In Her Eyes
Chapter Eleven: Lost
xxxx
Byakuya woke the following morning with the feeling that something was amiss. He looked at his frail wife sound asleep in his arms.
"Hisana?" He shook her gently.
He gazed at her peaceful face and suddenly felt himself fall to pieces.
"Hisana..." Byakuya said quietly.
He gathered her closer to him as tears began to escape his eyes. His mind began to spiral into confusion and helplessness. She couldn't leave now, she couldn't leave him behind. She promised to grow old with him, to watch Rukia walk down the aisle. She promised that they'd be together now matter how hard it became.
"Hisana, please." Byakuya begged quietly, his stoic expression threatened to reveal his despair as he buried his face in her neck.
Hisana's skin still felt warm, her smell still lingered in her hair. Byakuya kissed her gently on the lips, the motion allowed a tear to fall onto her cheek. He quickly wiped it away, and slipped out of the bed, taking a seat beside her. He made sure she was comfortable and positioned the pillows and blankets as best as he could, before taking her hand in his.
Upon lifting her hand, he found a letter.
Dearest Byakuya,
If you are reading this, then I'm probably gone. First, I want to thank you for all that you've done. Thank you for loving me and accepting me despite my health. I am sorry that I was never able to fully show you my gratitude, but I want you to know that I do love you very much. I have always admired your strength and devotion, and how dedicated you are to your family and career. Thank you for choosing me to stay by your side, I am lucky.
Please do me one more favour…I would like you to give my eyes to Rukia. After all, I have no use for them anymore. Please watch over our precious daughter, and don't forget that she is just as strong and capable as her father.
Love eternally,
Hisana
Byakukya folded the letter neatly and put it in his pocket. He picked up Hisana's hand once more and kissed it.
Dr. Cifer knocked on the door, coming in shortly afterwards. Byakuya couldn't bring himself to look the doctor in the eyes.
"I'm sorry for your loss." The doctor said.
"She has a request." Byakuya said, feeling his energy burn away simply at the effort of sounding neutral. "Hisana would like to give Rukia her eyes."
"I don't think you're aware of-"
"She-We are aware. We understand it's highly experimental and that it may not work... but this is her wish." Byakuya interrupted.
"Very well." Dr. Cifer replied, bowing his head as he turned to leave.
Byakuya listened as the doctor's footsteps retreat and the door click shut. He brought Hisana's hand to his cheek and closed his eyes.
xxxx
Ichigo woke up and found himself in a chair outside Rukia's door. He noticed that the rest of his friends were gone, and that he was all by himself. He looked around, and then glanced at the clock. Five in the morning. He heard footsteps come towards him and saw that it was Byakuya. His eyes weary and sad, Ichigo's eyebrow rose in question.
"You've finally woken up." He said simply, and sat down two seats away from Ichigo.
"Yeah… what did I miss?" Ichigo rubbed his eyes and yawned. Byakuya sat in silence for a few minutes and then cleared his throat.
"Hisana passed away a few moments ago." Ichigo was taken back and lowered his gaze.
"I'm sorry." Ichigo muttered.
"Don't be." Byakuya said. "At least now, Rukia has a chance." Ichigo's eyebrow rose.
"A chance?" Ichigo asked. Byakuya entwined his hands together and then leaned forward, he let out a long sigh and looked over at Ichigo.
"Hisana decided to donate her own eyes to Rukia." Byakuya said. Ichigo's eyes widened with shock.
"That's-"
"After this I will not allow you to see her ever again." Byakuya interrupted. Ichigo's head jerked up.
"What?"
"Because of your carelessness, my daughter almost died. I will not have that happen again." Ichigo clenched his hand.
"I can't say anything to counter that…" Byakuya's gaze shifted over to Ichigo's hunched form. "But I want to stay by her side."
"You can see her one last time, afterwards you will not associate with her." Byakuya said. Ichigo gritted his teeth, he wanted to stand up and yell at Byakuya. However, he knew that it would be in vain.
Ichigo cursed under his breath.
xxxx
The pair sat in silence anxiously awaiting the outcome of the surgery. A few hours later, Dr. Cifer walked out of the operating room. He slipped off his mask, and turned to Ichigo and Byakuya who stood at attention.
