A/N: Hi everyone! I'm sorry for keeping you waiting for long time : (
So, I leave you to read the chapter and I hope you like it!
PS: thanks to all the people who read and for the reviews, favorites and follows! And, obvs, thanks to Edyferrone for the translation of my little work.
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Chapter 11 Love is all we need.
"I love you."
The words resound in his ears and his mind for the rest of the day. Kurt had run from the Lima Bean, feeling scared at the words, the ones he had wanted to hear from Sebastian for months. Sebastian never did. So why has he done that now?
That's probably just one of his mean tricks to get what he wants, in this case, making sure Kurt kept on listening at his words. Kurt hates him even more right now, because once again, Sebastian didn't respect him. He went to Lima Bean just to listen at his pathetic excuses and then leave. Instead, he had to talk about how much he loved his boyfriend, like he owes some explanations to Sebastian. No, he doesn't owe anything to Sebastian, indeed, it's Sebastian who owes him since he's made Kurt's life a living hell – with Kurt helping him through it occasionally of course.
When he gets home without talking to anyone and not even stopping to eat, he runs to his room and closes the door, the music sounding loud to try to shut his thoughts down. One thing he can't really explain to himself is why Sebastian opened so much to him, the reason why he told him about a part of his life he is evidently ashamed of. It's clear how sad he'd turn, which is a proof that he doesn't like talking about that event and that bothers him deeply.
He doesn't manage to imagine Sebastian so in love to give his life away for a boy with terrible consequences. It's not the cynical Sebastian that Kurt knows but if the story it's true big parts of his attitude have a logical explanation. Like he said to him though, it's not like this justifies everything Sebastian did, especially to him, since Kurt had opened to him from the first moment, inevitably giving a part of his heart to Sebastian.
Lying on his bed he stares at the blank ceiling and he thinks. He keeps on doing that even when Carole walks in to bring him food and finds him curled up on himself under his colored covers, not even feeling like eating or talking. If there's something she's learnt about Kurt is that he needs his space; that he'll go and talk to her or Burt when he feels like it. Trying to push it would be useless. He isn't used to getting help from anybody if not his dad when he can, so he learnt how to make it with his own strength.
After Carole had entered the room, she didn't ask anything and that's why Kurt loves her. So he starts thinking about what he should do. He needs to put his thoughts back together. Step one: texting Blaine because he promised he'd do so.
Hi, Blaine, sorry if I didn't text you, but I'm a little upset. I'll give you the details in ten minutes. Everything is fine by the way. At least I hope so.
The text that Kurt has typed on his iPhone is cheap, he knows, but he can't tell Blaine what happened via text. Of course, he's going to be detailed but not too much because he doesn't feel like talking about it with Blaine – about the French guy for example, since it's something personal that Sebastian has told him alone, and Kurt doesn't want to say that to anyone else. As for the rest, he's going to tell everything, even the last crazy bomb. Kurt didn't see that coming, but Defying Gravity, his ringtone, starts playing in his room. The call his from Blaine.
"Hey Blaine …"
"Hi, Kurt. Thanks for the text. I thought you were dead." Blaine says thought he's luckily giggling which means he wasn't bothered by the waiting – relieving since Kurt should have called right after the encounter.
"I'm sorry, but I went away, actually I ran away from the Lima Bean until I got safe in my room."
"Kurt, did he do something to you?" Blaine asks, thinking back about the way Sebastian had punched Kurt when he was angry.
"No, nothing like that. We've talked mostly." Kurt starts telling about their conversation.
He tells him that Sebastian was telling him that Kurt thinks he loves Blaine and that Kurt has tried not to kill him for that. During some parts of his story Kurt can hear Blaine giggle. It must seem crazy, he knows that, because it's unusual to imagine Kurt who gets that angry at someone.
"So, did he let you go like that?" Blaine asks curiously, oblivious to how much the answer might hit him.
"Blaine, he told me something while I was walking away, maybe to stop me …" Kurt's voice is a lot more serious now.
Noticing that Kurt is hesitating, Blaine tries to push it. "What did he say, Kurt?"
