The Big Reversal Theory 11
Or the Vixen in 4B
Thanks, as always to ShAmy4evr. She is my rock and best Beta helper!
After Amy slammed the door on uniformed Sheldon, she took a moment to catch her breath. She was flummoxed and frustrated and had no earthly idea what could be wrong with her. Maybe the paint fumes off Sheldon's uniform had caused this episode of flu-like symptoms? She debated whether or not she should cancel her girl's night and get a dose of antibiotics. However there were still 4 hours to go, so she had time to do a self-diagnosis, though a second opinion would always be welcome. She broke out her own white board, and started writing her symptoms. A little while later, looking at her completed task she was pleased with the comprehensive list of her aliments, but she was no closer to a cause.
She couldn't worry any longer, it was time for her to prepare some snacks for her guests. She had put the cookies in to bake and just as the first whiff of the batch permeated the air, a note was slipped under her door. Amy opened the door to find Raj holding a beer and still wearing his uniform.
Raj took a large deep inhale to capture the heavenly aroma: Cinnamon, his favorite spice. "Hello Rajesh." Amy looked down at the brown bottle of courage Raj held. After almost a minute of uncomfortable silence, he swallowed another large swig of beer and finally spoke to Amy.
"Hmm, Amy… I just wanted to say, I am sorry for my behavior in the restaurant. I should never have taken my frustrations with Sheldon out on you. It was… uncalled for." Raj's eyes were fixed on his dirty boots and not on Amy's face. "Rajesh, let's just call it the alcohol and leave it at that." She wanted to test out a hypothesis, so without warning, she grabbed him without warning and gave him a bone crushing hug. She took a huge whiff of his scent and then almost threw him back and checked her pulse. "Nope. Nothing." No rise in pulse, no throbbing, or sweaty palms.
She whispered to herself, "So it couldn't be the paint!" Before she shut the door she looked at Raj, who was completely confused by the whole affair, and said, "Oh, thanks. Not to worry Rajesh. You're passing obsession with me is predicated on the notion I am nurturing and have female genitalia. You probably miss your mother. Instead of fawning over every woman you see, get a dog and channel your undying devotion to it. You will get a lot more of the unconditional love you crave, and pet owners live longer. Good luck!" Amy then closed the door on Raj while he tried to sniff the last aroma of Cinnamon. He stood in the hall for moment, thinking over Amy's words. "A dog, huh?"
There was still an hour to go before the girls showed up, when Amy heard shouting across the hall. It was Leonard and Sheldon arguing again. Amy had become impervious to the bellowing. It was either about some show called Babylon 5 which Amy thought was a documentary on the history of Iraq, or the thermostat. She then heard Leonard yell at Sheldon, the door to 4A slam and the stomping of feet, closely followed by a timid knock. "It must be Leonard."
Amy opened the door with a forced smile, "Hello Leonard."
"UNBELIEVABLE!" Leonard stormed into Amy's apartment and sat down heavily on the couch. She didn't bother to tell him she had guests in less than an hour, he was too distraught. She also knew he would turn into a blithering mass of nerves if he knew Penny was coming. She had to keep her new peeps on the down low.
"Okay, what is it this time?"
Leonard yelled at the door as if it was a proxy for his irritating roommate, "Are you ready for this? The Institute for Experimental Physics sent an invitation to present our paper on the properties of super solids at the topical conference on Bowes-Einstein condensates..."
Amy cut him off mid thought, "And Sheldon doesn't want to do it because he said he would be placating his genius to lesser minds."
Leonard was floored, "YES! How did you… I'm not even going to ask. All he had was a lucky hunch. I made the experiment! This is huge for me! Doesn't he get that?"
Time was moving on and Amy wanted to get Leonard out so she could finish her preparations for girl's night, "Sheldon does what is good for Sheldon. Make it about him, and he will go." Amy held the door open, "Now, if you will excuse me, I have guests in…" Amy looked at her watch, "51 minutes."
Leonard thought about Amy's suggestions as he moved to the door, "Hey… that's good… Okay. I do that with a lot of things. I can do it with this.. Okay thanks!"
39 minutes later, a triple knock was at Amy's door. The sound could only mean two things: It was Sheldon and Leonard had screwed it up.
Amy opened the door, and Sheldon rushed in "Unbelievable!" He took the place that Leonard had vacated earlier on Amy's couch Amy took a deep breath and asked, "I take it you spoke with Leonard?"
