so i decided to pair this with the last chapter, since this one is kinda short. and i guess these two chapters flow well together.

10. I Didn't Mean It

May 28…scratch that, 29, 2072

I didn't mean what I said. Well, not most of it. It's just that the bitch gets on my last nerve and she makes me snap. I guess I didn't need to be so mean. I didn't have to say what I said and I didn't have to hit her. For all I know, she does care about me. Don't know why she would, though. I'd apologize, but what for? She'll only do something stupid again and I'll just have to yell at her again. Unless I really got to her tonight. She did look pretty scared. And slapping her was probably too much. I guess I wonder why I'm like this. Heroin can't really be doing all of this, can it? Jet and Faye keep saying, "I read about this," or, "I read about that." Maybe I shoulda looked up some of this stuff myself.

I realize that I'm not doing much for anyone on this ship. They think I don't know, but I hear what they say about me. I know they're fed up with me. I don't blame 'em. Hell, I'd be fed up with me, too, if someone put me through what I put them through. I really should just give up, already. I don't know what I'm hangin' on to. I got no one to live for and no one wants me around, so why keep draining everybody? They'd be better off without me. Maybe then they'd be happy. They could catch a bounty without wondering if I'm O.D.ing or something and then they could fix the ship and get outta here and just forget about me. Such a fate for me seems predestined already.

Wow. I'm getting too deep, here. I just wrote this time to say that I didn't mean it, Faye. I don't think I could ever mean it.

The sun was hanging loosely in the sky, just barely elevated over the buildings in the city. Jet estimated that it was about eight in the morning and found his self too lazy to check his watch for the actual time. He reluctantly rose from his warm, comforting bed and stretched his long, sleep laden limbs. Considering it was still early, the man with the mechanical arm decided to forgo putting on his normal clothes. His blue striped boxers and white undershirt would suffice for now.

He grabbed his navy blue robe, pulled in on, and slid on his slippers before heading out of his door. He rubbed a hand over his face in a vain attempt to clear the sleep from his faded blue eyes. Treading slowly through the ship, the ex-cop had to briefly wonder why he insisted on being up so early. He had nothing to do today and he was sure he had earned the luxury of sleeping in, but something about the morning seemed amiss, and it had shoved him from his sleep.

On his way to the kitchen, Jet had to pass by Spike's room. He almost always dreaded it; he never knew what to expect. Some mornings, he would check in on Spike, hoping to see that the man was still breathing while other mornings, he left it all up to chance. Deciding that he felt rather fateful today, Jet passed on by Spike's door and continued on his way.

His eyes were unfocused and half closed so when Jet slightly kicked something that was decidedly malleable, he quickly glanced down to see what it was. To his shock and mild horror, he found Faye cowering on the dark floor. Her slender body was curled up into itself and even from his height, Jet could see that she was shivering.

'At least she's alive,' he passively thought as he bent down to shake her.

"Faye? Faye, what are you doing on the floor?" He asked with all of the concern he could muster at this time of morning. "Faye, c'mon and wake up."

He continued to shake her gently until her eyes finally fluttered open. She peered at him for a while, obviously unable to gage where she was. Pushing herself up on unsteady, cold arms; Faye gazed back up at Jet.

"What are you doing out here? This isn't exactly the best place to sleep," Jet smiled softly, trying to make light of what appeared to be a bad situation.

"Huh?" Faye asked, still slightly disoriented.

She thought hard for a moment and then it all came rushing back to her. Her memories had a habit of doing that lately. She remembered Spike and her attempts to apologize to him. Then he got angry, very angry, and backed her against the wall. He hadn't yelled at her, though. His tone was low and dangerous and did not belie the fact that he would, indeed, harm her if he so saw fit. And then he had hit her. Again. And then she cried. For him and her and, well, the whole injustice of it all.

"I made him mad again, Jet," Faye ventured to say.

"What happened this time?" Jet asked, not sure if her truly wanted the answer. If Spike's anger had left her in a crumpled pile on the floor all night, then it was probably nothing good that came of last night.

"He…he left last night. I waited for him to come back and when he did, I…I tried to apologize to him for the bathroom thing, and when I did, he got really mad at me and then he threw me against…"

"Faye. Faye, calm down," Jet told her, shaking her lightly. What transpired between her and Spike had definitely left her rattled. He had seen Faye upset before, but never so…so afraid. And of Spike? "Start again, and take your time."

"Okay," Faye said, taking a deep breath. "He…he was really mad at me and told me to stay away from him. Then, he, uh…he hit me. Well, not just out of the blue. He was leaving and then I tried to leave and that's when he hit me. I guess it really doesn't make much sense, does it? And then, I guess I just laid down here."

Faye was close to tears and Jet didn't like it at all. But he couldn't shake the feeling that there was more, something that she wasn't telling him.

"What else, Faye? That was bad, but not enough to scare you like this."

"He…he said he'd kill me," Faye said in barely a whisper.

"What!"

"Well, he didn't actually come out and say it, but I know that's what he meant. And if you could have seen the look in his eyes…" By now, the tears where flowing freely from her jade irises. Normally she would have been embarrassed to be so weak in front of anyone, but this was Jet, and this wasn't 'normally'.

"He couldn't have meant it, Faye; this is Spike we're talking about."

"If you had seen him last night, then you would think otherwise. He was just so amazingly cold. I can't believe what's happening to him. His behavior has changed so quickly. He's so angry now, so unbelievably violent. And you know it's from the drug."

"I know, Faye; I know," Jet miserably admitted. He helped Faye to her feet and motioned for her to follow him

They ended up in the kitchen and Jet pulled out a chair for Faye to sit down on.

"I'll make you some breakfast, Faye. We have a couple of eggs left. Scrambled, right?"

Faye nodded and felt comforted by the smile that Jet gave her. Even through all of this, Jet still made her feel okay. By no stretch of the means was the older man unaffected by any of this, but he still had a way of keeping things in semi-working order. Faye watched him as he pulled out a skillet and the remaining eggs. In that moment things were almost okay.

another day, another chapter, another progression in spike's addiction. things are getting ready to come to a head soon, so be prepared. oh, and the idea for jet cooking eggs for faye was inspired by space raider and her fic "just want you to know who i am". however, eggs are used for good this time. ;) anyway, until next time then.

-phoenix