A/N: Thanks to all the people who are still reading and reviewing this story. I seem to have lost half the readers I originally started with, so I am doubly appreciative of the ones who have stuck around.
Disclaimer: The usual.
Chapter: 11 Are You Who You Want To Be?
Yesterday is a wrinkle on your forehead
Yesterday is a promise that you've broken
Don't close your eyes
Don't close your eyes
"You ok Max?" Liz asked. Every since they'd returned from the hospital earlier he'd been unusually pensive.
"That's ironic." The man in question smiled ruefully from his perch on the couch.
"What do you mean ironic?" Liz asked as she exited the kitchen with a bottle of water in her hand.
Max waited until she was seated across from him before answering. "I find it ironic that you of all people would be asking me if I'm alright. I mean call me crazy but shouldn't it be the other way around?"
Liz stared at him for a few seconds before simply asking, "Max what's wrong? At the hospital you seemed just as happy as I was that there might be a mix up with the blood test. Now, that we are almost certain there has been," she shrugged, "or as certain as we can be until the new blood test come back, you're suddenly all doom and gloom. Do you know something you're not telling me?" she asked fearfully.
This is your life and today is all you've got now
And today is all you'll ever have
Don't close your eyes
Don't close your eyes
"God no Liz! Nothing like that," Max said in a rush and watched some of the tension release from her shoulders.
"Then what is Max?" The slightest impatience had entered Liz's voice. "As much as I'd love to play twenty questions with you, this is not the time."
Max dropped his head in his hands. Could I be more selfish? She's been to hell and back in the past two months, and here I am adding to her burden.
"Max…" Liz asked on a note of rising fear. Her stomach began to churn when he lifted his head and she saw tears sparkling in his soulful amber eyes. What am I missing here?
Max swallowed tried to speak, couldn't get a word out and shook his head. Finally he said sadly, "I don't deserve you Liz. And it's not fair for me to sit here and pretend that I do? I'm not a very good person. Maggie can attest to that." He gave a strangled laugh.
This is your life
Are you who you want to be
This is your life
Are you who you want to be
"Max where is this coming from?" Liz stared at him with concern shadowing her brown eyes.
He gave a humorless laugh. "Do you know that I never even once doubted that you slept with Kyle. Even though I knew you, knew there had to be some other explanation than what my eyes told me.
"Max—"
"—No." He grimaced in self-disgust. "Don't try to excuse me for that. Or for what I did to Tess. I keep telling myself and anyone who will listen how she ruined my life, but I ruined her life too. I'm the one who slept with her the same night I saw you in bed with Kyle. Sure I had a few drinks, but still—that's no excuse. I was hurt and subconsciously I wanted to hurt someone too. I ended up hurting all of us back then. And Maggie now."
This is your life
Is it everything you dreamed that it would be
When the world was younger
And you had everything to lose
Liz felt a sliver of betrayal pierce her heart. To know that he had slept with Tess right after breaking up with her was one thing, but to find out that he had done so deliberately…well, that was a tough one to swallow. But was dwelling on past mistakes, misunderstandings, and hurt feeling worth ruining the possibility of a future together?
Yesterday is a kid in the corner
Yesterday is dead and over
Don't close your eyes
Don't close your eyes
As she stared into Max's haunted eyes, the answer was a resounding no. Taking a deep calming breath she said, "Max would you do me a favor and just listen to me for a few seconds?" When he nodded wearily she continued on. "This might sound silly, and you might not even believe me, but the past doesn't matter anymore."
Max stared at Liz skeptically. Now she's just being naïve.
"Seriously," she went on despite his skeptical glance. "If the past few months have taught me anything, they've taught me that life is often too short. I walked into that hospital today expecting the worst. And you know what it didn't happen. Instead, I found out that one of the lab technicians from my doctor's office had been fired for mixing up blood test—"
Max parted his lips to speak only to close them as Liz shot him a deadly look.
"—and maybe I don't have a definitive answer right now, but I'm going on faith. I feel like I've been given a second chance and I don't intend to waste it. Not for you, not for anyone. If you don't like the person you've become then do something to change it. Cause it seems to me you'd rather wallow in the past than look towards the future. If that's the case you're gonna have to do it without me." With those parting words, she got up and exited the living room.
Long after Max heard the click of Liz's bedroom door close he sat pondering her words. Was he dwelling too much on the past? Was it worth losing Liz over? And more importantly, how did he go about changing the man he'd become? Better yet, how did he reclaim the man he used to be?
This is your life
Are you who you want to be
This is your life
Are you who you want to be?
-&-
ROSWELL NEW MEXICO
Moving back to Roswell New Mexico had seemed such a good idea at the time. Kyle now knew differently. He'd stupidly believed that his ten year absence would have erased all the painful memories. No such luck. Even more troubling, was that his long ago actions seemed to have had serious repercussions.
But how was he supposed to have known? It wasn't like he had kept in touch with anyone from Roswell except his dad. Who had told him nothing by the way. When Kyle had left town a few weeks after graduation to attend basketball camp, he'd never looked back. From there, he'd gone straight to Ohio State, home of the Buckeyes.
He had no idea that Tess and Max had gotten married. Let alone borne a child. He'd done his good deed by confessing his complicity to Liz before leaving town. He'd assumed that she and Max had gotten back together and were living happily ever after.
He was wrong.
He was wrong about a lot of things apparently. Isabel's voice had been practically glacial when she'd returned his greeting at the Crashdown, and introduced him to Max and Tess's daughter. When he went to order, Jeff Parker had given him a look that could have stripped paint. What in the hell did I miss the last few years? Kyle had wondered as he'd made a hasty retreat from the diner.
