Fresh Start Chapter 10

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What a crappy new year. Walking downstairs with everything that happened last night and seeing Dad with a brighter smile in his face causes my mood to get worse and as I see some concern on my Dad's face, I bang the fridge door after getting some milk for my coffee as I enter the kitchen.

"What are you looking at me like that, huh? I am aware of the fact that you already know what happened last night. Plenty of people were there at R&R last night that you know, I don't want pity okay. Lucy is a bitch and my emotions are all over the place, ok?". My vulnerability starts to come across again and I can't stop the tears crawling down my face and I force myself to turn around and put my back to my Dad as I don't want to cry in front of my own father.

"Ok, I get you don't want to talk to me but you should talk to someone else as they are waiting in the living room. You don't have to worry, it isn't Joey, its Pete. He wants to talk to you, he is worried about you and seeing how you are this morning, he clearly has a right to be. Babe, just do me a favour, talk to your best mate and for God's sake, do not allow someone like Lucy Beale ruin your relationship with Joey, ok?". Even though my tears, I can't help hut smile at my Dad when he is nice and act like an actual father.

As I walk into the living room, I find Pete making himself comfortable on the couch and even through my tears, I can't help but roll my eyes at his behaviour. He may as well make it seem like it is his House. Squeezing past him onto the edge of the couch, I find myself cuddling into his body and I'm thankful that I have a best mate like him. Too bad his twin sister is a manipulative shrew.

"Ok, you shouldn't even be crying, this is ridiculous. She was drunk but even if she wasn't, she would have done the same and so would have Joey. Babe, you know what I've seen since the two of you got back together, I've seen how happy he makes you and that kills my sister. His heart belongs to you and I'm guessing vice versa. Don't allow Lucy to break you guys up again, ok?".

"I get what you saying, I really do but I can't do this again. My health can't take and neither can my heart. All I want to do is curl up in my bed and wish this hadn't happened again. Me running away last night shows that I have allowed Lucy Beale to get involved in mine and Joey's relationship again and I just think it is easier this way, me and Joey just don't work and the sooner I realise that the better, I mean, fresh start, that doesn't work especially when you're a Branning? Anyways away from my drama, aren't you and your Dad bringing Cindy home today, well, I'm coming with you you need me and I need a distraction".

As Pete reluctantly allows me to help him, I snuggle closer to him as we watch a program that we are barely concentrating on and it is clear our separate problems aren't going to go away and for me personally, my problem is right outside the front door unaware to me, feeling really jealous as I gain comfort in my best friend, not him.

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After an emotional morning confiding in Pete, both him and me find ourselves at the Hospital in Cindy's room, waiting for her to get discharged and as I notice Liam, Bianca, Denise, Bobby and Ian in the room alongside me and Pete, I don't know how I feel to see Lucy nowhere to be seen. As the doctor continues to go through the necessary things that Cindy needs to do, I find my mind wandering to the night before and as I think back to Lucy's behavipur, I wonder whether I made the right decision on keeping my distance from Joey.

With my mind all over the place, I politely get out of the room, ignoring Peter's concern and as I head out of the Hospital and sit on the bench, I make the decision to look at my beeping phone and I am not fully surprised to see that Joey has sent a number of voice-mails. Even though I know I may regret it, I decide to listen to one, needing to know what he has said.

"Babe, we need to talk. She kissed me, I would never kiss back. I know this is a reminder of what happened in the past that has cut you up so much. But you have to believe me that I would never kiss her back. I love you so much that will never change, I will give you as much space as you need, I'm here when you're ready to talk".

As the message finishes, I quickly put my phone to the side and it doesn't take long for the tears to fall rapidly down my face and I don't even flinch as I feel Pete's presence right next to me. Needing comfort, I put my head on Pete's chest and I am thankful to have the quiet support from my best friend.

I slowly remove my head off my best mate's chest and as Pete continues to be quiet, obviously expecting for me to speak, I have no idea on what I am thinking and I try to wipe my eyes before I speak.

"Pete, have I done the right thing? I have just listened to one of Joey's voice-mails that he sent me. I just wonder whether I am stupid to allow Lucy to break us up again but our relationship can't be that strong if this affects me so much. As long as Lucy is around, I can't be with Joey". Pete curls his arms around my body and as I put my head back on his chest, I can't help but want to be resting my head on Joey's chest instead.

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After getting Cindy from Hospital after her discharge, I manage to get Ian, Denise, Bobby and Peter out of their House as I try to get Cindy to open up to me. It is clear by just looking at her that she is clearly still fragile and with everyone that cares about her, I am the only person that can identify with her.

