forcing Dib to remember that to them he was an expendable and unstable nuisance. He couldn't believe he was going to die by the claws of these inhuman monsters.

Zim, meanwhile, seemed inordinately proud of himself as he strutted beside his captive. Dib's chains were held by a different soldier however as Zim needed both arms to protectively carry whatever insidious device he had brought with him. Dib still didn't know what that thing was, but Zim's leaders seemed enraged by it. Maybe it was a device that could stop the Irkens once and for all...

They finally arrived at the throne room where two very tall slender Irkens sat on a lounging couch and ate what looked like chips and popcorn. It probably wasn't though. After all, why would alien food be similar to earth food?

"Invader Zim has arrived at your summons, My Tallest," One of the soldiers said as they all collectively bowed to their leaders. Dib of course remained conspicuously and defiantly standing.

"Oh boy, let's get this over with," The purple Tallest sighed as he rubbed his forehead with a two-clawed hand.

"Present to us your discovery, Invader Zim," The red one ordered with an authoritative voice.

"Of course, My Tallest," Zim replied with lowered antennae as he bowed before his rulers, "I bring to you an ancient artifact of the mighty Irken Empire, which was so callously stolen from us by the ignorant and smelly humans."

"Hey, we are not smelly!" Dib argued, only to be shocked into submission by an electric staff one of the soldiers was holding.

"As I was saying before I was so RUDELY interrupted," Zim glared at Dib as he shouted this, "I present to you, My Tallest, the inert PAK of Tallest Sweet!"

The guards gasped when they heard this, obviously not told what was so important that Zim required an escort. Most had assumed Zim was being led to his execution rather than protected.

"Hand over the PAK for inspection," Tallest Red commanded.

Zim gave Tallest Red the PAK with the reverence of a holy object, and Tallest Red handled it with care but not nearly as much ceremony. Tallest Purple was practically hopping up and down with anticipation wanting to hold the PAK for himself. Dib didn't understand what was happening, but it seemed like Irkens valued the PAKs of their dead leaders. He wondered to what extent that reverence went, but didn't know how to ask the question without being zapped.

Red placed the PAK's flat side on a computer terminal that held all of the genetic records of previous Tallests. If this PAK was the genuine article then it would be the discovery of the century. It took a few seconds for the computer to run its diagnosis, but soon it came back with a positive reading. This was indeed Tallest Sweet.

"I don't believe it..." Tallest Purple muttered as he ran his hand across the still shiny surface of the silver and pink device, "...We found her. After all this time she's finally home."

"You okay, Purple?" Red asked in amusement at the sight of his friend's awe.

"You don't understand, she was my hero when I was a smeet," Purple replied fondly as he took the PAK in his hands.

"Tallest Sweet?" Red asked skeptically, "Look, as a Tallest she was automatically important, but Sweet was a lesser Tallest, and she wasn't even the most important Tallest of her reign."

"But we're talking about one of the original Twin Tallests, and one of the first Tallests to ever be outfitted with a PAK. This is the oldest remaining Tallest PAK in existence! Besides, Tallest Sweet invented the donut. She was a snacking genius, and just the kind of Tallest I always wanted to be."

"That would explain a lot," Red deadpanned, "Tallest Sweet didn't actually make that many decisions independently of Tallest Mother, and Tallest Mother is the one that made modern Irken society what it is today. Tallest Sweet was good, but she just doesn't compare."

"Ooh, ooh, ooh! My Tallest?" Zim jumped up in the air and waved to get his leaders' attention, "My Tallest? My Tallest! Hey, there's more! My Tallest! My Tallest!"

"What!?" Red snapped at Zim, which caused Dib to shrink back but Zim didn't even flinch.

"I also brought you a human slave from my assigned planet, earth," Zim proclaimed as he jerked the chain forward and forced Dib to step closer, "This annoying meat creature has tried to foil my plans for conquest and defied the will of the Irken Empire. I thought you might like him as a trophy or something."

"Do we have to deal with this now?" Red asked wearily.

