(AN: So, we've only got 3 more chapters to go! I'd like to reach 100k words at the end of this fic, but if I can't, that's okay too! Also, don't forget to send a review! And speculate, too!)
Chris: Last time on Total Drama: Revenge of the Island, the final five contestants went on a 3-tiered race through the air, sea, and land! Staci sabotaged Brick's early challenge lead, a lead he was not getting back again! Sam got attacked by Anne Maria, Fang and his crew, and finally, a tree! Sucks to be Sam! *he chuckles slightly* Anne Maria and B's rivalry flared, while Staci took home some unexpected immunity! In the end, Brick sacrificed himself from the competition to save Sam's hide, earning him a 5th place win! Poor guy, he will be missed! *he salutes the cameras* With only 4 left, will Anne Maria treat B with the respect he rightfully deserves? …the answer to that one is no, but we'll find out further on Total…Drama…Revenge of the Island!
*cue the theme song*
Episode 11: Eat, Puke, and be Wary
Sam sighed as he set up his bunk that night. B wasn't ignorant of this fact.
"Well, hey, guess we're sleeping together again, huh?" Sam said, looking away nervously.
B smiled and gave him a thumbs up.
Sam looked back at him. "So, uh, any reason you don't talk there?"
B's smile disappeared faster than his thumb. His eyes lost focus.
"Uh, B?"
B's breathing got faster. He stood up, legs shaking.
"You good there, buddy?"
B, weeping silently, barged out of the loser cabins.
Sam sighed. "Awww…"
Sam: I dunno why I didn't want to talk to B last night. Well, I mean, I was kinda exhausted, but…you know!
In the spa hotel, Staci and Anne Maria clanked their smoothie glasses together.
"Ahhh! This is the life!" Staci said, slurping her drink down with a bendy straw.
"You said it!" Anne Maria said, squirting some lime into hers.
The butler came in. "Would the madams like anything else tonight?"
Anne Maria thought about this for a minute. "I don't think so…"
"Very well, madams. Mr. McLean has also told me that your final letters of the season will be arriving tomorrow at breakfast. Please, respond to them the next day, would you? Some of them are getting worried…"
Anne Maria: Oh, please! My parents were nevuh worried 'bout me! I mean, they weren't worried aftuh I told them I had a crush on…my friend's dad, was it? Yeah, so at the age of 7, I got really upset cuz all my friend and her dad did was fight and f-bleep!-! Hey, I grew up fast in those times!
"So, let's talk strategy," Anne Maria said, putting her drink down on the coaster. "Brick the dick's gone, so all that's left is…"
"…B and Sam!" Staci gasped happily. "Ya, we're so close to making the finals!"
Staci: With only four of us left, my chances of winning just skyrocketed! Honestly, next round, I'm getting rid of Anne Maria. Ya, she's gotten way too mean for my tastes…
Chef: Y'know, with Anne Maria bein' as mean to B as she is, why didn't she call me that throughout the season?! What, does she respect me? Huh? Maybe it's cuz I can beat her up if she steps outta line…*he chuckles evilly*
"B? B!"
Sam ran to where his bunkmate was. The latter was sitting on a rock, which overlooked the Wawanakwa waters and the moon reflected in it.
"Hey, uh, you okay? Sorry if I pissed ya off back there, heheh…"
B didn't turn around or acknowledge him; he still was looking down.
Sam found another rock next to his acquaintance. "B?"
B was staring angrily at his cassette tape, gripping it with nearly enough force to crush it.
In the moonlight, Sam could see the words scrawled on the top: My Greatest Failure.
"B? Is there something you're not telling us?"
B howled in anguish, crushed the cassette, and hurled it out across the water. Sam watched it skip in the moonlight, then sink.
"You, uh, wanna go back?"
B shook his head.
"Alrighty, then! Then I guess I'll stay here…"
B buried his face into Sam's chest, sobbing hysterically.
Sam awkwardly patted B's head. "There…there? It's okay, I guess…"
B: *he's glaring at the camera. Pulling out his sound recorder, he slams a button repeatedly, repeating a "cha-ching!" sound effect. He points to himself constantly as well*
Chris was relaxing on the couch at his and Chef's island home. He was testing out his new smartphone, taking photos with the front and rear cameras.
"Happy there, Chris?" Chef asked him.
"You bet! These, uh…'selfies'…that's what the kids call them, right? Anyway, yeah, taking a lot of photos here. Tell Tom I said 'thanks!' when you get a chance, will you?"
"Mm-hmm! Dinner's almost ready, by the way," the chef replied, walking back towards the kitchen.
However, a ringing sound from behind stopped him in his tracks.
"Huh! A TalkTime request…from some unknown person?" Chris asked. "Let's check it out!"
"Wait, Chris, do-!"
But it was too late. Chris had hit the "talk" button.
"Hello? He-lloooooooooooooooo-ooooooooooooooo! Oh-em-gee, I hack-got back in touch with Chris! Aah!"
Sierra's face was now in full view as she turned her camera on. "Chris? Chris! Turn yours on! I want to see your adowable wi'w face!"
It took Chris everything in him to prevent him from puking. "Uh…maybe? If you behave, I might…"
"Aww, poo! Anyways, that's not important right now, look who's awa-aaaaaaake!"
Sierra turned the camera to Cameron's bed. The bespectacled teen was conscious now, and eating some ice cream.
"This is so cold!" he gasped, clutching his temples. "Mom! What's this sensation I'm feeling!?"
"That's brain freeze! I should've told the nurse 'no cold foods', you're not allowed to have them, Cammy-bear!" a voice came from another part of the room.
