As Jon walks down the hallway that leads to the main part of the flat he can hear Jack talking with someone. He hears his name and Rose's which puts him instantly on edge. This thing with Rose is so new he doesn't even really want to talk about it, worried he'll mess it up or jinx it or…well…just something bad will happen. He doesn't have a clue right now why the universe has given him this chance and he's doing everything he can to not fuck this up. Jack's going to want answers; answers he's not prepared to give at this moment…maybe never. Things with Rose…to say they had progressed faster than he anticipated would be understating the events of the last 24 hours.
Once he walks out from the hallway, sees Jack and Donna in the kitchen, he's relieved that Rose decided to stay in the room. Dealing with Jack would have been bad enough, but to subject her to both Jack and Donna…no that definitely would have been too much too soon Jon thinks. Jon makes his way through the living room and into the kitchen and conversation stops.
"Please, don't let me interrupt, just here to get breakfast," Jon states, reaching for two plates from the cupboard, "Thanks Jack, for making breakfast by the way, very…kind of you."
"Morning Donna, you're here early. Wait, why are you here at all?" Jon asks, piling food on plates for him and Rose.
"There's to be a party tonight Jon, at the shop. I had some things to go over with Jack is all," she replies.
"Yes, yep, dinner party tonight, all of our lovely well meaning friends together in one place, yep…should be a good time," he says, pouring two cups of coffee and placing the carafe with everything else on a serving tray to carry it all.
He knows they are waiting for him to say something, he can feel them staring at him and watching his every move with hawk –like accuracy. Honestly he feels a little like a field mouse about to be scooped up and devoured as a snack. Once everything is on the tray he looks to his two friends, smiles a huge smile at them, "If you'll excuse me, there happens to be a quite lovely blonde that happens to be my girlfriend waiting for ME in my BED!" he turns to walk out, tray loaded down with food and coffee.
Just as he's about to make the hall and almost relative safety he hears it…Donna's voice, "Jon, Jon wait a moment," he stops, bugger so close he thinks.
"Yeah, Donna what is it?" he asks.
She comes walking up beside him, places a vase with a single lily in it on the tray, stands on the tips of her toes and kisses his cheek, "Can't be serving your girlfriend breakfast in bed without that," she says smiling at him.
He's blushing just a bit, can feel it starting in just the tips of his ears and says, "Right…thank you Donna," scurrying away as fast as the tray laden with food and coffee will allow.
As soon as Jon is gone from the room Rose grabs her phone. She wants to call Amy, wants to tell her everything and gush about the fact that it did all happen. She's not sure how everything happened though. The last 24 hours are a kind of dizzying whirring blur of emotions and sensations that she either has never had before or…no…she's just never had them before, not any of them. It's not that she's never liked a boy before. She had crushes and at one time she thinks she may have even loved Jimmy…kind of…in a way or...maybe not. This though, this thing with Jon…everything about this is new. She doesn't really have the words to describe what's going on…how or why it happened so fast. She thinks she should be worried at how strongly she feels about him already, about how fast things have progressed between them, at the fact that if she fucks this up she may not only lose her only friends but her job as well. Rose is a worrier; it's what she does, what she knows and what she's best at.
Yet, for some reason she's not worried about this…with him. It all just seems right, like it was always going to be this way. She wants to believe that, wants to think that everything she lived through with Jimmy and her mum was all so she could be here now. Rose thinks that maybe she was always meant to be broken, that every event that chiseled away at her through the years made her just damaged enough to be perfectly broken for Jon. She's never really thought about fate or destiny or God before, never had a reason to really, but as Jon walks back into the room she decides to say thank you to fate, or God or the universe, just thank you to whoever broke her just enough to be perfectly broken for him.
When Jon enters the room his eyes immediately search for Rose. His brain knows she didn't leave, but whenever he steps away from her, whenever his brain does not have the visual reassurance that she hasn't fled and left him he starts to panic…mildly…well mildly for him at any rate. He finds her just as he left her, pretty pink and yellow, naked and still in his bed. He can see she has her phone but she's not on it. She doesn't notice him right away and he can see she's lost in her own thoughts, but she doesn't look upset…just…well…contemplative maybe is the right word. She's gorgeous with the sun lighting up her hair and skin. The morning is just starting, the sun is still that orange-golden color, it's playing off her hair and skin so perfectly. He wishes he had his phone so he could get that picture, keep this moment with her looking like that forever. Jon realizes then that he could potentially have moments like these...with her...forever.
