Hey there! I just came back from tour! I haven't felt this clean in AGES! Yes, it was that kind of tour. The crawl-in-the-mud, jump-in-the-lake, smelly-as-hell kind. But it was FUUUUN! YEAH! Thanks to all those who reviewed and, a double thanks to Bananawings72 for giving me the inspiration to come up with SHMEXINESS!
Disclaimer: I don't own YGO. I also don't iPods... I don't even own AN iPod! I also don't ownthe "The (insert animal here) Went Over the Mountain"song. Pity, though.
Tap… tap… tap…
"Would you stop that?"
Tap… tap… tap…"I asked you to stop that!"
Tap… tap… tap…"STOP IT!"
Kiara smiled cheekily and tapped her pencil on the armrest of her director's chair again. Tap… tap… tap…
"All I want… is a little quiet. Is that so hard?"
"What's the magic word?"
"Abracadabra?"
"No, the other one."
"Shazaam?"
"You're only lengthening your agony, Kaiba-boy."
"Now you just sound like Pegasus."
Tap… tap… tap…"Alright fine." Kaiba looked tired. He leant down and whispered something in Kiara's ear.
"WHAT?" Kiara yelled.
Kaiba stared at her.
"DID SETO KAIBA JUST SAY – "
Kaiba clamped his hand over Kiara's mouth. A moment later he drew it back hastily and wiped it on his trench coat.
He gave Kiara a flat look. "That's disgusting."
She smiled angelically. "I know."
"What?"
Tristan smacked Duke over the head. "Shut up, you idiot. We're trying to watch!"
"Have no TV, will improvise," said Joey, grinning.
"She LICKED me!" yelled Kaiba, ignoring Tristan and Joey and pointing at Kiara.
Kiara licked her lips. "You taste good." She grinned in the same vampire-ish manner that was usually associated with Bakura.
"Ba-a-a-a-a-ad mental image…!" Joey rubbed his eyes as though trying to scrub the image off of them. "So wrong… so wrong… so, so horribly wrong!"
"What is, big brother?" asked Serenity, concerned.
"Huh – oh, nothing." Joey shot Tristan a look, but he needn't have bothered. The other was looking at him with the bewildered expression on Serenity's face mirrored on his own.
"I got it." Bakura scowled. "That IS wrong. Thanks a lot, Wheeler."
"Trust me, I'm regretting it myself."
"What the hell are you lot TALKING about?" cried Tea, frustration evident on her face.
"You're just the tiniest bit sick-minded Wheeler," observed Marik. "I think I'm starting to like you."
"As weird as this conversation is, I think we'd better get going… we have a film to make, peoples!" Kiara grinned. "Although I'm enjoying seeing the flabbergasted looks on Serenity, Tristan and Tea's faces."
"You're sick, mutt. You just are." Kaiba scowled.
"Okay, babe, the joke is over now."
"WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?"
"I LOVE irritating you!"
"It gets better and better, doesn't it?"
"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY! MAI DEARY?"
"Yes?" Mai poked her head through the door.
"PLEEEEEEEEEASE getontheset!"
"Uh, sure."
"Great." Kiara looked around, and then her eyes narrowed. "Bakura."
"Yes?"
"Go out the door, turn left and go through the first door that you some to. The find the green door and fetch Yami from the room within."
"Sure." Bakura grinned.
"Oh, and Bakura?"
"Yes?"
"Do enlighten the poor lad. He seems to have forgotten that I am the only one who controls who comes and goes around here."
Bakura's smile widened. "How does Ryou say it? Okie-dokie!"
"You're ever-so-cute when you do that."
Bakura made a face and left.
"Right… break until 'Kura-cake comes bake. I mean back."
"Riiiiight." Kaiba reached into his pocket and drew out… an iPod.
"No. Way. You had an iPod here this whole time?" Joey stared at the small blue appliance in Seto's hand. "You had an iPod and you didn't use it."
"And so?" Kaiba casually plugged his headphones in and pushed them into his ears. "I'm not a slave to technology. Like some people," he added snidely.
"You? Not a slave? Go sell it to someone else, Kaiba. Your whole life is technology." Joey considered this. "And trying to be the biggest jerk possible. But, yeah, mostly technology."
"And duelling," added Tristan.
"And Mokuba." Téa smiled at the small, black-haired boy.
"And the Blue-Eyes White Dragon," said Mai, pushing a stray black hair over her shoulder.
"And refusing to believe in anything that does not conform with his ideas about the world." Ishizu smiled sweetly at Kaiba.
"And – " began Duke, but Joey interrupted him.
"SHUT UP! You're missing the point… anyway; Kaiba's being a bit of hypocrite is what I'm saying. Or trying to." Joey raked his fingers through his hair.
"Geez, just trying to help." Tristan looked miffed.
"Well, stop trying so hard. You'll hurt yourself." Joey ducked his friend's swipe and laughed.
"Found him!" announced Bakura, entering through a side door that had not been there a moment ago dragging Yami behind him. He stopped dead and raised an eyebrow. "Did I miss something?"
"Not much, just the mutt trying to be clever… a failure if I ever saw one." Kaiba snorted and turn up the volume on his iPod.
"Why I oughta…!" began Joey, but was interrupted by Kiara's yelling.