"Thank you for your patience." He started. "Despite its high risks, the operation was a success. However, we are still unsure when she will wake. She's in her room now. Please watch over her, and I'll return to check on her condition in a day or two." Dr. Cifer bowed and left.
Byakuya sent Ichigo off to say his farewell. Ichigo stood and walked slowly into her room. He sat beside her and held her hand. He took a deep breath in and then sighed. "Rukia, by the time you wake up, I won't be here. But I hope you enjoy finally seeing the things I tried to explain to you. Maybe you'll argue that the colour red didn't look like what I showed you."
Ichigo chuckled at the thought of Rukia yelling at him again and her face scrunching up in frustration. He took out Hisana's letter, and then opened it. He let out a shaky sigh as he returned it into the envelope then placed it on Rukia's stomach.
"We've been through so many things… I don't want to leave you like this, now. But hopefully I'll still see your face at class… and don't worry about me because I'll be fine. I just want you to get out of this dead sleep you little midget. " Ichigo sighed, he leaned forward and then kissed her lips gently. As he backed up, her eyebrow twitched ever so slightly, but could not be seen under the bandages. "I'll see you around." He smirked, but his eyes were sad and weary. Slowly, he left the room.
Hands in his pockets, he passed a glance at Byakuya, who was standing by the door. Was he listening? Ichigo decided he didn't care, the man already knew how they felt about each other. He sprinted home.
xxxx
Rukia could hear voices… a gentle, worried, and familiar voice. Midget. Who said that word? It rang through her mind like an alarm clock. She felt a warm hand in hers, and a soft touch at her lips, her eyebrow twitched. The voice continued to talk in a gentle manner, she knew this voice… it sounded so familiar. Sorry. No, don't apologize, whoever you are. See you around. Who are you?
Her eyes flickered back and forth underneath her eyelids, midget… who was the only one who called her midget? And that voice… the hand… those lips… She desperately wanted to find out who it was… but felt helpless for no one came to mind.
Her fingers twitched as she tried to see if the hand was still there, only to find air. She heard footsteps; this had to mean that the person was leaving. She desperately called out for the person to come back in her mind. Soon the footsteps disappeared, she breathed in and out uneasily. She had to know who it was; maybe the person could help her figure out what was going on.
"WAIT!" She sat up, panting.
She saw nothing, which she was used to, but could not sense anyone near her. Where was she? Her hands scanned around her bed, and she felt the material of the brown envelope. However, she couldn't read it since it wasn't in Braille. She put the letter on her lap.
She sighed and lay back down, trying to recall what had happened before she fell asleep. Nothing would come to her, absolutely nothing. And yet, the voice that she heard while she was sleeping, made her heart ache, she longed for that voice to sound again. She rubbed her face, and then felt the material of the bandages over her forehead. Bandages. Maybe she was at a hospital? Yeah, that must be where she is. But why was she at the hospital?
"Hello? Anyone near here?" She called out.
"Rukia." The deep voice said, and he held her hand.
"Who… are you?" Rukia asked, as she pulled away.
Byakuya felt his heart sting and cleared his throat. "It's me, your father."
"Father…?" She asked, making certain. Byakuya's eyebrow rose.
"Rukia, I'm Kuchiki Byakuya, your father. And you are Rukia Kuchiki." He said.
"I know I am Rukia Kuchiki… but..." Her fingers reached out to touch the person's face for she didn't know who he was, but if he were certainly her father, something would remind her about him.
Her hand went along the fair skin on his face. He seemed quite young, no wrinkles. Her fingers went across his closed eyes, and then down his nose. Nothing, nothing reminded her of him.
"I'm sorry… I…" She said. Byakuya allowed a frown to slip out.
"That's okay, I'll wait until you remember." Byakuya replaced the flowers in the large porcelain vase on the bedside table.
"Do you know why I'm here?" Rukia asked.
xxxx
Ichigo walked into his house and closed the door quietly, hoping his family wouldn't notice he was home.
"Nii-chan!" Yuzu called out. "We were so worried!" She ran up to her brother and hugged him by the abdomen.
"You idiot. Where the hell were you? Are you okay?" Karin ran in after Yuzu. Ichigo's eyebrow rose.
"OHHH ICHIGOO! I heard all about it from Hisana-chan! I thought you were dead!" Isshin Kurosaki flew towards Ichigo who dodged him easily.
