Sorry for the wait! Writer's block on top of everything else, you know. ....Whee, resorting to lame excuses. Hopefully things'll start clicking a little faster now.

Anyway! Thanks to my betas: Merith, Chris, and Kat. And, as always, massive love to Niamh, who recently became a fanart-inspiring author. I'm so proud.

Chapter title and epigraph is from "My Last Breath," by Evanescence.

***

Hold on to me, love
You know I can't stay long
All I wanted to say was I love you and I'm not afraid
Can you hear me?
Can you feel me in your arms?

***

The horizon glowed with the promise of warmth as the dawn flushed the sky. Sango scratched Kirara's ruff as Miroku carried the last of their supplies out of Kaede's hut. They'd spent a good portion of the previous night in restless consultation with the old miko before trying to sleep. By mutual unspoken agreement, Inuyasha had been left alone with Kagome. Kaede followed along, regarding them soberly. "You've decided on the best way to proceed?"

"I hope so," Miroku said. "We'll need to go out a distance from the village and then travel in a circle. The point in the circle where Kagome-sama weakens the most is the direction we need to travel in."

Kaede grimaced. "I understand your plan, houshi-dono, but...."

"Believe me, Kaede-sama, if I were convinced there was a way to do this without endangering her further...." Miroku trailed off and shook his head.

"I think it's the best decision," Sango said. "Not an easy decision, but a necessary one."

"I have faith in all of you," Kaede said. "But I must admit my own heart quails at the choice." She sighed. "Now. You both remember what I taught you: how to measure Kagome's heartbeat?"

Miroku nearly smiled. "I remember, yes, but I don't think I'll be the one checking it."

Sango glared at him without any real anger. "I just don't think, houshi-sama, that she needs to worry about your wandering hands on top of every thing else."

"My dear Sango, I hardly ever molest the unconscious."

She shrugged and hefted Hiraikotsu to her shoulder. "Only remember, if your hand slips around Kagome-chan, I'm the least of your fears."

"Perhaps houshi-dono should stay here, that he might better avoid temptation," Kaede offered dryly.

Miroku held up a placating hand. "No, no. I know how serious the situation is. I'll behave."

"A miracle," Sango murmured.

"I look forward to your return," Kaede said, "with Kagome awake and well."

"Then I'll fetch Inuyasha," Miroku said, "so we may return soon." He strolled off towards the quarantine hut.

"Hey, guys," Shippo yawned, pushing aside the door flap. "When are we gonna...." He trailed off, staring at Sango with large, accusing eyes. She shifted nervously. "You're leaving without me," Shippo said, voice devoid for once of histrionics.

Sango sighed and walked over to the kitsune, crouching down to meet his eyes. "I'm sorry, Shippo. We just thought...." She sighed. "Kagome might not live through this. We wanted to make it easier for you."

Shippo nodded slowly. "I want to come."

Kaede frowned. "But--"

"No!" Shippo scowled up at her. "You guys all think that just 'cause I'm a kid, I can't cope with stuff. But I've been here longest, and if anybody else gets to take care of Kagome, it's me. She took care of me after my dad died, and...." He swallowed.

Sango felt her eyes sting. Gods. How did I forget that Shippo's an orphan too? "You're right," she said softly. "We didn't think."

A hoarse voice cut in. "The kid comes." Sango glanced up to see Inuyasha watching Shippo inscrutably.

Shippo stared at Inuyasha. "Really?"

Inuyasha shrugged, only slightly hindered by the blanket-wrapped girl in his arms. "I ain't carryin' water."

Shippo beamed. "Lemme get my crayons!" He scrambled back into the hut.

"Do you think that's wise, Inuyasha?" Kaede said.

"He's right," Inuyasha said simply. "Kagome takes care of him, so he should take care of her." He looked down at Kagome. "She'd want him to."

Oh, hell, thought Sango and bit back the fresh sting of tears. Miroku moved to stand behind her, staff jingling softly as if to reassure her. Shippo scampered out the door, crayons and paper tied into a bundle. "Okay," he said, "I'm ready."

Sango slid onto Kirara's back, hiding a smile as Shippo made sure to separate her and the monk. Kaede nodded to them solemnly. "You will be in my prayers until your safe return."

Inuyasha rolled his eyes. "Look, we're just gonna go kick Kanna's pasty ass until Kagome wakes up. This ain't that big a deal." With that pithy observation, he dashed towards the woods.