"…AND YOU JUST DISAPPEAR? I WAS GETTING PHONE CALLS FROM WORRIED FAN-GIRLS, YOU IDIOT! THEY ALL THINK I MURDERED YOU OR SOMETHING STUPID LIKE THAT! WHY ARE YOU SO INSENSITIVE? TELL ME THIS! WHY? AND WHY ARE YOU SO VERY, VERY, VERY THICK!" Kiara paused for breath, glaring at the speechless Yami.
"Uh… Kiara?"
"Yes?" Kiara turned to Tristan, one eyebrow arched in a devastating show of dangerous politeness.
"I think Yami's in shock. He's never been shouted at like this before."
"Well, Pharaoh, how do you like that?" Kiara grinned and looked meaningfully at Bakura and Marik, who were both rolling on the floor, positively howling with laughter.
Yami stared at them for one very long moment…
"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"
Kiara swore very, very loudly. Repeatedly.
Serenity turned pink.
Tea went green.
Tristan raised an eyebrow. "That's a new one."
"Thank you, Trisssssssssssss…." Kiara flapped her hands at the ball of dust, fists and yelps as Yami's hair poked people, as though chivvying it along. The three fighters flew apart. Marik crashed into Ishizu, and the two landed in a heap in the corner. Bakura flew upwards, bounced off the ceiling and hit the point of Tristan's hair. He collapsed to the floor, rubbing his bleeding stomach. For some reason, the blood appeared to be pink. No, no, wait, now it's orange…
Yami flew into a box and bounced out once again wearing his sultan costume. He landed next to Mai on the set, turban askew.
"Bakura, stop bleeding all over the place. Yami, fix your turban. Marik…"
"Out cold," filled in Ishizu.
"Great stuff." Kiara rubbed her hands together gleefully. "Now, Kaiba – "
"You called me Kaiba." Kaiba stared at Kiara.
"That's your name, innit?" Kiara cocked her head to the left.
"Well, surname, actually…"
"But it IS your name, yes?'
"Yes."
"So what's the problem?"
"No… no problem." Kaiba looked slightly shell-shocked.
"I've got someone new to – "
"Pick on?"
"You could say that. Now go get changed."
Kaiba left, still shaking his head in wonder.
Joey came up to Kiara. "This is it, right? Kaiba's time to be Genie?"
"Yes, it is." An evil smile flashed across Kiara's face. "Don't worry, I never said I wouldn't pick on him DURING filming. I'm just getting tired of calling that ungrateful punk 'babe'."
Joey looked relieved. "Don't scare me like that!"
"I can't promise anything, but I'll try." Kiara grinned as Joey went back to Tristan, shaking his head.
There was a yell, and Kaiba fell through the door. His entire body was covered in green paint.
"Oooooh, shmeeeeeeeexyyy." Kiara grinned.
"Kaiba? Sexy?" Joey rolled his eyes. "And I thought you had a little sense in that area."
"Not SEXY, SHMEXY!" Kiara grinned even wider at the green Kaiba. "And I was being ironic!"
"Good."
"Do you even know what ironic means, mutt?"
"I wouldn't say a word, Moneybags… Genie-bags. I have a cell-phone capable of taking photos."
"Eff you, mutt."
"Eff?" Joey raised an eyebrow.
"Yes, eff. I can't say the four letter word because of her," he pointed at Kiara, "and her stupid ratings!
Kiara moved her eyebrows up and down, twice. "Great, fab, amazing… Let's ro-o-o-o-oll! Yami, Mai?"
"Ready."
"Of course you are. ACTION!"
The scene is of Jasmine's bedroom. Mai is sitting on her bed, next to Duke. Yami walked… well, let's be honest here… waddled into the room.
"Jasmine? Oh, dearest! What's wrong?"
Mai looked up at Yami with tear-stained eyes. "Jafar has... done something... terrible."
"There, there, there, my child - we'll set it right. Now, tell me everything." Yami sat down on the bed next to Mai and tried to look comforting.
"YAMI!"
"Yes?"
"HOW SHMEXY DO YOU FEEEEEEEEEEL?"
"What?"
"HOW SHMEXY?"
"Um… very?"
"Good answer."
"Right. Um, Yugi?"
"Yes?"
"What does shmexy mean?"
"Shmexy? No idea. Kiara probably made it up."
"I did. I went on tour… and discovered my inner SHMEXY BEAST!" A big spotlight fell on Kiara.
Ouch.
We will have a musical interlude while Kiara gets the spotlight back up in the roof.
THAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA goat went over the MOUNtain, the goat went over the MOUNtain, the goat went over the MOUNtain… to see what it could see! And all that it could see, and all that it could see, was the other side of the MOUNtain, the other side of the MOUNtain, the other side of the MOU-OUNTAAAAAAAAAAAYN… was all that he could see!
Thank you for being so understanding… The spotlight is now fixed.
"Phew. Thank goodness that's over." Tristan shook his head like a dog trying to get water out of its' ears.
"Sorry Trisssssssssssss."
"Would you PLEASE stop hissing my name?"
"No, Trisssssssssssss. It's too fun!"
"I thought that might be the answer," said Tristan gloomily.
"Okay, let's get ON with it, I want to see Genie-Kaiba!"
WHUMPH.
"Oh, great, no lights!"
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAA!
R&R, peoples! You know the drill!