Entry X
Spaces between Us
The sight of Coruscant looming ever closer in the viewports was like a breath of fresh air inside the stuffy Nubian transport. We would be back at the Temple soon; the Queen would reach the Senate and solve this problem soon; and this mission would be over—not soon enough. I was already looking forward to having a normal relationship back with Qui-Gon, even if the inevitable "talk" set my heart to racing. I wasn't worried of the outcome—Master and I had always been able to work our problems out successfully. Besides, we had all the time in the world, didn't we? The words that would be exchanged were the only things leaving me somewhat jumpy about the whole ordeal.
Feeling drawn by a familiar presence, I turned towards the cockpit. Once inside, I wordlessly took my rightful place beside Qui-Gon. He was giving last minute instructions of what was soon to happen to the boy. I watched him slowly straighten back to his full height. The serene expression on his face did nothing to hide the fact that I had heard the words "Temple" and "Council" come out of his mouth numerous times. So that's what this was all about—the boy with the high midi-chlorian count would be put before the Council for testing. I said nothing, instead watching as he and Ric conversed about the ship and the city-planet, but deep inside, I already knew: the boy would not pass the Council's test.
Ric set the ship down gently with his expert touch. With Anakin and Jar Jar in tow, Master and I moved to the main corridor where the Queen waited with her vast entourage. Queen Amidala encouraged Qui-Gon to go first with a nod of her head. He acquiesced and we walked through the open hatchway and down the loading ramp. Chancellor Valorum and Senator Palpatine, both graying men, were the first to greet us as we spotted them amongst a sea of guards draped in blue.
I looked between the two men and my master, noticing the age similarities, but characteristic differences. Unlike the two other men, Qui-Gon's hair was still mostly untouched by gray. Is that what politics did to a person? I wondered. Stress you to the point of being overly, maybe even prematurely, gray? Or in Valorum's case, prematurely bald?
Thank the Force Qui-Gon wasn't a politician. I could never imagine my master going gray.
These thoughts were still in my head but rapidly receding as my body automatically bowed to the two politicians. Qui-Gon and I shifted to the side to allow the Queen and her ridiculously large traveling gown to pass. I had seen worse dresses in my time as an apprentice and understood for the most part what their manner of existence was for, but in my opinion, a functionally capable cloak, tunic, and boots were all one ever needed, even for the most prestigious of events. Why wouldn't they work? They'd always been enough for me.
After a moment, our two groups parted ways. The Queen and her entourage went one way, and the Jedi drifted to Chancellor Valorum. My master and I were one of the Chancellor's favored teams, having been specifically chosen for many important and volatile missions alike. This fact enabled us to get straight to the matter at hand and skip any unnecessary preliminaries. I'd heard rumors from time to time that Qui-Gon, as an apprentice, had run into Valorum, as a senatorial aide, many a time when the two were younger. The men certainly did not hesitate to let their thoughts be known by each other.
Qui-Gon crossed his arms over his chest, a scowl coming to rest on his wizened features. "I must speak to the Jedi Council immediately," he said. "The situation has become much more complicated."
That's the understatement of the year...
A flash of tanned, sandy brown lost in the fiery-red handmaiden cloaks across the landing platform caught my eye. Qui-Gon's as well, it appeared. Anakin looked with a confused expression between where he was and where Qui-Gon stood, obviously trying to decide whom he should go with. Thank the Force, Padmé decided to speak up at that exact moment and urged Anakin to her. The boy finally scuttled away when Qui-Gon waved his hand in a dismissive sign of permission. I graced my master with a semi-appreciative look, but whether he saw me or not, I'll never know.
I couldn't help but look quickly at the boy, however, as he climbed into a seat beside Jar Jar in the taxi speeder. Why was I suddenly seeing something else to the boy? Surprisingly, in the naivety that shone in his eyes, I saw myself all those years ago when lonely thoughts of Bandomeer and the Agri-Corps filled my mind, when I was naïve still to so much of the Jedi's ways. But look at how much I had learned since then! Since I was just 13! And if I had learned all of that with my fairly average midi-chlorian count, what could Anakin do with the highest count yet discovered?
Too many questions. Not enough answers.
The thought of the boy being trained as a Jedi sent chills down my spine. My only consolation was that maybe, hopefully, the Council would reject him due to his age. Coming to the Jedi Temple to learn as an infant was one thing. Coming at the age of nine (and as a former slave, no less) was an entirely different story, I didn't care who you were, "Chosen One" or un-chosen.
When he finished talking to Chancellor Valorum, Qui-Gon headed towards the opposite edge of the platform. A mental tug prodded me along. "Yes Master, I know," I said quickly. "'Keep your concentration on the here and now.'"
"If you think you know so well, then why do you not do it?"
I felt my cheeks heat in embarrassment, but did not apologize. I was sure Qui-Gon noticed.