"Yes! He wants us to present a paper at the Institute for Experimental Physics. They want us to present our paper on the properties of super solids…"
Amy cut him off. She just did not have patience for Sheldon tonight. He was being boring and she had better things to do than help him out of yet another social catastrophe. She didn't admit she was also pretty upset about his leaving her for that princess because, she was not actually aware of it herself.
Amy gave him a rapid fire response like an auctioneer, "Yes yes… at the topical conference on Bowes-Einstein condensates. You should go. It is a good opportunity for you to educate people less fortunate then yourself. It would be good for Leonard, and given your lack of empathy, showing any attempt to make him happy will be valuable later. When you want something from him, you can just reference this conference. Last and more importantly, you don't want him to screw up your work with his lack of understanding. He will do it without you, so you might as well head him off at the pass, and do it. Unless you have a fear of public speaking and this farce is all a ruse so that you don't have to admit a weakness to your friends. Now If you will excuse me, I have guests..." Amy held the door open for Sheldon but he didn't move.
Sheldon jaw dropped, "How could you possibly…?"
"Oh Sheldon please. I know you. You may be brilliant, but you're not that hard to figure out. You would never pass up a chance to flaunt your genius. There is obviously something else going on. Fear of public speaking is a common phobia, I have it myself. AFTER my guests leave, we can speak more about this, but for now… if you please?" Amy was pretty adamant by the way she showed him the door with her hand on her hip and intense glare.
Sheldon had a lot to think about and now his best sounding board was kicking him out of her apartment like he was yesterday's fish paper. Sheldon walked slowly to the door with Amy practically pushing him out. He stopped mid stride when he saw her white board.
"Hold on, are you ill, Amy?"
Amy let out an exasperated sigh, "I have strange symptoms. We can talk about it later. NOW OUT!"
Sheldon ignored her pushing and twirled around her like a dancer to see her board, "We should do a differential."
"Ugh, Sheldon! My guests will be here in nine minutes!"
"What guests? Do you have one of your dates?" Sheldon's voice was almost an octave higher than usual as he asked Amy this question.
"No. I have a girl's night planned! My first one ever. Unlike you I don't have a circle of friends." Sheldon understood all too well the importance of his social circle in providing welcome distractions. Having some female friends might be good for Amy, as long as they were like minded individuals.
"People from work?"
"No, Penny from the restaurant and her friend Bernadette."
"Hardly women of your caliber. Wait, wasn't Penny the one who gave you alcohol?"
"Yes. And she was kind enough to take care of me that night, so don't be rude."
Sheldon scoffed. He was the one who took care of her, not Penny and her lackadaisical care taking skills. Sheldon knew Leonard and Penny would care of Amy the proper way. But he also knew he was not allowed to break into her apartment without her permission. He kept his mouth shut. Amy's yelling helped his silence.
Amy added, "And also, DON'T TELL LEONARD OR HOWARD!"
Sheldon jumped back in horror, "Amy! You can't impose a secret on an ex post facto basis."
Amy then thought about who she had just asked to lie and could have kicked herself, "Oh man, you're right. You have more nervous tics than a lyme disease research facility."
Sheldon let out a breathy chuckle, "That's hilarious! That's a joke like I would have made!"
"I know. I'm a laugh riot. Now. Regardless of your issues, I am just asking for you to not mention who I have as guests. I know it is lot to ask, but you are mad at Leonard anyway, so you won't be talking to him. I will tell him later, okay?" Amy looked up at him with her sparkling green eyes. Sheldon drew in a breath through his nose and captured a hint of cherry scent. He folded like man with pair of deuces going against a royal flush.
"Alright… There you go again getting me to do things I don't want to do. You better watch that power, little lady. It could get you burned one day." Sheldon gave her a coy smile as his eyes lingered over her body. He had to catch himself from staring too long.
"I bet it will. Now shoo!" Amy used her apron to shoo Sheldon out of the apartment but that didn't work, he still wanted to talk to her.
"But what about your illness?"
Amy grabbed the white board and shoved it at Sheldon, "Here, you come up with something. Now, go!"
"FINE! I'll work on it instead of lying to Leonard. Boy, you just filled up my Sunday night."
"Glad I could help with your social calendar. Good bye!"
Amy closed the door and let out a huge sigh. It was almost 7 and Amy had to make everything perfect.