"I'll be in my room." He said. He then heard barking and turned around to see Kon. "Hey buddy." He pet Kon on the head and made his way upstairs.
He crashed onto his bed, with his hands behind his head and sighed. He started to wonder if Rukia was awake, and turned to his side. Then, the sound of panting neared, along with small footsteps followed by a wagging tail. Kon pushed the door open and yipped at Ichigo. He frowned, and wondered if it was ever possible to find privacy in the house.
"What do you want?" Ichigo said rather harshly. The dog made its way over to him and jumped onto his bed. "Hey! Off the bed! I told you!" The dog did not move, instead, he put his head on Ichigo's lap. He smirked and patted the golden retriever's head. "You missed me eh?" He chuckled, as the dog seemed to purr at his touch.
He frowned and wondered if Rukia ever met Kon. There was no doubt that she would have loved him. He ran a hand through his unruly hair and sighed. Everything reminded him of her, he couldn't stop thinking about her…what was this? Kon yipped once more, noticing the missing hand from his head.
"Right." Ichigo laughed, and pet Kon's head once more. "Was there ever a girl dog you liked Kon?" Kon barked as if he understood, and then Ichigo laughed. "I bet she was really beautiful." He sighed as images of Rukia flashed through his mind.
xxxx
Rukia felt absolutely lost. She sat in silence, gripping onto her blanket.
"I don't... I can't remember her name." Rukia asked.
"Your mother? Hisana. Hisana Kuchiki." The softness in Byakuya's tone surprised her and she felt memories flood her mind.
Rukia let out a pained gasp and clutched her head.
"Rukia?" Byakuya called out, placing his hands on her shoulders.
"I'm fine... Dad." She smiled gently and looked up at where the voice came from. "So she's gone?"
Byakuya took her hand. "She's gone, but she's given you a chance at a normal life."
Rukia felt tears wet her bandages, she touched her eyes through her bandages. More tears soaked through her head coverings and finally fell down her cheeks.
"She's...gone..." Rukia whispered, and she began to cry. Byakuya stood quickly, and collected his daughter in his arms. She clutched onto her father's shirt and sobbed into his chest. Byakuya sat back on the bed and pulled a blanket over himself and Rukia.
"I'm sorry." Byakuya said softly, trying his best stay composed.
Eventually, Rukia fell asleep. Byakuya placed her back onto the bed, and pulled the covers over her shoulders. He took a deep breath and left the room slowly. The entire situation was too much trauma at once for his daughter. He barely started explaining why she arrived at the hospital when she interrupted and asked about her mother. He decided to take a drive, and pick up some lunch for Rukia on the way.
In her sleep, Rukia was disturbed by noises from her head. She heard gunshots and yelling and voices that she couldn't recognize. Her heart began to race and she was forced to wake in panic again.
"Rukia, I'm here." Byakuya said calmly, as he quickened his pace and placed the plastic bag of food on her bedside table.
"I heard gunshots. Why did I hear gunshots?" Rukia asked frantically.
Byakuya let out a sigh, and continued the rest of her story. Rukia's confusion increased, and she began to panic.
"What? Someone else is dead?" Rukia exclaimed. "Was it my fault? Dad? She saved me? What do you mean? But she's dead!" She clutched her head, feeling a headache come on at the sudden onslaught of information.
"You don't have to force yourself, it will come with time." Byakuya said, placing a hand on her small shoulder. "I brought you lunch, congee, it'll warm you up."
Rukia heard the plastic bag crinkle as Byakuya prepared her meal.
"No. I want you to tell me the whole thing." She urged.
Byakuya looked down at the ground, and then set down the take out container.
Rukia soaked the news in. The monotone of her father's voice made it difficult for her to stay awake, as the fatigue of using her energy to stay composed began to set in. In certain instances, at the names Grimmjaw and Kurosaki, Byakuya's voice would be tinted in disgust. Rukia made sure to take note of the names, for they came up quite often in the story.
"You can't trust them." Byakuya finished.
"Who? This... Grimmjaw and Kurosaki?" Rukia asked.
"They have endangered your life more than once." Byakuya replied, "You must not associate with them, especially when you return to school."
