Friends.
In life you have two different families: the one you were born with and the one you choose. The latter of the two are your friends, the people you bring into your life and accept them as if they were blood.
A person can handle an awful lot in life, but it's nearly impossible to get through without someone willing to take your hand when it got to be too much.
He had many friends, had started gathering them when he was just a few years old really.
It isn't the amount of friends, however, that matters. What is important is the support and care you get from the ones you do have.
He was lucky enough to have had good friends throughout his life, and even luckier when he met his greatest friend in the form of his wife. She had been loyal, loving, kind and wonderful, all the best qualities in friend.
Without her, he felt lost. He felt alone.
But he knew that through losing his wife, he had a gained a true friend.
Someone he knew would always be there for him.
~O~
Edward gently aroused his daughter from where she slumbered on the couch, grabbed his keys and cell phone, and headed out to get in his car. The police had said that Taylor had been taken to Mercy Hospital, nearly 10 minutes away, and he would know more when he got there.
He drove the whole way to the hospital with his heart pounding harshly and rapidly in his chest. At a stop light, he got his phone out and shakily dialed Bella's number.
"Yes Edward," Bella answered after one ring, "I know, Molly with a 'y.'"
He took a slow, yet shallow breath.
"Taylor was in an accident," he told her.
The teasing in her voice vanished in an instant.
"What?"
Edward let it all out in a rush. "She had gone to get Molly medicine an hour ago, and she didn't come home. The police just came to my house, and I got Molly and we're going right now. They said she was in the ER, and I don't know if they'll let me see her. Oh God."
"Mercy?" she asked.
Edward nodded.
Then he shook his head. "Yes, she's there."
"I'll be there in five."
"Thank you," he breathed. He may have been a lawyer, but he knew when it came down to it, Bella would be the one to give the hospital personnel an ass whooping and get the information he would need.
"Edward?" she said.
"Yeah?"
"I know you're upset, but drive carefully. You have Molly with you."
It was like she had known that he had been going over 60 in the 45 mph zone. He took a breath and nodded.
"Okay."
"See you soon."
Edward still pushed the speed limit for the remaining few miles, but was much more conscious of his daughter in the back seat who was dozing back to sleep. When he saw the hospital in front of him, he was caught between relief and terror. He was relieved that he had arrived, but he was terrified at what he had arrived to.
As he was rushing to get Molly out of her car seat, a shiny red truck pulled in on the other side of him. Bella hopped out of the car, grabbing her purse. Edward saw that she was on the phone.
"I know," she was saying, "But you should get here as soon as you can."
She strode over to Edward and waited while he got Molly settled against him. Without a word they began walking hurriedly towards the entrance, Bella still on the phone.
"We don't know her condition yet," she said. She paused and listened. "I'm here with Edward…just come please."
Bella hung up the phone and nodded at him. She looked shaken up and unsteady, yet was striding with fierce intent.
"I called her parents. They're on their way," she informed him quietly.
Edward nodded. He tightened his hold slightly on Molly as they passed through the automatic doors.
They were in an area of the hospital which was surprisingly empty. There was a gift shop over to the side, and a reception desk opposite of it, where an elderly woman was drinking out of bottled water.
Edward was anxious about the lack of activity. His life had just been turned upside down and he was scared and unsure…and this environment seemed indifferent in a way which upset him.
With Bella trailing behind him, he crossed the lobby space over to the reception desk. The woman looked up and gave them a polite smile. "How may I help you?"
Edward opened his mouth, and then for the first time in a long time, he couldn't find words.
Bella cleared her throat and the woman looked at her. "We're looking for information on a patient who should be or has been in the ER this evening."
"Name?"
"Taylor Cullen."
The woman clicked some things on her computer at a very leisurely pace. It took everything in Edward not to jump over the desk, shove her out of the way and do it himself. The only thing holding him back was the fact that Molly would get in the way.
"Ms. Cullen was admitted at 7:13 this evening," she told them.
"Yes," Bella said impatiently, "How is she?"
The receptionist gave them a somewhat haughty look. "As I am not a physician or nurse, I do not know. However, the waiting room for the Emergency Trauma Center is down that hallway where you will take two lefts followed by an immediate right."