I hope he noticed.
I felt a rebellious streak coming on, and truth-be-told, I looked forward to it as a form of relief. Maybe now I could get the attention I desired.
Was that childish? Maybe. But at the moment, I didn't think I was sure of anything anymore.
Waiting for us at the platform's edge was a Jedi pilot, most likely an orphan of the Jedi Starfighter Pilot Program that had been created on a whim, then just as quickly cancelled. My good friend Garen Muln had been one of such orphans until Clee Rhara took him as an apprentice. For a brief moment, I held hope that indeed it was Garen, but when the helmet came off, I discovered it to be Sema Das, a female humanoid only a few years older than myself, whom I had sparred with occasionally before she joined the program and I was accepted as a Padawan.
Sema stood as we approached and greetings were quickly swapped, as we had not seen each other in quite a while. Sema filled us in on the latest Temple news as we sped off in that direction. Not much out of the ordinary had happened. It never did.
As Qui-Gon and I stepped from the transport onto the Temple's landing platform, I turned back on a whim. "Muln?" I asked simply.
Sema smiled and brushed a strand of dark purple hair behind her ear. "He's just returning from a training run with a younger student this afternoon. Look for him within the hour."
"Thanks sweetheart," I crooned, tapping her chin before heading after Qui-Gon.
'Perfect Padawan' though I may be, 'Flirtatious Hunk' I could be also.
I had expected to receive at least an hour and a half of rest before the entire Council was brought together. Imagine my surprise when, half way to our quarters where clean clothes awaited us, our comlinks signaled and gave the code that every Jedi learned from a young age:
'Report to the Council chambers.'
I bit back a weary sigh. Whatever happens, I told myself, remember the Jedi's most important rule: Don't cross-examine a master!
Usually this wasn't a problem for me.
Usually….
Usually Qui-Gon wasn't being such a stubborn blockhead even to me, and usually I wasn't feeling quite so rebellious.
Usually….
I drew on the calmness that exuded from every familiar wall, room, object, and being in the Temple, my home of 25 years, and allowed it to course through my entire being, straight down to my core.
Don't cross-examine a master...
The large, ornate doors swung open unhindered and Obi-Wan Kenobi, perfect Padawan, reared his ugly head yet again.
I didn't think holding my tongue would be a problem any longer.
So much for being rebellious.
The briefing went…better than I originally expected. Of course, we were still sans the boy. I was already preparing for the disaster that I was sure would come about when Anakin and Qui-Gon found themselves in the Council chambers together up against the formidable stares of Yoda, Mace Windu, Ki Adi Mundi, Plo Koon, Adi Gallia…the list was practically endless in a sense. There was not a master on the Council that could be intimidated by Qui-Gon Jinn and a young, former slave boy. (Or so I hoped.) Still, by the rigid frame of Qui-Gon's shoulders as we stepped from the Council room, I could tell he was both determined and concerned about the boy's upcoming test.
As for myself, I had done as I had hoped and managed to hold my tongue throughout. Sometimes the 'perfect Padawan' guise came in handy. But whether or not I would be able to accomplish such a feat a second time remained to be seen.
The members of the Jedi High Council had taken Qui-Gon's suggestion of a possible return of the Sith hard. From the retelling of his story to the Council, I was able to pick-up things I hadn't previously known—hadn't previously been told. This latter half wouldn't have disturbed me nearly as much if not for the rebelliousness and clash of emotions that swirled inside of me again at that moment, for there had been numerous times throughout my apprenticeship that Qui-Gon had not informed me of one detail or another for his own private reasons.
Still, because of my current state-of-mind, the notion stung more so than usual.
I followed my master for a ways in silence, unsure of his destination. After a while we appeared on the roof. Sema was there, walking with none other than Anakin. It appeared that Qui-Gon had been so convinced of his ability to persuade the Council to see the boy that he'd sent for him ahead of time.
Something about the situation irked me, so that when Sema told me Garen had reported back and was preparing for a new mission, I passed my cares to the wind and hurried towards the main hangar just a few stories down. Qui-Gon remained with Anakin; whether or not he was taking him to the high tower for his testing, I didn't know.
Garen was still an apprentice himself. He and his master were a special team, both expert pilots, who often took on undercover work that could last anywhere from 6 months to 3 years. My good friend Siri Tachi was doing the same.
The fact that both Garen and I were at the Temple at the same time was good fortune. Careful not to run, but hurrying as quickly as I could, I made my way towards the Wing Apartments. They were called this because of their proximity to the hangar bays. Garen and Master Rhara had lived in there for as long as I could remember.
Each region of apartments was given its name for particular reasons. Qui-Gon and I lived in the Sun Apartments, due to the fact that Qui-Gon loved the Living Force and the sun was one of the greatest supports of the Living Force; our quarters were lucky to have a balcony that faced east. Together, we had seen some of the most beautiful sunrises.