"That's Camody's mom," Sierra told Chris under her breath. "She's so clingy towards him. I mean, she threatened to call the police if I snuck in after-hours again! Isn't that rude?"
"No, Sierra," Chris sighed, finally turning his camera on. "As…overbearing as she can be…she has…every right…to keep you away from her kid…especially if…you're…endangering…his life."
"Aww, why all the weird pauses, Chris" Sierra giggled. "It's so unbecoming of someone with such hostly charms such as yourself!"
"I'm doing it so that you can get something through that head of yours! Do you seriously think, after two seasons of trying – and failing – I'd let you in to compete? Ha! Fat chance!"
"Aww, who said anything about competing, Chris? I'm just here to be the newswoman that this show so desperately needs!"
Chris groaned and rubbed his face with his free hand. "Alright, Sierra, what was the purpose of you calling me?"
"Just to say hi," she giggled again. "Oh, and to let you know that my wonderful Cody-Cam is awake again!"
Cameron, who was listening in on everything in the background, looked worried. "Uhhhhh…"
"Actually, Chris, I have a serious, teensy-weensy, question for you…" Sierra said. "Would you put B on the line? I'm pretty sure that B was Cam's only friend on the island until he met me! Hee hee hee!"
"Hey! That's obviously not true!"
Chris stood up. "You know what? I'll allow it! I'll bring you over to him immediately!"
Chris: Hey, what do I look like here? A monster? Ha! Maybe in some other universe, I'll be so evil that even Mal would squirm!
Sierra, from his phone: Ohmigosh, Chris, I heard that! Wait, are you on the confessional?! Hi, confessional audience! This is your newswoman, Sierra, reporting to you live from—
Chris: *he's bolted out the door at this point*
Sam was having trouble supporting a still silently weeping B.
"Hey…hey, it's okay…" he muttered.
"Hey, B! Someone's on the line for you!" Chris said, running up to them.
B didn't hear him; he was still sobbing.
"Uh, I don't think that this is the best time right now…" Sam said. "I don't know why he's doing this, but—"
"Ooh, is he lamenting his abusive father's actions towards him when he was little?" Sierra said. "Was he holding the tape?!"
"Yeah, it was called 'My Greatest Failure…'" Sam started to say, but was interrupted.
"AAH! I need to let my blog know about this critical update!" Sierra squealed happily.
Chris cringed, as did Cameron on the other line. Sam just scratched his head.
"Sierra, that's extremely sensitive information!" Cameron said. "You should've kept that quiet!"
"Aww, no, it's okay, all for the good of my blog!" Sierra said, clacking away at her phone's keyboard. "Hey, wait, where's your mom?"
"Uhhhh…" Chris said, holding the phone screen back up to his face. "What time is it over there?"
"Visiting hours are over, ma'am!" a gruff voice said, before snatching Sierra and dragging her away.
"Aww, guess this is good-bye anyways! I'll see you tomorrow, Chris!" Sierra giggled. She blew him a kiss and flirtily waved. "Byeeee! Hope you and Chef have some fun f—"
"Aaaand that's enough of that!" Chris said, immediately turning off the TalkTime conversation.
He then composed himself. "So, uh, yeah, I think that'll be put on hold until tomorrow, B. Just wanna make sure you're good."
Sam patted B's shoulder and continued on to the cabin. "Night, Chris!"
"Hel-lo, gawgeous!"
Anne Maria kissed her nail polish as the butler applied some to her outstretched hand.
"Let's considuh this payback for not lettin' me get a massage and such a while ago…" she said, while Staci nodded.
"Ya, Justin hogged up that for half the night…"
Anne Maria: Honestly? It was worth seein' babe get all pretty again! *she bites her lips and fans herself* Mmmm!
Sam finally heaved the sniffling B onto his bunk, then collapsed onto his own.
Whew! That was quite the evening…
He looked over at his duffel bag, which had a pixelated image of his face on it, like one would see in an 8-bit video game.
Heh, Gaming Steve's Gaming Camp. Where I first met Harold and where it all began…
He opened the top of the bag and dug in underneath his clothes. He pulled out the invincibility ticket, which was still sparkling as golden as it ever had.
Might as well keep this on my person…
Sam: With Brick gone, it's a little of B and a lot of me at my side! This ticket…*he holds up the ticket*…is the only chance of survival I've really got! Hello, final 3!
Morning arrived onto the island. Chris was awoken at 7 in the morning by his phone vibrating once more.
"Oh, lord, it's her again…" he groaned.
"Yeah, hello? It's a little too early in the morning for this…"
"Hi, Chris! I wanted to show you how Cameron was doing again!"
Sierra giggled as she pointed the phone camera at Cameron, who was snoring away in his hospital bed.
"Isn't he the sweetest? My blog went wild last night, seeing him all unprotected and alone! Heck, we even made a massive donation to one of his only unblocked websites, Bloogging Bubble Boy!"
Chris yelped. "Okay, that's a little too much information to share, Sierra! I don't need to know what Cameron does off the show!"
"Aww, but Chris, he's such an unprotected angel! I bet he'd be perfect to kiss!"
Chris's feelings of horror and revulsion grew. "Uh…why…"
"Oh, don't be silly! My Total Drama obsession left me without any friends! I mean, Cody and Cam-ody were the only people I fell so deeply in love with on the show!"
"Uh…If I let you talk to B, would that be fine?"
"But Cammy-bear's not awake yet an—"
"GET THE F-bleep!- OUT OF MY SON'S ROOM THIS INSTANT!"
"Aww, that was his mommy! Gotta go, bye!" Sierra giggled again.