"Yeah, I wanna put this PAK in the Hall of Tallests where she belongs," Purple added as he hugged the PAK closer to himself.

"Yeah, let's do that first, then we'll take a look at your man-beast thing," Red concurred, giving Purple a weirded out aside glance.

Zim was disappointed he would have to wait to see his leaders torture Dib, but he never disobeyed his Tallest, so he along with Dib and the guards followed the two Irken rulers to the Hall of Tallests. Dib was getting so sick of walking, but he knew this wasn't the time to say anything. He would wait until he had an edge before he struck. Maybe he could hold an artifact for ransom or something.

Hm, something seems off about this... Dib pondered as he walked in step with the Irken entourage. Tallest Sweet...Was that her real name or was it a name based off the fact she liked baked goods? This feels familiar somehow. There's something not clicking about this situation, something I'm missing, but what?

They walked into an expansive area with purple velour carpeting and pale pink walls. It looked just like an art gallery with huge holographic photos framed on the wall over glass cases that shielded pedestals containing PAKs. Dib figured each photo was there to show who the PAK once belonged to. As they continued to walk the holo-photos became large print photos, and then they went even further to where there were paintings of former Tallests, some with PAKs and some without. Dib figured this was where their oldest former rulers were honored.

The two hovering Tallests stopped in front of an elaborate painting that hung over an empty display case. Dib looked up at the portrait, a more creative piece than he expected, and was surprised by the subject matter. The Irken Tallest was in profile looking up at multi-colored clouds with her two-fingered hands clasped reverently. Her antennae curled just like Tak's did, only they looked softer. Her eyes were pale pink and her long ornate robe was powder blue. Her expression was one of inner peace and serenity. To Dib she resembled an Irken angel, though he doubted they believed in such concepts. Then again, maybe they did. He didn't know.

Tallest Red placed his hand on a security device and waited for the display case to raise upward before standing aside. Tallest Purple approached the pedestal with great care and gently placed the shiny PAK on it. The glass case lowered, and the PAK was safely locked away under the large serene portrait of its former owner. Dib was surprised by how quiet everyone was. Even Zim wasn't yelling for a change. He was beginning to understand how little he understood about Irken culture, and it made him want to learn more.

"I never thought I'd say this to you Zim, but good job," Red said to the beaming invader, "And for once I mean that. If only we could complete the collection..."

Red then looked at a portrait that was to the left of Tallest Sweet, and Dib couldn't help but look in the same direction. This portrait was much simpler than Tallest Sweet's, but with an equal amount of skill involved in the artwork itself. It was an Irken monarch standing next to her throne looking serious and stoic. Her antennae looked the same as Sweet's, but her deep purple eyes seemed much more severe. Her dark purple robe was decorated in tiny red and pink jewels and her vermillion belt had what looked like many buttons. It was her gaze that caught Dib's attention though, that unwavering look that seemed to be sizing him up even though it was only a painting and she wasn't even alive anymore. He really hoped Irkens didn't have ghosts.

"Excuse me, sirs?" Dib asked before he could stop himself.

"Huh? Oh yeah, you're Zim's prisoner. I forgot about you," Red replied disinterestedly, "What do you want?"

"I'm just curious, who is that?" Dib asked as he used his cuffed hands to point to the new portrait.

"That is Tallest Mother," Red replied, "She is so called because she was the mother of modern Irken society. She invented the Control Brains, the PAK, and was a pioneer in interstellar flight when she led the team of researchers that built the first spacecraft to ever leave Irk's atmosphere."

"Yeah, too bad it blew up," Purple added, "That was how she and Tallest Sweet died. They were killed in a rocket explosion when they tested the first spaceship ever."

"Wait a minute!" Dib suddenly exclaimed, "Sweet...Mother? Oh my god, Sweet Mother! That's it! That's what's been bothering me!"

"Zim, what is your monkey boy rambling about?" Purple asked in an annoyed tone.

"I can't believe this..." Dib muttered in shock as he shook his head, "My grandmother is working for the Irken Empire!"