Amy waited nervously; she checked her hair 3 times, the snacks 5 times. She fluffed the pillows enough times that the seams were going to rip. It was 7:13, yet still her guests had not arrived. Amy sat dejected on the couch and grabbed the melting ice cream. She should have known better than to get her hopes up. Images of an otter and Norwegian Saunas filled her mind with the painful memory of how her so called friends had locked her in with the rabid animal. Then she heard a knock at the door.
Amy opened it to find Penny with a big smile. Next to her, the short blond from the restaurant holding a six pack of some brown bottles. Penny was dressed in a simple skirt with a spaghetti top blouse that showed too much skin for Amy's taste. Bernadette was wearing a floral dress, a cardigan and tights. Amy thought her outfit was adorable in the right light, except it was too short and so tight she could tell the woman's impressive bra size every time she breathed.
"Hello. Please come in!" Amy held the door open for her guests. She saw the door to 4A open and quickly pushed the girls inside and slammed the door.
Across the hall, Sheldon had been fascinated with Amy's symptoms. He had concluded that it was either an alien parasite, the early onset of menopause or she had experienced sexual arousal. The later was highly unlikely; he had only included it to ensure all bases were covered
He had been adept at avoiding Leonard all night, but now his brooding roommate was typing nosily on his key board as if it were a manual typewriter. Sheldon winced with every stroke, but didn't want to look at him for fear he would ask about Amy's guests.
Thankfully Leonard couldn't care less about what Sheldon was doing or what was going on across the hall. The noisy typing eventually got the best of Sheldon. "Could you please keep that typing down to a dull roar? Some of us need to think."
Leonard pushed back from his desk and snapped, "Well the great Sheldon Cooper is thinking! Let's all take a moment and gaze in wild wonder at his brilliance."
"Not yet Leonard, I still haven't figured out what's wrong with Amy!" At the mention of her name, Sheldon winced, "I mean, there's nothing wrong with Amy. She just has guests over. I think it's her family talking about her cousin… wanting a drug intervention. In Long Beach… I think…" Sheldon was very pleased with his impromptu deceit. Leonard was not so pleased with Sheldon at the moment.
"What is wrong with Amy is that she puts up with you!" Leonard had had enough of Sheldon for one evening, "I'm going out to pick up Howard and leave you to your…"
He took a quick look at Sheldon's board, "…Your alien parasites and vascular throbbing. Don't ask me to help design an experiment to test it out!"
Sheldon held his fingers to his temples in an attempt to blow up Leonard's head with his mind. Leonard opened the door just as the door to 4B was slamming shut.
Back across the hall, the girls were just settling in. Penny and Bernie saw the huge spread laid out before them. "Holy crap, Amy! Is this all for us?"
"Yes. I wasn't sure of your dietary concerns. There are gluten free cookies with lactose free milk and sugar substitute." Amy handed one to Penny.
Penny took a bite of the cookie, "Oh man, I can still get fat on these! Wow this is great."
"I brought some Long Island Iced tea. They are pre-mixed!"
"Great, thank you!" Amy loved tea and tea from New York sounded fancy, but the brown bottles were a bit off putting. They must be mixed with sugar, Amy thought.
Penny had brought a bottle as well, "Here's the wine!"
Penny unscrewed the wine and reached for three glasses. Before anything else was said, Penny had to know, "So tell me Amy, did you talk to Sheldon?"
Amy hadn't been sure about the protocol for a girl's night, before her guests had arrived; she had looked it up online. According to blog by ladiesRawesome71, a great ladies night consists of talk of significant others, alcohol and possibly a romantic comedy movie or a discussion of favorite sexual positions. Amy was ill prepared for most of it especially the sexual positions and she certainly didn't have a significant other.
"Umm, I spoke briefly with Sheldon, but.." Before she could answer, she heard the repetitive knock at the door that could only come from Sheldon. She almost growled, "Speak of the devil!"
Amy creaked the door open and let her nose out, "WHAT!?"
Sheldon was stunned at Amy's unwelcome tone, "Well, hello to you too!"
"What do you want, Sheldon?"
"I'll get right to the point. I am uncomfortable with this ruse you are perpetuating against Leonard."
Amy stepped into the hall so Penny couldn't hear what she was saying, "What ruse? I just don't want him to know Penny is here! He'll go nuts, kinda like you now!"
"Regardless. I need to know what lie you told him, so I know how to react when he asks me. Details, are important, Amy! The success or failure of our deceitful enterprise turns on details. So what did you tell him?" Sheldon was expecting great things from her brilliant mind, but he was disappointed.