Chris shuddered and shook the sleeping Chef awake. "Why hasn't she seen a therapist yet?!"
"Heck if I know, Chris…but I really think you should get B and Cam in touch…heck knows that li'l boy needs more friends…"
Chris heard a thunk as Sierra's phone fell from her grip.
"Oh no! Hey! Heeee-eeeey! Can I have my phone back pleeee…"
Sierra's cries disappeared as she was dragged away. Chris then heard some footsteps, then another voice sounded.
"Ugh, that wretched girl! Stalking my baby incessantly; it's a miracle she didn't taint his mind!"
"Uh, excuse me? Ma'am? This is Chris McLean of Total Drama, and I'd like to ask you a favor…"
"Uh, yes, Mr. McLean, you seem…reasonable. Unlike that other girl…"
"So, your son over there has a friend still on the show. Name's B, short for Beverly…that's kind of a sore point with him, but anyways…would you do me a favor and call back when Cameron wakes up? I think B would like the company."
Cameron's mother thought for a moment. "Very well, Mr. McLean, I'll use my own phone here…"
She held up her own smartphone in her hands.
"Doesn't really matter; B will use mine during the call…" Chris said.
"Oh! Yes, of course…well, Cam was the genius in this household…raised him myself! He doesn't seem to quite understand technology, though…"
"Yes, interesting…anyways, I'll see you, and Cameron, soon."
Chris breathed a heavy sigh of relief as he hung up the phone. "What a morning! Hopefully we can get this resolved soon…"
Chef had rolled over onto his side of the bed, and had his eyes closed. "Mmm-hmm."
Anne Maria awoke, snug in her bed. She looked over and saw Staci working on something.
"Hey, whatcha doin'?" she asked her lackey.
Staci sighed. "If I'm this close to the million bucks, I might as well create an entirely new set of effigies to work with. Ya, some of my old ones, they weren't in the best condition, or were they 100% accurate…
She held up a new, improved, Lightning effigy. "See? Lots better!"
Anne Maria: Okay, how did she get bettuh photos or refurhrences of these guys? Huh?
The butler: *he's holding an effigy of himself, tickling it and laughing* A night's worth of cell phone Internet access was more than a fair trade, hmm.
Staci: Honestly, I think my voodoo skills have become a lot better…I've been hearing that butler laugh as he's tickling himself all morning…unless…*she gasps* He's got voodoo powers, too!
"Awright, so, listen, here's my plan for this challenge," Anne Maria said, sitting on Staci's bed, "Gamuh Guy's got one more challenge to get through before he's in the finals.
"Aftuh that, the votes are null and void, and he's been pretty good at scrapin' past advuhsity with that weird strength of his…"
Staci nodded. "Uh huh? Your point being?"
"I need you to either sabotage him or get that ticket off his grubby little hands! With no support behind him, he's bound to have it on him now!"
Anne Maria: Sorry, Dick tha Brick, but your sacrifice helped me all the more today! Hahaha…hahahahahahahahaha!
Staci nodded slowly. "I…see. What about you?"
"Oh, leave that ta me. I'm gonna get invincibility tonight!"
Staci looked puzzled. "That's a tall order. How are you intending on doing it?"
"Easy! Who's tha one with tha effigies of tha rest of tha campuhs?"
Staci looked down at her works in progress. "Oh. Right!"
Staci: The word "the" has lost all meaning to me…I'm sorry, I got distracted there...Anyways, what was I saying? Oh, right, I could sabotage Anne Maria last minute, but then what? I'm down an ally and goodbye finale! *she sighs* This is tough!
Anne Maria: She voted off my babe and won immunity! She's a looser cannon than some of tha people I've seen at Joisey bars! Huh…maybe Pops wasn't such a good influence aftuh all…
Anne Maria looked out the window. "Waitaminnit…what's that?"
She pointed down at Chris, who was wrapped up in a towel. Creeping silently along the spa hotel, he stopped just outside the loser cabin windows.
The camera cut to Chris, who was staring straight at B's bed. He looked at his phone, then the window, and tossed it straight through.
Sam yelped as the shattering of glass woke him up. B did as well, but was forced back down by the phone slamming into his nose.
"Great Suns of Orion!" Sam called, pulling his bed covers closer to himself. "You alright there, B?"
B sat up again, rubbing his nose, but flashing a thumbs up.
"Hey, uh, sorry for the early wake up call, but B, you'll be getting a call from someone you knew very soon! AlsoIgottagetawayfromSierraBYEEEEEEEEEE!" Chris called from outside before sprinting away.
B picked up the phone, confused. However, his confusion soon ended as it buzzed in his hands.
B pressed the "call" button, unsure of what was going on. The callee was simply labeled "Cameron Bubble Boy".
B waved to the camera.
"B? B! Oh, it's so great to finally talk to you again! …or, well, me talking and you doing your thing."
B smiled and looked up to Sam. He motioned him over.
"Oh? You've made some more friends? How about that! Wait, Mom, how long was I out for?"
"You were out for 9 days, dear. He'll be out tomorrow, um…"
"Mom," Cameron said, moving the camera to show his mother. "This is Beverly…or B, as he's preferred."
"Oh, a person with a one-letter name! That's quite rare! How did he get it?"
"Mom, Sierra told you last night…"
"Oh, her. I'm sorry, Cammy-bear, but I refuse to remember anything from that twisted girl. Hold on, let me grab your bubble to prevent any more of her germs spreading…"
"Mom, no! It's okay! She didn't touch me at all while she was with you!"