It's insane, he knows it is. He's only known her just under 24 hours, but he just knows…knows this is right. For many years Jon watched as others around him made a life for themselves, homes, jobs, relationships, kids, pets and Sunday family outings. That is the one life he thought he would never have, the greatest adventure and he was certain he'd not be allowed to have it; but sitting there in his bed is his girlfriend, he thinks she may be his salvation.
She has come into his life like an ethereal goddess to save him from the claws of perdition. He shakes his head to bring his thoughts back around to here and now. Being off in his own thoughts is all well and good but she is real and here and now and he wants to only ever be where she is. Just then she notices him, huge smile appearing on her face at the sight of him and it's lost none of its impact. His response is immediate, his face widening to match hers as he makes his way over to the bed with their breakfast tray and sits down.
"Coffee…coffee…coffee," she says, her hand held out in a grasping motion.
"Cream or sugar or both?" he asks as he grabs for her cup of coffee.
"Both please," she beams at him and he just fucking melts. He can't help it, that look directed at him…it's just…everything.
"Right, how much?" he asks.
"Just…just…here let me do it," she says, reaching over him to grab the cream and sugar. Once she has hold of the items she moves back to her place in the bed and goes about fixing her coffee.
Jon watches her. He wants to know how she drinks it, wants to know exactly how much cream and sugar she uses because these are the details…well he hopes these will be the details that will start to make up his life. He wants to know all of these details about her. These little things that seem so unimportant on the surface but make her a whole person. "Mmm…coffee," she exhales after her first sip. She's too cute, too adorable and he can't help it he has to kiss her right now, right this instant or he may combust. So he does; leans over and presses his lips to hers and she tastes sweet like her coffee. He wants to stay in that second forever. She's pressing back into the kiss and a small happy noise comes from the back of his throat and then, "Food, hungry," she mumbles against his lips and he feels her grin against his mouth.
Jon backs off from kissing her to retrieve their plates, sets the tray down as a table for them to use and says, "Okay, I wasn't sure what you'd want so I just grabbed a bunch of everything. Jack made a full English so plenty to eat."
"I didn't know Jack could cook, this is delicious," Rose says, shoveling eggs into her mouth.
"Well…if you want to live off of homemade pizza and a full English, then yes Jack can cook. Other than that he's complete rubbish in the kitchen. Those are his 'go to' dishes as he likes to call them. Pizza and wine for dinner and if whoever he's cooking for is still around in the morning, full English," Jon says.
He reaches over, grabs the remote, restarts the episode they fell asleep to last night and they descend into a comfortable silence as they eat. Once they finish he clears the tray and plates from the bed and pours her another cup of coffee. She watches him trying to measure out the amount of cream and sugar she used earlier and she's just so happy right now. Seriously, she thinks her face may have permanently frozen with a smile on it because it hasn't gone away since he stepped back into the room.
He hands her the coffee and waggles his brows at her. "It's perfect," she exclaims happily after taking a sip from the cup, "How'd you do that then?"
"Didn't I tell you? I, Rose Tyler am a genius. Coffee shall not thwart me," Jon says teasingly.
"You think you're so impressive," she chirps at him.
He waggles his brows at her again and states, "I am so impressive." She giggles, really giggles like a…a…he doesn't know what; just that he will give anything if he can hear that sound for the rest of his life. "So you were off in lala land when I came back, what had you so wrapped up?' he inquires.
"I was just…," she knows her thoughts are insane, and he will likely think she's insane if she tells him, but if she's right, if this is meant to happen between them then maybe he won't.