When I arrived at the Rhara/Muln quarters, I found their apartment door open—not surprising considering the intimate safety of the Temple. Voices wafted out gently along the air currents. A smile tugged at my lips and I stepped inside. The adjoining room, which consisted of a kitchen and sitting area, was empty. A few steps to the right led me to my fellow Padawan's room. Garen's back was to me, but I could tell he was packing. Where in the Sith was he being sent now? By the contents of his bag, this upcoming mission looked like a long one.
I ducked a low hanging fighter model suspended just inside the doorway and stepped all the way into the room. My eyes glanced along the walls, taking in the various posters of ships, speeders, fighters, and other assorted transports. They stopped at a still figure sitting in a chair in one corner of the room and I smiled. Bant Eerin was here, another of my close friends from my initiate days.
Fortune must truly be on our side this afternoon, I thought.
Luminous eyes lit up at the sight of me, but I motioned silence. I wanted to catch Garen unaware and send the young man for a loop. I had become so adept at masking my presence that he would never know I was there until I had chosen to make my presence known, and by that time, I would have already made my move. I crept up closer as Garen spoke up.
"I love these missions, Bant, but sometimes I think it would be nice to stay home a while; to not have to run every minute of the day, know what I mean? The times are getting so rough that it seems all we do is fight. Whatever happened to diplomacy? Not that I was ever one to enjoy mediation—that was always Qui-Gon's and Obi-Wan's specialty, but—Hey, speaking of which, have you heard from those two recently? I haven't seen Kenobi in a while and I'll be gone for quite some time with this mission, so—
"Ow!"
Just as I got behind him, the avid pilot turned in pursuit of more clothes. I do believe Garen's head was the hardest I'd ever smacked into. Over in her corner, Bant was giggling in giddy amusement at our whole charade. I grimaced and touched my throbbing forehead gingerly. Garen simply smiled, unfazed.
"Obi-Wan!"
"Sheesh, Garen—what's that head of yours made of exactly?" I felt him wrap his arms around me in a hug even as I still winced at my throbbing skull; after a moment I felt capable of exchanging the gesture. Bant was next on my hug list, and when we finished I searched the room again, this time for Reeft.
"He's out on an interplanetary dispute," Bant supplied.
"And Siri?"
Garen combed his hand through dark locks. "The Outer Rim," he said. "Working undercover. Adi is supposed to be joining her soon."
Bant resettled herself in her chair and I smiled as she misted herself with a sprayer. She didn't necessarily need the moisture, but being a Mon Calamari, she did appreciate it. "Master and I will be heading out within the next week or two according to the Council. I'm not sure what our mission is yet, just that we're needed."
Bant's master was the formidable Kit Fisto. Originally, she had been chosen by a good friend of Qui-Gon's: Tahl. But Tahl had been killed not long into the Master-Padawan connection. Bant had nearly chosen to become a healer after the incident, but swiftly changed her mind when Kit Fisto asked her to become his Padawan learner. It was a great day for my friend and a huge step in her recovery from the loss of her first master.
Together, the three of us updated one another on all that had happened during our absences. Garen explained that he, like Siri, would be leaving for an undercover mission in the Outer Rim soon. In fact, he would leave that night just around dusk. He didn't know when he would be back: he thought it would be a long assignment. For my part, I told very little of my most recent mission. I had a feeling that, even though I said nothing, my two good friends were still able to pick up on the troublesome emotions that swarmed inside me.
Garen was just bringing matta mahn, a drink from his home planet that we all loved, when my comlink chimed another code. 'Seek me out,' it said, and I knew without being told that it was Qui-Gon. Garen and Bant knew the code as well, but if they wondered why my master didn't contact me via our bond, they didn't ask.
I had a feeling they already knew.
Quickly I said my goodbyes to Bant. Garen and I shared a mutual look before I left the apartment, throwing the Mon Calamari one last wave. Garen and I never said goodbye to each other; only I really knew how much he hated it.
Qui-Gon was easier to find than I first thought—he'd reopened a slither of our normally endless bond for me to follow. I found him striding purposefully through an upper hallway on the floor that put him as close as possible to the Jedi High Tower. We said nothing when I arrived, simply nodded to acknowledge the other, and kept walking.
Now that I was back in Master's presence, the urge to hold my tongue was slipping again. I felt that I had to make my feelings known. I'm sure he already knew how frustrated I was with him—try as I might, I couldn't keep traces of it from sliding through our—somewhat—reopened bond. But I was also beginning to feel embarrassed for him. Someone needed to, I thought grimly. With Anakin currently up in front of the Council, he was making a fool of himself; ironic that he didn't even have to be there for that to happen…
Didn't Qui-Gon know how he was hurting his respectability—again—by doing this? Doubtful: chances were he didn't even care….
But I did.