"'While she was with you.' Cameron Corduroy Wilkins, so help me, if she appears once more, I will call the lawyers and give her a restraining order! Hmph!"
Cameron sighed as his mom left the area. "Oh, good, she'll be gone a while. Wait, who's the guy next to you?"
Sam leaned over and awkwardly waved. "Hi! I'm Sam! Heh, B kinda took a shining to me recently…I think!"
B smiled and ruffled Sam's hair. Cameron chuckled.
"Aw, look at you, B! You made another friend! That's more than I can say..."
B gave Cameron a warm smile. The bubble boy understood.
"Aww, don't worry about me! I could've helped the team in other ways if it weren't for that freakshow Zoey. What's her problem?"
B shrugged. Sam scratched his head.
"I barely remember Zoey…what happened?"
B held up three fingers. Cameron gasped.
"Wait, so she got eliminated after me! That's…actually highly logical. I don't think anyone liked her."
B nodded at him. Sam chuckled.
Cameron scrunched up his face in thought. "You know, I could take a look at the elimination order right now…onwards to the wiki page for this show!"
Sam looked confused. "We've got a wiki page?"
"Of course! I've perused it slightly ever since Mo…I mean, I signed up for the show. Unfortunately, Mom wouldn't let me look at it fully...something about the other contestants 'should be mysterious…' (he air quoted the last few words). Honestly, if I looked this up earlier, I wouldn't have this problem."
B nodded, motioning Cameron to continue.
He gasped. "No way! Mal got free?! That's insane!"
B sadly nodded again.
"How odd, it also seems like Sam here and Dakota got together! Wow! I wish nothing but the best for the two of you."
Sam smiled. "Hey, thanks! It's not every day you get to go out with the girl of your dreams, huh…"
Cameron looked over at the door nervously. "One last question, for the both of you. What would you do if you won the million dollars?"
B rubbed his chin thoughtfully. Sam, however, immediately spoke.
"Well, I'd split half with Dakota…probably spend my half on video games and things to help my brother out."
"Oh, yeah! I remember that! I should've mentioned…I'm sorry to hear about what happened to your parents."
"Hey, it's cool," Sam said. "My bro's pretty great! Maybe we could all hang out sometime."
"Yeah, if Mom would let me…what about you, B?"
B was hastily drawing a bank vault with the million in it. However, the vault wasn't just an ordinary vault: high tech machinery guarded it, and a laser gate in front of it ensured no one would get in.
"Huh, that makes sense…" Cameron mused. "Wait a minute…NO WAY!? You built a robot of me?!"
B held up two fingers.
"TWO!? B, I'm honored, but…you barely knew me! Why?"
B shrugged his shoulders. Sam awkwardly chuckled.
"Hey, wish I knew that reason, too…"
Cameron gasped as he heard the door opening. "Oh, no! Mom's back! Gotta go, bye!"
The camera shut off. B looked over at Sam, his face registering a far more peaceful expression.
"Huh, didn't know you two had a thing going," Sam said.
B nodded and got out of bed, stretching.
"Heheh, yeah, this would be about the time Chris gave us a challenge, huh?" Sam said.
Sam: Hey, as long as I've got this ticket here, my final 3 victory is assured!
Sam and B were at the mess hall, eating Chef's trademark slop.
"Heh, guess some things never change!" Sam said, digging at it uncomfortably.
B just shrugged and scooped another shovelful into his mouth.
Chris walked in. "Good morning, both of you! After your brekky, I've got an ATV and cart ready to transport you to your next challenge!"
B looked outside. Indeed, there was a cart behind Chris's ATV. He motioned to it.
"Hey, not my fault that everyone in the final four is over 200 pounds," Chris said. "That thing's got a weight limit, you know?"
Sam: Huh, I guess he's right, except…how's Anne Maria, of all people, over 200 pounds?
Anne Maria: *she's spraying on her fake tan and hair spray, as well as a thick layer of makeup* Hey, ya gotta look good fuh tha cameruhs!
Chris shifted his eyes around the mess hall.
"By the way," he whispered to B, "did you get rid of that phone?"
B shook his head and pulled it out of his pocket to give to him.
Chris winced. "Do something about that! Sierra's going to be all over me next time I see her…"
B immediately sprang into action. He went into the phone settings, turned off the mobile data (which was weak), turned off the Wi-Fi network (named ChrisNet), and pulled out the SIM card.
He crushed the card and gave a thumbs up to Chris.
"Phew! That's quite a relief! Oh yeah! You'll be getting your letters on the ride over. ATV isn't quite quick…"
Anne Maria and Staci had just finished their breakfast of toast and scrambled eggs. Anne Maria wiped her mouth happily with her napkin.
"Gotta say, luxuhry is pretty sweet!" she said.
The butler came over. "Your letters, madams."
He handed Staci another odd-looking letter. "Oh, great, it's mom again…" she groaned.
Anne Maria looked at her plain letter for a long time. "Oh…"
"Hm?" Staci asked, as she was in the middle of opening her letter.
"It's from my famuhly back in Alberta…they're wondering why I've been goin' against everything they've evuh taught me there…they asked 'is Joisey too in…in…ingr…'"
"'Too ingrained in your blood?'" Staci completed for her.
"Yeah, that! Sorry, just not the shahpest tool sometimes…anyways, they want me to 'straighten up' and 'be less mean to that nice B kid'. Huh, as if!"
Staci had finally opened her letter and was reading it. "Oh, mom, you never do change…"
"What's up?" Anne Maria asked her.
"It's really just a bunch of gobbledygook…she never was the sanest…although there's a healthy smattering of voodoo talk in here!"