Miroku coughed. "Obviously, it's past time to leave. We'll see you soon, Kaede-sama."

Sango nodded her own farewell, then patted Kirara. "Let's go." The fire youkai rose smoothly into the air, striding after Inuyasha.

Kaede watched them recede until Kirara vanished into the trees. "I pray to the gods it's that easy, Inuyasha," she said softly to the quiet morning air.

***

By midday, the group had only managed to cover about half of the circle's perimeter. Kagome's heartbeat had showed no signs of slowing further at any of the stops they'd made. It was, Sango thought, ironic that her friend's lack of deterioration should be such a mixed blessing. She sat back from scrubbing the small iron pot in which she'd cooked lunch. She, Miroku, and Shippo had split the stew between them; she'd made some ramen especially for Inuyasha, although he hadn't eaten it yet. She sighed. He's drifting away from us. It's almost like there's nothing else for him in the world.

She picked up the pot and walked slowly back to the camp. Miroku stood a safe distance away from Shippo and Inuyasha. Shippo was scolding Inuyasha. "You gotta eat, dammit! How are you gonna take care of her right if you don't eat?"

"Shut up, brat," Inuyasha said, without a trace of his usual snap. He'd very carefully propped Kagome up against his shoulder and was coaxing some of the broth from the ramen down her throat.

Shippo folded his arms. "Come on, eat the damn noodles. I'm not explaining to her how you made yourself sick."

"I'll eat them if it means you'll shut up," Inuyasha said a bit more tartly. Shippo nodded.

Sango chuckled softly. "I guess bringing him along was a good idea."

Miroku looked over his shoulder at her. "He distracts Inuyasha from being completely focused on Kagome-sama, which I suppose is a good thing."

She nodded, watching Shippo with fond eyes. "And... maybe Kagome-chan can feel Shippo's presence as well. Maybe." She sighed and pressed gentle fingers between her eyes. "I hope so."

He turned. "How are you holding up?"

"I've been worse," Sango said. "Mostly I'm... impatient. I keep thinking we should have made more headway."

"I know what you mean," Miroku said. "When I suggested this plan, I hadn't thought of how tedious it was likely to be."

Sango smiled briefly, setting the pot next to the fire and tilting it so that it would dry faster. "But even if it had occurred to you, would you really have avoided suggesting it? Just because it was too slow?"

"No," he said after a moment of thought. "This is too important." He looked back at Inuyasha, who had finally started eating, although the process was complicated by the fact that the hanyou still refused to put Kagome down. A sad expression flickered over the monk's face.

"The fastest route is not necessarily the wisest one," Sango said. She hesitated, then placed a gentle hand on Miroku's shoulder. "I have faith in your plan, houshi-sama."

"Thank you," he said softly. He turned and walked to a soft patch of grass, seating himself. Sango sat next to him, drawing her knees up to her chest. The warm sun soaked into her shoulders and the top of her head, and she had nearly nodded off before Miroku spoke again. "I had no intention of staying with them at first."

She jerked her head up. "Hmmm?"

He smiled at her with the trace of an apology. "Kagome-sama and Inuyasha."

"Oh."

"Did I ever tell you how I met them?"

Sango shook her head, noting the distant fond expression in the monk's eyes. Funny. I don't think I've ever seen houshi-sama this talkative.

Miroku cleared his throat. "Well... I was looking for jewel shards, when I happened across them. I noticed that Kagome-sama had a rather impressively large shard, so...." He shrugged. "Of course, I didn't know who she was at the time, or why she had them. I decided I needed them more than she did, so I... borrowed them, as well as that 'bicycle.'"

Sango's eyebrows arched. "You knew how to ride it?"

Miroku shrugged. "I watched her do it. And I have an excellent sense of balance."

She chuckled softly. "If you say so."

He nodded. "Of course, while I was borrowing the 'bicycle' and the jewel shards, I also borrowed Kagome-sama... accidentally."

"You what?"

Miroku hid a smile. "Borrowed her. Accidentally."

Sango shook a head, feeling her lips threaten to curve into a smile of their own. "You kidnapped her."

"I wasn't going to hurt her," Miroku protested. His smile grew as Sango shook her head, shoulders trembling with what he suspected was repressed laughter. "And if you ask her, she'd tell you that when she made her escape from me, I made no attempt to stop her." His voice dropped conspiratorially. "But she somehow forgot her shards."

