Chapter Ten

As school ends, my phone starts buzzing at me. I take it out from my pocket and look at the screen. It's an alarm to go to the store and pick up some things.

"I'll see you later, Ms. Matthews," I say. "Have a good weekend." She smiles.

"You too Caleb."

I grab my jacket from the back of the chair I was sitting in and walk out the door. Spontaneously I take a different route to my car, so I don't run into Makenna. I don't think I'll be able to handle seeing her in class anymore. I might just tell Ms. Matthews that I will show up for seventh period, but will skip fifth and sixth, since they do not pertain to my major.

The chatter of the students is loud as I drive down the streets. I can make out what they're saying over the music on the radio. Nothing of interest.

I sigh and continue down the streets until I reach the store. Pulling out my phone, I look at my list of things I need. A USB drive to backup my important essays since my laptop is old and I need a new one. I need more pens for taking notes, I need more paper for taking notes, and I need peppermint tea. Since I like it.

Carefully making my way down the aisles of the store, I keep glancing at the screen of my phone, though no messages pop up. Finally I tuck it in my back pocket with my wallet.

I grab the pens, not even thinking about the brand. But should I get loose leaf paper or maybe I should get a notebook. That would be easy to keep track of all my notes that way. I could get one with dividers so I don't get all my subjects mixed up.

Yeah, okay, that sounds better. Now which color? Why do I have such a hard time deciding these things? There aren't many choices. Red, blue, black, green, or purple. After a second more of contemplating, I go with blue. It's a nice color.

"Caleb?" I turn automatically at the voice. "If I can still call you that." My heart explodes every time you do.

"We're friends," I say, perhaps putting too heavy an emphasis on the word friends.

"I have to say something. I'm sorry about getting defensive when I found out you knew about the Alan thing. I should've known word would spread. It wasn't fair of me to get mad at you. I apologize."

I feel the corners of my lips turn up slightly. "You don't need to apologize, Makenna."

She looks sad and worried. It's possible she's on edge about something. I can tell by the way she bites her lip in that cute little way she did at the library weeks ago. And by the way she looks down at her feet without any hint of a smile. It kills me.

"There is something else you need to know about the thing with Alan."

A million thoughts run through my head. Did they get back together? Were none of the rumors I heard true? Were somehow all of them true? I don't understand what's going on and I don't like it. I can feel my heart beating faster and faster until it jumps into my throat and suddenly I can't feel anything. I can't say anything, not that I would know what to say. Every second she spends not telling me, the more physically ill I begin to feel.

"What?" I choke out.

"The rumors going around that I broke up with him because I like someone else..."

Don't stop there! Tell me what's wrong!

Makenna takes a step toward me, but stops, as if she is being physically restrained. She looks up at me with a look in her eyes that tells me everything. Words cannot even begin to describe how she feels, I can see her explanation. There is a brightness to her eyes I have never seen before. Not only just in her, but that I never saw in Susan or Becca or Abigail or Dericia. Or even Eden who I thought was everything. Eden had a touch of sadness behind the glow of temporary happiness in her eyes.

Makenna looks as conflicted with just her eyes as I feel on the inside.

"I do like someone else," she confirms. "I like him a lot more than I thought I would. I tried to push him away to see if he would come back."

"Did he?" I say.

"He did." She smiles and the light within her smiles erases every ounce of torture in her gorgeous blue eyes. "I admire his persistence."

Makenna steps closer, forcing the distance between us out of the way. I know I should back away, that I should stop her because I see what she's doing. But I don't want to. I like what she's doing. I want to feel her holding herself against me, I want to feel her arms around my neck, I want to feel how her soft lips connect with mine even if I get cherry Chapstick flavored lips.

Wait. No. This isn't right. As much as it feels right physically, this is not right.

I gently push her back. Her eyes are still lit with excitement and her lips are even redder than before. There is a beautiful rosy touch to her cheeks. She looks so beautiful.

"I'm sorry," she says. "I shouldn't have done that. You could probably press charges against me for assault."

"I would never do that," I say. "I mean, I'm glad you did that, but we can't do that again." I must sound like the biggest jerk in the state of Illinois right now.

"Why?"

"You know why." I say. "It's illegal."

"I'm eighteen."

"The rules state that students can't date teachers. I could lose my job and never be hired as a teacher in the state of Illinois."

"So do you want to date me or not?"

"Of course I do. It's not fair for you to hold that against me. Of course I want to date you, but I also want to be a teacher in this state. This isn't a this or that kind of situation. I don't have to choose one or the other."

"Well you're not choosing both," she snaps.

"I can't choose both."

"So you lied when you said you didn't have to choose." I can feel the anger boiling and rising to a very high temperature, but I do my best to keep calm.

"I wasn't lying."

"So it was a misconception?"

If I stay, the argument could go on for hours. I need to take a moment to calm down. Take some deep breaths. I need to go home and let myself process everything that has happened in the past five minutes.

"It is illegal," I say enunciating each word. "There is no way for us to date." The words stab my chest as they leave my mouth. And I can see the pain in her face when I say it too. "I'm sorry Makenna."

I walk past her and besides the ultimate pain that consumes my entire being, I feel like I let not only myself and Makenna down, but Allison Malloy as well. I didn't listen to the rules she set for understanding and dating women.