"You gonna reply to it?" Anne Maria said, going back to her room to get her McLean brand stationery.
"I think so. Dad can only do so much, you know?"
"Then I'll get yours, too!" Anne Maria said, before the sounds of rustling was heard.
Staci: Honestly, I should've written her back a few days ago, but…*she sighs* I had to go insane by being the only talking team member!
Anne Maria plopped Staci's stationery in front of her, before getting straight to work on her own.
"Hey, might as well be ahead of the mailing curve today, right?" she asked her friend.
Staci shrugged, struggling to think of anything to say.
However, Chris's air horn interrupted any thoughts they might have had.
"Get down here, you two! It's time for today's challenge!"
Both females groaned and made their way down.
Anne Maria: Eh, I'll finish mine tonight! It's all good!
Anne Maria and Staci saw B and Sam reading their letters from home.
"Oh, great, we're all stuck togethuh back here…" Anne Maria groaned.
"Well, it's either that or walk all the way to the next challenge. Your call," Chris said from up front.
Anne Maria sighed and took the far corner of the cart. Staci, however, was more receptive to her competition and sat closer to them.
Chris started the trip to the challenge, causing the cart behind him to jostle slightly.
"What are you two reading?" Staci asked B and Sam.
Sam looked up from his letter. "Just something from my bro. He basically told me that he's glad I got the invincibility ticket and how bummed out he is by how Brick gave up the competition for me.
"Oh, and B's got a letter from his mom, heheh."
B let Staci look at his letter.
"Huh…'B, just know that I'm always looking out for you, wherever you are. You can win this.'" Staci read. "That's cute!"
She handed the letter back to B, who gave her a warm smile.
Staci: *she's scratching her head* Okay, so I'm still confused…does B actually have the hots for me or was that during my 'insanity' episode?
"Well, here we are! The site of your next challenge!"
Chris rode up to 4 cooking areas. Included was a stovetop grill, a salad bowl, and a cutting board.
"So, Chef was feeling kinda…peckish…today, and wanted to try some local island grub! However, he's a little too weak over by the finish line…"
He motioned to Chef, who weakly waved from 3 kilometers out.
"So, here's the deal! You guys are going to have to make some foods using only ingredients found here on the island! Here's the catch: you have to traverse all 3 kilometers to get over to Chef there!
"If you spill your food on the way for any reason, you have to go back and try again! But, once you get there, Chef will try your food and base it on a 1-10 scale! First person to score a perfect 10 today wins immunity!"
Everyone, save for B, groaned.
"You might want to try and make your dishes simple to make in case of an emergency, but, then again, I'm not your dad," Chris said, glancing over at Anne Maria.
Anne Maria: What? Pops just wasn't a good influence! Mom, though, heh, she raised me through the toughest of times and didn't complain about anythin' I got up to! Although, I heard some strange noises comin' from her bedroom sometimes with some guys she just picked up off tha streets! What's up with that?
"Anyways…it's time to get cookin'!" Chris called out, blowing on his airhorn.
Anne Maria instantly knew what she wanted to do. A good suhloin steak with some garnish on the side? Sign me up!
Anne Maria: Back in Joisey, I remembuh that Pops ate steak all the time! Mom said it was bad for his heart, but hey, he's still alive today, isn't he?
Anne Maria looked around the immediate area for any animals or cuts of meat. C'mon, c'mon, wherevuh you are…
B, on the other hand, was looking at all the tools he had at his disposal. Underneath the table the cutting board was set on, there was a drawer. Inside the drawer was an assortment of cooking implements, like carving knives, whisks, the works. Also, inside was some basic ingredients and condiments, such as mustard, ketchup, pie crusts, and paprika.
B examined his options carefully. An imaginary lightbulb went off in his head.
"And B's off to the cooking races!" Chris called out through his megaphone. "But you better hurry…Chef's getting rather impatient!"
Sam had found his ingredients and was heating them on the stove. Chris walked over to see what he was creating.
"So, uh, Sam, what are you doing here?" he asked.
Sam looked down at his eggs and berries. "Well, this is honestly all I know how to do…"
Sam: Yeah, cooking's really not my thing. Hey, we gamers need to have our eyes glued to the screen at all times, you know?
Sam continued cooking through the sweat developing on his face; he wasn't aware that his eggs were starting to burn.
"Uh, Sam? You might want to plate that and hand it over to Chef!" Chris said, coughing through the steam turning to smoke.
Sam grabbed a spatula and struggled to get his eggs off the pan. "Oh, jeez…"
B was now at his own cooking station, taking some leafy fronds and mixing them with similar berries. He grabbed a small bottle of salad dressing and drizzled it over the top.
"Huh, that was quick!" Chris said, as B ran off with his prize.
B: *he clicks his mouth and makes his usual gun motions*
B hurried along the 3km stretch. However, what he didn't expect to see was the wildlife.
A raccoon with a prehensile tongue leapt out at him, screaming like a banshee. B gasped and tried to run faster, but it was too late.
B's salad was slurped up by the raccoon, who was just about to get at his face next, when…
"BACK! BACK! BACK, I SAY! You…filthy mongrel!"
Sam slammed his hot pan multiple times on the raccoon's head, leaving several burn marks, as well as physical pain.
"Yeah, that's it!" he called, shaking his pan at the fleeing raccoon, "Samuelkin Dragonborn won't lose to the likes of you!"
B stood up and looked sadly at his empty salad bowl.
"C'mon, don't give up now! Aaaaa-aaaaaah!" Sam yelled, sprinting towards Chef.
