You Make Me Retch

Chapter Twelve:Here we go

By: Maggiles

'Control your own destiny, or someone else will.'

-Jack Welch

Edward

If I had a heart, it would be beating.

In fact, it would be beating so fast, it would have probably ripped out of my chest by now.

I was standing behind a huge, thick, satin curtain, a curtain that was a brilliant shade of red. It was outlined in pure gold ribbon, shimmering in the candle light.

We also had candles everywhere. The biggest candles were on the chandeliers.

There were so many, it looked like the sun had taken a visit in our guest ball room.

Even though I hated to admit it, it did all look perfect. The decorations were simply divine. Gold and red everywhere, with bits of shimmering white to lighten the room.

The floors were polished and sparkled like diamonds.

The windows were decorated with tons of flowers, all red and white roses. There were drapes hanging from the wall, engraved with the royal crest.

In the middle of the room, I saw Rosalie and Alice dressed in beautiful gowns, Rosalie pink, Alice green. They were both smiling.

Nice to know someone was enjoying themselves.

"Disgusting, ain't it?"

My head turned around slightly. "Indeed." I answered, bitter.

It was no surprise the voice belonged to Emmet. He had a deep, entertained voice, very easygoing and confident. I felt him put a hand on my shoulder.

"Where've you been?" he asked, bemused, "Me and Jasper've lookin' for ya everywhere. We even went to Alice, but she said she didn't know. Bull Shit, if you ask me. I had a feeling she didn't wanna tell us."

He paused, waiting for a reply.

I didn't change my expression. If there was one thing I knew, it was that I would rather burn in hell then admit I lost control. There would be no end to it.

"Why were you looking for me?" I asked, pretending to sound far away.

Jasper took in a deep breath, exhaling through his nose."To give you some advice, brother."

My eyebrows rose. "...advice?" I made a face. "For what?"

Even though I would not show it, this reluctantly got my attention.

I turned around to face him. "What can you possibly have to say? You're in the exact same state I am, last time I've checked."

I watched as Emmet smiled sheepishly. "Well," he mumbled, " me and Jasper were talking bout' it, and we concluded that you've never been with a girl. So...you know. We just wanted to see if you had any questions."

Again, he stopped and waited for a reaction.

"Questions?" My eyes narrowed suspiciously.

Emmet rolled his eyes."Come on Edward, you know what I mean... Questions."

An awkward silence passed between us, as we each stared at each other in a complete stupor. This could go on for a while. If he was waiting for me to pour out my soul, he simply wasn't going to get it.

My voice sounded confused. "I'm afraid I still don't see."

Emmet's mouth opened in a Tell-Me-You're-Joking kind of way.

I wasn't.

"Ask me questions about girl stuff, Dammit Edward!" he breathed, annoyed. "I swear, Carlisle's always going on about how you're some kind of genius, but he obviously ain't been around you long enough."

I frowned instantly. Girl stuff? What was he talking about?

"Ask me about pleasing the ladies, Edward! You can't have a good marriage without things heating up behind closed doors, you know."

It was at that moment the realization of where he wanted this conversation to go hit me.

My jaw dropped.

Good. God.

Was he joking?

I gave him an incredulous gawk. "Are you being serious?" I asked, venom in my voice, "Have you completelylost your mind like everybody else in this wretched house? If there was one person who had sanity in this home, I thought it would be you. Pleasing the ladies? Marriage? THIS IS ALL FAKE! A SCAM!"

I exhaled through my nose, irritated and fuming. In these final hours, was that all he could think about?

"What's with the attitude?" he blurted out, hurt, "I'm being a 100 serious right now. This isn't something you can just ignore-"

"SHE'S A HUMAN GIRL!!" I hissed, my tone acidic, "How can I POSSIBLY please a woman of a DIFFERENT SPECIES?!"

Emmet smiled. "Hey... she's still a woman."

I moaned, rustling my hair. There was no way to get through to him. I knew that by now.

"So here are some tips-"

"I DON'T WANT THEM."

