I would like to start this off with an apology… I didn't want to take this long of a break but I needed to take a minute.
I'm very sorry
I also want to start this off with a WARNING! This chapter is a bit 'heaver' then many of the others…There is mention of drugs, abuse, and death. So if you are uncomfortable with any of those topics PLEASE BE CAREFUL!
DISCLAMER; I DO NOT OWN GHOST HUNT!
Without further ado this is…
Chapter 11 of; 'Uneven Odds'
Key
Part One
"If I had paid closer attention, then I might have figured out that my mother was sick."
The woman smiled reaching forward placing a hand on the brunette's thigh, "How could you possibly see it coming? It's not your fault…"
Mai frowned moving away from her touch, "And then again maybe I had figured it out. Maybe it was long before she died. But I ignored it."
"Why?"
"Because I didn't want to lose her too."
The woman shook her head, "We all have different modes of coping Mai. And denial is wrong… it's human."
Was that honestly her way of comforting her?
Calling her the one thing she hated?
Calling her human?
Mai shook her head standing, "It was nice to see you again Doctor. Next week then?"
The woman stood, "But we haven't exactly finished… it's only been ten minutes we still have a whole hour left."
Mai smiled, "I've had enough for today. Say hello to the kids for me okay?"
The woman nodded, "Alright… take care."
…
The panic was the last thing she needing to think about.
It was getting harder and harder to deny most of it.
It was in fact all her fault.
Mai had known about her mother's illness long before she had told her.
That she was sure of.
While she couldn't exactly pin point an exact moment when she had figured it out… it was almost like she had always known.
Maybe it was the when she stopped touching her and saying the things Mai had grown to love.
Maybe it was the when she no longer could muster up the strength to get out bed, or afford to make her lunch.
Maybe it was when she saw the seemingly growing amount of pills she held in the cupboards.
Or maybe it was the stack of prescription drugs.
Maybe it was when the bills started stacking.
Maybe it was when they were evicted.
Maybe it was when they spent more time in the hospital then at home.
Maybe it was when they noises on the machine began to speed.
Maybe it was when the doctors pushed her out of the room.
Maybe it was when the screaming subsided.
Maybe it was when all movement stopped.
Maybe it was when a singly note rung through the hospital floor.
Maybe that was when she realized that she was sick.
Maybe that was when she realized that she was gone.
…
She stumbled numbly into the black car smiling softly at the driver before fastening herself into the seat.
"Naru was with a client so he sent me."
She smiled, "Its fine Lin! Besides I'm not really up to his questions right now."
The man pulled the keys out of the ignition before turning to face her properly, "What's wrong?"
She raised a brow, "What do you mean?"
He glared at her, "Come on Mai… I've known you long enough to know when something is wrong."
She lowered her head playing with the tips of her fingers before looking up at him, "I finally figured it out…"
"Figured what out?"
A single tear slid down her cheek as she looked up at him.
Broken.
"Why she died…"
He was silent.
"It's all my fault."
…
Maybe that was when Mai gave up.
She saw all the slow changes in her mother.
She started eating less and less until one day she just stopped.
She stopped sleeping not too long after.
She said that if she slept then she'd see 'them'.
Even now she had yet to come up with a conclusion about who 'they' were.
She spent her days in front of the window cups of coffee accumulating at her side.
She said that they helped her stay awake.
So that she never had to see 'them'.
She said that when she was older she'd understand… but at the time Mai wasn't sure she'd ever understand the inner workings of her mother's mind.
At the time Mai wasn't sure she ever wanted to grow up.
Maybe peter pan was right… maybe staying young for forever really was better than growing up.
…
Lin put the keys back into the ignition before moving towards the apartment she and his charge shared.
He knew that Mai was having a hard time… but it all came about so suddenly.
She was never like this before… she just suddenly fell apart.
…
When she was thirteen she got a job at a café.
She worked into the depth of every night serving cup after cup of coffee, tea, smoothies, pastries, sandwiches, and hundreds of others thing.
She'd serve ungrateful customer and costumer who wanted nothing but to pleasure her.
Of course nothing she ever wanted.
When she'd finally come home she'd see her mother exactly where she left her.
On the same couch.
Facing same direction.
With the same emptiness in her eyes.
The only thing that had changed was the cup of coffee in her hands.
She'd walk into the kitchen to see cup after cup littering the sink.
Each one still full with the bitter sweet dark liquid that her mother so craved.
They must have gone cold before she had finished drinking them.
After fixing herself a cup of tea and a small dinner she'd lay in bed and wonder if 'they' visited her mother today… or maybe it was her mother who was visiting 'them'.
…
Naru's eyes scanned the papers in front of him.
All cases that he found very interesting, but the order of approach seemed to be the only thing in his mind.
A light vibration caught his attention and he picked up the small dark device Lin had forced him to buy. All for good measure of course.
"Hello?"
"Naru. I'm on my way to S.P.R you need to go home."