B: *he has a chart looking at Sam's contributions to the season. Still marking the last three challenge wins, and the half mark, he scratches his head in confusion*
Sam, gasping and panting, finally arrived at Chef's testing table.
"Here…I…am!" he said, slamming his pan down by Chef.
Chef sniffed the pan. "Okay, so there's three things wrong with this dish. One, your eggs are burnt, Two, your berries are poisonous, and three, you didn't serve it on a damn plate! ONE POINT!"
Chef threw the pan away, causing Sam to yelp and run after it.
"You don't have to do that!" Chef called to him. "There's plenty more back at base!"
Chef: *he sighs and shakes his head* I threw this challenge together to see if anyone had any mettle to belong in the final four! If Brick were here, now, he'd probably make some fine military-grade stuff!
B was back at work, picking more leaves from the nearby bushes and trees. He then found some nuts nearby on the ground and put those in the salad bowl.
Meanwhile, Anne Maria was still looking around for an animal. C'mon, I don't have all day here!
"Hello?"
"Aaah! Jeez, Staci, don't scare me like that!"
"Sorry! It's just…what do you need me to do to sabotage these two?"
"I told you last night! Honestly, I think the best way to get 'em out for good is by distractin' 'em! I'll make my stuff, and you…hmmm…"
Staci looked at her effigy of Sam. "I got it! I'll dig a hole and bind him up in there! B, too!"
Anne Maria smirked. "Well then…get that shovel and rope!"
Staci: Figuring out the location of the shovel and rope won't be easy. However, I'm pretty sure Chris and Chef have a storage shed somewhere. I mean, how else do they store all the backpacks and little items they use for some of our challenges, right?
Staci sprinted towards Chris and Chef's living quarters, searching for any garage or basement or attic to find supplies in.
If I can start anywhere, might as well start here…
Anne Maria, in the meantime, found some prey. A small bird was perched upon a branch, chirping happily.
Anne Maria picked up a rock and tested it in her hand. Aw no you don't!
Anne Maria: Yeah, it's not quite a steak, but roast bird is awright too sometimes, right?
The bird looked down at Anne Maria with its 3 eyes.
Anne Maria growled at it. "THINGS THAT LOOK DIFFUHRENT TO WHAT I NORMALLY SEE SHOULD DIE!"
Anne Maria: It's a simple fact of life! Birds have two eyes, 'coons don't have long tongues, and tan is the darkest shade a person should be! See? Simple!
Staci went around back. She gasped happily as she saw a storm cellar opening right in front of her.
Staci: If I knew Chris, he'd definitely have something or some place to save his own hide…score one for me!
Staci, with some effort, wrenched open the storm cellar. She uneasily started her walk down.
The room below was dark and damp, but Staci changed the former by turning on a light switch.
She gasped at what she saw.
An assortment of odds and ends lay strewn before her. An old tub of Vaseline lay on a cardboard box. A weight-lifting set lay in the middle of the room.
Staci ventured in further, brushing past the several Paygirl and Hunks Monthly magazines lying on the floor. She stepped in something sticky. She groaned.
Staci: I think I know what that is, and that's honestly disgusting! …well, I mean, I shouldn't have been down there in the first place, but still!
Staci gasped happily as she found exactly what she was looking for: A coil of white rope, and a medium-sized shovel.
Excellent! Time to sow the seeds of misfortune!
Staci: Wait…am I starting to think like Jo? *she gasps* No!
Staci hurried out, with the shovel strapped to her back and the rope strapped to it. She made sure to slowly close the storm door, then ran off back to Anne Maria.
Staci: Well, that was eventful! Although…*she moves her leg to the point where she can see the sole of her shoe. She gags. *
Anne Maria gasped as the bird happily swallowed her rock with its frog-like tongue.
"You can't be f-bleep!-ing serious! No way that everyone here has a tongue like that!"
The bird glared at her, eyes slowly starting to glow. Anne Maria yelped as she dodged the enormous laser beams just in time.
"Looks like Anne Maria's having some trouble getting her meal started, huh?" Chris said, walking behind the cooking stations and into the woods to look at her struggle. "Oh, and where is Staci?"
"She's furthuh back!" Anne Maria spluttered. "Don't bothuh lookin' for her! You've got that guy there running back towards Chef!"
She was correct on that assumption; B expertly dodged some small, mutated, lizards on his way to get back to Chef.
"Ooh, I've gotta see this!" Chris said, sprinting away.
Anne Maria: Phew! Target off our backs, and Staci's free to do what she likes!
Staci sprinted back to Anne Maria and gave her a thumbs up.
Anne Maria looked her over. "Awright, checks out. I'm gonna bag myself a…"
But Staci had already read her mind. She had tied a knot around her rope, lassoed around her head, and snagged the neck of a young deer.
"That what you need?" she asked Anne Maria, whose mouth was wide open and whose eyes were as wide as basketballs.
Anne Maria: Wh…how?! How could she do that? How?
Staci: Blanky-bear was right, the square knot is simple, yet elegant! *she frowns at the confessional camera* Hey, you pick up on a lot when your team tells you to shut up!
Staci dragged the still writhing deer to her cooking station. She pulled out a large cutting knife.
"Sorry, Bambi, but yo' mom's not here to save you today!" she cackled as the deer had its last few seconds of breath.
Anne Maria: *she's soaked in blood droplets* Well, whaddaya know! That was surprisingly quick and easy!
Chef gave B another scathing review of his product.
"THESE NUTS ARE ACORNS! MOST LIKELY MUTATED ACORNS! AND THE LEAVES ARE STILL THE SAME CRAP AS BEFORE! I CAN'T EAT THIS!"