It would not remain a mystery for much longer, he sought comfort in that thought as he parked his red corvette outside his father's house. Kyle practically leaped from the car and strode quickly up the walkway. He gave the door several forceful knocks and was not at all surprised when it was answered immediately. He was however surprised by the person who answered it.
"Well look what just blew into town," the person who opened the door said sardonically. "If isn't my long lost stepbrother. Haven't seen you since the wedding. What was is? About three years ago now?"
"Not now Maria," Kyle said stepping passed the blonde. "I really need to talk to my dad."
"That's gonna be kinda hard to do," she said closing the door. "He and my mom are on a cruise in the Caribbean."
"Well that's just flippin great!"
"Who pissed in your corn flakes?" Maria asked with raised eyebrows.
Kyle sighed deeply. "You have no idea."
-&-
Back in Colorado…
Liz exited her bedroom and paused in the hallway. Her nose was immediately assailed by the rich aroma of Italian food. Mainly, lasagna and garlic bread. She glanced at the watch on her right arm, it was just after five. She'd been asleep a little over three hours. Who could blame her? The battery of new test she'd been subjected to before leaving the clinic had been hellish. And it wasn't like she'd gotten much sleep the night before.
"I see you found the menu for Demarco's," she said to Max as she stepped into the kitchen.
"Umm, yeah," he said almost shyly while rubbing the back of his neck. "I thought we'd try something different tonight."
"No kidding." Liz glanced at the table for two and candlelight settings.
"If you'll have a seat I'll dish everything up," Max said feeling like an adolescent on his first date.
Liz bit back a smile at Max's display of awkwardness. It reminded her of their first date. He'd fumbled his way through that evening then too. "Are you sure I'm not too informally dressed?" She referred to her slipper clad feet, red tank-top and pajama bottoms.
"Of course not. You look beautiful," Max said sincerely and Liz flushed.
"I'm not sure I shouldn't be offended," she joked, while trying to fix her ratty ponytail.
"Liz—leave it," Max said staring at her intensely. "You always look beautiful to me. You always will."
Liz literally melted and Max gave himself a mental pat on the back as he dished out the food. So far so good Evans. Don't fuck this up. It might be your last chance.
"I almost forgot," he said heading towards the refrigerator. "I found a bottle of red wine in one of the cabinets. Hope you don't mind."
"Not at all," Liz said as she watched him pour wine into her glass and then his.
Max seated himself across from Liz and without further ado they began to eat. After several minutes, a few bites of cheesy lasagna, and a few sips of red wine, Liz sat back and sighed.
Max glanced at her plate and frowned. She'd barely made inroads to the healthy slice of lasagna. "Something wrong with the food? I always thought lasagna was your favorite."
"It is," Liz smiled softly happy that he had remembered. "I'm just not as hungry as I thought I was." She had not had much of an appetite for the last month and a half, though wouldn't alarm Max by saying so. Like she'd told him earlier she was keeping the faith.
"Oh, ok." Max knew there was more to it than that, however he let it go.
There was an awkward silence for a few seconds before they both said in unison:
"So you became a doc—teach…"
They both broke off at the same time and grinned at each other.
"You go first," Max offered.
"I was just wondering…what made you become a doctor?" Liz stared at Max inquisitively. "I remember you being undecided in high school."
"Yeah, well, my dad kinda had a heart attack about a year after you left. He almost died because old Doc Hanson, our only doctor in town at the time, was off fishing for the afternoon. By the time my dad made it to one of the bigger hospitals in the city, he'd been resuscitated twice."
"God Max! I had no idea. No one ever told me." Liz stared at him in shock. She had always liked Max's parents.
Max smiled ruefully. "Yeah, well, it was a pretty strong motivation to see that Roswell had more doctors."
"So how are your parent's doing now?"
"You could say that heart attack was a pretty big eye opener. My dad is semi-retired now. He and my mom moved to Florida about three years ago. I bought their house."
"Wow," Liz said leaning forward so that her chin rested on her hands.
"What about you?" Max tilted his head to the side in inquiry. "I thought you were going to become a writer."
Liz shrugged her shoulders. "One learns to be practical. I received my degree in English and decided to teach at the local college." She could have told him that after the whole he and Tess debacle she'd learned her lesson about reaching for the stars. But she wouldn't. After all, had it not been her idea to let the past go? Practice what you preach Liz Parker. Practice what you preach.
"Liz—"
Max began only to be interrupted by the ringing of the telephone.
Liz sat frozen in her seat. She hadn't even been sure the phone was working yet. She'd only had the service turned back on this morning. And the only person to receive the new number from her was Doctor Phillips.
Max stared at Liz in apprehension and she stared right back. Neither of them made an effort to reach for the phone. After several rings, the call went straight to answering service.
Max reached across the table to hold Liz's hand as they listened to the recording.
"Ms. Parker if you're there please pick up. It's imperative that I talk to you as soon as possible."
With a decisiveness borne out of both fear and hope, Liz sprinted across the room and picked up the phone.
"This is Liz Parker." She paused to listen.
"Ah huh, ah huh, I see…I see. Thank you for getting back to me so soon Doctor Phillips. You have a good night too."
"Liz—" Max approached her cautiously after she hung up the phone. He couldn't get a good read on her expression. It was a cross between dazed and confused. Taking her by the shoulders he led her over to the couch where they both sat down.
"What…what did the doctor say?" he stuttered out.
Liz's eyes were wide and puzzled as she stared at Max. "He said…he said…he said I have Mono."
A/N2: I know there were some seriously boring parts in this chapter, but it's a transitional one. Things are about to change dramatically after this. For those of you who asked me to list the songs and artist used in each chapter, the song is titled "This Is Your Life" and is sung by Switchfoot.