Rukia felt a strange knot form in her stomach. Her intuition told her something different, and her chest began to sting. The pair looked up at the sound of knocking.
"Come in." Byakuya called out.
"I see she has woken." The woman's voice was melodic and kind.
"Who are you?"
"I'm your doctor." The woman replied, and touched Rukia on the hand. "How are you feeling?"
Rukia could only shrug. "I've forgotten everything, I have no idea what's going on."
"I'm glad to say that your amnesia should be temporary. You have gone through a series of traumatic events, therefore your brain has shut down. It shall come with time. What's important is that you let it come. It shouldn't be too difficult, once you're out of the hospital the cues will come to you." She said gently as she read Rukia's file.
"When will I be able to leave?" Rukia asked.
"In a few days. We have to make certain that you're all good from head to toe before allowing you to return to school." The doctor replied. "Have you had any dizziness? Headaches? Nausea? Anything that's making you uncomfortable?"
"No, other than the amnesia... no." Rukia replied quietly.
"And the bandages?" Byakuya asked.
"Whenever Dr. Cifer sees that it is fit to remove them. You're quite the special case Rukia, it's incredible that your father allowed you to undergo such a complex procedure." The click of the magnet behind the clipboard brought Rukia back from the brink of getting lost in her thoughts. "The next few days are going to be tough, please do your best."
"I have... one more question." Rukia asked.
"Of course, fire away." The doctor replied sweetly.
"So... I have my mother's eyes now?"
"In a sense, yes. From what I know about the procedure, Dr. Cifer grafted certain parts of your mother's eyes to replace what was unused in yours. It's highly experimental and has a chance of not working, but in your parents' minds, it was worth the risk." The sweetness in her voice had disappeared, replaced by a smooth professional tone.
"I see. Thank you." Rukia sighed.
"Dr. Cifer is an excellent surgeon and eye doctor. No matter what happens, you've been a strong girl, Rukia." The doctor squeezed Rukia's hands gently. "We're all rooting for you." She finished gently.
"Thank you," Rukia let out a small smile.
Byakuya nodded a small bow to the doctor who did the same. She left the room quickly and closed the door behind her with a soft click.
"What's in the envelope, dad?" Rukia patted the bedside table, feeling the texture of the rough paper under her fingers.
"It says, "For Rukia's eyes only". Guess you'll have to see for yourself." He replied. "For now, let's have some lunch."
Rukia nodded and received the plastic bowl of warm congee. She ran her fingers across the bandages covering her eyes and felt a hint of excitement at the chance to be sighted.
xxxx
The following morning, Ichigo woke up from a heavy weight on his chest. Was this guilt? He opened his eyes slowly, no, it was definitely not guilt; it was a big, golden retriever sleeping on him. His eyes narrowed, and then he pushed the dog off. Kon fell to the ground with a loud thump and then barked in annoyance at his master. Ichigo stuck out his tongue and then pushed his covers off.
Glancing at the time, he saw that he was awake rather early. Running a hand through his bed head, he got up and pulled his school uniform over his head. At least he would be early enough to eat some breakfast. Making his way down the stairs, the familiar sounds of bickering and shouting filled his ears, it was annoying, but it felt good to be home.
"Good morning nii-chan." Yuzu said with a smile, glad to see that her brother wasn't too down in the dumps. Ichigo grunted and took a seat beside Karin.
"Any news from Rukia, son?" Isshin asked, his tone unusually serious. Ichigo pretended he didn't hear that question, how was he supposed to know when he was told to stay away from her? "I see." Isshin added.
"See what, old man?"
"Nothing Karin." He answered.
Ichigo gulped down his milk and chewed on a piece of toast. What happened to Isshin? It was peculiar to see him calm and collected. Ichigo suddenly met eye contact with his strange father, and they had a staring contest. Ichigo blinked, and then Isshin jumped up.
"I win!" He yelled with a big grin plastered on his face.
A vein pulsed on Ichigo's head, when he had finally gained a little respect for the man, he had to go and remove it. Ichigo finished the last of his food and stood up. The family stayed silent as he picked up his bag and put his shoes on.
"Have a good day at school, Ichigo." Isshin said. Ichigo simply nodded and was out the door.
