This chapter, and the one that will come after it, was originally one chapter, but it was so intense that I just had to split it up. When I said things weren't going well for Raf, I meant it. And to imthegreenfairy88, I swear to God I wrote this before I read your story, so please don't flame me or accuse me of plagiarism, cause I didn't. Thank you very much for your review though. I totally agree with you!
Yeah, and if you love High School Musical, sorry.
Disclaimer: Still don't own the TMNT...never will... don't own High School Musical either, thank god.
He stood so still he could have been mistaken for a statue on the ledge he was standing on. But he was no statue; he was the Nightwatcher, and he was just doing his job: keeping the streets of New York City safe at night.
Or was he?
Of course he was. But it was much more that that. Mostly, he was keeping a girl he loved safe. And, as that girl hopped off her bike and opened the garage door of her townhouse, he saw that his job, at least this one, was finished. Once she was in, she was in for the night.
He waited for the garage door to close, then jumped absentmindedly from his perch to the roof of the house next to it.
Since Mikey had mentioned that it was possible that the Orphan Train goons might figure out that she had survived and come for her, he had taken to watching her on the nights that she didn't come over, following her as she rode home from work on her bicycle, making sure she got there safely. They had informed her of her situation as well and it showed: once she made it home, she didn't leave her house for the rest of the night.
Smart girl.
And he glad for it too, because if anything were to happen to her, especially if he could have done something about it, he didn't think he would be able to forgive himself.
How he had fallen in love with her, he would never know. She wasn't really the kind of girl a guy like him would go for, and she was so much different than Rachel, a girl he had been seeing while Leo was in Central America. While A.J. was shy, modest, and polite, Rachel had been brash and loud-mouthed, unafraid to speak her mind. She was a little on the strange side, but she was pretty enough, and she could be sweet when she wanted to. He had felt bad to let her go: they'd had some fun times together, but she was getting way too serious with him, and besides, the man her mother had been seeing was a total freak anyway.
But the main reason he'd broken up with her was because of A.J. When he realized he was falling for her, he had gone to Rachel and called it off, simply because, though she was weird, she had feelings too, and he couldn't do that to her, pretending to love her when there was really someone else in his heart. He had honor, despite what others may have thought.
And, while he'd hoped that A.J. would notice him off in the shadows, it had never happened. The most he'd been able to do was frighten her. That was all he ever seemed to do when it came to the sweet little redhead, was frighten her. He knew she was afraid of him, he could see it in her eyes every time she looked at him. And it didn't help that they'd gotten off on the wrong foot, either. Some of the very first words he'd spoken to her had scared her, though he hadn't meant it that way. He was only trying to be firm, and stress the importance that their identity be kept secret, but it had come out like he was threatening her. He didn't have the gift of appearing firm without being scary, like Leo or Master Splinter. And since then, all he'd done to her was frighten her, or startle her so much that she jumped ten feet into the air.
It was part of why he dressed up as the Nightwatcher whenever he watched over her, because in the small chance that she would see him, she would recognize him as the Nightwatcher, and not her boyfriend's brother. Surely she knew the stories; the Nightwatcher was a hero, a mysterious one to boot, but one who only did good, and hopefully she would feel safe, knowing that nothing could harm her while she was in his care. Whereas, if he didn't have his costume on, she might get the wrong idea: think he was stalking her or something.
And having her think that was the last thing he wanted. He didn't want her to get hurt, that was all. All he wanted was to make sure she got home okay.
He had wanted so much to be more than just her boyfriend's brother. But Leo had gotten there first.
Her boyfriend. His brother.
The thoughts made him burn with rage. How he hated to see Leo take everything he'd ever wanted away from him, leaving him with whatever was left. It had been a real sting when Master Splinter dubbed him the leader and sent him away on his "vacation," but to come back and then snag a pretty girl without hardly trying was over borderline unfair. Especially since Raf had wanted both, and he was left with neither.
You didn't need to be the star of High School Musical to have drama in your life.