Jon sees her hesitate with her answer. She either doesn't want to tell him or she's unsure if she should tell him, either way he doesn't want that. He doesn't want to push her…well…he does, but he's not going to. Of course he wants to push her. He wants to know everything about her, every thought that flutters through her beautiful head but instead he waits; waits as she collects her thoughts and figures out whether to tell him what she was thinking or maybe how to tell him he thinks. She doesn't look apprehensive about sharing the information, more like she's trying to find a way to express it.
Rose Tyler had grown into a woman who did not trust her own instincts. Fights with her mum and her life with Jimmy had crushed any belief she had in herself. She had learned to not listen to her heart and to think things through with her head before taking any action; that stopped yesterday. Since the moment Jon grabbed her hand and entwined their fingers together she has been running on pure instinct and that had worked well for the last 24 hours, so she's going with it.
"I was just…," she starts and stops again. (Deep breath in, deep breath out) "It's insane. Completely barmy, the thoughts I'm having and I'm not, really I promise I'm not crazy or insane. I mean if I was I wouldn't really know I was because crazy people don't think they're crazy do they? In that same regard is a person actually crazy if they are sane enough to question their own sanity? I'm not…I'm not…normal and I'm not sure my brain works like it's supposed to sometimes ya know?" she stammers out rapidly.
No, Jon doesn't know, but he wants to. He's lost her to full on babble and rant mode now. He's familiar with this, has been known on occasion to indulge himself in these exact actions. It's a different experience being on this side of it however. Jon's normally the one babbling what others consider nonsense. He can't help it. It's the way his brain processes information and apparently just one more thing he has in common with Rose. So he listens and when it's over he'll sort through the barrage of words and try and dig out the meaning behind everything, but for now he just listens.
"But…I'm not crazy," she states again, "I just…I can't help but think that this is right ya know? Us…everything that's happened in the last 24 hours….24 hours Jon…24…one day…and everything's different now yeah? When I woke up yesterday and got ready for work it was just a normal day and then it wasn't. In one day I went from being Rose Tyler…beaten down, broken, lonely and absolutely certain to die alone with my face eaten by the many, many cats I'd acquired to…what? What am I now? For so many years that loneliness was part of my armor part of who I am…err…was before yesterday. I know that a single decision can change a life, change the path that it was on previous to that decision but what…what if it doesn't yeah? What if I was always meant to be this? What if everything that happened to me...or to you was for this right here? To make me who I was always meant to be…for you…for this; because…and I know it's crazy as I stated earlier, but when you look at me…when you…when we…touch…it's…different. You don't know my past yet and I don't know yours, but believe me when I say that what happened…with us today, that should not have happened. I should not have been okay with that…and I was…am still…but I don't know what to do with that yeah? I don't know how to accept that one minute I'm miserable, just completely fucking miserable and then the next that's all just gone. And now… (Deep breath in, deep breath out) I'm terrified. What if I don't know how to be happy anymore Jon? I've been living in fear and misery for so long now, what if I can't live without it? What if I fuck this up because I can't figure out how to just be happy?" she rushes out quietly, her voice shaking.
Jon doesn't know what to say, how to respond. He doesn't have the answers to her questions because as brilliant as he is these are the same questions he's been asking himself since yesterday and hasn't been able to come up with anything that would appease his own mind much less hers. He looks over at her still sitting half naked in the center of his bed. Her hair is a riot. She has tear tracks on her face from her very emotional rant. Her bottom lip is puffed out in her pouting, trembling just slightly as she takes in air. She's beautiful, perfect and she's saying exactly what he needs to hear. She is in the same place he is with this thing that's happening between them. He reaches over to her, grabs her hand and pulls her over to him.
Rose falls into him and he gently places her back against the pillows and removes his robe. He crawls over her, his body covering hers, she automatically makes room for him between her legs and he kisses her; slow and sweet and perfect. Jon places his forehead against hers and closes his eyes. An action she has come to associate with him being overwhelmed by his emotions of the moment. He opens his eyes, looks directly into hers and she struggles to maintain the contact because she feels like he can see her…all of her when he looks at her like that. She feels like every horrible, awful, disgusting, broken and used part of her is on full display for him when he looks at her like that…he can see all of it.
