-1AN: Thanks to GreenFish for the beta and the awesome Jim thoughts!
After Pam had taken off her ridiculously oversized clothes to reveal what would now forever be known as in his head as "The Hot Pink Bikini," Jim felt pretty sure that his head was going to explode. Honestly, he had imagined a scantily clad Pamela Beesly many times -- more times than he would have liked to admit. However, nothing could hold a candle to the real thing that stood before him.
She wasn't perfect, and it made him love her all the more. She had gorgeous little freckles on her shoulders; her hair was frizzy from the humidity and her tummy poked out just over the top of her bikini bottom. He knew she worked out (one time, she had let it slip that she only worked out because Roy once told her that she needed to, and Jim had been silently furious at Roy for days) but she was still all curves, soft and rounded in all the right places. He almost felt like crying when he saw her cross her arms awkwardly as she tried to cover herself, face flushed with embarrassment. His hands trembled with the effort it took to not gather her in his arms and kiss every part of her, whispering "You're pretty, you're pretty…" like Jim Carey said to Kate Winslet in Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.
Pam's voice startled him from his thoughts, and he listened as Toby stuttered and stumbled his way through a compliment. Jim watched Pam's face, and he could have sworn he saw a shadow of satisfaction flit over her features, but she quickly looked down at her feet and hid her face, any trace of self-confidence quickly gone.
Then Pam did the last thing Jim would have expected: she looked right at him. Jim suddenly felt panic rising up. Ever since he was a kid, his mother had gone on about what expressive eyes he had He knew it was true. He was an awful liar growing up; his eyes had always betrayed him. While he eventually learned to compensate, he still had trouble masking his stronger emotions. And now Jim felt afraid because he knew, at that moment, Pam could see right through him. He smiled nervously at her, unable to speak – afraid to say anything, lest he give himself away even more.
Jim had no idea whether he should have been thankful or disappointed when Kelly interrupted with her impeccable, and at the same time, cursed sense of timing. Pam obviously relaxed as Kelly chattered on, even going so far as to jokingly strike a pose. Jim finally felt comfortable as he approached them slowly; he made some inane joke or another, like he always did to ease the tension. Pam met his eyes again, and he smiled, hoping he appeared relaxed and casual. This was a little tough however, seing as all his brain could seem to think was: Guh. Pam… bikini. Boobs. Skin. Soft. Love.
Well, if Jim's face had revealed his thoughts, Pam didn't address it and Jim didn't expect her to. Kelly grabbed Ryan and the foursome began to make their way down to the water.
"So, I hope you don't mind being on bottom?" Jim joked.
Pam placed her hands on her hips, and Jim had to remind himself to keep looking at her face. "I'll have you know that there's a lot more to me than meets the eye, Halpert!" she retorted, pursing her lips.
Jim couldn't help himself. "I'll bet there is," he said with a flirtatious wink.
Pam looked surprised momentarily and for a minute Jim was worried that he had pushed her too far, but she pulled out of it quickly. "Shut up!" she muttered, swatting him on the arm. Just then, they reached the ocean's edge, and the first wave crashed over their feet. "Shit!" Pam yelped, scrambling back up onto the dry sand again.
Jim laughed. He couldn't help but laugh every time he heard her swear; it was a totally different side of Pam that he didn't get to see that often. "It really isn't that bad," he said, stepping further into the water to allow his feet to adjust to the cooler temperature.
"Yeah, not if you're a polar bear," Pam scowled. She looked out to the water, where Kelly was already up on Ryan's shoulders, squealing every time the water touched her toes. "Carry me?" she asked Jim, fluttering her eyelashes exaggeratedly.
"Are you serious?" Jim asked, cocking an eyebrow at her.
"Yes! Otherwise I'll never get in this water in time to prevent Dwight and Angela from ruling undefeated!"
"Well, if it's in the name of childish water games…" Jim said sarcastically, rolling his eyes. He couldn't keep the hint of a smile away as he looked over at her.
Pam sent him another pitiful look.
Jim sighed dramatically. "Fine," he said, "but it's gonna be even worse when you just fall in the water. Come over here."
Pam walked to the water's edge and Jim crouched down. "We'll just have to win then, won't we?" she said confidently.
"Okay then," Jim said skeptically. "Mount up," he said, gesturing to his shoulders.
Jim tried valiantly to prepare himself, but it seemed futile. If the weight of her head on his shoulder during a diversity seminar could make his day, it was all he could do right now to not faint. She had only threaded her fingers through his hair to rest on his head, and he already felt dizzy. Finally, she threw one of her legs over his shoulder, and using her hands on his head to balance, brought her other leg up to rest on his other shoulder. They tilted precariously and Jim heard Pam giggle as his legs fought to bring them both upright.
"Steady!" she called, still laughing, and her knees bent to wrap her legs under his arms, the tops of her feet resting flat against his lower back. He brought both his hands up to grasp the tops of her thighs and repeated her words in his head as a mantra: Steady, steady, steady…
They finally found their balance, and Jim called up to Pam, "Where to, my fair lady?"
"Onward!" she cried, thrusting her finger forward towards the ocean and Jim began to make his way into the water.
"Guys, what is taking you so long?" Kelly cried out from atop a tired, but not altogether-unhappy looking Ryan.
"We were just preparing for battle," Jim replied, willing his body to grow numb to the cold water faster.
"Preparing for battle?" Dwight cried, taking a break from he and Angela's victory dance (it was mostly Dwight doing the dancing and Angela holding on for dear life). "This will be no battle, Jim, this will be a massacre! Bring it on, fool!"
"Yeah, you – you… nincompoops!" Angela called.
Jim stopped in his tracks. "Nincompoops?" he said incredulously.
"Angela is well known for her smack-talk," Pam's voice said from above him.
"Heathens!" Angela yelled in reply.
"Jeez, Pam," Jim said under his breath. "How much alcohol did you guys give her?"
"Not that much!" Pam said defensively. "We just thought it'd be fun if she loosened up a bit…" Jim could tell from her tone that she felt a little guilty.
"Well," Jim said, hitching Pam further up on his shoulders, "as much as I'd love to discuss this further, I'm getting a little tired. What do you say we get down to it?"
"You have no idea what you're in for, Jim Halpert," Dwight hissed. "You two are about to get your asses—"
"Dwight! Language!" Angela said, hitting Dwight lightly on the side of the head.
"Sorry, Monkey," Dwight muttered. Louder, he continued: "As I was saying, you two are about to regret every time you messed with my bobble-heads!"
"Who's 'Monkey?'" Jim asked Pam, but any reply was drowned out as Dwight and Angela, yelling incomprehensibly, began to charge straight for them.