But lately, over the last week or so, she hadn't been coming over, nor had she called them once. It made him wonder if they had had a fight or something, or if she'd decided that their life, the way that they lived, wasn't good enough for her. He sort of resented her for it, stopping her visits like that, without a word or a reason why, but at the same time, he couldn't just drop her the way she had dropped them. One day, he would work up the courage to ask her why, but for the moment, he was just content to watch over her, a guardian angel in black body armor.
"Nice night for a chase, isn't it, Raphael?"
Lost in his own thoughts, he hadn't noticed where he had stopped to sit for a moment, and he had somehow found himself on the roof of A.J.'s townhouse. She must have seen him jump over out her window or something. He sighed at the sound of her voice. He could fool the police, he could fool the stupid, terrified criminals he punished night after night, he could even fool his brothers, but he couldn't fool Leo's pretty girlfriend. He was a little surprised that she had recognized him, but there was no use lying to her.
"How'd you know it was me?" he asked, taking off his helmet and turning to her.
Sure enough, A.J. was standing behind him in a pair of plaid pajama pants, a baggy T-shirt with cut-off sleeves, and nothing else, hugging herself against the cold. She smiled, though her eyes were wary.
God, she had such a pretty smile.
"You were the one who was always gone at night," she said. "After seeing a couple of stories on the news, it wasn't that hard to figure out that you were the Nightwatcher. And anyway, you look like a great big metal turtle."
"It's that obvious, huh?"
She nodded.
"Rats," he muttered, staring at the ground. "You didn't tell anyone, did you?"
He was still alive, so he figured she hadn't, but it never hurt to make sure.
"When your brothers said they had no clue who the Nightwatcher was, aside from some sort of vigilante showboat, I figured there was a reason you hadn't told them. It was none of my business, so I didn't say anything. That's your responsibility."
"Whatever," he sighed.
He didn't know what else to say. There was so much to say, but he had no idea where to begin, what to say first. He felt like his tongue was tied in a knot, but it didn't matter, because she spoke instead.
"Why do you do this, Raf? You won't ever be a team if you can't learn to fight together. Your brothers need you by their side. Why don't you go back to them, and forget all this rebel stuff?"
He was quiet for a minute, trying to think of a response that would gain her sympathy, make him seem less like a monster to her.
"Because they hate me."
Was that a lie? Did Mikey, Donny and Leo really hate him? He paused for a moment. Now that he actually thought about it, was that really true? Maybe they were extremely frustrated with him, did they really hate him?
She gasped in shock, and for a moment, he thought his plan had worked. Then her green eyes flashed, and he knew he'd said the wrong thing.
"That's not true! You're their brother; they love you! What on earth makes you think they wouldn't?"
He had tried so many times to win her affections. Even watching over her as she made her way home, was an attempt, even if she didn't fall for him, for his alter ego. It was all rather pathetic now that he thought about it, but at least he had tried. But he wasn't exactly sure how to win a girl over, and he had always come off as gruff and even a little rude to her. His attempts had always failed, and the way things were going, this one was well on its way. That would have been frustrating enough, but to watch Leo succeed was like pouring salt into his wounds. Sometimes, the pain in his chest was so bad that he had nearly lost himself completely and almost killed people while out Nightwatching. Leo had taken everything he'd ever wanted away from him: the position of leader, the respect of his brothers, and A.J. His fists clenched in his gloves. Why did this always happen? Why couldn't he have anything for himself?
The frustration at his failed attempts to make her love him, the jealousy at his brother for having done so, and the fury at life in general had been building up inside him ever since Leo's return, and suddenly, he snapped. Face-to-face with his demons, he responded the only way he knew how, and he took it out on the thing that was closest. He advanced on her menacingly, uneasily aware of how tiny she looked, and let his words fly, not caring what he said.
"You think you know everythin', don't you? You think Leo cared about us when he left us here for a year, just so he could come back and boss us around?" He snorted. "Yeah, right! He doesn't care about us; he's only cares about makin' things better for himself! He doesn't care that people are dyin' on the streets every night! He just wants everyone to make him look good! Now you know why I became the Nightwatcher. Just because he decides to take a vacation doesn't mean the criminal element of this city does. Someone's gotta make sure they get what they deserve. Crime doesn't take breaks; he does!"