"He said he loves me." Kurt whispers, leaving Blaine completely speechless.
And then the fear pops up again. Kurt seemed puzzled at telling what Sebastian had told him so maybe there's something more, Blaine thinks. What did Kurt do? Did he stop? Did he leave? Did he confess that he loves him back? Blaine doesn't know what to think, what to say. The sudden silence is even louder of the words pronounced by Kurt's weak voice but that seem to scream in his brain. He doesn't know if he has the courage to ask Kurt what he did after those words, the eventual answer scares him too much. He knows Kurt is going to be honest with him this time, but this doesn't mean he's going to like the answer no matter what.
Eventually, he takes his hands and asks, "What did you say?"
"At first, I wanted to yell at him that I didn't feel the same … because I love you." Kurt takes a little pause so that Blaine can absorb the words properly, and then he adds, "But considering that I had already mentioned it during our conversation, several times, I just stood up and ran away before he could follow me. That's all." Kurt doesn't hear any comment though.
He waits for a few moments but right when he's opening his mouth to speak again, Blaine just says, "I gotta go, Kurt."
Kurt's eyes go wide at the words. Has he done something wrong? I has no idea what it could have been. Blaine is probably angry about something if he's just interrupted the call. Finally losing all of his strengths, Kurt lets his phone fall on the bed and himself feel depressed.
From downstairs, Burt and Carole can hear Kurt walking heavy steps around his room. They know him well enough to realize that he must be super nervous, but they have no idea why. Even if they went upstairs, Kurt would probably just send away without giving them the time to get an answer. He is really proud and even though he doesn't feel weak at crying, he also prefers doing so in the privacy of his room. He isn't crying, or at least that's what they think considering that they haven't heard any crazy screams yet.
When he is starting to feel too anxious, Burt turns to his wife who nods back and then decides to walk upstairs to his kid's room. As soon as he opens the door, Burt notices his son laying on the bed, arms wrapped around his pillow and fingers holding his phone. He's squeezing it so tightly that his fingers and knuckles have turned white. When he tries to walk into the room though, Kurt yells at him that he doesn't want to see anyone and that he is fine. Therefore Burt goes back to his wife and shakes his head to communicate that Kurt doesn't want to talk.
After half a hour spent walking around nervously and searching for an explanation, Kurt texts Blaine. He needs to know. He hasn't done anything wrong this time and he wants explanations. He grabs his phone, avoiding any sort of accusation towards Blaine.
Blaine, please tell me that everything is ok!
It is, Kurt, don't worry. Nothing happened. Sorry if I had to go like that, but I've got something important to do.
Kurt doesn't even manage to text back that someone's ringing on the door. He doesn't even have the strength to stand up and go and see who it is; Carole and Burt are down there anyway, so they'll take care of it. Blaine's behavior had been so weird … when he hears a very familiar voice coming from downstairs though, he stops thinking and runs out of the wood door of his room to run downstairs and kill the boy who has just got there.
When he gets there, he turns to Blaine and starts hitting his chest with little punches, screaming and almost crying of nervousness. His punches don't hurt of course and Blaine looks actually amused at Kurt's reaction.
"You left me hanging like that! I thought you were mad at me! You're an idiot, Anderson! Couldn't you tell me you were coming over?" Kurt says, still hitting Blaine. He is angry, really. Blaine has left him there like an idiot, on the phone, and now he's come here smiling. It almost seems like he's making fun of him.
"Kurt, calm down. I didn't want you to get mad … hey, are you listening?"
"No, I'm not!"
"Noted. Just stop!" Blaine orders and he grabs his wrists this time.
If Burt could choose, he would stay here in the hall, staring from the kitchen. He is curious to know what happened and the scene gets his attention actually. Carole though has clearly understood that they need privacy, so she tugs her husband outside with an excuse; Kurt barely catches where they're going.
They need to talk and with Kurt's family there, they wouldn't get the chance to express what they feel. Burt isn't too convinced about leaving them alone, especially at the thought of what could happen after the fight, that thing Kurt "doesn't have to do". But when Carole insists, she can be awful, so he has no chance but to leave his place, hoping he won't have to cut Blaine's hands later, when they'll be back.