"I only told him I had guests, but not who."
"Way to go with the details, Amy!" Sheldon was completely unimpressed.
"Sheldon! I have the guests now! Tell Leonard what you want, I am not answering this door again."
"Boy, you are testy! Anyway, I think it is defiantly the early onset of menopause."
Amy rolled her eyes and wondered what was going through his head, "What is?"
"Your symptoms. Now I have worked through most of them but I am still unclear on the localized vascular throbbing. Can you show me where exactly it is localized?" He eyed her body up down. Last night, he went into her apartment and checked on her. He knew Leonard had no idea how to take care of drunk people; he had not experience. Sheldon did, unfortunately. It was the least he could do, he thought, after he left Amy to have dinner with Lalita. He remembered taking off her cardigan and blouse to make her comfortable. Her head was arched back in his arms and she was mumbling about flags. He had a job to do that night: get Amy comfortable, but he couldn't help notice how graceful her neck looked or her shapely legs. Imagining now where her vascular throbbing was causing some of his own, but he ignored his strange reaction. He took a big gulp as his eyes roamed over her torso Amy crossed her arms over her chest.
"Go away, Sheldon!" Amy slammed the door. As Sheldon walked back to his apartment he felt that all those years he had spent with Barky old biddies in his Meemaw's bridge club were going to serve him well, living next to a pre-menopausal Amy Farrah Fowler.
Amy turned around and gave forced smile, "Sorry for that."
Bernadette asked her, "Does he do that often?"
Amy sat back and took a sip of her wine, "Do what? Act a little crazy? Yeah, like all the time."
"No! Come over here to ask you little things."
"Well, only a few times a day. He brings me my mail often. It's funny, the mail man seems gets our mail messed up a lot. Every day we have our word of the day we tell each other over Skype."
"Oh really?" Penny smirked and winked at Bernadette, "What else does he do?"
"Well, he comes over for medical emergencies."
"Like what?"
"Once he had a splinter. Another time I checked his the top of his back for a suspicious mole. This one time…" Amy started to laugh, "He thought he swallowed a bug and I had to check his throat for larvae."
Penny was just about to eat one of Amy's cookies, but she put it down and soured her face, "Ewe."
"Yeah. Gross. Good thing he was wrong. Oh! He also had me come over to figure out why Leonard had a tie on his door."
Penny choked, "Leonard?" Penny knew all too well what a tie on the door meant as did Bernadette who gave Penny a knowing stare.
"Yes. It turns out…" Amy leaned in as if she had a secret and whispered, "Leonard was having coitus!"
Penny seemed a little miffed, "I thought he didn't have a girlfriend?"
"He doesn't. Leslie Winkle only wanted him to satiate her in a carnal release of sexual tension and flood her system with dopamine."
Penny looked to Bernie for clarification. Bernie answered, "She used him as a sex toy."
Amy didn't think talking about Leonard was appropriate for girl's night, so she went for her predetermined list of topics, "Yep. So… Girl talk… Do you subscribe to the Freudian theory of penis envy?"
Penny shot Amy an uncomfortable stare, but Bernadette answered with glee.
"I think it would be great to have a penis. No periods, no yeast infections."
Amy was thrilled to find someone to share her opinion on penises, "I know! I would save thousands on feminine hygiene products! Sheldon told me to buy in bulk, but I don't have the room to store 30 years of tampons."
Bernie almost spit out her wine, "Sheldon told you what?"
Penny had tuned out of the conversation, "WAIT, go back. Leonard slept with that scientist lady from the restaurant?" Penny thought for moment and finally said, "But they aren't going to see each other again?"
"Not as interesting as our tampon discussion but okay…. No, Leslie is not going to see Leonard again. No…" Amy thought for a moment then turned to Penny and asked, "Wait are you interested in Leonard, because if you are, let me tell you, you would make him a…"
Penny cut her off, "No! I have a boyfriend! He's great… he's…" Suddenly Penny started sobbing. Now Amy found out the real point of girls night: Bitching about men. Penny told the group how Kurt had cheated on her not once, but 4 times since moving to LA. She was ready to leave him, but still loved him. Bernadette then informed them that she just ended a relationship with her college professor, Glen, who sounded like a hunk, but had issues in bed. Amy sat and listened and gave the best advice she could, but her lack of experience was a huge hindrance, when she admitted…..
"Wait, you never had sex?"
"No."
