Dying For Some Sun

ELEVEN

Bitter Girl

A/N: Wow what a strong reaction the last chapter got...Here's another...

Enjoy JoxX. . .

I headed towards the pull, running as fast as I could. "Master?" when I got to a clearing looking over water, it was beautiful. I had taken to calling Eric, Master it made our relationship less personal, it put distance between me and him. At first I think Eric was pleased, then I think he realised we were no longer friendly, I was his child nothing more. It hurt him, I think. Which was good because he hurt me too- petty, but that's just how Vampires are.

"Sookie, you are well?" he asked staring out over the water.

"I am Vampire, there is no varying states of health," I looked out across the water.

"Of course, I was enquiring how you felt," Eric's voice had an edge to it.

"Felt?" I asked like it was an alien concept, lord knows I had been working on it to be but it just wasn't happening. Damn emotions kept getting the way.

"Sookie... I don't like this," Eric motioned between us.

"Have I displeased you Master?" I asked, trying hard to emulate Rachael out of blade runner in her clipped cold way of speaking. I had only just seen the movie a few days ago for the first time, it matched my mood of late, depressed and cynical.

"This isn't you... stop," he snapped.

"I don't understand, is this a test?" I know I shouldn't but it just slipped out, I swear.

"Why are you punishing me, for trying to keep you safe? For teaching you our ways," he barked.

"I am not sure I follow," I said in a bored tone, like I couldn't give a rats ass.

"Sookie please, I miss the way you were, I miss you challenging me, my beliefs," Eric sounded exasperated.

"You miss me being human? You are my master I am not meant to challenge you, your beliefs are my beliefs," I know I was totally pushing my luck at this point, but I didn't really care anymore. I was just living out my days till he released me. A Sookie puppet and he should tire of me quickly, then I could live my life as I see fit.

"You know very well what I mean," he growled.

"You called what is it that I can do for you?" I changed the subject.

"Tomorrow we see the Queen, I was hoping we could put whatever it is between us just now, behind us, we need to be on guard, focused," he said for the first time looking at me.

"There is nothing between us, expect our Maker/child bond," I didn't intend for it come out as hostile as it did, but it did. In a nano second Eric was in front of me, fangs bared, his nose almost touching mine.

"There is something between us, there is everything between us," then he kissed me, I didn't respond, I just cleared my mind thought of nothing. It was really hard not to respond as much as my traitorous body wanted to. What was wrong with me, sometimes I felt like could stake him with a smile on my face the next minute I wanted him to take me, mark me and make me his.

Eric pulled away from me, for the first time ever I seen fear in his eyes, "I am sorry... please forgive me..."

I just stared blankly, "Your Maker, it's your right," my voice hollow, it was low low blow. I am blaming Vampire Sookie for that one and she can burn in hell for it too.

"I said I would never do that," he stepped away like I was poison, like touching me burned his very skin. I just stood silent and still as only the dead can do, staring blankly across the water.

"Why do you have to be so obstinate, I tried to apologise... I've made a mess of everything, you make me feel things... I don't like to have feelings, I should have killed you the very first night I laid eyes on you," he growled out.

"I am sorry, I have disappointed you," my expression blank as I spoke.

"Tell me, how to fix this... you...us," he pleaded, well as close as thousand year old Vampires get to pleading.

"There is nothing to fix, I've seen the error of my ways. Being sentimental is what will get me killed, I am better now. I have shed my stupid beliefs, I am trying to be like you and Pam. To create a bubble round me that is just as cold and empty as my heart. You have taught me to hold nothing dear, it's just weakness. There is only survival," I sighed, not feeling any of what I had just said.

"Perhaps you would like to stay with Bill tonight?" he sighed also. Like shipping me off to Bill was going to be some miracle cure, to smashing my beliefs that I would find love and be loved in my current state. Oh God, is that what I had hoped for between Eric and I? When we went on that date; seemed so long ago now not the two weeks that had actually passed.

"Whatever for, why would I ever want to associate with such a weak member of our species. I'd rather stay with Thalia, at least she is someone worthy of her race, I may learn something I could use from her," I spat out. Mention of Bill just made my heart ache all the more, someone that loved me for me. Now I was just ruined for them, he couldn't look at me the same because of this thing I'd become. No, why on earth would I want to be with someone like him?

It suddenly dawned on me, like a bolt. I loved him just as he is, Vampire and all but he couldn't do the same for me. Shitty skank Selah Pumphery was preferable to me now in Bill's option. Damn him.

"Tomorrow, I will say things which you may not agree with, behave in ways you will not like, know that I am doing it for our safety. I still am unsure how the Queen came to know of you, how Compton fits into all this. I will need you to use all your talents to keep on guard," Eric had become business like once again. Half of me was relieved the other half of me ached even more, I missed our weird friendship too.

"I'll try not fail you Master," I said equally business like.

"I do care for you, we do feel- you're dismissed," when he said you're dismissed, his teeth clacked together. I wasted no time getting out of there, I ran. Running had become one of my favourite things to do and defiantly went on the plus list. I could run so fast and far, I loved the feel of the wind in my hair, the sounds of the night exploding all around me. I guess it made me feel alive and that made me feel good. I reflected on how much I'd regressed back to being that lonely child I had once been. Escaping in books, films anything that didn't remind me of my reality.

If I was honest I didn't really know how much more I could take. Trying to be something I am not, cold, insensitive, dead inside, it was all hard work. Then there was the huge secret I was keeping from Eric of being a Day walker. Then it was the secret of being a Vampire I kept from Claudine, so I could never tell her the full story about anything. Always skirting round the truth, somewhere in all this, my friends figured. They no longer fitted, because I couldn't be a cold heartless Vampire with friends and they couldn't know I was a Day walker so it didn't matter what I did- I lied, cheated.

It made me feel bad, I wondered how ashamed Gran would be of me for being a liar and a cheat. Let's face it I was cheating myself by becoming something I didn't want to be, didn't even like.

So it was with a heavy heart I went to my bed for the day, I didn't have work the next day so I sun bathed and died again only to rise later than usual. . .

Oh My! she is a bitter girl...Review...