A door slid open ahead of us, revealing a balcony that I noticed was empty. I refused to look at the beautiful sunset up ahead of us, afraid that it would temporarily blind me and cause me to forget what I wanted to say. Knowing an opportunity when I saw it, I pounced; the words poured over my lips, unheeded. "The boy will not pass the Council's test, Master. He is too old."
There. I'd said it.
"Anakin will become a Jedi, I promise you."
Magic blue eyes, the ones that had always managed to quell my resistance before, sought me out. But for once, I was not the first to look away. A small sense of desperation flooded my insides. Stop him while you can! it said. You vowed to protect him! it said. And if I had to protect his reputation for him, if I had to protect him from himself, I would.
"Do not defy the Council, Master, not again." Was I pleading with him? Did I really care at this point if I was?
In unison our steps ceased and we turned so that we were facing each other. That look on his face…I recognized that look….
"I shall do what I must, Obi-Wan." Would you have me any other way?
The question was there, unspoken, but there. No, I thought, I would never have you change. If he did, my master would no longer be the man I had grown to love, the man I had grown up with who was as close to me as any father could be. I don't think I could take that…if he changed…
Still, his stubbornness aggravated me.
With a look on his face that spoke volumes, he turned and finished walking the short distance to the end of the balcony.
Can't you see I'm just looking out for you!
I wanted to scream. I wanted to yell at him and be angry for once in my life—I wanted to be human. But I knew I couldn't. I had been raised and taught in the Jedi ways since before I could remember even being taught. So I said the next best thing as I hurried to be back at his side. He kept his eyes riveted on Coruscant and the sunset. "If you would just follow the code, you would be on the Council." That's all I've ever wanted for you, Qui-Gon Jinn: For you to get the recognition you so deserve...But—"They will not go along with you this time." He knew that—he knew that, deep down inside, didn't he? How could he not?
Qui-Gon looked over at me and smiled softly, almost sad-like. Was there something else, something bigger and more important to this meager squabble that he wasn't telling me about? My frown deepened as I returned his gaze. In one of his rare, open displays of affection, Master draped an arm over my shoulders and gave me a slight shake.
"You still have much to learn, my young apprentice."
Something in my gut churned as the connection of touch was broken between us. Simultaneously, as one mind, we both leaned our weight onto the balcony railing and looked back out over the Coruscant skyline. But despite the physical closeness between us, it felt as though the crack that had developed between master and apprentice was growing; before long it would be a chasm. The spaces between us were multiplying.
We were so close, yet really, so far.
Qui-Gon, you old bloke, what happened?
What happened that caused you to make your next decision?
Sorry for the long wait, ya'll. I was holding off on posting this next entry because I'll be going out of town later this week and will be gone for about a week and a half. I wanted to make sure you had a nice, long entry to keep you entertained while I was gone.
I can't remember if I proofed this entry or not and for that I apologize. I have up to Entry XII typed and up to Entry XV written, so I'm going to proof all of the typed entries today and make a note of it before I forget again. I'll be starting Entry XVI either today or tomorrow hopefully, and that entry starts off with the battle to get into the palace, so the Duel is getting really close!
I wanted to add a bit of "the normal life" to Obi-Wan's adventures in this one, thus the inclusion of Bant and Garen. I also studied the balcony scene so many times that I'm sure my DVD player was about ready to spit the DVD out at me, LOL. I try to pick up on things that most people normally wouldn't give much thought to while watching the movie, mainly body posture. Since this is a first-person narrative, body language is especially important, so as the next few entries are posted, keep your eye out for little body details and then go check out the movie again. Hopefully it will give you a whole new perspective of the scene.
Thanks go out to Katieelessar, koriaena, Jedi Wanderer, and AAvatar for being such kind readers that they left a little note for me on the last entry. Now I know there are more people out there reading this because I have more than just four people who put this story on story alert! Please let me know what you think! This story has been nothing but a labor of love with lots ofblood, sweat,and tears (and I'm not just talking about for Obi-Wan! XD). Until next time, MTFBWY.
--Marie K.
A little edited snippit from the next entry, "Trials".
"Qui-Gon—Master," I began fervently. "The boy cannot come with us."
Qui-Gon stopped at the top of the landing ramp and turned to me, one eyebrow raised. "And why is that, my young apprentice?"
Do you have to sound so degrading when you say that? "He would only be in the way. We do not know what we will find on Naboo. You were wrong to take him before the Council—we all know it was a waste of time. The boy is just that: a boy. He is no more special than any other—"
"He is the Chosen One!"
"Master?" Surprised at the outburst, I sought out Qui-Gon's eyes. He was avoiding my gaze.
"If I had wanted your opinion, Padawan, I would have requested it. You are in no position to verbally be approving or disapproving of my actions. It shows nothing but immaturity—No, disrespect. I thought you were above that, Obi-Wan."