She had been backing away from him as he was yelling at her, a look of terror on her face. There he went, scaring her again, but he didn't care. She had to hear how it was, what was really going on, and what a puffed-up lunkhead her boyfriend really was. But, if she backed up any further, she was going to fall off the roof. She must have realized this, because at the very edge of the roof, she stopped. He'd had more to say, more to rant, more to give her the biggest reality check of her life, but her words, the tone of her voice, and the tears flashing in her eyes stopped him dead.
"How can you be so cruel?" she screamed. "He thinks the world of you, all of you, especially you, Raphael! Are you so blinded by your own hate that you can't see that?"
She had never stood up to him like this before. Never had he seen her look at him like this, her face turning red, her tiny fists clenched, her eyes blazing. He had known her to get feisty, but he had never known her to have such ferocity, at least not on purpose. For a moment, he had nothing to say. But, he still couldn't believe that what she was saying was true.
"So what other lies has he been tellin' you to make you love him?"
The tears fell, but they were not tears of sadness. Her eyes flashed with rage, something he had never seen in her eyes before. She was really mad now, and she made an audible noise of anger in her throat.
"Oh! How dare you talk like that about your brother!"
Now, things were getting interesting. Fighting was a world Raf knew, and was very familiar with. He no longer cared about impressing her, or treading on the strange ground that came with wooing a girl.
"Yeah?" he spat back. "I'll talk about my brother however I want! Why do you care about this anyway? You said it wasn't any of your business."
"Because my own brother died two years ago!" she yelled, and Raf was struck speechless. He never knew she'd had a brother. The night she told the boys that story, he'd been out fighting crime.
Her voice became softer, and lost its edge. Suddenly, she was meek little A.J. again.
"He was hit by a car when we were crossing the street. My girlfriend, too. I survived only because I could run faster. She died almost instantly, but he lingered on for a few minutes. I kept telling him to hold on, that help would be there soon, but he didn't. He just sort of looked up, smiled at me…and slipped away."
She hugged herself again, shivered, and began to sob. She looked very much like she had the night that she'd related the horrific events that had taken place in the Orphan Train, and how she'd finally broken down into tears. How he had longed to be the one to take her into his arms, hold her, comfort her, but Leo had beat him to it. But now she was crying, and Leo wasn't here. Still he locked up, unable to think of what to do. Awkwardly, he put his hand on her shoulder.
"I'm sorry," he mumbled.
"You can't imagine the pain of holding your own flesh and blood as he dies in your arms." She looked up at him, her pretty face blotchy red and tear-streaked. "You guys are so lucky. You have a family that loves you and cares what happens to you. You have each other and that's all that you need, and yet you sit around and complain about how bad you think you have it!" She knocked his hand from her shoulder and took a step towards him, closing the distance so she was all but yelling in his face. "Do you know how many people would kill to have what you have? Do you, Raphael? Leo loves you so much; more than his own soul, but you're too busy wallowing in your own self-pity to realize it! If you're looking for the guilty one in this whole deal, all you need to do is look into a mirror! You're selfish, conceited, and all you think about is yourself! You want everybody to feel sorry for you, but in reality, you're not even worth it!"
She turned away from him, folding her arms across her chest like a child who's unhappy with her parents, leaving him staring into the back of her head. He could see every little detail in her hair, and felt his heart ache. He had wanted to be this close to her for a long time. He couldn't help himself. His hand reached up and began to twist through her hair, soft like silk between his fingers.
"You should know…surely you must know…" he began, and she turned around at his change of voice. His hand left her hair and he put both of them on her shoulders, and this time she didn't knock them off.
"I wouldn't have believed it; not of you," he said. "But somehow, and I don't know, but you just, snuck up on me. You came outta nowhere, and before I knew it, I was in love with you. Head over shell, I guess."
He paused for a reaction, but he didn't get one. She just continued to stare evenly at him. He continued.
"I watched you with Leo, and figured out what was happenin'. He'd stolen your heart, and it was Leo you chose, not me. I hated him for it. I wanted you for my own, but Leo got you first, just like he got everythin' first."