Bernie was starting to feel the effects of the wine, and she was intrigued by this shy virgin seated next to her. She felt a kinship with Amy that she didn't have with Penny. She wanted to help her new friend out, "Maybe you should go out and find a man and have your wicked way with him. You know, have him teach you a thing or two… Rawr!"
Amy giggled like schoolgirl. She was having a marvelous time with the two women. It might be the small amount of alcohol she had ingested but she was feeling and hoping that they could be good friends. "First off, no one has ever shown any interest in me or the reverse. I don't think I even have sexual desires."
"Ha! I bet you do and you don't even know it! How did you feel when that silent guy kissed you? What's his name again?"
"Rajesh"
"Oh, he's a sweetie!" Bernadette almost jumped off the couch in glee, "Oh back to the good stuff! Yeah did it make your knees go weak, your palms all sweaty? Did heart race like it was stabbed with a needle full of adrenaline?" Bernadette leaned closer to nudge Amy with her elbow, but Amy just stared into space ignoring her. All the symptoms she listed were the ones from her board.
Amy let out a gasp. "That shows sexual arousal?"
"Oh boy howdy yes. Oh did your lady parts go all wacky?" Penny nudged Amy on the other side but Amy looked frightened.
"No, I didn't feel like that with Rajesh, but another time…" Amy thought back to Sheldon standing in his uniform. She licked her lips as she remembered the feeling pulsing through her when Sheldon blocked the door and kissed her on the cheek. This new information might have thrilled any other woman, but Amy was frightened by the knowledge. She knew what kind of man Sheldon was, and having feelings for him would just lead to years of sexual frustration. She didn't want that life. She had to get him out of her mind.
"I mean…" Before Amy could finish, she heard that familiar knock at the door. She smiled at the girls, "And there he is again. Please excuse me. "
Amy opened the door even though he was the last person she wanted to see at the moment. "Hello Sheldon. Um.. Are you okay?" Amy held onto the door handle with vise grip just waiting for the symptoms to return. She needed to practice some type of mediation. She knew the best way was to treat him like any other friend. That's when she decided to think of him as one of gals.
Sheldon glanced into her apartment, "How long are these people going to stay?"
Amy ignored his rudeness, opened the door wider for him, bowed and gestured for him to enter "Oh dear, Sheldon… what's going on in that big bulbous brain of yours? Come in! Have some cookies." Sheldon timidly stepped into the room with the three intoxicated women.
Penny and Bernadette were now seated at the kitchen bar on stools. They had poured another glass of wine each and were shoving in Amy's snacks like it was first decent meal they'd had in weeks. They both turned around to see Sheldon nervously enter the room, "Come on in Sheldon, we were just discussing kissing." Penny snickered and shoved another cookie in her mouth.
Amy sat on the couch and he took a seat to the left of her. Amy was swirling her half glass of wine and smiling at him. All he could do was gaze at her almost forgetting the reason for his visit.
He tipped his head back to the bar and asked Amy, "Do they really have to stay so long?"
"Oh, Sheldon. Don't be rude. They might be able to give you some insight to your problem."
"Here stretch, drink this. Its Long Island Iced tea." Bernie handed Sheldon a bottle.
"Oh I love tea!" Sheldon popped open the bottle and guzzled down half the contents like a bar room drunk. Bernadette looked at Penny, but she put her finger to her mouth to hush her from telling him it was alcohol.
Amy didn't see the ladies silent communication. She sat back a little on couch, adjusted her skirt and readied herself for a Sheldon conversation, "Okay Sheldon, what is it? I know I will never get to finish this girls night unless I let you tell me, now spill! Think of us as your council."
Sheldon was uncomfortable talking in front of Penny and the other woman, but he needed to speak with Amy, "Leonard is back and making life unbearable in the apartment tonight. He has Howard with him and they are watching Babylon 5 with the director's commentary! I mean does the roommate agreement mean nothing to him!"
"Howard, like that the cute funny guy with great clothes?" Bernie was now swirling her wine and wiggling her eye brows.
Sheldon didn't know this woman, but having interest in Wolowitz was a bad sign, "Yes, although your choice of adjectives makes me wonder how much you ladies have imbibed tonight."
Bernie jumped up of the bar stool, "Let's go surprise them!"
Penny thought it was a great idea, "Yeah! Let's all go! Come on Sheldon, let's party at your place."
Amy shot off the couch and let out a cry, "Hey, what about girl's night."