"You going to talk to me on why you cut yourself in the first place or not? You know, you just try talking to me as in a few days, you will be talking to a complete stranger about your problems and trust me it is harder than it looks. Don't look at me like that, granted our problems aren't the same but I have been there, just talk to me". I go quiet as I see thoughts milling in the Younger Beale's mind and I sit patiently waiting for her to talk.

"It was hard coming here, all I wanted was to get to know my family. I missed Pete when he left, I just wanted my big brother and the rest of this family. I didn't expect to come in when it had got so bad. Seeing everyone just about hate each other caused me to self destruct. I know, I should have talked to someone but I just couldn't and I have made a mess of everything"

As Cindy breaks down in tears, I get off from my chair and I head over to the couch and give her as much support as possible and as I hear someone coming through the House, I hope it is Pete so he can take over for the sake of them getting closer but I am disappointed and irritated as it is a stoned-faced Lucy and as we lock eyes, I can't help but feel complete hatred for my former best friend and I can't help but feel disappointment as Lucy refuses to come up to her own sister and comfort her. Some people won't ever change and for the sake of this family, I just wish Lucy would change.

After Lucy's non-existence comfort towards her own sister, it didn't take long for Pete and the rest of the Beale family and Liam to return to the Beale Household and as I head back to my own House to welcome back to my own sister, I find myself put in the situation I didn't want to be in as I come face-to-face with Joey. With my back turned to him, I find myself wanting to make my escape back to the House and as I try, I feel Joey's soft touch on my arm and I feel goosebumps going through my body and as tears fall down my face, I know I need to get out of his grasp.

"Joey, please just let me go. I need you to leave me alone, please. I just can't do this anymore" I finally turn around and as I see the tears threatening to fall down his face, I know that not only is my heart breaking but his is too.

"Babe, please don't this. Do not allow Lucy to do this to us. You know at Christmas, I couldn't have been happier, having you back as my girlfriend brought the light back in my life. I need you, so don't give up on us".

Seeing the tears continuing to form in his eyes, I know that I need to get out of his grasp sooner rather than later before me and Joey do something that we won't able to stop causing me to beg Joey one last time to leave me alone, "Joey, if you love me at all, you will leave me alone, we can't be together whilst Lucy is around, she is always going to be trying to come between us". As my harsh words hit Joey hard, he finally lets go of me and I take my chance to run into my House and as I slam the door shut, I slide down the door and my emotions get the better of me and I don't even flinch when Dad sits next to me and tries to comfort me, not knowing what has happened.

"Babe, if this is about you and Joey, Pete called me so I know what has happened, I'm here and everything will be okay in the long-run. You and Joey will find a way back". As I take in my Dad's words, I just hope he is right as I can't take any more of this emotional drama.

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After gaining comfort from Dad, I tried to hide my problems as me, Dad and Nan welcomed Abi back in the fold with a family dinner. Feeling the tension with Abi, I wanted to talk to her about her problems but I decide to wait until Dad and Nan go to bed.

At 10pm, Nan and Dad finally go to bed and after clearing up, I join an exhausted and spaced put Abi on the couch and as I reach for my hand, I can't hide my surprise when she puts a tight hold on it and I try to be careful as I try to get my younger sibling to open up.

"I know this is difficult but are you going to tell me what is wrong? We are all worried about you. Whatever is said between you and me won't be revealed to anyone else I promise". Seeing the dead look in her eyes as we lock eyes causes my heart to break as seeing the state Abi is in doesn't seem right and I force myself to stay quiet as Abi gets the courage to open up.

"I don't know what is wrong with me, I really don't, sis. It's actually nothing to do with Jay's lies and his cheating. I have tried to be so strong for so long and I guess it has finally got to me. I don't know what to do, if I did, I would change how I feel right now". After finishing her explanation, Abi breaks down with her emotions as tears crawl down her face ever rapidly and I try to comfort her as best as I can as her older sister, even though I feel out of my depth.

After crying into my shoulder for 10 minutes, Abi finally gets up, clearly emotionally exhausted and heads to bed. Being by myself downstairs whilst everyone else is asleep causes a million thoughts to go in my head about my intense relationship with Joey and as the tears fall down my face and my chin, I do something that I should have done hours ago as I reach for my phone.

I text I'm sorry and I just know that I may have broken both of us for good...

A/N - Don't hate me. More drama for J/L continues next chapter as Lucy tries to get her claws into Joey, Abi and Lauren have more sisterly talks, Pete struggles with Cindy's quietness and Alice worries about Joey's distant behaviour causing her to get involved between Joey/Lauren Thank you for all of the reviews especially all of the guest reviews, I read all of them. Until, next time...