Sango snorted. "I'm sure her memory had a lot to do with it."

Miroku clapped a hand to his chest. "My dear Sango, are you suggesting I'm a common pickpocket?"

She shook her head. "Houshi-sama, there's nothing quite common about you. I've learned that much, at least."

He leaned towards her, eyes twinkling. "I believe that was almost a compliment."

She met his gaze with a bland expression. "I suppose that all depends on your interpretation."

Miroku nodded sagely. "At any rate, Kagome-sama and Inuyasha followed me to retrieve their property. After one or two minor misunderstandings, we came to a mutual consensus."

Sango muffled another laugh. "I see."

"All things considered, she was more patient with me than I had any right to expect."

"She has an almost infinite amount of patience." Sango sighed, watching Inuyasha ignore Shippo, who was trying to get him to eat another container of ramen. "You know...."

"Yes?"

"I never thought of this before." Sango put her hands behind herself, leaning back and tipping her face up to the sun. "The Shikon-no-Tama is supposed to corrupt the hearts of all who possess it, youkai and man alike. With, obviously, one exception." She swallowed. "It's always been believed in my vi-- it's always been believed that nothing good can come from the jewel. But the five of us are here because of it." She paused. "It brought us together." Miroku nodded slowly, obviously thinking this over. Sango smiled inadvertently. He always listens, even if I'm saying something I think is completely stupid. Her brows creased faintly. What am I thinking?

"That's not completely surprising, is it?" Miroku said finally. "That it brought us together? Which I'm assuming is a good thing, by the way." She nodded. "Joy and sorrow, after all, are so closely entwined. I'd say that there's only so much evil it can create before it must create some form of good."

Sango lay down, stretching on the soft grass. "That's a peculiar argument." She thought for a moment. "But... it makes some kind of sense."

"An argument of mine? Shocking." He smiled at her snort of derision, but the smile faded as his gaze landed once more on Inuyasha and Kagome. The hanyou had loosened the blanket from her head and shoulders and was combing her hair absently with his claws while Shippo drew something, holding it up occasionally. Miroku swallowed. "You know.... When I was younger, I thought love was all nonsense."

Sango puzzled inwardly at his tone. "I... can see where you might think that," she said warily.

"But," Miroku continued, his voice softening further, "I think I've changed my mind."

Sango lifted her head and saw what he was seeing. She felt her heart clench for Kagome. "I see."

Miroku shook himself and grinned over at her in a lightning change of mood. "You've found me out, Sango. I'm in love with Inuyasha." His grin only widened as she pulled up a handful of grass and threw it at him.

"Congratulations, houshi-sama," she said dryly as the grass showered down over him. "I'm sure you'll both be very happy." She paused. "Although the repercussions for your quest are somewhat... severe."

He actually fluttered his lashes at her and she snickered. "What does it matter, as long as I'm near my true love?" She rolled over onto her stomach, letting the heat soak into her shoulders through her bodysuit. "No," Miroku said after a moment, in a still half-joking tone, "Kagome-sama is welcome to him." Sango felt rather than saw the shadow pass over his face. "Gods."

"I know," she murmured to the grass. "I almost forgot too."

"It's so hard," Miroku said softly. "When so much of your heart is tied to another's. When your life is no longer your own. It's like the jewel. It can both corrupt and purify." He lay down next to her, setting his staff aside.

Sango tensed for a moment, then relaxed as he folded his arms under his head. Odd. I thought for certain he'd ruin the moment. "You almost envy it," she said softly. "Then you see the hurt that can come from it." A memory of Kagome's face, looking both pained and loving, flickered in her mind. "But... you envy them anyway."

"Oh, yes," Miroku said, equally soft. He envies them as well? She sighed, letting it trail into a quiet chuckle. "Love shortens the memory. It must." She folded her arms under her head, pillowing her cheek on them.

"How do you mean?" Miroku said lazily. She opened her eyes to see him regarding her gravely. Her stomach flipped.

"Um.... Only that love is..." She paused, chewing her lip. "It can hurt you so much. It can cause misery, sadness... agonizing pain. But at the same time, it can make you so happy that it doesn't matter how much pain it's caused you. We learn from being burned by a flame; we never want to repeat that experience. But love... doesn't do that."