"Once you get married, the kiss is what a woman always dreams about. Remember: Slick, not slimy. Only use tongue when you feel she's ready-though in your case, all you have to do is read her mind-"

"ENOUGH!"

"...And always think about not killing her. When making love, forever take control. Woman like aggressive guys...er-at least Rosalie does. But once in a while, ask her what-"

"THIS IS NOT THE APPROPROIATE TIME TO TALK ABOUT YOUR PORNOGRPAHIC FANATSIES-"

"Pornographic? Well, geez, Mr. Innocent, if it wasn't for those fantasies you're bringing down, why do you think Carlisle and Esme go to bed early? Don't tell me you don't know that they-...Oh heeeey...are you turning red?"

I took in a sharp breath."WE HAVE NO BLOOD YOU HALF-WIT!"

Emmet sneered, obviously taking pleasure in my discomfort. "I'm kidding, geez. No need to-"

"LEAVE!"

"Hey, come on-"

"I don't want your company or advice at the moment. If you insist on staying-be quiet."

Emmet scowled, opening his mouth to say something, but then bit his lip back.

Instead, he smiled, looking directly at me.

I paused, and turned around, thinking I won the battle...and then almost tripped on myself.

He was showing me mental images of what he intended me to do tonight.

That. Was. It.

I brought my fist back to break into his jaw, but he leaped up in the air, missing me. I heard his obnoxious bellow of laughter bounce of the walls.

"You ain't the only smart ass here!" he called out, before disappearing around the corner, "If you have any questions, me and Jas are still up for it!"

Infuriated, I kicked the nearest thing to me, shattering it into a million pieces. Sometimes, I wondered what it would have been like to be an only child.

"Senseless Emmet." I muttered, "I wasn't made for that kind of love."

BELLA

My legs were starting to cramp.

I didn't move from behind the curtain, paranoid beyond belief that I would somehow get spotted.

Which wouldn't have been odd, since I usual have sucky luck anyways.

But after today, I felt like I was the unluckiest person on earth.

I tried to breathe slowly, attempting to be as quiet as I could.

I didn't even know if there was a person in the hall or not. The thick curtain made it impossible for me to see.

But if I wanted to blend in with the shape of the curtain, I had to suffer.

Thinking about my pain, it somehow made me thankful.

If I weren't thin, there would be no way I could have pulled this off.

Heh...thin.

If I ever got out of here, I had to brag to Jacob that my thinness was what saved me. He always complained that I needed to meat up.

But no matter what I tried, I couldn't change the way he did. This was just how I am.

I found myself thinking back, and a flashback hit me, making me remember the first time the subject came up.

"Bella! That was AMAZING! You probably stole three days worth of supplies!"

I smiled, my heart getting bigger with pride. "That was nothing." I bragged, " You should see me on a GOOD day."

I watched as Jacob broke out into a laugh, and it wasn't long before I joined him. His laughter was so warm, so comforting.

And oh so contagious.

"You really are something else, Bella Swan." he said, suddenly serious. "I don't know why I never met you until now."

My heart fluttered. "Well, maybe you just didn't look hard enough."

"...Maybe."

I looked away, a little embarrassed with the intense stare he was giving me. I wasn't good at looking people in the eyes. I felt like they were seeing everything that I was.

"Come on Bells, give me a hug. This loot is amazing. Once the guys back home see this, they won't be complaining about you no more. You'll be an honorary V.I.P."

My heart swelled, and I couldn't hide the pure happiness I felt when he said that. It was as if he was saying 'Welcome Home'.

I giggled, beaming, while running full speed at his direction. He opened his arms and caught me, whirling me around. We both laughed.

When he put me back on the ground, we kept our embrace for a little longer. I felt his grip tighten.

"Whoa." he whistled, giving me another squeeze.

"What?" I asked, face buried in his shoulder.

"Did anybody ever tell you how thin you are?"

My eyes opened instantly, and I suddenly felt my cheeks burn.

I was always self conscious about my slender body, but for some reason, when he said it, it had an even worser effect on me.

I tried to push him away, but he wouldn't budge.