"Don't give up, B!" Sam yelled from behind Chef. He was jumping futilely to get his pan from off a tree branch. "I have faith you'll win this one!"
With one last effort, Sam's pan finally slid off the branch and slammed onto Sam's head.
"Doy!" he groaned, before collapsing.
B: *he facepalms*
Anne Maria: Well, Sam bein' down fuh the count temporarily made things a lot easiuh!
B now carried a semi-conscious Sam on his shoulder, pan and all. His salad bowl whacked sporadically on his leg.
In his haste, he ran right past Staci, who was starting to dig the hole.
"Phew! This is rough…" she started to say, but a growl from behind stopped her train of thought.
Staci, slowly, shakily, turned herself around to see a group of bears standing on their hind legs at her.
"N-Nice bears?" Staci said, bashfully.
The sounds of thwacks and scratches filled the forest, along with Staci's shrieks. "NOOOOOOO! I can hardly bear it!"
Staci: *she's cut up and bruised, with a black eye* 'hardly bear it?' What was I thinking! Oh well, never ask me to be on a comedy show! I'd be way too terrible at it.
Anne Maria sighed happily as her piece of venison sizzled on the stove. "Just right…"
She had picked some leaves from the bushes on her travels, along with some more suitable nuts. She was going to combine them together to create a side for the venison.
All I really need now is a sauce…
Anne Maria: Yeah, back home in Joisey when I was young, I was kinda the caretakuh of the family, along with mom! Makin' dishes like this might as well be second nature.
Anne Maria had an idea. Finding a small sprig of garlic in her cupboard, as well as some cilantro, she started to mix them in a bowl.
We need somethin' to make it all…liquidy.
Anne Maria's answer was right in front of her. A mutated maggot was slowly slithering along the ground.
Anne Maria swooped it up and squeezed some of its juices into the mixing bowl. "Bon appetit, Chef!"
Anne Maria: *she kisses her hand and makes an "O" with her thumb and index finger* Bellisimo! Heh, yeah, my family was Italian!
B hurried back to the cooking station, putting Sam down in front of his. The gamer shook his head, clearing his focus.
"Whoa…what happened here? And…ewwwwwww!"
Sam: Okay, that's equally as gory as a visceral kill in Born of Blood! That's disgusting!
B stuffed his salad materials in a pie tin, then put the crust over it. He quickly placed it in the oven.
Anne Maria, in the meantime, was putting the finishing touches on her dish. She had arranged the venison in such a way that it was the star of the plate, with her greens and nuts resting comfortably on its side.
B heard a ding! as the oven went off. He put on his oven mitts and pulled the steaming pie from the oven.
Anne Maria gasped as B sprinted back towards Chef. "Oh, no you don't!"
Anne Maria: Huh, I've been sayin' that a lot…but Bevuhly deserves it!
Anne Maria drizzled her sauce on her dish before sprinting away, eager to win her prize.
Sam groaned, grabbed a pie crust, and rolled it into a shape similar to that of cannoli. He then stuffed some of Anne Maria's leftover meat in it, as well as B's greens. He then poured some of Anne Maria's sauce over the whole concoction and sprinted off.
Sam: If you can't beat 'em, eh…steal their stuff? Sorry, Dakota! Kinda want to win immunity to get a guaranteed spot in the finals!
Staci had finished digging her 7-foot deep hole, with the help of the bears.
She gave them a thumbs up as one dragged a rock over and shoved it into the hole, smiling as she heard the boom at the bottom.
Staci: Huh! Seems like bears are a lot more docile if you know what to do with them!
A bear: *he touches his rope burn and yelps in pain, whimpering*
Staci looked at Anne Maria running down the woods, with B hot on her heels.
Time to do this!
In the shade of the trees, no one noticed Staci pull out the B effigy, which was still tattered and torn as it was during her insane spell.
Staci smiled devilishly as she quickly yanked B's foot out behind him.
B gasped silently as his other foot gave way, causing him to slam face-first into his sizzling pie.
Sam gasped as he ran past B. "Sorry, B, but I—AAH!"
Sam yelled as Staci led him (via his effigy) in the direction of her pitfall, causing him to flip head over heels down it.
Staci waited…and waited…
Three…two…one…
She balled up her hand into a fist and slammed it hard into the effigy's groin.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
Staci soon tied the Sam effigy up tight against her thigh with the rope, making sure the knot was difficult to find.
Staci: So, thanks to Blanky-bear, square knots are all I really know! Mom or Dad never taught me anything like that…whoops!
Staci dove into her own trap, ready for the final step.
"YOUR TICKET IS MINE, SAM!"
Sam was right on top of the rock Staci had put in the hole. He clutched his family jewels, moaning softly in pain. He was gripping onto his invincibility ticket, which had slipped out of his pocket mid-fall.
"Why the two-fold pain, Leonidas? This totally isn't…Sparta…"
Staci yelled loudly as she pounced on Sam, grabbing his ticket.
"This…is…mine!" she gasped, struggling to yank it free out of his grip.
However, with the way she tied up her effigy, moving Sam's hands, much less his arms, was all but impossible.
"Wait…" Staci said, looking back at her elaborate roping trick. "Nooooooooooooo!"
Anne Maria now sprinted to Chef unopposed.
"Hoo-wee!" Chef gasped, looking at B clutching at his face in pain. "He gonna be alright?"
"Eh, fuhget about him, and try my dish!" Anne Maria said, passing her plate over to Chef.
Chef grabbed a knife and fork, then took a bite of both her side dish and her venison.
His pupils grew to the point where one could mistake them being from a puppy.