"Rose Tyler," he says, "I don't believe in God, and I have no evidence to support the ideas of fate or destiny, but I don't care. The universe has somehow deemed me worthy of this with you and whether it's because we managed to survive long enough to get here, or if it's because someone somewhere pulled on threads and strings our entire lives to make us who we needed to be for this…here and now with us…I don't care. It doesn't matter…because we are here, this is happening and this is very real. So for this one thing…for this…with you, I will forgo looking for the answers of why and how I am allowed to have this and just take it. I'm going to accept the gift that has been given and not ask why. As for whether or not you or I can be or know how to be happy…If you let me…I will spend the rest of every second of every minute of every day of my life helping to figure it out," he finishes quietly.
She needs to get some control over her emotions right now. With him lying on top of her, looking at her like that and telling her that he feels the same way she does, she cannot think of a single thing except how much she wants this, wants him, now, now, now! But it's not the right time, conversations still need to be had, things he needs to know first. So instead of pulling him down and kissing him, instead of stripping of the remaining layers of clothing between them and shagging him into a coma, she gives him a kiss but keeps it light, sweet as he did before, and then pulls back to smile at him. "So not a complete nutter then?" she asks.
He knows she's being cheeky, it's one of her tells. It's what she does to diffuse and distract when the conversation becomes too emotionally charged for her to handle right then. "Well…I wouldn't say that…but if you are crazy as least you're not crazy alone anymore yeah?" he says just as cheeky.
"Better with two," she says happily.
"Better with you," he smiles down at her, "Right then Rose Tyler, what shall we do this fine day?" he asks pushing himself off of her and back to standing. He had to, if he stayed lying there with her looking at him like he just handed her the whole universe they'd never leave the bed…ever.
"You…uh…you want to spend the day together…again?" she hesitantly asks.
It takes a moment for him to process and decipher what she's really asking. She knows he wants to spend time with her today because he just asked her what she'd like to do. This is going to be the tricky part of dating Rose Tyler. He believes she's everything, worth more than any precious gem or work of art or anything else really, but the hard part is going to be convincing her that she's worth his time and so much more.
Jon knows she has a past. He doesn't know exactly what happened, but again he is a genius. He can tell by her body language, the way she reacts at certain sounds or voices that it's a violent past, both physically and emotionally. It's also not nearly as in the past as his. He's not blind either. Jon can see the scars, at least the ones that have been visible to him. She's made no mention of them, but neither did she try to hide them. That tells him she wants him to know about them but isn't yet ready to provide explanations for them. She's so strong and brave…his Rose. She had forced herself to say things she thought she'd never say, do things she thought she'd never do and she did those things for him. She thinks she's weak, a coward and not worth his time or anyone's time really.
Fortunately Jon's a quick study in…well everything actually and Rose is no different. So he looks at her body language, head down, no eye contact and fidgeting with the hem of his blanket as she is still mostly naked. She has also pulled the covers over herself which until about 30 seconds ago she'd been blissfully naked and bared to him.
Right…so put that together with what she asked and the way she said it, "I want to spend every day together Rose," he says softly, "Maybe I was not clear on my intentions earlier. Let me rectify that so there can be no further misinterpretations of them." He has a plan, isn't sure he'll actually be able to follow through with that plan as it could turn out horribly embarrassing for him, but he thinks it will work and thinks it will make her more comfortable with him, talking to him. He's still standing off the bed in front of her in just his jeans and slippers. Rose is still playing with the blanket but she's looking at him now, well mostly anyways; glancing may be a better word for it he thinks.
