Chapter Eleven:

Beeping.

I hear beeping. The beeping is steady and strong but it still sounds far away. Where am I? I felt heavy, like there was something holding me down but I didn't feel like there was anything on top of me. What was going on? Where am I?

"Clare? Can you hear me?" I heard the concerned voice of a female from above me.

Ugh, I knew this voice. It was Doctor Lee. The only way I would be hearing her voice is if I were in the hospital.

I opened one eye, and looked straight into a bright shining light. I quickly closed my eyes and scowled. Opening my eyes was not a good idea that the moment.

"Good, you're awake." I heard her shuffle some papers and clear her throat. "Clare, do you know how you got to the hospital?"

I thought this over for a moment. What was the last thing that I remembered? I was at the Dot talking to friends. I had just told them that I had cancer and…and…and I had gotten a nose bleed and fainted right on top of Spinner. Oh my goodness, kill me now!

"Clare?" I heard the concerned voice of Spinner.

Following the sound of his voice, I turned my head to the right and slowly opened my eyes. He was sitting in the chair next to my bed and looking at me with wet eyes. In that moment I knew that he knew that I had cancer. My eyes welled up with tears and I glanced down.

"I was in the Dot," I answered Doctor Lee's question.

"Okay," she scribbled something on her clipboard. "Have you been taking you medication?" I nodded.

"Besides today, have you had any nose bleeds?" I shake my head.

"Have you been under a lot of stress lately?" I think for a moment.

"No more than usual," I say with a shrug that felt like a million pins have struck my body. I wince.

"You are going to feel a little sensitive because of the medicine we gave you. We only gave you a mild sedative and the effects should wear off soon."

"Okay, thank you."

She nods and writes something down before she closed her clipboard and looks right at me. "I have good news. I have heard back from my friend in the States and he said that he can come and look at you next week. I have already sent him your x-rays and he said from what he can see, he might be able to operate." She steps closer to me as I suck in a breath of air and places her hand on top of mine, "This is a really good thing, Clare. This means hope."

I just stared back at her thinking that there was never any hope. I was going to die and I was only seventeen! I had my whole life ahead of me and I haven't even experienced my life to its fullest. There was so much that I needed to do. I was going to die at seventeen and I have just realized that I lead the most boring life a girl could ask for.

The most exciting things that have ever happened to me were when Alli and I got caught with a vibrator, getting a boyfriend, falling in love, setting off a stink bomb, my relationship with Eli. I haven't done anything in my life that was meaningful, I was stabbed in the back by my 'friend' and she stole my boyfriend. I was in a relationship with my brother (YUCK!). I was groped by a man who is old enough to be my dad and he is free. I have done nothing with my life.

I want to laugh at how pathetic my life has been.

A part of me wondered when I became such a cynic. Another part of me said that it is not being cynical, but being real with myself.

I am going to die.

I am going to die.

I am going to die.

"Clare, did you hear anything I just said?" I vaguely heard Spinner ask.

I turned my head a looked at him for the second time. He must have been able to tell from my face that I was…what? What was I showing: fear, depression, the want to live?

"Clare, everything is going to be okay?" Spinner said firmly. "I had cancer when I was your age."

I knew this. Everyone knew that Spinner once had cancer. I remember when he was going through the chemo therapy; he was sick all the time, he never felt like doing anything, certain foods were hard for him to keep down, and he was angry. He was always angry. The anger that he had pent up had gotten the best of him once and he beat up Bruce-the-Moose. Johnny DiMarco was afraid of Spinner after that incident. On some level, even though he never acted any different to me, I was scared of him too.

"I got through it, I had my girlfriend there for me every step of the way and I finally let people in and it made my time getting better and going to treatments. I let people in and it changed my life. I was angry all the time and I took it out on the people I cared most about and I pushed them away. I shouldn't have done that. So whatever you are going through, Clare, I need you to let me in. I will be there for you. I promise."

Oh wow. A promise from Gavin Mason was like a vow. Never once has he broken a promise to me. I once asked him to watch all the Disney Princess movies with me and I was only asking him a sarcastic joke. He promised that he would I at the time I rolled my eyes. Yeah right, as if a guy like Spinner was going to stay at home a watch princess movies with his ex-girlfriends little sister.

But he did.

Every Wednesday and Sunday he would come over with a new princess movie to watch and he would eat junk food and drink pop and stay up late watching these movies. They were some of the best moments of my life. For a long time Spinner was the only person I could talk to and confide in. For the past few years we have grown apart. We finished all the princess movies and there was nothing holding him to me anymore. I had finally gotten a boyfriend and I had become friends with other kids at school and not just Alli.

Now I just see him at the Dot and text messages from time to time. I still stay in touch and his is always the first person I buy for around Christmas time. He is the first person who blows up my phone on my birthday and blows up my Face Range page with birthday pictures and 'presents'.

"I'm scared, Gavin."