He slammed on the buzzer next to him, causing an alarm to go off above their heads, red lights spinning around.
"And Anne Maria takes home immunity!" Chris said, looking back at the other contestants.
B was still clutching his face, while Staci and Sam were nowhere to be seen.
Chris walked over to the hole that Staci dug and saw her on top of Sam, gripping something.
"Hey, lovebirds, I'd hate to break up the fondling ceremony, but Sam's taken and you guys lost! Hope you know who to vote for tonight!" Chris said, chuckling.
B: *he feels his puffy face and sighs sadly*
Anne Maria: Thanks, Staci! Final three, here I come!
Dinner was a quiet affair that night. B was just about to leave the mess hall, but Staci tapped his shoulder.
He turned around and looked her quietly, puffy face and all.
"AH! I mean, uh, hi! Um…it's about tonight's vote…can you do me a favor and vote for Sam? He kinda…did…trip you into that mess…meal! Meal you made, hahahaha."
B looked at her, then touched his face. He turned around and left.
Staci sighed. "Well, that's reassuring."
Staci: If B votes with me to get Sam's ticket out of his hands, we're as good as set for the final three! *she sighs* Sorry, B, guess 4th place is as good as you'll have to do. *she grabs some scissors and starts to cut Sam's effigy free* Nnngh! Unnnngh! Why are these safety scissors?!
Chris stood in front of the four competitors. On his plate were three marshmallows, and Chef responsible for the fourth.
"Well, campers, it's been a pretty swell day…" Chris said, looking at all of them. "Sam, I looked at the votes and it seems like you weren't accounted for! You good there, buddy?"
Sam weakly laughed. "Can't…move…my…arms…"
Chris smiled. "Well, you would be the one getting eliminated with two votes against…"
Staci cut through the last of effigy-Sam's ropes, freeing him. "Yes!"
Sam sighed in relief as he was finally able to move again.
"Sssh!" Chris hissed. "Anyways, Sam, you would be eliminated if it weren't for that invincibility ticket! Yoink!"
He took Sam's ticket and threw it in the fire. It burnt nearly instantly, creating a shower of sparks.
"So, Sam! You're first to get a marshmallow. Next up, our invincibility winner, Anne Maria!"
Sam smiled weakly as he caught his marshmallow. Anne Maria blew a raspberry at B as she caught hers.
"So, tonight's loser, thanks to Anne Maria…issss…" Chris said, as the Total Drama elimination music started to play in the background.
B's partially swollen eyes grew as large as they could. Staci looked relieved.
The elimination music swelled as Chris picked up the final marshmallow from the plate. He took a deep breath and…
"…Staci. Yeah, no more team swaps, no more quitters! You're done. For good."
Staci gasped as B caught his marshmallow. "Wait, what?! But…but Anne Maria? Why!?"
"Simple!" Anne Maria scoffed. "I nevuh fuhgot what you did to my babe! Add in the immunity and you're a cannon that's so loose, you, uh…uhhhh…"
"Yeah, the analogies are cool and all, Anne Maria, but they're unnecessary," Chris said. "Oh yeah! Speaking of you, is there anyone you'd like to bring to the spa hotel?"
Anne Maria shrugged. "Is it awright to say 'no one'?"
"Sure! If you want to be a lonely sack of trash! Which, given what you've just done, fits you to a T."
Staci yelped and ducked as the Toxic Marshmallow flew over her head. "Well, guess it's the Dock of Shame for me, then…"
She stood up and looked over everyone. "Bye, everyone! And B, I'm sorry, but my body is off-limits!"
B: *he looks completely bamboozled*
No one came to join Staci as she went on the Boat of Losers, save for Chris and Chef.
"Y'know, Staci," Chris said as she got onto the boat, "I would've given you a major penalty for rooting through my stuff and taking the rope and the shovel!"
Staci gasped. "Wait...I thought I covered my tracks!"
"Yeah, no. Found a major, sticky, path going from my male magazines to the confessional area! Put two and two together, and...yeah!"
Staci groaned. "Well, I'm not making it any further, so...bye, I guess..."
As the loser boat chugged out over the horizon, Chris turned to the other three. "Well, congrats, all of you, for making the final three! How do you feel?"
Sam: Hey, final three! All I need is to win immunity on one more challenge and I'm in! Booyah! *he thinks for a minute* Wait a minute, did B vote for me?!
B: *he looks mournfully at the confession cam and sadly kicks up a bit of dust*
Anne Maria: Bye bye, traituh! All I needa do is win immunity one last time and, bam, hello finale! No one's gonna stand in my way, especially that dumb n-bleep!-! I'm glad Staci showed him his place, that's fuh sure!
"That's a wrap for this episode!" Chris said happily. "Join us next time when the final three become the terrible two! Well, it'll be terrible if Anne Maria is one of them, but anyways…see you next time on Total…Drama…Revenge of the Island!"
(AN: Well, here's your final three! Sorry, potential Staci fans that came from this fic, I had this elimination in mind for a little while, kinda…actually, fun fact, she lasted a bit longer than I had originally planned for her to! And a lot longer than in canon! Did you like what I did to her? Did you not? If yes or no, why? Sit tight, the penultimate chapter will come your way very soon! I plan to finish this fic by the end of February.)
Remaining contestants: Anne Maria, B, Sam
14th: Lightning
13th: Cameron (injury)
12th: Zoey
11th: Scott
10th: Jo
9th: Dawn
8th: Mal (injury)
-Justin returns-
8th: Beth
7th: Dakota (quit)
-merge-
6th: Justin
5th: Brick
4th: Staci
Next Up: The Enchanted Franken-Forest