"Okay then, my intentions towards you Rose Tyler: I Jonathon Thomas Ardis," he points to himself, "do intend to spend every minute of whatever time I have left on this planet, or any planet really, cause you never know space travel could happen next week or next year and we," he points to her and then to himself, "Rose Tyler would definitely be off on an adventure to a new planet, but that is for later…where was I? Intentions yes? Time…yep…I intend to spend every minute of whatever time I have left with you…well every minute you'll allow…minus you know things like loo breaks, cause I'm weird but not that weird. That is intention A. Intention 2, would entail me doing everything I can…everything in my power to get you to see you the way I see you." Quicker than he'd anticipated, because he's nervous, wants to do this for her but is still scared shitless of it, he drops his jeans and his pants in one go and steps out of them. "C) Err…3? Doesn't matter. I intend to show you that you can trust me Rose. Trust that when I say I want to spend time with you I do. Trust that when I say I know this is right that I mean it and trust that I want you to see and know all of me. Everything I am now…because what we were before…those people we were before, whatever happened to turn us into who we are now…those people are gone Rose and we will never get them back. If I had to live over what happened in my life 1000 times to ensure that we would still end up here I would do that; because Rose, I intend to make you happy and I intend to let you make me happy."
He crawls over the bed, and pulls the covers back. She's only wearing the pants he loaned her to sleep in and he has a finger hooked into each side of them. He looks at her eyes to seek her approval for what he's about to do. She said she'd stop him and he trusts her that she will, but she hasn't so he starts to slowly pull them down her legs giving her time to change her mind, she doesn't. Once she is as naked as he is, he covers her whole body with his, every available inch of her skin is pressed to his and he rests his forehead on hers and closes his eyes.
(Deep breath in, deep breath out) "I want this with you Rose. I want a real life. I have been alone for a very long time and I was fine with that…until you. Everything about you…fits me. It all makes sense when I look at you. Everything just…makes sense. Do you feel the way our bodies fit Rose? It's like our hands, have you ever held someone's hand and had it fit as well as ours? Everything about you…fits perfectly with everything about me. Our hands, our bodies, our…issues, our pasts and our futures…they fit. I want to have a life with you. Doors and windows and mortgages…well maybe not mortgages won't be necessary, but holidays and pets…do you want pets Rose? I was thinking a dog…never been one for cats myself. Christmases and birthdays and anniversaries and school conferences, chicken pox and the flu…you know proper life…things. Things I honestly believed I could never have until yesterday when you took my hand…and in that moment…that exact moment Rose I saw everything…our whole lives."
He opens his eyes then, sees that hers were closed as well and she is crying. He's 90% sure they are good tears…well 86%...okay, he's 82% sure they are the tears that come from relief and happiness…he thinks. He rubs his nose along the side of hers coaxing her to open her eyes and look at him. When she does he pulls back from her just enough that she can see him fully. He's propped above her resting on his elbows, his arms curved under her back and around her shoulders holding her to him, he looks into her eyes and says, "Please Rose, please let me give that to you."
Jon watches her eyes close again, watches the tears roll down her face, watches as she breathes in then out and he watches as she opens her eyes back to his. "Yes," she says in a whisper. He watches as the corners of her mouth start to turn up, watches as the tears stop and he watches her faint and so small smile turn into what he now considers the be all and end all of his existence. It's that wide smile that takes up her whole face and makes her eyes shine like a small child who still believes in magic.
"Yeah?" he asks back in the same whispered tone.
"Yes," she whispers again. He's kissing her before the thought of kissing her even registers with him.
Rose opens her mouth to him the instant she feels his lips on hers. She's wrapped her legs around his waist, her arms holding onto his back with her hands curled around his shoulders in the same manner his are around hers. This is not like the kissing from earlier, that was sweet and soft and new. This is hard, hot, demanding and passionate. He can feel every inch of her skin pressed against his. The electricity that he felt when they held hands is everywhere now, any place he is touching her and the contact of their skin is causing that electricity to travel through his entire body. He can feel her nipples pebbling beneath him, against him and when that whimper comes back, that noise that is released from her throat because of him, he is instantly hard.
She pulls back from the kiss to suck in oxygen and he moves his mouth to her neck, right behind and under her ear sucking hard, marking her again and she hisses at it. The noise almost makes him pause; she'll stop, she'll stop, shell stop plays over in his head. Her promise to him that if she's uncomfortable with anything she'll stop him and she doesn't so he doesn't stop. He's moving down her body, teeth biting, lips kissing, hands everywhere, there is no coordination to his movements. Rose is writhing beneath him, moans and gasps leaving her throat, her hands in his hair pulling slightly and fingernails raking along his scalp.
