"I'm probably only going to be able to say this once," Lwaxana said as they took a seat on the bed. Kate nodded as she curled up against her, and as Lwaxana rested her head on Kate's chest, she ran her hand up and down her back, trying to comfort her lover. "And this will only be the first part. There's so much to tell you, but I'm going to start with the easiest. I missed you, so much, during the Occupation. I couldn't tell you in the messages I was able to get out. I wanted to keep things light and hopeful. A part of my heart thought that if I remained optimistic to you, it would be easier to remain optimistic about this horrible situation."

Kate nodded a little as she spread her hand out on Lwaxana's back, tapping her fingers against it lightly. "I never wanted to bring you down, either. It was so important that I have you as a bright beacon of light in my life, and I was afraid that if I were to burden you too much with the horrors that I was facing, that I might burden you too much. And that was the last thing I wanted."

Lwaxana turned a little, reaching up to cup Kate's cheek, stroking her thumb against it. "I wouldn't have minded if you had told me more. You didn't need to keep it all inside."

"I know, but a part of me wanted to protect you. Ever since we became a couple, that's all I wanted to do." They sighed in unison, and then Lwaxana was closing the distance between them and kissing her gently. "I hated the war. I hated the death. Objectively, as a doctor, I know that death occurs for us all. That we all leave at our appointed time. But there didn't seem to be anything appointed about those deaths."

"The Jem'hadar are very easily suggestible under the right conditions," she said in a rush, lowering her head to bury it in the soft fabric of Kate's shirt as she slid her arm down to rest around Kate's waist, holding her tightly as she started to cry a little. "I, I didn't really think that it would be so, and it was only when the ketracel-white ran low that I was able to really affect them, but…"

Lwaxana paused, and Kate shuddered a little to feel the waves of self-recrimination roll of her lover. Holding her closer, Kate pressed her head against her chest, hoping that Lwaxana could focus on the beating of her heart rather than the chaotic thoughts that were roiling in her mind. "But you did what you had to do to survive and protect your family."

A mirthless laugh erupted from Lwaxana's lips as she shook her head, her fingers fiddling with the hem of Kate's shirt. "That is a pretty lie that I told myself at the beginning of the Occupation. But as the years wore on, pretty lies fell by the wayside as we did what we had to do. I, I became someone I didn't recognize. It should have haunted me more at the time. Maybe that's why I'm having such awful nightmares. Maybe I deserve every bad thing that's happening to me now."

Kate sighed deeply as she let her hands drift down to rest on Lwaxana's hips, drawing her even closer as she pressed soft kisses to the crown of her lover's head. "I feel like we've had a discussion like this in the past. And I have the same words for you now, as then. You did not deserve what happened to you. And while this time it didn't affect just you, I still have to ask you this. Do you honestly believe that something about your person caused this war?"

"No," Lwaxana replied softly, nuzzling her nose into the soft dip of Kate's shoulder.

"And is there anything that you, personally, could have done to prevented things from getting so out of control?"

"No. But Katie…"

"No, no buts, darling. You might have some new scars on your soul, there might be this weight on your heart that is telling you that you're someone who deserves this, but that is a vicious lie. Darling, darling, darling," she murmured as she rubbed her nose in the wig that Lwaxana was still wearing. "I wish that I could take this burden from you, that I could ethically excise these memories from your mind. But we both know that that cannot be."

"I know, Katie." They sighed in unison, and then Kate was lifting her hands up, removing the wig and slipping from the bed. "Don't leave me!"

"I'm not, Lwaxana. I'm just taking care of this. It looks expensive."

A soft laugh slipped from her lover's lips, and Kate was glad for the sound, since it was much lighter than her previous laugh. "You've always been practical, haven't you?"

Kate nodded as she placed the wig on the form in the closet. Coming out, she stripped as she made her way towards the bed, knowing that no matter what else happened this evening, she wanted to feel Lwaxana's skin against her own as they went to sleep. Lwaxana was similarly undressed by the time Kate reached the bed once more, and as she pulled back the covers, Kate raked her eyes up and down Lwaxana's naked body. It was much the same, and she smiled as she slipped beneath the covers, pulling her lover close.

A sound something closer to a purr slipped from Lwaxana's lips, and Kate smiled as she skimmed her fingers up and down her torso, relearning the sweet curves and soft skin there. "I've always had to be practical, you know. What person wants a frivolous, spacy, doctor? And I knew that I was going to be a doctor from the moment I was old enough to read about what Doctor McCoy did aboard the first Enterprise. I know, I know, everyone should be in awe of Ambassador Spock or Admiral Kirk, but Doctor McCoy, he just seemed to be a proper role model to a too serious girl like myself."

Lwaxana giggled lightly as she turned in Kate's arms and faced her. "I can see you as serious, Katie, but looking up to Leonard McCoy? It is a good thing that you never met him, since that would have gone straight to his head."

"Did you get to meet him, then?" she asked, glad that she had managed to turn the mood around a little. She hated to see Lwaxana hurting. Her lover gave her a knowing, open, smile and reached up to stroke her face before nodding.

"One of the perks of being an ambassador, I got to meet a lot of the old guard before they passed on. Though I must say that there were some stories that you would have loved to hear." Leaning in, Lwaxana kissed her softly, and then started to run her fingers through Kate's short hair. "I wish that I could remember some of the good yarns he told over many a diplomatic dinner, but I was probably a bit more than tipsy during most of them."

"I see," she said with a teasing tone, and Lwaxana shrugged a little as she scooted in closer, wrapping a leg around Kate's. "I know I've told you this before, but I've missed being in your arms. Being so close to you."

"I feel so at home with you here, Katie. I, I didn't realise how much I needed you."

"I know, I feel the same way." Kate focused her thoughts, trying to send a coherent thought to Lwaxana. Her lover blushed a little and nodded before sighing a little and resting her head on Kate's shoulder. "I guess I'm getting a little better at that."

"You are. And you're getting better at shielding your thoughts."

Kate smiled as she shrugged, bending her head a little to kiss the top of Lwaxna's head. "I think that I have an excellent teacher. I mean, how many others can say that they've been taught by a Daughter of the Fifth House?"

"Will you quit teasing me about that! I have to use my title in order for people to realise my importance. Though the necessary frivolity is a good façade for my work as an ambassador, it also worked against me in some instances."

"Maybe I like reminding you of your importance. Okay?"

"I suppose." They sighed in unison, and Kate rubbed her nose against Lwaxana's hair as she let her defenses come down. Vaguely, she could tell that Lwaxana was sending out feelers to her thoughts, and she nodded as she drew her in, letting her see all the things she had tried to keep hidden from her for so long. "You're mine."

"Forever," she replied as a large yawn split her lips. "I shouldn't be this tired."

"I think you might be leaching some of my negative emotions, Katie. Ian also found that he would get some of that residual, too." Lwaxana kissed her chest softly, before tightening her hold on Kate's waist. "Sleep, now, Katie. We'll talk more tomorrow, I promise." She nodded and let her eyes close heavily, feeling safe there in her arms.