Hands in his pockets and with his bag over his shoulder, he walked down the streets slowly. Gathering his thoughts to face the class of noisy students once more. But that question stayed in his mind, how was Rukia? Was she good, bad, sick? Was she awake? He gritted his teeth, he wanted to see her so badly. Even if she was asleep, seeing her face made him want to live, although he was afraid to admit it, Rukia meant everything to him.
Ichigo walked into the school and into his class. Dropping his bag and himself onto his seat, he sighed and put his head on his hand, looking off into the distance.
"Kurosaki-kun." Orihime said softly, she placed a hand on his shoulder. "Are you okay?"
"I'm fine." Ichigo answered, his gaze still concentrated in front of him. Orihime sighed, and then sat in front of him, looking him in the eyes.
"Don't tell me you're not allowed to see her." Uryu perked up. Ichigo looked away and leaned back in his chair. "You know it's not your fault Ichigo." He added.
Ichigo couldn't answer, although the group already knew what he thought. His walls were high again, and he refused to let anyone in but Rukia.
At lunch, Ichigo sat alone. He stared blankly at his food and remembered that Yuzu would be mad if he didn't finish at least half. He slowly brought the rice ball to his mouth and took a bite. His eyes wandered around the rooftop courtyard, glancing at his friends who looked on worriedly, and then saw Grimmjaw walking towards him.
"What do you want?" Ichigo asked sadly.
Grimmjaw sat down beside him. "How's she doing?"
"I don't know." Ichigo replied simply.
"What do you mean you don't know?" Grimmjaw glared at Ichigo.
"I don't know. I'm not allowed to see her." Ichigo looked away.
Grimmjaw let out a frustrated sigh and stood. He grabbed Ichigo's collar and dragged him along, causing the contents of Ichigo's lunchbox to spill on the concrete. "We're going to see her." The students watched the delinquent pair, excited for a fight.
"Hey! Let go asshole!" Ichigo pulled Grimmjaw's strong grip off of his shirt. He stood and fixed his clothes. "Byakuya will kill us."
Grimmjaw rolled his eyes. "Do I look like I've ever given a shit about what that old man thought? Come with me, unless you trust me on my behaviour around her."
Ichigo glared at Grimmjaw, "You piss me off."
The blue haired teen ignored the remark and led Ichigo off school grounds.
xxxx
The next day, Rukia felt a soft hand on her head. She jumped and sat up quickly, only to collide heads with whoever touched her. She screamed in pain and rubbed her forehead. She heard fast apologies and she laughed, she knew that voice from anywhere. Hanataro Yamada.
"It's okay Hanataro." She said kindly.
"Ah, I'm sorry again… it's time for breakfast." He said, and he rolled her table over her lap and at her chest.
"Thank you." She smiled.
"I'm supposed to stay with you the whole day, so I hope you don't mind that I eat with you."
"No, I don't mind at all." Rukia said gently.
"So... what do you remember?" Hanataro asked hesitantly. Rukia shrugged as she chewed.
"I remember mom and dad, I remember you." She smiled.
"That's great!" Hanataro replied. "What about your friends?"
Rukia frowned slightly. "I don't remember anything about them. I'm starting to doubt they exist, to be honest."
"They do exist Kuchiki-san! They're very nice people!" Hanataro exclaimed.
"I told you to call me Rukia." She said seriously. "But I suppose it'll be a while before I do remember, for now, I'd rather relax."
Rukia played games with Hanataro as they talked. When Rukia took a nap, Hanataro read silently by her bed. The small butler gently roused Rukia awake as lunch came, and wheeled another meal near Rukia.
There was a knock on Rukia's door and she jumped. Hanataro opened her door, and yelled a shout of defiance.
"You're not supposed to be here! Neither is that guy!"
"Hanataro?" Rukia asked in confusion.
"So you're awake?" The voice asked. Rukia took a deep breath in, this voice… it wasn't the one that woke her, but deeper and still familiar.
"Who are you?"
"What do you mean 'who are you'? We skipped class for you!"
"I never asked you to! I don't even know who you are!" Rukia exclaimed.
"What the hell? What's that supposed to mean!" Grimmjaw yelled in frustration.
Hanataro quickly pushed them out of the room, much to the protest of the two teens towering over the butler.
"Amnesia?" The pair repeated as Hanataro explained Rukia's situation.