He sees the scars on her clavicles (later, he'll find out later) and moves on to her breasts, licking, sucking and nipping on one while squeezing and tugging on the nipple of the other. He's moving again, kissing down her sternum to her abdomen. He sees the larger scar there that wraps around to her back (later, he'll find out later). He places one hand on each thigh and spreads her before him. Jon's not going to stop unless she tells him too, but as he lays himself in front of her he glances up to make sure she knows what's about to happen. Jon's eyes lock with hers for only a moment, but it's long enough to see that her eyes are black and her pupils are blown wide open, wider than their make out session earlier. He can no longer distinguish her irises from her pupils and then she licks her fucking lips and any restraint he had is gone.
His mouth attaches to her clit, rolling it in his teeth. He hears a deep throaty moan from above him as he slides his fingers through her folds and gently massages them while sucking on her clit. She's wet, sopping wet and hot and it's because of him. That increases his hardness and he pushes himself into the mattress for just a small amount of friction, a small measure of relief from the aching and throbbing. A groan of pleasure escaping his own throat as he slides one finger inside of her repeating the motion a few times until he can tell she's more comfortable with the sensation. She is so tight…too tight still for what he is hoping is going to happen and he adds another finger to the one currently inside of her. He pushes the tips of his finger up, moves them in a come hither motion and she fucking loses it. She is grinding herself against his face and onto his fingers, pulling his hair harder and babbling words that he can't make out. He hears his name, "Jon" and "fuck" and "yes."
It's going to happen again…he's going to cum and she hasn't even touched him properly yet. Before he knows what's happening her hands are out of his hair, scrabbling at his shoulders pulling him up her body and she's fucking kissing him, tasting herself on his lips and tongue. He thinks he may die from how turned on he is by that…until he feels her hand on his cock. Her tiny, very hot hand wrapping around his rock hard erection is a sensation he hopes he'll never forget. As soon as he has that thought another sensation rocks through his body and takes immediate precedence. Rose Tyler has her hand on his cock and is running it through her soaking folds. Before he can make sense of what is happening he's inside of her. She screams, actually fucking screams his name as he slides all the way into her in one swift stroke.
He's done in now, his climax fast approaching. Jon's not even sure he'll be able to move before it hits. He brings his hand to her clit and starts rubbing furiously as he tries to move his hips. His mouth is at her ear begging, "please, fuck Rose, please cum, please I need you to cum, fuck, fuck, fuck, FUCK!" "FUCK!" they both shout as the wave of pleasure crashes through them at the same time. She's not moving…not even trying to move. They are clinging to each other as she sobs through her climax and he's grinding against her…his forehead pressed to hers and he's lost in a brilliant white. He can't see or hear anything…until he does.
The brightness fades around him, sound returns to him and it's like a reel of home movies are playing out before him but the images are blurry. It's sound and light and there is a thread, a strand dangling in front of him and he pulls on it. To Jon it seems like he's walking around in his own head and this is…new. Maybe he really did die. But no…he can feel Rose beneath him, her breathing still escalated from their love making. Jon knows it's only been seconds since the climax but it feels to him like time has frozen. He's pulling on this thread and the images are becoming cleaner…crisper. Jon sees him taking her hand at H&W yesterday (was that really just yesterday?), sees them in the coffee shop and the chippy, in his room cuddled in his bed, her face as he made her cum the first time this morning (was that really just this morning?), her face when he proclaims his intentions for their future, then it's as if a fast forward button has been hit.
Images are flying past him at ridiculous speeds but he can see them…can hear them. He and Rose looking at houses and looking at rings. Rose, her hands covering his on her swollen belly, the delivery room, coming home, nursery school, preschool and another pregnancy. Always…always her hand in his…marriage, grandchildren…life. His life…their life. His breathing is coming back to normal, the images fading from his mind. Jon reaches out with his hand entwining it with hers, he rolls to the side to take his weight from her and pulls her to him, he turns on his side as she is on hers and folds his body around her.
