Author Note: So, here is another update. I've been at work for the past four days and all I've done is make ideas for this chapter. I have to say now though that I realised in a past chapter that I said Ste had been cured of HIV... I am aware this isn't possible but this story is set ten years in the future and I'm hopeful a cure will be found which is why I had him cured...

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Thank you Runningshoes39 and the Guest reviewer for your kind words... Thank you Ollie and Jo for sticking with the story.

Disclaimer: I do not own Hollyoak's or the characters in this story... Except Jed, he is my original character.

Ste awoke the next morning with a headache to end all headaches. His head was pounding and the morning sun shining through his window hurt, so very much. He pulled the duvet over his head as he let out a whine, why had he drunk so much last night? He stayed under the duvet for as long as his dry mouth would allow before risking getting out of bed and getting some water.

Although the bathroom was only a few steps away and the taste of the cool water was within reach, he had to divert to get on his knees and pray to the porcelain God. His vomiting didn't stop for a good ten minutes and his eyes were red and puffy when he finally made it to the sink. He poured himself a cup of the water and drank it slowly, wanting to keep it down. It was then he had noticed that he was still fully clothed in last night's attire. He shook his head at his own reflection before finishing his water and going back to the bedroom.

As he got dressed and ready to face what would be a difficult day to get through, on account of how bad his hangover was, he thought back to the previous night. He remembered what had happened between Jed and himself. He had remembered feeling crushed and telling the lads. He remembered walking into Chez-Chez but he didn't remember leaving or how he had even gotten home. He assumed he had managed himself because he had been alone when he awoke this morning. He was finally ready, dressed in jeans and a t-shirt with a jacker zipped up over it and he only had one place in mind as to where he wanted to go.

The cold air outside hit him hard and he instantly felt like he was going to be sick again. He stopped to compose himself again, pulling his hood up, trying to keep the cold away from him. He reached into his pocket and withdrew the sunglasses he had picked up. He knew wearing them in winter would make him look silly but the light outside hurt his eyes. He placed them over his eyes and continued on his path.

When he reached the entrance to the club, he paused. People were staring at him and he convinced himself it was just because word of his break up had already spread around the village. He bit his lip as he stared at the wooden door, what if he had done something wrong last night? He nodded to himself and pushed the door open, glad that it wasn't locked.

The stairs leading up to his answers seemed like a mountain right now. He removed the sunglasses, glad that the club was quite a dark place and allowed his eyes a few seconds to adjust before he started to ascend the stairs, looking for any sign of anyone who could answer his questions. When he reached the top, the smell of alcohol hit his nostrils and a wave of nausea washed over him. He grabbed his stomach, taking a few deep breaths, allowing the feeling to pass... He really didn't need to vomit on the floor of this place. He looked around, the place seemed empty. He called out, his voice echoing and still nothing. He sighed and turned to leave when he heard a voice behind him, "I'm surprised you're up so early".

The thick Irish accent made Ste freeze, Brendan must have seen him last night. He took a few steadying breaths before turning back around and staring into the blue eyes of the man who captivated him. He gulped, "You saw me last night?" he asked, his voice quiet and timid.

Brendan was leaning against the office door, almost in the shadows. He nodded, "Yes I did, you were a state".

Ste shifted his gaze to the floor, embarrassment shading his cheeks a dull pink colour. He sighed, "Did I do anything wrong?" he asked, scared of the answer.

Brendan let out a small laugh, stepping towards Ste, bringing himself within arm's length, "No" he said simply, folding his arms across his chest, "You came in here and got served before the bartender informed that a young man was very intoxicated and maybe he should be asked to leave". Brendan paused for a moment and rubbed his eyes, he had had a very uneasy sleep. He let out a deep breath before continuing, "I saw you talking to a bunch of random strangers and brought you in here. You told me you and Jed were over so I took you home. You asked me too stay but, I couldn't... Not with you in that state".

Ste felt his cheeks getting hotter. He had asked Brendan to stay with him and he was mortified to hear it. He gulped, trying to remove the lump in his throat, "I'm sorry, I was quite drunk".

Brendan nodded, "I apologize if you thought it wasn't my place but I saw how bad you were and wanted to get you home safely".

The words Brendan spoke made Ste's head spring up and he raised an eyebrow, "I don't you to babysit me Brendan" he said, a hint of anger in his tone, "I've looked after myself perfectly fine for the past ten years!".

Brendan unfolded his arms and cocked his head to the side, "Have you really?" he asked, his knowledge of the past ten years helpful too him now.

Ste scoffed, "Yes really" he said, agitation now hitting him. He didn't know what Brendan was getting at but he made sure to be ready for whatever Brendan had to say.

Brendan thought for a second and then nodded, "So what about the time you caught HIV then?" he asked. He knew the question was harsh but he needed Ste to understand how much he cared, how worried he was.

Ste had not prepared for that and it felt like he had been punched in the stomach. His eyes widened and he felt the pang of tears but he kept them down. He shook his head, "How dare you" he breathed, anger definitely present in his words now.

"Well..." Brendan begun, "You claim you looked after yourself just fine the past ten years but, I know you caught HIV from some guy you hooked up after a drug fuelled night and I was scared you might make the same mistake twice".

Ste bit his lip to stop it shaking. He didn't know what he was most angry about... the fact someone had told Brendan, the fact that someone had been that desperate to ruin his life or the fact the Brendan had actually brought it up. He tried to speak a few times but stopped himself, allowing himself some time to work out what he needed to say. After a few moments he spoke up, "You weren't there when all of that happened, Brendan. A lot of things had happened to me and I made a few mistakes".