"Best part of girl's night sometimes is getting guys! Come on Amy! Maybe Raj is over there and you can get another kiss!"
Sheldon was finishing the rest of the bottle when he heard the last line and almost choked on his tea, "NO! Raj is not over there. Just Leonard and Howard. There will be no kissing tonight!" He looked over at Amy with a worried expression. Amy just shook her head and giggled.
Bernadette scoffed, "We'll see about that. Come on Amy!"
Amy was thrilled that the girls seemed to want her company, but she could tell by looking in Sheldon's pleading blue eyes, that he didn't want to go back, "Okay, you guys go. Let me talk to Sheldon."
Penny and Bernadette grabbed a few of the cookies and rushed across the hall to knock on the door. Leonard answered and as soon as he saw Penny, his whole posture changed. "Penny! What are you doing here?"
"We were over at Amy's having a girl's night and we thought we'd come say hi. You don't mind do you?"
Howard popped off the couch and rushed to the door, "No.. He doesn't mind at all. Please ladies, come in. We were just in the middle of fascinating program called Babylon 5…"
Sheldon's shoulders dropped dejectedly as he let out a deep sigh, "Well… I guess there goes the evening of solitude. At least I don't have to worry about your cousin's drug intervention in Long Beach anymore."
"What …No … I don't even want to know… Anyway, I'm sorry about your night, Sheldon, but you didn't want to be over there anyway. Can I get you hot beverage?" Amy rose off the couch and headed to the kitchen. Sheldon followed close behind her and sat on one of the bar chairs, "No, I'd like more of that tea if you have it."
"Sure. I've never had tea in a bottle before. Is it good?""
"Yes, very tasty. Best tea in the world." Sheldon took the bottle eagerly and downed most of it while Amy watched his throat bob up and down. Then not bothering to ask, he almost staggered to the fridge and took another.
Sheldon popped open the bottle, and threw back the liquid into his mouth like he was at a saloon. Amy watched his chest puff out a little with every swallow. She grabbed her own glass of wine and rushed to the couch so she didn't have to watch his throat undulate.
Sheldon followed her back, sitting a little closer to her on the couch. For some reason, lost to Sheldon, all he could focus on were her lips.
"Why were you girls talking about kissing? Was it about Raj's kiss? Did they want to know if you liked it?" Sheldon swallowed the question floating in his throat along with another drink of his tea. Did she?
"No, not at all. Actually they were wondering if you have ever kissed anyone." Amy tried to look uninterested in the question but she was a terrible actress as she leaned in to hear his response.
"Well, other than my mother, my sister and my Meemaw, no. I have kissed you on the cheek though." Sheldon smiled unconsciously as he looked at her cheek. He almost reached up to touch the soft trail of peach fuzz that outlined her jaw, but he was startled out his haze by her voice. His brain was addle and he felt off, but looking at her was the best activity in the world, he thought.
"Yes, but I think they wanted to know if you had kissed anyone on the mouth." Amy wanted answers and she wasn't going to let him get away with ignoring the topic. She was curious that he was so open to this discussion.
"I did save a nun with mouth to mouth, does that count?"
"Not really."
"Well then no. Not...yet…" Sheldon licked his lips and looked at Amy's mouth. She had a hint of the wine still on her bottom lip. The glistening liquid was like a beacon, again he was jarred out of his stupor by Amy's husky voice coming from those tantalizing lips.
Amy needed to move the conversation along; she was desperately trying to think of something else to talk about before she kissed him herself. She knew he would hate it. "So tell me, are you still upset over Leonard and this paper presentation." Amy took a small sip of her wine. She was pacing herself. After her drunken night with Penny, she could ill afford another episode. She put down her wine and turned to face Sheldon. He was blinking fast and swallowing another drink of his tea.
"I really don't want to talk about that, but I need smart Amy now." He leaned in and whispered, "Smart Amy, come out and play." He let out a giggle and finished his bottle.
Amy had never seen playful Sheldon before, "You are acting stranger than usual. You must be really upset by this or you have a brain parasite."
Sheldon was lost in his own thoughts. He put down his empty bottle and slumped back onto the couch, "Oh Amy, he just doesn't understand. I will not cower before lesser minds." Sheldon leaned into Amy and sniffed her hair, "You smell like cherries, like a sexy sundae."
"I don't know how to process that comment Sheldon. However, it's my shampoo. Now back to business. Have you considered that your need to flaunt your intelligence might be the very thing causing your dilemma? I mean, what do the monkeys at the zoo do if there is a question of dominance?"