He narrowed his eyes, "And why on earth would I do that?"
"Because Mai needs you."
At the mention of his girlfriend's name he had stood up and began to collect his papers shoving them into the leather brown bag her carried.
"I'm on my way." Ending the call he threw the device into his bag before running out of the office.
…
She had grown tired of her mother's monosyllabic commands.
Of her instant silence.
And of her lack of being.
She had grown tired of caring.
So…
So she just stopped.
…
Lin entered the office the absence of earl gray wafting thought the air set him on edge.
He was worried.
She had crumbled once before… but this… this was different.
…
So she just stopped.
And maybe that was when things really changed.
It seemed easier to ignore her then to actually deal with her problems.
Besides it's not like she could afford to deal with them.
The bills started stacking again and this time even her two jobs couldn't pay for anything.
She wished her mother would just die and leave her alone.
So that way she'd never have to feel the pain.
And while the feelings were for just a moment… she resented them immediately.
But the idea… wasn't too far off form what she truly wanted.
So she just stopped.
She went to school every day and worked into the dead of the night so she'd never have to look at her again.
She grew to hate her mother.
She grew to hate her existence.
She grew to hate the smell of coffee.
She grew to hate the pharmacy.
She grew to hate the idea of sickness.
She grew to hate windows.
She grew to hate 'them'.
She grew to hate what 'they' turned her into.
And then one day she had this feeling.
A sort of nausea that just wouldn't go away.
It clung onto her like a shadow… one that she just couldn't side step.
One that wouldn't vanish when the sun went down.
She thought that maybe she had eaten something.
That maybe she was on her period.
But she knew that it wasn't true.
She knew it was he mother.
But she refused to admit it.
So instead she went about the day normally ignoring the seemingly nonstop calls.
She dodged assignment after assignment and ran all the way to work.
She ignored the men who tried to touch her and worked until she could no longer remember what day it was.
But the time she got home the police had arrived. They were sitting at her doorstep and only stood when the girl stopped in front of them and spat, "What are you doing here?"
"Are you Mai Taniyama?"
She couldn't only nod guessing the next words that came out of their mouths.
They're eyes softened and she could almost hear their hearts breaking.
"Your mother…"
"She's dead isn't she?"
"Not yet… please come with us. She's asking for you."
She wanted to die right then and there.
To just rot and be forgotten.
…
Mai stumbled into the house numb.
The stench of coffee stuck under her nose.
She threw her shoes off and walked inside, hands using the walls as a crutch.
She walked into the bathroom before starting the bath.
She lit the candle she loved and submerged her naked body into the warm water.
…
But it wasn't always that way.
It had been MUCH worse once.
Her father named her Mai meaning dance.
And even she couldn't miss the irony.
One of her favorite poems was one called My Papa's Waltz by a man named Theodore Roethke. It told the story of abuse but in the light of a dance.
As if abuse was something that could be spoken of as lightly as a dance.
Her father was not much different.
Her earliest memories of him were of his alcohol stained breath.
While he never hurt her, he hurt her mother.
Constantly.
She feared him.
Even now, years later he was still the cause of her nightmares.
Maybe it was the way he swung at her with not a single ounce of remorse or maybe it was the way he'd wake up with absolutely no recollection of his bouts of abuse.
As if hurting the woman he claimed to love unconditionally could be easily forgotten.
Were they that insignificant?
A year later he became sober… but fell in love with something even worse.
He was a fentanyl addict.
And that was when he took to hurting her.
He lost his job and his family.
And most of all himself.
All for a drug.
All for fentanyl.
…
Mai blew bubbles into the bathwater relishing the scent of lavender.
It was her mother's least favorite scent.
She hated it.
So naturally Mai loved it.
She smiled into the water wondering what her mother felt as she lied there in that white bed underneath pale sheets.
She wondered what it felt like to call for the daughter you haven't spoken to in months.
What it felt like to stop loving your own flesh and blood.
And most of all she wondered who 'they' were.
She frowned.
She wondered how easily it was to just do it.
To end it.
To end all of it.
Her suffering.
Her mother's suffering.
Naru's suffering.
Lin's suffering.
To end everything.
Was it really that simple?
She slowly leaned back.
Would it be worth it?
What would she gain?
She closed her eyes taking one last breath.
Peace.
Silence.
Everything.
She'd gain everything.
…
I'm sorry if this made you feel sad or ruined your evening!
Thanks for reading the eleventh chapter of 'Uneven Odds'
IF YOU HAVE ANY SUGGESTIONS FOR FUTURE CHAPTERS DO NOT HESITATE TO LET ME KNOW!
I hope you all enjoyed this chapter and I'll see you guys soon for the next edition.
PLEASE IF THERE ARE ANY MISTAKES DON'T HESITATE TO LET ME KNOW!
Alright, you guys, don't forget to review, favorite, and follow!
See you soon!
-Lucy