After hours in the air, most of which Bucky spent airsick, curled up, and avoiding the windows as Steve and Tony sat trying to think of something to talk about that didn't remind them of their current situation. They'd talked about their childhoods, taking time to describe everything Bucky didn't understand, before moving on through high school and college, laughing when they realized they both had a crush on the same famous women at the time. It had been lighthearted for a while, but things inevitably went dark again as time passed. Even though they had the time and privacy, Tony hadn't wanted to discuss the pregnancy, choosing to lean back in his seat with a scotch instead whilst Bucky slept against Steve. When the plane finally touched down in the smallest town Tony and Steve had ever seen, they woke Bucky for the next stage of their journey.
Renting a grey SUV, Steve loaded up the trunk whilst Tony messed with the GPS, putting in the location of their cabin so Steve could get them there. Tony had drank entirely too much on the plane, his mind having not reminded him that there was a driving portion to this escape, so he was thankful when Steve offered to drive.
"Did you put the address in?" Steve asked as he sat down in the drivers seat, looking at Tony sitting beside him. "Is this a long drive? Should we be buying supplies?"
"It's not too far, and no, I paid the real estate agent to stock it up, and it was coming fully furnished and everything," Tony said, looking in the back seat at Bucky, who had his head against the window, staring out quietly. "You okay, Bucky? Do you want me to sit with you?"
"I don't know…I'm…don't worry about me, I'll be fine when we're there," Bucky mumbled, pulling the blanket Tony had taken from the plane around him tighter. "It's okay, I just want to look at the trees…"
"There are lots of them to look at," Steve said, starting the car and looking at Tony with concern in his eyes before he pulled out of the spot and started on their route to the house. He was more used to city driving, but he was looking forward to long empty roads that hopefully didn't have very many moose on them. "This is the first time I've been to Canada, this place is gorgeous."
"It doesn't all look like this, but it is a nice country. We can take a vacation one time, do a few of the cities, whenever Bucky's feeling up to travelling," Tony said as he looked out the window at the mountains, surprised by how green this place was, that hadn't really come up in his research. Though he supposed some things were just that much better in person. "No rush, though, we've got lots of time."
"Did you pick this place because of me?" Bucky asked from the backseat, realizing that he hadn't seen another car since they left town, and also that he didn't mind cars as much when Steve drove.
"No, I picked this place because it's in the middle of nowhere, I don't think there are many security cameras around, and my father knows how useless I am in the wilderness, so he'd probably start looking in cities and that," Tony said, turning his head so that he could see Bucky better. "This seemed like the perfect place, it's just an advantage that it's quiet and remote for you."
"I'm going to get better with people, I'm going to be able to travel and that soon," Bucky said with determination, looking into Tony's eyes for a moment before his gaze turned to the scenery again. "If this is a small town, I should be able to go out here."
"Then you can help with the next grocery store run," Steve was hoping that Bucky meant it, and that he wasn't just trying to push himself into something prematurely. If Bucky could become comfortable around small groups of people, it would be a big step in reclaiming his life from Howard Stark. "We'll probably have to do one soon, if there's anything you're wanting in particular."
Bucky didn't reply, only pulling his blanket around him tighter, looking up at the tall trees lining the sides of the road. He was hoping to see a moose, he'd seen one in a nature book once and he didn't know if he believed they could be as tall as he read.
"…you know, there's a bar in town that has a drink called the Sourtoe cocktail. It's a glass with a shot of whiskey and a mummified toe, so if you want to join me and earn a certificate with your name on it, Stevie…" Tony chuckled, trying to lift the mood a bit, though he didn't blame everyone for being exhausted and cranky after travelling for so long.
"Aren't we hiding here? Wouldn't everyone finding out that Tony Stark drank the toe drink kind of give that away?" Steve asked, raising an eyebrow, though he kept his eyes on the road, not knowing what could come running out in front of them.
"Who's Tony Stark? I'm William MacKinnon, that's Jude Turner in the backseat, and you're Benjamin Chapman," Tony said, watching the GPS, as their turn appeared on it, wondering what the roads ahead were going to be like.
"Do we have to call each other that?" Bucky asked softly, making a bit of a face, though he supposed he liked his name the most out of the bunch.
"Just when we're out," Tony said, stiffening a bit in his seat as Steve turned onto a dead end road, immediately thankful that he bought a vehicle with four wheel drive and glad that Steve had noticed that feature. "This is not a road, why is this considered a road?"
"I don't know," Steve said, gripping the wheel tighter, trying to drive on the flattest land in front of them as he put his window down to listen for oncoming traffic. He was thankful when the dot signifying their destination appeared on the screen, hoping that they could get there quickly.
"Pull over…" Bucky said suddenly, sounding frantic enough that Steve came to a hard halt, climbing out of the car fast, his foot catching on the door and spilling him to his knees. He didn't have time to get to his feet before he was sick all over the pot holed dirt surface, coughing in between retches.