"She doesn't remember anything, the trauma caused her brain to shut down and made it so that she can't access those sections of her memory. She even forgot who her parents were." Hanataro said grimly.
Ichigo scratched the back of his head and Grimmjaw let out a sigh of frustration. "We're still going to see her." Grimmjaw said as he leaned down to face Hanataro, "And the old man's not going to hear a word about this."
The small butler quivered, and nodded, "I would have let you in anyway," he said shakily, "She needs her friends." He led them back into the room.
"Ichigo, you go first." Grimmjaw said, pushing the younger boy ahead of him.
Rukia put a hand up to her head. "Ichigo?" For some reason, the name sounded so familiar.
Ichigo gritted his teeth. So she had forgotten him, everything that had happened between them was gone. He clenched his hands into fists and looked away. "No." Rukia whipped her head towards Ichigo, it was the voice that woke her! Ichigo, however, was turned away and failed to notice her reaction. "You go ahead, Grimmjaw."
"Grimmjaw… Grimmjaw Jeagerjaques? Yeah… aren't you the one who-" And as if someone had slapped her across the face, memories of Grimmjaw came to her in terrifying speed. She bent over, clutching at her head. "Go away!" Rukia yelled.
"Hold on, I-"
"You almost killed me! Get out!" Rukia demanded. Ichigo sighed, glad that she remembered something, but was more worried that she didn't remember him.
"I can't leave." Grimmjaw said, and he walked closer. "I'm here to help remind you about Yume."
Rukia inched farther away as his voice got closer. She heard him pull up a chair and sit down. "Yume?" She asked.
"Yeah. Yume Higurashi." Grimmjaw repeated.
Rukia felt herself become sick, the name brought forth anger, pity, but most of all, guilt. "I was told that she was there when I fell... and she died."
"She died to save your life." He said.
"She-" Rukia let out a pained yell and she clutched at her sheets. Grimmjaw jumped up, his protective instinct acting up. Hanataro rushed to Rukia's side and soothed her until she returned to the present. "She... tried to kill me too."
Grimmjaw shook his head. "She tried to help me, and because of that, she died."
Rukia shook her head. "I don't understand."
"Yume tried to get you to Grimmjaw, but became angry and both of you fell of the balcony." Ichigo said, still unable to look at the girl he was informing.
"So she died because we fell?" Rukia asked weakly.
"She died fixing her mistake." Grimmjaw said, and looked away as Rukia began to cry. "I don't know how to feel... knowing that I won't ever have you, but losing the one person that meant so much to me. I somehow wish you both would have never made it, but at the same time I know that that wouldn't be fair. You owe Yume. You owe her your life."
"I'm sorry." Rukia began to shake and she tried her best to cry quietly. Hanataro quickly ushered the two boys out.
Ichigo and Grimmjaw walked down the busy hospital halls deep in their thoughts.
"I hope she never remembers you." Grimmjaw piped up. "You don't deserve someone you can't even fight for."
Ichigo stopped walking and looked down at his feet. "I'm sorry."
"You don't owe me shit. Apologize to Yume's grave." Grimmjaw walked away, leaving Ichigo behind.
Rukia wiped her tears away on the sleeve of her gown. She felt that it was unfair to have lost two lives for the sake of her own. The guilt weighed heavily on her shoulders and her heart stung at what she owed Yume. It could have gone better, she thought. But even Rukia wasn't sure about Yume, the girl was always a wild card that she never understood. She suddenly remembered that Yume loved and Ichigo Kurosaki, she placed a hand on her chest as she felt her heart tighten.
Rukia heard the door open and Hanataro cleared his throat. "Kuchiki-san, Kurosaki-san wanted me to give this to you." He took her hands gently and placed it on top of the folded sketchbook paper.
"Kurosaki... which one was he?" She asked, sniffling as she opened the folded paper.
Hanataro wasn't sure what to say. "He was here earlier... although you couldn't remember him."
Rukia ran her fingers down the open page, feeling no bumps, she folded it up and set it beside her mother's letter.
xxxx
A/N: Okay, so I made it longer (11 pages :). Heehee, for you patiently waiting people out there. I know I know, Amnesia? That's so cliché! But eh. It makes a wonderful twist. Please review! I love you all! Forgive any mistakes, I'm finishing this late.