Sheldon sat up straight again and answered, "Well... when challenged, they do a stylized penial display. A little outside my comfort zone, but I'll give it a whirl." Sheldon reached for his belt and started to undo his pants. Amy stopped him just in time.
"No, no Sheldon. You are being too literal. You need stop thinking like a monkey and start thinking like a man."
"Maybe I should fight dirty." Sheldon lowered his voice and leered at Amy's lips. He pulled at his ear lobe and licked his lips, "Dirty… Excellent advice. Now, back to our previous topic."
Sheldon swiftly reached up with one hand and cupped Amy's face. His hands were so large, that he could feel his thumb on her cheek while his long fingers reached her neck. Simultaneously, he moved his mouth to hers and within an instant, his lips were pressed against her soft mouth. For Amy, it was 5 glorious seconds before he started to pull away. Then before his bottom lip broke contact, he pressed in again, this time he held her face with both hands. His thumbs brushed her skin, and felt the soft peach fuzz that had tempted him earlier and the warmth of her cheeks. He moved his lips over hers and felt a pulse of intensity that urged him to continue and taste more of her. The second kiss lasted longer, but it was just as intense as the first. Sheldon then pulled away slowly and looked at her face. Her mouth was gaped open and her eyes were hooded. She let out a short breath, swallowed and looked at him for an explanation.
Sheldon could only think of one word, "Fascinating." He sat back on the couch, not sure what to say or if he could say anything. He looked at the empty bottle of teas, and suddenly a wave of nausea rushed over him. He tried to swallow the sudden rush of saliva in his mouth, but there was nothing to stop the deluge.
"This is not a comment on our activity but I …" Sheldon didn't finish his thought. He rushed off to Amy's bathroom and the next thing Amy heard was violent throaty vomiting sounds. She wanted to go and help him, but knew that he needed privacy. He would also need some water so she went to the fridge to get a bottle, and then noticed that the bottled teas were made by Smirnoff. Either the vodka company had now decided to make tea or it was alcoholic. Suddenly the whole affair made more sense.
When the unsettling noise had halted, she gingerly opened to door to her bedroom to find Sheldon passed out on top of her bed. After much struggling with his lanky frame, she got Sheldon's shoes off and his belt. Little did she know, she was returning the favor from the night before. She tucked him up in her bed and gently brushed his hair off his forehead before she turned off the light and closed the door.
The next morning, Sheldon slowly opened his eyes to an unfamiliar scene, and to the smell of scrambled eggs and bacon. The first thing his blurry eyes focused on was a monkey statue staring at him. Next to it was a glass of water and two aspirins. He had no idea what had happened the night before but the taste in his mouth said it was not good. The last thing he remembered was Amy's new friends going across the hall. He must have been sick and Amy had taken care of him. Good thing she let him stay, and that he did not have to go across the hall to god knows what debauchery. Indulging in alcohol was a game for the weak, he reasoned and it was a good thing that he was above all that. He looked over and found Amy's alarm to be off by two minutes. He quickly adjusted the time to 8:07 and left the room.
Standing in the kitchen was Amy, dressed and cooking. She briefly turned around and gave Sheldon a compassionate smile.
"Good morning, sleepy head. Feeling the effects of veisalgia, are we?"
"Don't be silly, Amy. I didn't drink. Maybe it was those crazy cookies you made."
"Oh, but you did. Those teas the girls gave you? Made with vodka. You were drunk as skunk. Do you have some memory impairment to go along with your dehydration, headache, nausea? Well, a gift from the Smirnoff Company. Enjoy." Amy handed him yet another glass of water with a plate of eggs. He looked at the delicious breakfast and his stomach did a flop.
"I knew those girls were a bad influence! If they get their mitts on you, you'll be going to Vegas ogling Australian strippers by the end of the week!"
"Oh Sheldon, quit being such a fuddy duddy. You're fine."
Sheldon took a small bite of his food and asked meekly, "I.. um… didn't do anything stupid did I?"
"Well, I stopped you from having a penis fight with Leonard."
"WHAT?!" Sheldon dropped his fork and looked down at his pants. His belt was gone along with his shoes and socks. He must have been drunk there was no other explanation.
Amy just giggled, but Sheldon was in no mood for silliness, "Amy, what happened last night?