He reaches out to me and grabs my hand, "It's natural to be scared. I would be shocked if you weren't."

I smile, "I would hate to be anything but the stereotypical cancer patient." I smirk at him.

Spinner smiles at me. I cannot help but think about how his smile as not changed in all the years that I have known him. It's this huge boyish smile that stretches across his face. "There is the Clare I know and love. Thought I had lost her there for a moment; what would I do without your snarky attitude in my life?"

I pretended to think, "You would probably go insane. I am, after all, you one scours of amusement and without me your life would be dull and filled with boring conversations with normal muggles."

Spinner laughed at my jokes. I had made him read the Harry Potter books with me when I was; he fell in love just like I did and we have seen every movie together. "We wouldn't want that."

I smiled at him.

I hate that it took me passing out on top of him for him to hang out with me, but I will take Gavin Mason time any way I can.

"So," Spinner said as the silence grew longer. "I heard that you were in the middle of telling everyone about your tumor when you collapsed. Everyone was freaking out. Eli nearly went into cardiac arrest when you fell. Alli was…Alli!" I laugh at his joke, "Adam was the only one with a sane head and called the police. That girl, dark, big hair. She was almost as bad as Alli."

I frown. Well that was interesting. Something I might be able to use for blackmail later.

"Yeah, I guess I got some pretty good friends."

Spinner shakes his head, "I only know a few people who would react like that for me if I ever collapsed like you did. They are not 'good' friends, they are great friends."

He was right. I did have some pretty great friends and they deserved to know the truth as soon as I found out. I should have told Eli and Alli when they asked! They would have been there…but what about Bianca?

Selfishly I am glad I didn't tell them because then I wouldn't have become friends with Bianca and she has been there for me through everything.

"I don't know what I would do without them."

"Good thing you never have to find out," A voice surprised me from the doorway.

I turn my head and see Eli standing in the doorway with his hands in his pockets. He was giving me that unsure look he sometimes gives me when he knows that I am mad at him. I smile at him and gives me his crocked smirk that I fell in love with the moment I saw him.

Eli walks in and takes my outstretched hand. "How are you feeling?"

Ugh, not this again. Haven't I gotten this enough from Bianca.

"I'm fine," I tell him.

"Good," Eli says as he leans over to kiss me.

I close my eyes and tilt my head to meet his lips, but they never come. I open my eyes and that Spinner has his hand on Eli's shoulder and is shaking his head with a serious look on his face. "I don't think so, scamp."

I try really hard not to laugh at Eli's expression. I really did try, but he looked so dejected and so in disbelief that I couldn't help the chuckle that slipped out. Both boys looked at me with wide eyes and I start laughing for real this time. I grabbed my sides and through my head back laughing even harder. I only caught a glimpse of the boys sharing a look and shrugging at each other as I continued to laugh.

"What's so funny?" I heard Alli ask from the door way.

I shake my head and wipe my eyes, "Just boys being boys."

Alli nodded at me and came towards the bed. "I called you mom and told her that you were finally awake. She was scared when she got the call from the doctors, but I assured her that everything was okay. Your dad is on the way."

"Thank you."

Alli smiles at me sadly and nods, "Adam and Bianca are still here, and Drew left a half hour ago. Probably to go and talk to his mom about what happened at the Dot so Adam can stay longer."

"Well, what are they waiting for? Tell them to come in and see for themselves that I am just fine."

Alli nods with a sigh, "Right away."

"So… you and Bianca have become great pals lately, haven't you?" Eli asks from the chair he pulled up next to the bed.

"Yeah," I say, not knowing how to form my words. "She was there for me when I was crying under the staircase one day. She has been a great friend and I know that you guys don't really like her, but she has been awesome and selfless and I cannot have asked for a better friend these past few weeks."

"Ouch," Spinner said from my opposite side.

"Double ouch!" Adam cries and he stomps into the room. "And here I thought I was the greatest friend in the world."

I smile at him, "Oh you are. It's just…you don't know how to keep a secret to save your life."

"Not to mention she only used me because I had a car," Bianca said crossing her arms and leaning against the wall.

"That was a definitely a perk."

Everyone snickers at my comment and I feel…happy. I never thought that I would find myself sitting in a hospital bed feeling happy. But here I am smiling and laughing with my friends. Of course they are not all here, but the important ones were. These were the friends I knew that I could call and they would be there for me in a heartbeat. They have already proven that to me over and over again I couldn't imagine a life without them.

I could not imagine them not being in my life.

It was a good thing I didn't have to, seeing how I am going to die at the age of seventeen.

I'm BACKKKK! Have you missed me? I have missed you! It has taken me three days to write this chapter and I know it is not much, but with school and work and home life drama, I'm glad I was able to update this story at all.

I hope you all like it and PLEASE leave a review. They make me feel all tingly and excited and make me want to write and update…hint, HINT!

Be safe and stay beautiful…or handsome!