"That's what I hear," Miroku said after a moment.

She colored slightly. "So. Short memory."

"Thank you for clarifying," he said. His gaze remained on hers for long moments. By the time he looked away, she wasn't certain she was breathing properly. She shrugged off the twinge of disappointment, blaming it on lack of air. I'm certainly not bothered he's not looking at me anymore. After another long silence, Miroku said, "I was in love with a girl once."

Sango blinked. Numerous responses to that opening gambit raced through her mind, but she eventually settled on a cool, "You don't say."

Miroku smiled. "I was seven. She must have been, oh, Kagome-sama's age."

Sango pictured it for a moment: a little boy with wide violet eyes and an irrepressible grin. Her own smile turned wry for a moment. I bet even back then he was too charming for his own good.

"She was a kind girl," Miroku continued. "She sold rice with her family; I saw her whenever Mushin and I went into town. She'd always slip me a sweet dumpling and pretend to be impressed when I tried to carry the rice all by myself."

She nodded, letting her imagination form the image: the little boy attempting to hoist a bag of rice almost as large as he was, the girl smiling and applauding when he managed to carry it a few steps. Her brows drew together as she realized she'd put herself in for the girl. Stop that.

"One day, I told Mushin I was going to marry her." Miroku's smile turned mocking. "I was seven, after all. And...." His voice trailed off.

Sango looked up when he didn't continue. His eyes had darkened and he was frowning at some inner pain. "Houshi-sama?"

He sat up. "Well. He was drunk."

She sat up as well. "Houshi-sama," she said, more gently, touching his arm.

"Yes?" Miroku said tonelessly.

"Are you... all right?"

He nodded. "He was just trying to save me from myself."

Sango bit her lip. Part of her was whispering that she shouldn't ask, telling her that she did not want to uncover this corner of Miroku's soul. But.... "What... happened?"

Miroku didn't answer for a long moment. Finally, he said in the same colorless voice, "He said that if I loved her, I should never tell her. Never show her in any way. That it was the best thing I could do for her."

Sympathy knotted Sango's throat closed. She'd forgotten to add that detail in her mental picture of the little boy: a smaller version of the gauntlet and rosary that the man beside her wore. I didn't know he'd had the Kazaana that long. Miroku sat perfectly still, eyes fixed on his gauntlet... or, more probably, on the beads wrapped around his wrist. She reached out very slowly and traced over the rosary with gentle fingers. "He was wrong," she said softly.

"How so?" he said with neutral curiosity, as if she'd presented him with an interesting philosophical question.

"Because...." She hesitated. "Because, houshi-sama, if you didn't ever tell or show it.... All you'd have is uncertainty. Is that really better?" She held up a hand to forestall the words she was sure he was going to say: reminding her of his curse and the fact that uncertainty was all he'd known his entire life. "Let me finish.

"Say you did hide it. Say you followed Mushin's advice and kept it all to yourself. You'd live your whole life never knowing how she felt in return. You'd exist in silence and she'd live in ignorance. You'd play it safe. But... if you did say something... then she'd know. And so would you. And even if... your curse...." Her voice trailed off, throat tightening at the thought of the Kazaana drawing Miroku inexorably into its unrelenting depths. "Even if you died.... You'd die knowing you weren't afraid. And she would know that you'd loved her. You would have had that time together, no matter how short it was. It's worth the risk, isn't it? Because, after all, nothing's guaranteed. We don't know what the future holds."

He said absolutely nothing for so long, she began to wonder if she'd bored him to sleep. She glanced up from where her gaze had fixed on his hand, only to find him watching her with a thoughtfulness she'd never seen before. Her heart tripped in her chest. "So... Mushin was wrong," she concluded lamely. "What he suggested... that was the coward's way."

Miroku nodded slowly. "And would you say it's worth telling her -- hypothetically -- even if she doesn't return my feelings?"

Sango shrugged. "If she doesn't... what have you lost?"

He smiled. "Even if my heart shatters?"

"You'd get over it. Short memory, remember?"

He leaned in suddenly, and she cursed silently as her pulse jumped again. "But I could never forget her," he said earnestly, "no matter how many hits to the head I sustain."

Sango swallowed as the flutter in her pulse moved from her throat to her stomach. "We could... test that theory. But you'd probably live anyway."

Miroku laughed. "I have to, don't I?" His smile was warm. "Who else would keep your reflexes honed?"