Amy cleared her throat and spoke in an all business tone, "Well, I gave you some advice about Leonard. You decided you were going to fight dirty with him, then you kissed me. You then threw up and passed out on my bed. I made sure you were safe in bed, and let you sleep it off."
"I did what?" Sheldon couldn't believe her words. Sheldon Cooper would never kiss anyone. Well, he thought, he kissed her on the cheek, but that was merely a thank you. On the mouth was a wholly different matter. He must have relived his Batman dream, but in real life. He was mortified, but with sheds of regret that he couldn't remember it.
"I don't know where we go from here. I'm sorry for my behavior." Sheldon hung his head low to feel the cold blade of justice in the form of Amy's anger, but it did come. Instead, Sheldon heard other, more cutting words come from her mouth.
"Well, you are going home to get a shower and dressed for work. I am going to Riyadh..." Amy didn't look at his reaction, but the silence told her it wasn't well received.
After a few moments, Sheldon spoke, "Why are you going to Saudi Arabia?"
"I was contacted this morning by a donor. He wants to see my latest work and is considering funding my addiction study. This is the funding I lost out on last summer. I have a second chance." Amy didn't say it was she whom had contacted Faisal.
Sheldon next question was almost inaudible, "How long will you be gone?"
"Two weeks possibly four."
Sheldon licked his dry lips and looked down at his breakfast. Amy heard him quietly ask, "And this has nothing to do with last night?"
Amy dried her hands and finally turned to face Sheldon. Sheldon had unkempt hair, wrinkled clothes and a vermillion hue around the lids of his blue eyes. He looked every bit the homeless drunk, but adorably vulnerable at the same time. Amy looked at his thin lips and took a deep swallow for courage.
Last night, as she watched him sleep soundly in her bed, Amy wondered what it would be like if he was always there, tucked in happily but with her beside him. After her discussion with the girls she had finally realized that she was physically attracted to Sheldon.
But it was worse than that. Every intelligent word from his lips had been pushing her to a new feeling that was overwhelming. Slowly, he had been unwrapping her heart and she now knew that she was developing strong feelings for him.
His drunken kiss was addictive and she wanted more, much more. But she knew the man seated across from her. He could never return her affections. He wasn't wired for that type of relationship and more importantly, he didn't want it. One kiss doesn't change a man like Sheldon Cooper, let alone a kiss he couldn't remember. Amy was smart enough not to tie her hopes to man who she thought could never love her. She wrapped her heart back up in a black lead lined bag so it would never see the light from those shining blue eyes. She had to distance herself from him and she felt that 7500 miles should do the trick. One email to the donor at 2:00 AM and she had her escape.
"Amy, did you hear what I said? I asked, does your leaving have anything do with my deplorable behavior last night?"
Amy smiled and said flatly, "Of course not. Why would you ever think that?"
"Forgive my assumptions. I hope I have not damaged our friendship." Sheldon shaking voice told of his fear. He didn't want to lose her as a friend again. 25 cats was enough. Also, she must have been disgusted by him. Her stoic expression revealed nothing but more questions.
"Well, it seems to be the week for me to be kissed and drunkenness, so don't worry. We will resume our friendship like nothing happened. Think of it like a restart or something like that... Now I must pack. Please make yourself at home." She gave him a swift small smile, rushed to the bedroom and closed the door. She put her back to door and held it closed with her body. She almost let out the hitch of air stuck in her throat, but her fist at her mouth stopped it.
Sheldon rose from the stool and walked toward the door. He held his hand on the wood holding himself back from knocking. Instead he put his forehead on the door and closed his eyes, trying to think of the right thing to say. Nothing came to him.
It was only 1 ½ inches of pine between them, but it might as well have been a continent. Neither knew the other was on the other side holding back the words they didn't know how to say.
A/N: Yes, Sheldon Cooper is quite adept at breaking and entering. I think once he decides something is the right thing to do, nothing can stop him. Too bad Amy hasn't asked for her key back...
I'm trying to tie in as much as I can from all the seasons. Little hints from Season 1 all over this. Anyone remember Sheldon drug addled cousin? or his Lyme tick joke? I hope you catch them all.
Next up: Faisal and and oh no! Someone is sick after the trip? Who will it be? *evil Laugh* Cue Soft Kitty...
Tell me what you think? Are you okay with the story so far? Should speed it up? Or are you okay with this slow crawl because frankly, we are all anesthetized from watching the show. You guys know I love to hear from you! Also thanks for all the follows!