Brendan refolded his arms, "Then enlighten me on that Steven. What happened to you? Why did you start taking drugs?".

Ste closed his eyes, did he really have to this now? He looked around when he re-opened them he pointed to the sofa's. He wanted to sit down, not sure how much longer he could stand upright. He followed Brendan over and slumped down on the opposite sofa. It took him back to the night Brendan had been arrested, when they'd sat in the exact positions they were now. He had to take a moment to compose himself, memories of that night flooding his brain.

"I hit alcohol pretty hard after you left" he breathed, not even chancing a glance at Brendan, knowing it would break him, "It broke me losing you and that's when my problems all started. My mum came back, riddled with cancer and she wanted me to help her commit suicide so I did. I admitted it in a court of law but, thanks to Doug, convincing me to make a speech, I got a suspended sentence".

Brendan nodded along with what Ste was saying. He had heard some of this before but he wanted to hear it from the original source. He stopped Ste for a moment, "So Doug came back to help then? What became of Doug?".

Ste felt the breath leave him and the tears stinging at his eyes finally began to fall. He looked up to Brendan with a small sad smile, "Doug died" he said simply.

Brendan's mouth dropped open, "He died? How?".

Ste gulped, "We planned to go away together again, make a fresh start away from the village but, at the leaving party, someone brought a bomb in and it exploded. He died in my arms".

Brendan wanted to hug the younger man and never let go but, he needed to hear the rest of his story. So far it had been full of death and unhappiness and the thought of Ste going through so much pain shattered his heart. He nodded to Ste, wanting him to continue his story.

"Well, Doug dying nearly killed me. I remember getting a bottle of Vodka and some pills and just disappearing to take them but my father turned up and stopped me. A few months later he died, along with my stepmother. I lost four people who were important to me and after my dad died, Jon Paul, my then husband, found me unconscious in a bath tub. It was then I went to rehab but clearly it didn't work cause it was after rehab I ended up getting HIV" and, Ste stopped talking. That was the whole sorry truth. In the space of a few years he had lost so many people. He tried to wipe his face but new tears covered his cheeks.

Brendan felt like his heart had broken. He blinked away the emotion wanting to stay strong for Ste. He had kept eye contact with Ste whenever he looked at him, his eyes becoming glossier with every word. He took a few shaky breathes, "I didn't realise how hard you had it. I'm so sorry Steven".

Ste bit down on his lip, he didn't know what too say. Brendan never said sorry, he never apologized for the things he had done. He shook his head, "If you hadn't have left.. If you had just let Cheryl take the wrap for her crimes, none of this would have happened" and he hadn't realised when but he was on his feet.

Brendan had quickly stood with Ste, moving so he could easily touch him. He knew the blonde haired man was getting worked up and he didn't want anything bad to happen. Brendan shook his own head, "You don't know that Steven. I was only one factor contributing to your addiction, the other things may still have happened".

Ste took a few deep breathes before kicking the table that had just been between them, "If you had have been here, I would have gotten through all of that stuff! I would have had you to stop me from taking that first hit! If you had have been here, I would never have slept with someone else!" and he was slowly losing again, a whole array of emotions rushing through him and fighting to take the reins.

Brendan stepped closer to Ste once more. He wanted to help but he didn't know what to say or do. He observed Ste as he shouted before replying, "I'm sorry Ste but you knew I had to protect Cheryl, you knew I had to help her".

Ste had calmed himself enough to stand still but the words made his legs buckle beneath him. Luckily, Brendan had been quite close to Ste and managed to catch him. Together, they lowered to ground and Ste allowed himself to fall into Brendan's hold, sobbing into his shirt. He knew one day they would have this discussion but he had hoped it wouldn't end like this. He had hoped he would be stronger.

Ste was still sobbing when had managed to compose a reply to, "You told me I changed everything, Brendan" he said, each word separated by a sob or the inability to breathe properly, "As they dragged me out of that ward and threw me against that wall, you told me that I changed everything but you couldn't change a lie to the truth" and he had to stop, his words now incoherent.

Brendan just sat with Ste, gently rocking him in his arms and trying to calm him down. He bit his lip as he tried to think about that day. He nodded into Ste's hair, "I remember Steven" he breathed, "I remember telling you I would never feel any differently about you but it wasn't the right time Steven, it never was for us. Before I got shot, I muttered the words, In another life Steven and I meant them. I meant them because I was hoping that I would get killed by that bullet and put everyone out of their misery. I was nothing but a burden on all of you when I was here the first time".

Ste let the words sink in before he started pounding on Brendan's chest, "Why would you tell me that?" he shouted as the older man tried to stop the punching, "I had to watch that bullet hit, watch you fall to the floor! I didn't think you were a burden, you were the love of my life and we were just starting to enjoy that as a couple" and, he stopped punching, just letting his hands clutched onto Brendan.

Brendan felt his own tears roll down his cheeks and he knew what he had to do. He took a long and deep breath before gently pushing Ste away from him and taking his chin in his hand, "I love you Steven" he breathed, the words taking him back all those years, back to Dublin where it all began.

Ste's breath caught, making it harder to breathe. He turned his head, breaking it free from Brendan's grip and shakily stood up. He wiped his face on the sleeve of his jacket, "I love you too" he cried, "But I can't do this. Not now and not ever" and he fled, his hangover very much forgotten and, leaving Brendan knelt crying on the floor, his tears leaving water marks on the concrete he was now staring at.

Author note: This is NOT the end of Stendan... I just don't want to rush things with this story!