"Is that a problem?" I huffed, "Do I feel weird?

I heard Jacob take in a breath. "WEIRD? Not at all...if you want the truth, I like the way you feel. Your real soft, did you know that? Like an angel or something."

My prior attempt to push him away altogether stopped when he said that. My hands stopped resisting, and he used that to hug me tighter.

He casually rubbed his hands up and down my back to create some heat.

I wanted to tell him to stop.

I didn't need heat when he hugged me like this. He was like a furnace.

"Not a problem in the least." he went on, muttering, "The way I see it, the bigger you get, the more I can hug. The more you eat, the more you there is. And there ain't wrong with that at all..."

I felt my heart thumping.

We stayed like that for a while longer, and he finally released me, ignoring the screams of protest in my head. He placed his hands on my shoulder, his eyes burning-with what?

"Let's get outta here." he sighed, stretching his back. I mumbled an 'OK' and we walked side by side.

My heart was beating faster then it ever did.

Every time our hands touched, I felt a shoot of lightning jolt within me.

And every second that passed, I tried to re-imagine us embracing and not letting go.

It was then that I realized the truth.

Jacob...I was in love with him.

I closed my eyes, wishing to go back to that time. The time before this day, before everything. The time where it was just Jacob and me.

And nothing else.

Edward

"Alright Edward." Esme was trying to fix my hair, but it was a lost cause. My hair never stayed in place. "You will stay here until you are called for. All the maidens will enter first, and then the Royal Courier will introduce you, and then you shall enter with grace and prestige..." she trailed on, stars in her eyes.

I sighed. This was much to much trouble to find a human girl.

Or Tanya.

"Are you sure that's all I must do?"

Esme patted my cheek. "Of course not dear. Say some sweet words, try and look them in the eyes-they like that. Show interest in every single one of them, and pick the one that's right for you."

I held back a smile. "You make it sound like this is real." I said, taking hold of her hand.

She gave it a tight squeeze.

"I'm a big believer in fate, Edward," she responded, eyes warm, "And I believe that whatever will happen, will happen. You may believe that this is not real-and that may be- but hear this: There's always a possibility things will turn in a different direction."

She looked into my eyes like she was trying to tell me something. I didn't know what to say.

"...But they're human." I protested.

"As we all once were." was her clever reply, "And there will always be a human inside of us. You may not believe me, but there's still a heart in you."

She tapped my chest, making a point. I smiled. Esme was dead wrong, but her words were warm. Nothing could kinder her spirit.

"Alright Edward?"

"Alright Mother. I have the plan. Go let them in."

Esme beamed, her smile seemingly lighting up the room. She gave me a quick kiss on the cheek, and went down the stairs. I watched her go.

Sometimes, deep down inside of me, I wanted so much to believe in her words. But I couldn't.

"HI EDWARD!"

My eyes dropped down to the bottom of the stairs, and I saw Alice waving at me from her seat on a throne. Next to her was Jasper, holding one of her hands. Across from them on the other side of the room was Emmet and Rosalie, occupied in a conversation.

I didn't bother listening.

And in the middle front of the room sat Carlisle and Esme, hand in hand, seated on the biggest thrones. They looked like everything a king and queen should be. Beautiful, strong, confident.

A seemingly perfect family.

But something caught my attention for the first time.

All the other six members of my family were a couple. Everybody had somebody else, and they all fit together absolutely. It made me wonder:Where did I fit? Was I the black sheep of this family? The outcast? Who would I sit with?

"OPEN THE DOORS AND LET IN THE MAIDENS OF THE KINGDOM!!"

My thoughts were interrupted as the trumpets sounded. The doors of the castle slowly opened, and the dying light of the sun broke through. My whole family tensed, and we all had the same thought.

"Here we go."

Authors Note: I know what you guys must be thinking. Hey! I thought the ceremony was ACTUALLY GOING TO HAPPEN. Ya...it is. This is only HALF of the chapter, cause if I didn't break it into two parts, it would've been MUCH to long...but maybe I should torture you guys a bit and not put the second half up till next week...