Rose has cried during sex before…every time actually, but it's never been like this. She doesn't even know what this was. She knows she doesn't have a lot…or any real experience when it comes to what would be considered 'normal' sex, but somehow she doesn't think this was normal. Well…maybe the sex was normal, but what happened right after or maybe during…she's unsure, it's all fuzzy, hazy and was definitively NOT 'normal'. She's not sure of what order things happened in. Jon was kissing her everywhere, his hands were everywhere, crawling down her body, "mine, mine, mine" whispered across her flesh as he moved lower and she's not even sure he knew what he was saying.
She had been Jimmy's property. He had said she would always be his, but what was happening with Jon…it wasn't like that. No…he didn't know what he was saying, she's pretty sure, but he also wasn't being hurtful or angry while saying it. Never once did he cause her any type of pain. As he was sliding into her…she thought if this is what being his is like…she's okay with that. She'll be his if he can be that possessive with her but still make her feel wanted, needed…loved. That's what he makes her feel...loved. Not just when he's kissing her or touching her…every time he looks and speaks to her she feels loved. After that her memory is pretty fuzzy. Its sensation, movement and then he's in her ear begging her to cum and she does and he does and that's when things got…not normal she thinks.
Everything is blurry, hazy light. She feels him press his forehead to hers and his breathing is labored. As her breathing calms and the blood quits rushing in her ears she hears it…him…Jon. He's crying, shaking in her arms above her and, "I love you Rose, I love you Rose," being choked out between sobs that are wracking his lean frame while he's still inside of her and, "Please don't leave me, never leave me," interspersed between "I love you Rose." She holds him as tight as she can, allowing him to ride out whatever storm just crashed through his psyche. Rose knew he was broken. He told her yesterday, was very honest about it. To Rose though he seemed 'normal', fine, a great bloke who had his shit together and that was part of the reason she was so scared of her feelings for him. Someone as fucked up as her could never make anything work with someone who was 'normal'.
Jon's not normal though, she gets that now. Somewhere in his past someone broke him like Jimmy broke her and that infuriates her, that someone could do that to him, but she pushes that away. She can't change what happened before she met him the same as he can't make what happened with Jimmy disappear. That is part of who they are now. Like Jon said earlier, who they were before is gone and nothing can ever bring those people back. Rose thinks she was right, is almost certain of it. Everything they went through brought them here to each other. She was broken for him and he was broken for her in exactly the right ways, times and places. They can take all of their broken pieces; fit them neatly together to build something whole and new and right. As Jon rolls onto his side, he pulls her into his chest folding his body around hers. His sobs have stopped. The whimpering and begging are gone and she knows she will love him always, be with him always, hold his hand always. She is Rose Tyler, she is broken and she finally understands why. She was made into this Rose Tyler to be Jon's.
Right…okay…I just had sex…with Rose. Jon is lying in his bed holding Rose in his arms and trying to piece together the chain of events that just occurred. One moment he's trying to explain to Rose what he wants from this with her and the next moment he's all tongue and teeth and lips and hands and skin. Then it was just bright lights and sounds and images of a life he so desperately wants. No, wants isn't correct…needs…he needs this with Rose…needs to have that life. He saw it, played out before him in fast forward motion, everything they could and would be for each other and he needs it now, now, now. He knows he cried, not because he can actually remember doing it, but he can feel the wetness on his face and the stuffiness in his nose. "Rose…I…," he has no idea what to say now. He knows he needs to say something he just doesn't know what.
"Yeah…that escalated pretty quickly, but I…I'm not sorry Jon. I don't regret it, if that's what you're worried about," she says with quiet confidence. Jon releases a breath he hadn't even realized he was holding at her words. His Rose, so brave. "Do you?" she asks quietly. Rose knows he doesn't regret it. She knows because of the things she's pretty sure he doesn't even remember saying. She believes he wouldn't lie to her, doesn't even think he was capable of it at the time. Lies take thought and planning; Jon was capable of neither. She also knows that he needs to hear her say it…say that what happened was okay, that she is okay.
"No, Rose…no. I don't regret it. It happened fast though, faster than I had anticipated. I just…are you okay, are you sure?" he questions softly.