"If that's what it takes to keep you alive, houshi-sama." Sango blinked. Did I really say that?

Very casually, Miroku turned her hand over from where it had been resting on his and dropped a kiss in her palm, folding her fingers over it. While she was gaping in astonishment, he got to his feet and picked up his staff, strolling over to where Shippo and Inuyasha were quarrelling about something.

Sango stared after him. Her palm burned with the memory of his lips against her skin. Were they really that soft? Was it possible they'd lingered just a moment too long? Would it feel like that if he kissed me on the mouth? Her face flamed and she scrubbed her hand against the grass, trying to erase the sensation. I am not thinking about that. I do not want that to happen. I am certainly not going to dream about it.

Miroku stopped a few feet away from the squabbling youkai. "You ate?" he asked Inuyasha, interrupting Shippo's tirade.

Inuyasha nodded curtly.

"Eventually," Shippo said. "Two containers."

"Shut up, runt." Miroku was secretly relieved to note that Inuyasha's demeanor resembled his more familiar one, instead of the quiet monosyllabic one of the recent days.

Shippo glared back at Inuyasha. Miroku poked him gently with the end of his staff. "We need to encourage him, not beleaguer him."

"I know." Shippo snorted. "I just keep reminding him, he's gotta take care of himself for Kagome."

"I'm sure you're more than good about reminding him," Miroku said with a trace of sarcasm.

Inuyasha heaved a sigh. "I am takin' care of myself. I ate, okay? D'you want a damn list or something?"

"You know...." Miroku said thoughtfully.

"Forget it, bouzu."

Miroku chuckled. "I believe it's time we moved on."

Inuyasha nodded and got to his feet, re-wrapping Kagome in the blanket. Shippo set about packing up his crayons, and Miroku strolled back to Sango. He held out a hand to help her up. "Time to go, I think." He tried not to let his hand linger in hers, but the temptation was overwhelming.

Sango gently drew her fingers out of his. "We shouldn't lose any more time," she said, and walked slowly towards where Kirara had been napping by the fire. He turned his attention to finishing the chores of the camp, carefully scraping dirt over the embers and packing away the pot from lunch. By the time he'd finished, she'd mounted Kirara and was waiting, watching him. He climbed onto the furry back behind her. Sango tried not to shiver as Miroku's warmth registered on her senses. Shippo clambered up between them, glancing curiously back and forth.

"You guys ready?" Inuyasha called.

Sango nodded and nudged Kirara gently with a knee. She bit her lip as the fire youkai lifted off, hoping desperately the monotony of the flight would keep her mind from wandering to the monk behind her.

***

Kagome frowned as she watched the clouds boil in the sky over the forest. The weather had been steadily deteriorating as the grief in her heart had grown. A sense of panic gnawed at her nerves. I wish I knew what's wrong. Everything was so lovely here, but now....

"What is it?" Inuyasha said from behind her.

She shook her head slowly. "I don't know." Kagome turned and met his gaze. "Can you feel it?" she said softly, pressing a hand to her heart. "So much sorrow and fear."

He frowned for a moment. "No."

Kagome bit her lip. A small voice inside her whispered that the other Inuyasha would understand, despite pretending not to. It doesn't matter what he'd think. He's not here. "Maybe... it's not important."

"It's important if you think it is." Inuyasha took her gently by the shoulders. "It's been bothering you for days now. Tell me."

Kagome sighed, sagging in his grasp. "I don't know. But something in my heart, in my soul, keeps telling me that I don't belong here."

"Where else could you belong?" he said.

She burrowed against his chest. "Back out there," she said softly. "Alone."

His arms slid around her, one of his thumbs rubbing slow circles over her spine. "But you don't want to go back, do you?" he said.

Kagome shook her head and clung harder. "No." Go back out there? Alone? Where he never looks at me or touches me or.... She drew in a steadying breath, letting his scent relax her.

Inuyasha cleared his throat. "Kagome." She looked up and blinked; he was watching her steadily, eyes darkened to amber. "If you...." He paused. "I love you. I always will. No matter what happens. If you have to go back...."

"I'm not leaving you," Kagome whispered. "I won't." She leaned up and kissed him as thunder cracked in the distance.

***

Look for me in the white forest
Hiding in a hollow tree (come find me)
I know you hear me
I can taste it in your tears