"Why, Blaine?" Kurt says, wiping his tears.
"Kurt, I'm sorry. I didn't want to make you worry, but when you said those things, I … I just thought I should have come here … to you. I wanted to surprise you and that's why I didn't tell you. You thought I was mad at you, but you didn't do anything wrong … not at all."
At the words, Kurt's eyes light up and his jaw drops, leaving his mouth open in his surprise. That's what he had to do: he had to reach for Kurt as fast as he could. Kurt's heart is beating so fast that he's afraid Blaine would hear the sound of it.
"I just wanted to be here as soon as possible, I wanted to … ask you something?" Blaine turns a little more serious.
"Yes?"
"Kurt, I know it must seem crazy to you and I don't want to embarrass you right now and screw it all. I feel sure about what I feel for you, so, so sure. But now, I need to know what it is that you feel, honestly."
Blaine waits for an answer, but Kurt is quite quick to reply, almost automatically, "I love you." He really feels it and in the last few days he had felt the need to express it out loud.
At those words Blaine smiles like he hasn't done in a while. It's one of those smiles that Kurt loves because it seems like they can light up his day. Why would he need the sun when there's Blaine who could warm and light him up with his smile? There had been no hesitation within him when he's said those words to Blaine. He is sure about what he feels, it's for him and him only. Not everything is settled between them, there's still some trust to gain back, they have to rebuild everything they've lost because of him. Blaine's hazel eyes though make him so sure now. Kurt thinks they can make it.
"And what do you feel?" He asks curiously because if he's sure about loving him, Blaine hasn't said what he feels yet.
"I love you, Kurt."
All that Kurt can do at the words is just to hug his boyfriend, finally knowing he can call him so with no mistakes. He holds him tightly, as much as he can, to make him feel the heat, and he lets Blaine do the same. If they get back on their feet this time it's going to be forever, they both know and right now there's nothing they want more than belonging to each other. There aren't any doubts in their hearts. Everything is going to be better. They're doomed to be together, once and for all.
"Blaine, do you want to be my boyfriend again?" Kurt asks innocently.
"I will if you'll be mine only."
"I'm yours, all yours, eternally yours." Kurt replies, his eyes wetting as he feels happier than ever.
"Me too." Blaine answers and he grabs Kurt's face in his hands to kiss him sweetly and then more determinately.
They stay glued to each other like they need to breathe one another's air from their lungs, like their kisses are a necessity to live on. They don't even touch, they just stay linked through their mouths, holding hands and that's all they need.
/
Sebastian had seen Kurt leaving as he stood there, unable to move. The words came out of his mouth before he could think. He only realized when he found himself burning under Kurt's accusatory gaze before he walked out of the door quickly. He failed. He's never going to have Kurt, ever again.
He didn't even feel like calling his sister, he wants to stay where he is now, wrapped in the comfortable covers of his bed, sinking in his pain.
He leans over to take a painkiller from the drawer of his bedside table. His headache is killing him. He opens the drawer and puts his hand inside without even looking. He finds himself brushing his fingers on what it seems to be an exercise book or a notebook. He puts it out, already knowing what it is.
When he was with Duncan he had kept a journal on that notebook with the red cover. He had written there the most important events about them.
He starts reading through it, knowing he'd hurt himself by doing so. He checks on the first days, then goes ahead to when he had realized he was in love; he reads about the dinner the French boy had cooked for him, when he said he loved him for the first time.
Before he can realize, Sebastian finds himself covering the sheets with streaming tears. He's crying, because of a man, once again.
He's crying because he's let himself fall into something he knew it would hurt him again.
Indeed, he's alone in his room, crying, just like the first time. How could he allow it to happen again?
Sebastian sets his mind on one thought: he can't go on like this. So, he puts the notebook back in the drawer, grabs his nastiest clothes and puts them on. His life can't stop now, he won't let it stop.
His last thought goes to Kurt, before he gets in his car. He thinks of his big blue eyes that will become empty, no love, no feelings. With these thoughts in mind, he drives to Scandals.