He felt his cheeks burn with hatred as the anger rose up in him again. As he felt himself consumed, he didn't notice that his grip on her shoulders had been squeezing tighter and tighter until he could have crushed the bones in her arms. He saw her lips tighten with the pain, but she didn't make a sound, and he realized what he was doing. He released her, and they both relaxed. He muttered an apology, but her dazed eyes didn't seem to register. Instead, she opened her mouth and said, "It might be easier to let go of your hatred for your brother if you let go of me first."
She knew she sounded stunned, and she was. In front of her was a Raf she didn't know. There was a tenderness in his voice that she had never heard before, a gentleness in his eyes she had never seen. He had always seemed to hate her, and did his best to avoid her whenever she came over. Of course, he had saved her life that one time, but she had just thought that he had seen her in danger, and acted on instinct, doing what any normal ninja would have done in a situation like that. Of all the things she knew about him and could see in him, she had never expected this. He had hid it well, probably to keep his brothers from finding out, especially Leo, because it was just one more thing for them to fight about. She regretted losing her temper with him. If she had known, she wouldn't have said all the mean, spiteful things she had.
Until however, she remembered the way he felt about his brother. Love her as he may, he still hated Leo, and that is the worst crime a brother can commit.
"I would never have known it if it had knocked me over the head," she said. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you, and I know Leo didn't either. He doesn't hate you, Raf. None of them do."
He looked away, down to the ground, not believing. He was the stubborn one, after all. She put her hand on his cheek, turning his head so she could look him in the eyes.
"All he wants is for you to be together again. All of you. He sees you all broken up, and he knows the pain you suffer because of it. You all feel it, especially you. There's a fire in you that feels like nothing else, and every emotion you have is ten times stronger. I know you won't admit it, but the pain inside is greatest in you. He wants to stop it, and bring you all back together again. You know how the saying goes: United you stand, Divided you fall. Like it or not, Raf, you're strongest when you're together, fighting as brothers, not fighting each other. And it's not because he has an ego he wants to inflate, nor does he feel like he's better than you in any way. He may have more patience and he may be less rash, but he is by no means better than you. All he wants to do is unite you again, but he can't do that if you keep fighting him. Look, I know you guys don't get along very well, but if you really want to be a family again, you have got to learn to work together, or else…"
He stared hard at her, his heart thudding hard in his chest. Suddenly, he wished he could be like a normal turtle, and pull himself inside his shell and not come out until she had gone away.
She started to put her hand down, but he grabbed her wrist. Her smooth skin against his was too great a feeling to terminate just yet.
"What about you? What do you see in him?"
It was a question he didn't want to ask, but he had to know. What was it about his brother that made her choose him?
"I see fierce warrior, bound to protect those who can't protect themselves, and an honorable…man, I guess, bound to serve his duties. He doesn't care only about himself, like you think he does, but he's brave, and he puts the needs of others before his own. He respects others, and there's a sense of family in him that is rare these days, like how you three and Master Splinter are his entire life. Without you, he'd be nothing. I told you, he loves you guys, even more than me, and that's how it should be. There's a great deal of presence about him; I don't know what it is. It's like you can tell he's something else, once you get past the fact that he's giant talking turtle."
A dreamy look had come into her eyes, and Raf's heart broke again to see it, wishing that that look was for him. She walked past him a few steps, and he let go of her arm.
"The way he speaks to me, the way he holds me…he makes me feel safe, as though nothing can hurt me, not while he's there."
Raf couldn't bear to hear any more. When she turned around to see if he was getting her point, he was gone, vanished over the rooftops like smoke on the wind.
I love this chapter. A.J. just really lets Raf have it. I don't know who will agree with me, but her feelings are exactly mine regarding his behavior in the 2007 movie. And I can relate: I have a little brother that acts like this. Yeah, I sort of added Rachel at the drop of a hat, but it was just an idea that came to me while I was listening to the Nightwatcher theme off the soundtrack, and it gives a little more depth to Raf's personality. I'm thinking I might do a short little story about them, but it's really up to you. Do you guys want the Raf/Rachel story? Tell me! Oh, and review, plz. Reviews have been rather slow, lately.