"I'll get him," Tony said, getting out and going straight to Bucky's side, throwing the blanket back into the SUV, and kneeling at his boyfriend's side. "We don't have much farther to go, baby, and we can put you in the front seat. I didn't think about you being travel sick, I would have brought something for your stomach."
"It's not your fault…" Bucky said, spitting the last of the foul tasting spit out of his mouth, his hand against his stomach. "It's probably…can we go? I feel fine now, I just want to go."
"Yeah, not a problem," Tony said, getting Bucky back into the car and shutting the door after him, climbing in himself. Looking at Steve with worry in his eyes, he wasn't comforted when he saw the same in his.
"I'll go slower. It's getting a bit better up ahead," Steve said, starting up again, wondering where the nearest doctor was and feeling sick himself.
For the last few minutes in the car ride, everyone was silent as they looked at the beautiful scenery, though the lack of moose was disappointing. It had been such a long day, and nothing was going to get any easier any time soon. Though now that the sun was setting soon, they could at least look forward to crawling into bed and forgetting everything for the time being.
"And here we are…oh!" Steve pulled up a driveway past a grove of trees to spot a beautiful wood shingled house with a green roof and a wrap around porch. The yard was a decent size around it, surrounded by thick white spruces, with a few here and there to break the space up. It was hardly Stark mansion, but it was the perfect size for the three of them, and it was somewhere safe.
"Isn't this nice? I figured we might as well get something we can use even if we're not running away. I thought Bucky might like it up here," Tony said as he got out of the car, walking over to the front garden to pick up a rock and retrieve the key from underneath. "Bucky, go ahead in, the lights should work." Opening the door, he pocketed the key and walked back over to the car as his youngest boyfriend headed inside.
"I can get these," Steve said as he picked up the biggest bag, about to grab another when Tony grabbed his arm. "What is it?"
"I need to talk to you for a second," Tony whispered, not wanting to be overheard, though he checked over his shoulder to make sure Bucky hadn't snuck out again. "Before I start, I know this choice is his, and I'm not going to push him. If he wants a termination, I'll pay a doctor to…I don't know. I don't know what I'm going to do. I don't know how to find a doctor for him, and to get them up here, for either choice when he makes it."
"I'm not going to lie and pretend I know what to do about this, but…until he makes a decision, we can't really begin to make plans," Steve said softly, not wanting Bucky to overhear either. He didn't want him to think they were doing something without him. "I'm glad you feel the same way I do, that he should do this."
"Of course I do. After what he's been through, he doesn't need to be forced into having a kid," Tony said, shaking his head and looking back towards the house as he picked another bag up. "…this stays between us, got it? I-I would like to be a parent, but not at the expense of Bucky in any form. I promise you."
"We're on the same page for that too then," Steve muttered under his breath, taking the last of the luggage, and shutting the lift gate. "Let's go talk this over with him, I feel wrong doing it behind his back, even if it is just to say we support him."
"You're right," Tony turned towards the house, walking up the short path to the porch, adjusting the heavy bag. "I hope I brought everything we'd need. I don't know how long it takes something to be shipped up here. I think we have to go to the end of the crappy road for our mailbox."
"We'll manage," Steve said as he followed Tony into the house, immediately impressed with his surroundings when he stepped inside. Everything was relatively modern and clean, much different from the rustic cabin that Steve had pictured, and partially been dreading as he was the only one that could cook. "Wow, this place is nice."
"Isn't it? Open concept, new fixtures, new furniture, the guy that built this place was ready to spend his retirement in style," Tony said, putting the bags down with a sigh, looking up at the balcony where he could hear Bucky moving around. "That's supposed to be all one big bedroom up there. How's it look, Bucky?"
"It's so cool!" Bucky said, popping his head over it to look down at Tony and Steve. "The roof is made of window above the bed, but there are these sliding things that cover it. I think we should open it up. Oh, and there's another bathroom up here!"
"So…retirement guy, he didn't…?" Steve asked, not wanting to sound suspicious, but if the old man died here, he didn't think he was going to like that much.
"His son had an accident and needs care in the city, so he can't come up here with him," Tony said, taking a deep breath and picking up the bags again, heading up the stairs. He'd packed the bags until bursting, everything from clothes to toiletries to electronics, he wanted to make sure they weren't going to be bored when they were there. "If it makes you feel better, I gave him more than what he was asking, figured it might help with his kid."
"I do like that, thank you," Steve said as he followed him up, gasping a little as he stepped into the bedroom. The skylights above the bed were purple with the last light of the day, and the bed underneath was almost as big as Tony's bed in the mansion, though this one looked softer. "Are you claiming your spot, Bucky?" "Yes," Bucky replied, lying on the middle of the bed, staring up at the sky. "Will we be able to see lots of stars here?"
