A/N: Thank you all for the support on my last chapter, I know y'all hated me a bit for the cliffhanger but you know how I do ;) thank you so much for the reviews, I really do love each and every one of you. You are all the Dean to my Cas. :') Also, it was pointed out to me that I have quite a few grammatical errors and such in my story and I thank you for pointing it out, I'm not perfect and I shall try to work on it to increase the quality for you lovely folk :) Also, I was wondering if anyone did art here. It would be nice to have a photo for this story but I can't draw to save my life so I thought I would ask :) I would really appreciate it. Chapter 11:
He sighed and started to study the text they were supposed to memorize when he felt a finger poke his arm. He internally cringed before turning his head to shoot Dean an annoyed glance.
"Hey, uh, I can't find my notes, could I quick take a look at yours to copy them down?" Dean asked, and without thinking, being the nice guy he was, he grabbed his note book off his desk and handed it to Dean.
"Thanks, Cas. I appreciate it" Dean said in return for the note book, and as soon as those words were spoken, the color drained from Cas' face when the realization hit him. He made no effort to disguise his printing in the notes he had written to Dean, and unless the green eyed boy was extremely dense and didn't put two and two together, he would without a doubt come to the conclusion that the very guy he shoved away for kissing him was the one behind the infamous notes.
"Shit, wait Dean, no!" Castiel exclaimed, horror in his eyes as he scrambled to retrieve the book from Dean's grasp, but his efforts were fruitless as Dean had already opened the book up, his eyes going wide.
Castiel looked at Dean, heart pounding in his chest. He felt panicked, like he just got caught doing something really wrong and in retrospect, he did. He wrote those notes and continued even though he knew Dean believed they were from a girl.
When Dean's shocked eyes met his, he swallowed hard.
"You're wrote those notes.." Dean said so quietly it might as well have been a whisper.
Cas stared at Dean for what felt like a life time, unable to form any words before reaching forward and snatching his book from Dean, grabbing his book bag off the floor, quickly cramming his belongings in it before getting up so quick his chair fell back, drawing his classmate's attention over to him and Dean.
"I uh, I need to go, Ms. Mills. I feel ill" Castiel offered lamely when their teacher looked at him for an explanation to his sudden movements.
"Very well, Castiel. Go see the nurse and feel better" Ms. Mills offered with a sympathetic smile.
"Cas, wait..." Dean said, but Cas needed to get out of there, he needed air and he needed to be alone, so he bolted, leaving the classroom quickly and darting down the hall as soon as he stepped out of the suddenly stuffy room. He was relieved when Dean hadn't followed him. What was he supposed to do? What if Dean got so pissed that he beat the shit out of him? What if he told everyone and they all made a joke out of him again? What would his friends think? His brother? It was all too much.
OoO
When Castiel rushed out of the room, a large part of Dean wanted to chase after him, stop him and ask him 'why?', another part wanted to grab him by the face, stroke those slightly stubble covered cheeks and pull him in for a heated kiss, and it was that thought that made Dean stay firmly planted in his seat, body numb with shock. Is that why Cas had kissed him? The realization hit him like a ton of bricks.
In the note that was sent after Gordon's party, the anon- Cas- had said that he used to like Dean, but after seeing who he "really was" those feelings had dissipated and he was disappointed in ever thinking Dean was special. Fast forward to Cas' outburst in the hallway when Samandriel was under attack, almost the exact same words were spat at him when he tried to reason with Cas, directly from Cas' mouth.
He didn't realize it at the time, but it made perfect sense now. Everything. He had hurt Castiel, treated him like shit when before Cas had thought the world of him. That strongly worded note was his own personal feelings, and he could almost see the script as if it was in front of him.
"Have a day as shitty as you made that Castiel kid feel, Dean."Cas was speaking from the heart, Cas wanted him to feel just as shitty as he had made Cas feel.
Dean had never felt more confused, so guilty, so angry in his life. On one hand the idea of Castiel being his admirer was endearing, Cas was strong, smart, loyal, cute- and before those thoughts could continue, the other side of Dean interrupted. On the other hand, Cas was a dude. A dude that wrote sappy notes and shoved them in Dean's locker like a love struck school girl. He continued to send them even after Dean's pleas for his anon to make herself- well, himself known.
Dean had never felt so conflicted in his life. He was going through an internal battle about his feelings, about his sexuality. How could even a fraction of him be elated that Cas wrote the notes? He wasn't gay. Homosexuality was a sin and it was wrong and never in his life had the thought of being with another boy crossed his mind before he got to taste Castiel's soft, full lips.
He didn't want to be gay. Did those thoughts make him gay? Maybe he was just confused, but he refused to even entertain the idea of being with anybody other than a female. Even if his heart was screaming for him to find Cas and tell him he's not mad, that's sorry for everything he's done, that he'll make it up to him and prove to the brunette that he can be the amazing guy Cas had thought he was. Because, he wasn't gay. There was no way he could be gay.
OoO
Castiel went straight home, thankful that his parents were both at work. He hadn't received any threatening text messages or phone calls so he assumed for now, Dean had kept that small tidbit of information to himself, which of course he was thankful for but there was still time for everything to go horribly wrong. The only comfort he had in all of this is knowing even if his friends were disappointed in him for being so stupid to post love notes in Dean fucking Winchester's locker, they would stick by him and defend him to the end if things got sticky at school.
He decided to hide out in his room, making himself a sandwich and bringing a couple of cans of soda and a bag of cookies up with him with the intention of not coming out the rest of the day, leaving a note on the counter telling Gabriel to order a pizza for him and Sam, knowing the younger Winchester was coming over, writing a small apology to Sam for not cooking his favorite meal that evening and promising to make it on the weekend.
At around 6 that night, he was watching the 4th movie in the Halloween series, in the mood for something violent and distracting to watch when he heard the door bell ring, which of course, he ignored.
About 2 minutes later an angry looking blonde girl came bursting through his door, putting her hands on her hips and looking at Cas with annoyance.
"You skipped today and ignored all of our texts and calls, we were worried sick about you Castiel James!" she scolded.
"Dean knows, Jo. He knows I wrote the notes. I couldn't be there" Cas said quietly, looking up to his friend who's expression had softened as she walked over to his bed, sitting down and grabbing his hand.
"Oh, Cas..." she said softly, shaking her head. She was going to need to find Dean and talk to him about this before he did anything stupid to her best friend.
OoO
A/N:
Kind of a lame place to end the chapter but my daughter is being difficult and I needed to write while it was still fresh in my head, so I couldn't leave it to continue later :P
I'm really getting some writers block on this, it was so easy to write at first but the longer I go without posting the more I lose interest, and the more the ideas fade in my mind, so I apologize if my chapters become shittier over time D: