Hikaru no Ghost
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Chapter 11: Sai's Gift
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Sai had received many gifts since Hikaru had come into his life.
There have been tangible items, like the photo album he keeps on his nightstand and looks through every night before going to bed. There have been delicious meals cooked with Sai's tastes and preferences in mind. And there have been the things Sai never sees, cleaning and laundry and Hikaru somehow impressing a good image of Sai to the neighbors that had once thought Sai to have been a recluse.
His apartment has never felt more like a home, warm and inviting and finally a place Sai looks forward to returning to at the end of the day.
But what he's most grateful for are the long games of go that always feel like an exploration of deep thoughts never said aloud. And knowing that someone in this world understands and accepts him as he is.
Sai is grateful for Hikaru's company and existence. The Heian ghost is loud and overbearing, naturally authoritative and commanding (in such a way that Sai can never help but to give in to), but Hikaru tries so hard and does so much because he genuinely cares about Sai and wants Sai to be happy.
So, Sai just wants to be able to return some of that to Hikaru.
"I've heard that you and Seiji-kun have become friends as of late, Fujiwara-sensei."
Sai grimaced into an expression that had wanted to be a smile, but was also simultaneously a frown.
He looked over at Kouyou with a flat expression. The older man had certainly been exposed to Ogata Seiji much more than Sai had.
"Seiji-kun means no harm." Kouyou said with understanding. "He simply has a very strong personality."
Sai's mouth thinned into a straight line across his face.
"I am also happy that Ogata-san and I have become friends, Touya-sensei." Sai decided firmly.
Inwardly, Kouyou was glad to hear that. Seiji really needed more friends. (Outside of the turtle variety.)
Having dealt with the pleasantries, Kouyou moved onto the heart of their conversation with open curiosity.
"What have you come to discuss with me, Fujiwara-sensei?"
Sai looked down at the cup of tea steaming in his hands, trying to gather his thoughts.
And somewhere within this house, Hikaru and Akira were playing go. The younger Touya had been insistent on the game, going as far as grabbing Hikaru by the arm and manhandling the other boy towards the nearest goban. So, Sai was fairly-certain Hikaru would not be aware of this conversation between himself and Kouyou then.
"Touya-sensei,"
Sai took a deep breath, hesitating still despite himself.
Kouyou waited patiently. That had always been the most reassuring thing about speaking with the former Meijin, that he would not rush you to act before you were ready.
"What would you recommend as a gift for Hikaru?"
In answer, Kouyou only stared at Sai in surprise. Sai doesn't think he's ever seen the other man look so caught off guard.
No longer trusting himself to hold it, Sai set down his teacup onto the tray upon the tatami.
They're sitting in Kouyou's study, which is just as traditional as the rest of the house. There are shelves filled with books, a low traditional-style desk along one wall, and two gobans set in the middle of the room. If it were not for the individual titles along the spines of the go-books, first glance into this room wouldn't have been that different from stepping into the Meiji Period.
"A gift for Hikaru-kun…" Kouyou pondered the question seriously.
Truthfully, Kouyou had expected them to have gone straight for the gobans. Sai visited the house occasionally, usually at Kouyou's request. But this was one of the rare times when Sai had requested the visit instead. Those other times, it had been a request for a strategy session or to discuss a go problem that Sai wanted to consult another go player on.
The only other time Sai had ever discussed a personal problem with Kouyou had been during the Children's Go Tournament.
In that instance, Kouyou remembered belatedly, Sai's worries had been about Hikaru as well.
Kouyou leaned back, still in seiza, to think this over.
He had not thought it would be difficult to get a gift for a twelve-year-old boy. Especially when he himself was the father of a twelve-year-old boy.
But when put into the context of Hikaru…
"That is a difficult question." Kouyou frowned.
Across from him, Sai sighed. He had expected an answer along the lines of that.
"I asked Ogata-san as well." Sai confessed.
Kouyou raised an eyebrow at this information.
"Ogata-san responded by speaking of the joys of raising a pet turtle for a quarter of an hour, and then adding that pet ownership teaches children about responsibility."
Kouyou chuckled.
"I'm afraid that Seiji-kun might not be the best person to advise you." Kouyou admitted. "My student is a bit…enthusiastic in that area."
Sai responded by giving Kouyou another flat look.
"I've been to his apartment, Kouyou-sensei. I've noticed."
Years ago, when Ogata Seiji had proudly invited the Touyas over to his new residence, Kouyou's wife had very gently, but firmly, advised Seiji against issuing too many invitations to the other go pros. (Though she had phrased it as only inviting those his turtles would want as guests.)
As Akiko had explained, it was already enough that Seiji insisted that he wear only white clothing, and had developed an odd personality as he had grown up. It was hard enough to make friends considering just that.
Kouyou grinned back at the new Meijin, suddenly even more grateful to the other man for remaining open-minded about his student.
Sai didn't look as amused as Kouyou did. Seeing this, Kouyou schooled his expression back to seriousness.
"Let us return to the problem at hand." Kouyou prompted.
Sai sighed heavily, looking dejected.
"The only other children I know are Akira-kun and Mitani-kun. And it would be much easier to think of gifts for them than it is for Hikaru."
Kouyou thought back to the ornately-formal mannerisms, and the near-dismissive attitude towards anything that didn't date back to the Heian period. And most startlingly, the heavy gravity of experience that Hikaru balanced with a radiating exuberance for life. Kouyou had only ever witnessed such an attitude in those much, much older than even Kouyou himself.
"Hikaru is…" Sai paused to frown. "Eccentric."
"It is true that I have never met another child similar to Hikaru-kun." Kouyou conceded reluctantly.
He wasn't sure of what else to say.
Sai stared down at the teacup cooling atop the tray between them.
"There's never been a person this important in my life before." Sai told him quietly.
"I'm terrified of making mistakes. And I don't know what I should be doing for Hikaru…"
Sai breathed shakily, still looking down.
"But I want him to be happy. Hikaru can't be the only one trying. I want to try my best too."
Kouyou stayed silent, unable to answer Sai.
Because for Kouyou, Sai's words carried an enormous weight.
For a long time, Kouyou had held more titles than he had wanted. He had felt stagnant and unfulfilled, as if he were waiting for something, and had been waiting for it for too long.
But then, Fujiwara Sai had appeared. And Kouyou had been able to experience many things. Rivalry, thrill, even defeat. For years, their rivalry had played out with the younger go player challenging Kouyou for his titles again and again.
He had eventually lost all of them to Sai, just as everyone had. But Kouyou had been the last holdout. And it had been, he could say this confidently, the best and most fulfilling games of his entire career.
Once, years ago, Kouyou had spoken with Akira about the hollowness of winning for winning's sake. Go should be played against someone who could challenge you to be better than you are. And for Kouyou, he had not had that honor until Fujiwara Sai.
But Kouyou had seen history repeat as Sai had kept winning again and again, but had no real rival. It seemed as if every other go player combined were Sai's chosen opponent. As if Sai had chosen to play go with everyone else sitting on the other side of the goban.
It was a desolately lonely path. And Sai had never spoken of his personal life. But given Sai's schedule, it was obvious that Sai simply didn't have one.
And for a while, that had worried Kouyou.
Even after winning all the major titles, Sai had kept playing with characteristic sharpness. Always better than the game before. Constantly evolving and changing as a player. A true genius.
But as Sai's skill reached greater and greater heights, the distance between himself and other go pros grew ever more mounting. It became impossible for Sai to connect with even his fellow go players. And it hadn't mattered if it were because of hatred or admiration; Sai had been elevated to a position where he could only stand alone.
And Kouyou had seen as Sai began to carry himself with bone-deep weariness. A kind of tiredness that never abated.
That ever-increasing tiredness of life had changed the day of the Children's Go Tournament. Perhaps it hadn't left, not yet, not then, but Kouyou had been aware of a great change in Fujiwara Sai's life.
"Fujiwara-sensei," Kouyou addressed Sai.
More than as his rival or opponent or colleague, Kouyou had come to think of Fujiwara Sai as a friend. And while Kouyou would never pry for the details, he knew with certainty that child coming into Sai's life had saved Sai.
Sai looked up, meeting Kouyou's unwavering gaze.
"That is what it means to be a parent." Kouyou told him, gaze softening as he watched Sai's shocked expression turn to mortified horror.