Rose is buried into his chest, he's warm and she still feels lightly dazed, almost buzzed from her orgasm. She knows this conversation needs to happen, but she wants to let sleep pull her back down and to handle all these issues later. She just had sex for the first time in many years and she wants to enjoy that for a moment. She wants to be a normal girl with her normal boyfriend and just enjoy the moment. "Jon," she slurs sleepily, "I know we need to talk about this, but…just…can you just be my boyfriend and I can be your girlfriend…for right now…just be in this moment with me. What we need to talk about will still be there, it's not going anywhere, so does it have to be right this second?"
Relief floods him at her words. Still his girlfriend then…he didn't fuck this up…yet. Jon looks to her and says, "Of course, I just …"
"I know Jon," Rose says interrupting him, "I'm okay and you're okay so how about a nap, then a shower, then some food, then I need to go back to my place." She feels his entire body tense and his arms tighten around her when she says that. Rose smiles into his chest and says, "For some clothes. We have a party to attend tonight remember? All of our very well meaning and lovely friends putting us on display for their viewing pleasure. Oh look at those two fucked up broken humans. Aren't they just adorable? If we primp and polish them up maybe rub some of the tarnish off, they'll be almost good as new," she says in a mocking voice.
"Yeah, no…I didn't remember actually," he sighs out, "Okay…nap…yep...sounds good." He snuggles in as close as he can, lays a kiss on her head and says, "Rose Tyler…you're my girlfriend." That is the last thing she hears before sleep drags her under. Jon however, does not sleep. His mind is racing with everything that has happened in the last day. Just a day…ONE day…24 hours. He thinks he should be freaking out. He should be running as far and as fast as he can from this whole situation, but for the first time in such a long time, he doesn't want to run. Well…he thinks that's not really true is it? He does want to run. He just wants Rose to run with him now, "Better with two? Better with you".
Briefly, he thinks of waking her, asking her do to just that. Run away with me, marry me, leave here and be us somewhere new, but he can't do that to her. She has a life here, friends and a job…well she doesn't have to work, neither of them do. Jon thinks of mentioning that. He thinks of asking her to live with him, marry him…just stay forever and fuck her flat and everything in it. He's enough money that she'll never need to worry or want for anything, but he knows her well enough already that she wouldn't like that. She's too strong, wants to take care of herself, doesn't want to ask for anything and he thinks even if he offered, she'd tell him it's too soon.
Jon doesn't think so though…it's not too soon. For him it's not soon enough. He has only 50 maybe if he's really lucky 60 years left to spend with her and it's not enough time. He has wasted so much time already waiting for her. Rage flares through him again at Jack keeping Rose from him for 3 fucking years! 3 BLOODY FUCKING years that he cannot get back with her. That time is gone now. He could have been married to her, they could be expecting a baby by now, have a home, a life, a proper FUCKING life and Jack kept that from him…kept her from him. No, Jack did what he thought was best for Rose and Jon cannot be angry at that…well…he can, but he's trying really hard not to be.
Jack was protecting Rose and he understands that now. Lying here with her in his arms, he understands why Jack did that. It still pisses him off, but more at the situation than Jack himself. This whole thing is confusing for him. He wants to be angry that he didn't find her sooner, but at the same time he hears Rose's words from earlier in his head, "What if I was always meant to be this? What if everything that happened to me...or to you was for this right here? To make me who I was always meant to be…for you…for this; because…and I know it's crazy as I stated earlier, but when you look at me…when you…when we…touch…it's…different."
She's right…he knows she's right and the anger starts slowly ebbing from his body, Ativan, Xanax, Prozac…she's better than any pill he's ever been given. Maybe it would have worked if they met earlier but they didn't. Just like he cannot erase Davros or what happened to River from his life, he cannot go back and change hers either; but now is a different story. He has her now and he'll not be letting her go…unless she wants of course…but he doesn't think she does or will. He doesn't think what he saw was a dream; he was awake after all, more like a vision…maybe? Doesn't matter. He knows now with 100% clarity, knows what his future with Rose will be. Maybe not every second but the outcome and it's going to be fantastic…is his last thought as sleep finally pulls him into darkness.