"Are you kidding? We'll be able to see tons of then, and aurora borealis, did you ever read about that one?" Tony watched as Bucky looked at him and shook his head a little. "The entire sky lights up in colour, it's beautiful, I've seen it a couple times before. But it happens here, and we'll be here a while, so I'm sure you're going to see it."
"I think I'm going to like living here more than at the mansion, I like that we'll all be closer together here," Bucky said, lying back down to look up, eager to see a properly starry sky. The view at the mansion had been a disappointment, but if Tony said there were lots of stars and lights here, he was going to love it.
"Yeah, it won't be hard to find anyone here," Tony said as he kicked off his shoes and removed his jacket, draping it over a chair before he got in bed beside Bucky, pulling him into a hug, and kissing his forehead. "You okay with being cuddled for a bit?"
"I'm okay…Steve?" Bucky asked, looking over at him as he snuggled against Tony.
"I'm coming," Steve bent down and undid his shoes, setting them neatly aside as his grey hoodie joined Tony's jacket on the chair. Climbing into bed on Bucky's other side, he lay his head down on the pillows as he reached out to wrap an arm over Bucky and Tony, happy to have a moment where he could be close with them both.
"So you two like this place then?" Tony smiled, looking at them both, gently rubbing Bucky's arm before his hand moved to Steve's side. "I mean, we can paint if you don't want wood walls, or-"
"Where would the baby sleep?" Bucky asked suddenly, taking both Steve and Tony by surprise. Realizing he had both of their eyes on him, staring in surprise, he felt like he should continue. "…you can't test who the birth father is, not unless there's a medical reason…I want the baby, and me, to have the last name Stark-Rogers, and I get that you can't marry me because I'm technically dead, but…"
"That wouldn't stop us from having a ceremony or something. You'd be married to us in the only way that matters, and we'll do that, okay?" Tony said, looking at Steve for a moment as he wondered if that meant the two of them would be getting hitched as well. Not that he would mind, he loved Steve more than any boyfriend he'd had before, marrying him would be an honour. "That good with you, Steve? We…we should do it on paper, though, you and me. So if I die, the company will go to you, and you can look after Bucky and the…the baby." He didn't think he was ever going to get used to saying that.
"Y-yeah, I'd…i just have to wait until my divorce goes through and then we can do it," Steve stammered a little, feeling like he'd been knocked to his feet, the breath knocked out of him. "Bucky, are you sure? You can take more time to think about it if you want, no one's rushing you."
"Right now, that's what I want," Bucky reassured them softly. "All this running today, and all I could think was that I didn't want your dad to get me because he'd kill me, and he'd kill this baby if it was Steve's, and…and I want to protect them. I want this. I know I might lose it because my pregnancies will all be risky, but I want to try. And most of all…thank you to you two for letting me make this decision because I doubt it was easy to sit back and wait for me to say something."
"It was hard in a way that you're probably not thinking, baby, we were just worried about getting care for you either way," Tony said, brushing a piece of hair behind Bucky's ear before leaning over to give him a soft kiss. "I'm going to be honest, I'm not sure what I'm going to do to help you yet. But that doesn't mean I'm not going to work hard at finding a solution. I will not let you be in danger, it's not happening. Protecting you is the whole reason we're in the middle of nowhere already."
"I trust you, I trust you both," Bucky whispered, reaching to take their hands off each other, putting them both on his stomach under his naval. "Are you both going to hold me like this when my stomach is bigger?"
"We're going to hold you every night," Steve said, nuzzling Bucky's temple, his hand moving under the younger man's shirt to rest against his skin, trying to imagine the belly he was going to get as their child grew.
"But…" Bucky began, looking hesitant for a moment as his eyes turned back to the skies, the first few stars of the evening beginning to appear. "…will you still hold me like that when they're born?"
Both Tony and Steve frowned at that, their hearts breaking at the thought of Bucky fearing abandonment after he'd had the baby for them. It had been so programmed into Bucky's heads that he didn't have a role past incubating the babies that he still feared it despite being told every day how much they loved him. He was going to have to be convinced that he was their top priority now and forever, and that adding to their family wasn't going to change that.
"Like Steve said, every night," Tony insisted, his own hand joining Steve's under Bucky's shirt to lay on his warm skin. "We are going to prove to you every night that we love you more than anything, and I don't care how many times we have to repeat it to make up for your lifetime alone. We love you, Bucky, and if it takes marrying you in the backyard among the trees to convince you, we're going to do it."
"…you promise?" Bucky whispered, hope shining in his eyes.
"We promise," Steve repeated, kissing one of Bucky's cheeks as Tony pressed his lips to the other. "Our hearts are yours, forever, we're going to love you more and more with each passing second, Bucky Stark-Rogers."
Bucky couldn't help the smile that broke across his face, and as the sky lit up with stars above them, he couldn't remember ever feeling as content as this. This was his home, this was his family, and he really wasn't alone any more.