"Hikaru isn't—" Sai sputtered. "We're not rela—!"
"You are his primary guardian and caregiver, are you not?" Kouyou interrupted Sai to ask pointedly.
Sai's jaw clicked shut. Well, he couldn't dispute that. And given that Hikaru appeared to be a child, he could understand why Kouyou would naturally assume.
And Sai wasn't so out of his mind to ever reveal the truth.
"I don't believe that you need to show Hikaru-kun how much you care through a gift." Kouyou continued on gently. "You just try your best. You must always try your best for your child. That is all you can do."
Sai stayed silent, turning over Kouyou's words in his mind.
They weren't exactly parent and child. And if their relationship were defined in that way, it would be difficult to tell who was the parent and who was the child.
But perhaps relationships weren't always so easily defined. And perhaps Sai did think of Hikaru as his child, in a very strange and convoluted way.
Whatever their relationship was…Hikaru had become his family.
"Yes," Sai nodded slowly. "You're right, Kouyou-sensei. I'll…I'll keep trying my best. For Hikaru."
Kouyou nodded in agreement.
But Sai had always been. He had never known the younger man not to try his hardest.
"SAI!"
Both men turned towards the shoji doors as they were abruptly yanked open, two boys bodily falling into the room.
"H-Hi-Hikaru!" Sai exclaimed in alarm.
"Just one more game, Hikaru!" Akira insisted, clinging to Hikaru's back as he aggressively clawed at Hikaru's arms and wrapped his legs around Hikaru's to keep him from further fleeing.
"No!" Hikaru protested, now struggling to get out of Akira's surprisingly-good chokehold.
"You always say one more game, but it's never one more! It'll always be one more! It'll be one more game forever!"
Akira's eyes sharpened into a relentless glint.
"Then play go with me forever!"
"Never! ACK!"
Akira had just turned his chokehold into an Anaconda Vice.
Sai watched all of this with wide-eyed shock, glad that Akira had never gotten this fixated when asking Sai for a game.
Kouyou took a sip from his teacup. He had never known before that his son was so good at wrestling.
Of course, there ended up being another game. And this time, Sai and Kouyou watched and participated in the post-game discussion.
Then Sai and Hikaru were forced to stay for the delicious dinner Akiko had made them. Even though they had not meant to stay that long. Even though it was too early for dinner. Even though it was an obvious ploy to make Sai and Hikaru stay longer.
And then, Kouyou had ambushed everyone with his request for a game against Hikaru.
(Sai was almost certain that the Touya couple had low-fived each other underneath the table then.)
By this time, Hikaru had given up. And Sai and Akira had watched from the sidelines as Hikaru had beaten the former Meijin across the board. (Because giving up did not mean that Hikaru didn't have some pent-up frustration.)
The visit ran so long that there had really been no choice but for Sai and Hikaru to stay overnight, Kouyou and Akiko had insisted. And Akira had been more than enthusiastic, dragging Hikaru back to his room so they could stay up all night playing go. (Hikaru had cried.)
But eventually, the next day, Akiko had graciously allowed them to leave her home. Sai had had to promise her that they would visit again. Soon.
So, despite Akira's very vocal protests and Kouyou's silent pouting, Sai and Hikaru finally extracted themselves from the Touya home.
"Did you have fun?" Sai asked as they sat in the taxi, on their way back home.
Hikaru crossed his arms and pouted beside Sai, acting exactly as young as he looked.
"Too much fun." Hikaru declared.
"I never knew there was such a thing as too much fun before, Sai!"
Sai just laughed. Truthfully, he had just been glad that the attention had been on Hikaru and not himself after seeing firsthand the Touya Tag Team Combo. They truly were a very intimidating family.
"Hmph!" Hikaru huffed. "Well, I'll get over it. Instead, we should talk about your gift."
"What gift?!" Sai shouted.
Their taxi driver looked back at the abrupt shout. Sai clapped his hand over his mouth and silently apologized.
Hikaru looked warily at him, wondering what Sai's problem was.
"The gift for your grandmother. Remember?"
Sai's eyes widened in realization.
He had forgotten.
A summon had been sent to everyone in the Fujiwara clan, with orders to return to their ancestral home.
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Author's Note:
The Touya family is fun!
2017.01.07