Sorry, I know I said it would be sooner but I was tied up all day...Anyway, to make up for it, it's extra long =) I hope you like it, please review. xox

"Where have you been, girl? And who is that dashing young man who just dropped you off – from that flashy red Ferrari?"

Kate walked wordlessly through the apartment, in search of coffee, with Lanie close on her tail. When she had a mug of it cradled safely in her hands, she looked at her friend, and sighed inwardly. It wasn't that she didn't trust Lanie, or even that she wanted to hide how she felt about Rick – it was more that it was hard enough to explain to herself, let alone try to put it into words that would make sense to somebody else.

They sat in the living room – her father was no longer there – he must have woken up and found his way to bed. Kate made her way through the story somehow – although she left out kissing him. For some reason, that was just too private. She wondered whether it would be a good idea to talk about it, to help herself work out how she really felt – but she just couldn't say it.

Lanie had a class before she did, so when she had left, Kate went to check on her father. Sure enough, he was in his room. He was still dressed, collapsed on top of the covers, and there was a pool of vomit on the floor beside him. After checking he was okay, she went to fetch a bucket – which was becoming almost a morning routine. She cleaned up, and scrubbed the floor with bleach. He didn't stir. When the floor was clean, she opened the window letting in the cold winter air, and went to the kitchen to make some fresh coffee. When it was ready, she gently woke up her dad, and when he was relatively responsive, she sat him at the table and gave him the coffee, water, and aspirin that had turned into his breakfast.

Just as he always did, he looked at her with an apology in his eyes – but he was still so overcome with grief, she had forgiven him instantly anyway. She just hoped he would be okay one day – and also that he would want to be. Maybe he was to old to fight, or maybe he just didn't have the fighting spirit she had – but he didn't seem to want to get over his wife's death. She hoped he would change his mind one day – and until then, she would look after him however she could.

By the time she had sorted her father out for the day, it was very nearly time for her to go to class. She had a quick shower, gulped down a coffee of her own, dragged on some clothes, slapped on some make up, grabbed her books and hurried out of the apartment. She liked the police academy - people were more equal, and it was much more varied, and also more down to earth. She liked learning about how to be a cop – and it wouldn't be long before she actually was one. She would progress, and was taking courses so she could become a detective as soon as possible – but everyone had to be a lowly uniform to start with. She liked that too – everyone started out the same, and things like money didn't determine who shone.

She was afraid that she would bump into Will, but although she saw him, he didn't see her. She was very relieved – but it didn't last. As she walked outside, snuggling inside her jacket, someone tapped her on the shoulder. She turned, groaning inside. He had seen her.

"Kate."

"Hey, Will."

If she hadn't felt so bad, she would just have walked away, but she felt she somehow owed it to him to talk.

"Look, Kate, I was thinking, all night, and...We're so good together. We have a great thing – and the only reason I can see that would make you throw it away is that there's someone else. So who is he, Kate?"

When she didn't answer, he carried on speaking.

"Because I think it's crap, what you said. Being 'damaged goods' is no excuse – you have to live your life in the present, not the past. And no spark – that's just not true. The way you kiss me – there is something there, something brilliant. All you said – it's just what people say when they really mean there's someone else. There is, isn't there?"

He glared at her, and she faced him squarely – she wasn't easily intimidated, although she did feel awful.

"No. There is no one else. Not like that."

"Not like that – but like something! Who? And like what?"

"I don't know! He's just a friend, he's nothing to do with this – and anyway, I have the right to decide. I do not love you Will – you're just going to have to deal with it. You are going to make some girl so happy, someday soon, but she isn't me."

"Who is this guy?"

"A friend. You wouldn't know him anyway."

"Well tell him I said good luck – especially, good luck with the girl who shudders when you try to touch her up even when you've been going out for damn near three months!"

This remark floored her. Was it true? Yes, but... She couldn't explain it. She just didn't feel comfortable with it – since her mother died, she hadn't really felt the urge to be intimate with anyone. Anyone except Rick... whispered a little voice in her head. She silenced it, and forced herself to be strong.

"If you feel that way, you should be glad to be rid of me," she muttered through gritted teeth. Then she began striding down the street – something she accomplished remarkably well, if you factored in her four inch heels and the icy pavement. He followed her though.

"Look, Katie, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it, I'm just mad. I need you – I love you! Please just tell me who it is, and I'll show you, I'm better than him. He can't love you like I do."

Kate sighed. She wanted to get on the subway, go home, and get another cup of coffee. She felt bad about Will, but there was nothing she could do – and since he had hit her where she was most sensitive, she felt a lot less guilty. She kept walking, and eventually, he stopped following.

She managed to keep herself together for the whole subway ride, and even when she was walking through the apartment, smiling at Lanie and her father, who were watching TV. But when she got to her room, she sank to the floor, curled up in a ball, and sobbed. She really was seriously messed up. The only shred of hope she had for herself was Rick – but she couldn't feel that way about him. She hardly knew him. Well – that was a lie – they had talked so much in the little time they had spent together that she felt as though she knew him back to front. But relationships take time. And she just wanted to feel like she knew him. She wondered if he was busy – she wanted to call him.

She wondered if she could. She was so shaken after Will – it was almost as if she wanted to prove to herself that what he said, and what he had implied, wasn't true. She felt ashamed of her inexperience, and her fear. And for the first time in six months, she wanted to feel a man's hands on her body. When she had stopped crying, she got up and sat on the bed, and stared at the phone. She could call him. She knew enough to be pretty sure she had been getting the right signals from him. She thought about what she had imagined at the bookshop – and then what she had told him to forget about. She replayed it – his soft lips on hers, gentle yet sure, exciting yet safe. And she wanted him.

She forced him out of her head. She had broken up with Will just over 24 hours ago – and in his head, she wasn't sure if he'd even accepted that they had broken up. She had to wait, anyway, until she wasn't so emotional. She saw Rick's book sitting on her nightstand, and decided that would be a good compromise.

100 pages in, and she wasn't sure that reading it had been such a good idea. Rick was a very descriptive writer, and she could see a lot of him in Derrick storm. And as well as solving a murder, Derrick was very interested in a girl – who was tall and slender, with dark hair. Rick didn't seem to believe in leaving much to the imagination when it came to love scenes – and Kate couldn't help picturing Cassidy and Derrick as herself and Rick.

She slammed the book down, and stared at the ceiling. This was not good. She went through to the kitchen where Lanie was just unpacking some chinese take out.

"I was about to call you for dinner. Wow Kate, you look, uh, frustrated."

Kate tried to rearrange her face. "Oh, sorry, I was just thinking. Do I owe you something for the food?"

"No – your dad wanted to treat us. He's gone out."

"Okay," Kate said, again shoving the image of Rick wearing nothing but motorcycle boots forcefully from her mind.

To her relief, Lanie didn't grill her further while they ate, and after chatting a little about their days, Kate was free to go back to her room. The book was still on her bed. She put it in her underwear drawer, and started putting on her pyjamas. She lay in bed, wide awake, for about 20 minutes, before she gave up and got up and dressed again. Before she could change her mind, she dialled Rick's number, and waited impatiently for him to answer. After 15 rings, it went to the machine. She put the phone down, and cursed under her breath. And then out loud. She dialled again, hoping he had just been in the bathroom or something. When she heard the damn beep again, before she could stop herself, she began to speak and leave a message.

Hey Rick, it's Kate. I was just thinking about you and...I started your book, it's great. And I was worried, and I wanted to see you, but you didn't answer..I'm sorry, I'm terrible at leaving phone messages. Maybe we can do something tomorrow? Uh, okay. So, uhm, call me back. Please. Okay, talk to you soon, bye.

She wished she could listen, to see if it sounded as bad as it had when she replayed it in her head. It was probably worse. She sighed again, and fished the book out of the drawer. At least it would be something to do...