Without taking time to thank them, the two were rushing down the hallway, him clutching Molly against his chest.
When they arrived in the ER lobby, Edward was oddly more comfortable than in the previous one. There were about a dozen people scattered around the area, most looking worried and anxious. Bella went over to the receptionist who was decidedly more friendly than the other and asked about Taylor.
"Are you family?" the receptionist asked her.
"No," Bella said as Edward stepped forward and answered, "I am."
"Mr. Cullen, I will have a doctor come out and speak with you as soon as possible."
Before Edward could pester the woman for more information that she did not know, Bella placed a hand on his arm and gave him a nudge in the direction of the chairs. "Thank you," she said.
The two of them sat down on an uncomfortable couch. Bella sank back against the cushions while Edward sat ramrod straight.
"I'll take her," Bella offered, holding her hands out for the little girl.
Edward carefully passed Molly into Bella's arms where she settled without waking. Once Molly was not touching him, Edward stood back up and started pacing, the reason Bella had volunteered.
Bella held Molly against her chest with one arm. She let her other elbow fall onto the armrest of the couch, her head falling against her hand.
She did the only thing she could think of.
She prayed.
Bella begged and pleaded with God while Edward paced, allowing his fear to swallow him whole.
The doors that led into the rooms swung open and every head in the lobby turned to see a man wearing blue scrubs come out. The doctor scanned the lobby until his gaze landed on Edward and Bella. He walked over to them, Bella standing up immediately.
"Mr. Cullen?" he asked.
Edward nodded.
"I'm Dr. Clark, I'm the attending physician this evening," he introduced.
They each held their breath.
"Taylor was brought in unconscious with severe trauma to the head, and several broken joints on the left side of her body including her arm and wrist, along with four ribs. She is just finishing surgery right now; Dr. Yang is the head surgeon with her."
Seeing the look on Dr. Clark's face, Bella braced herself for more.
"She is stabilized, but she has slipped into a coma."
Bella closed her eyes.
Not Taylor.
Edward locked his knees to prevent them from crumbling. Both of his hands ran through his hair before resting on the back of his head.
"Is she going to wake up?" Bella asked tentatively.
The doctor could not hide his troubled look. "Well, we are going to run tests, but the damage is not completely irreversible. With comatose patients, however, it is hard to predict when she will wake, whether it be days or weeks, or guarantee if she will. We will know more soon."
Neither reacted.
"Do you have any questions?" he asked with an air of sadness.
Bella shook her head slowly. Edward though asked, "When can I see her?"
"She will be out of surgery in just a little bit, and we'll get her set up in a room where you can visit her."
Dr. Clark recognized that the two people in front of him were quite clearly in shock. Working in the ER was tough work, and it took a toll on a person, seeing shock, heartbreak and pain on people's faces day in and day out.
"I'm very sorry," he told them sincerely, "Try not to lose hope just yet."
He nodded at them both before turning to walk back through the door that led to the patient's. Bella watched him go with a numb, disinterested stare.
Despite the doctor's advice, and despite what she wanted to believe, Bella couldn't find it anywhere in her.
She had never felt more hopeless.
~O~
"Come on, bud."
Bella patted his shoulder gently as she took his hand into hers.
They had been sitting on the bathroom floor for nearly two hours. The Children's Benadryl was still discarded on the floor, taunting them. They were surrounded by glass shards and she didn't want either of them to get cut. Also, Edward, she could tell, was bone tired. He had his head rested on her shoulder, her arm around his back as they sat in silence in the aftermath of what had happened.
Bella turned slowly, giving him time to lift his head from her shoulder where she wasn't entirely sure he had known he placed it. He looked up at her with utmost wariness, and for a moment, she was startled.
Edward's eyes were so green.
With Alice being her sister and also having inherited green eyes, she knew that the brightness was a reaction to crying. By crying, the rims of your eyes grew red. Red was an opposite color on the color wheel than green. When the two were next to each other, green really popped and became a vibrant color.
They were so incredibly vivid.
The shocking eyes seemed to be silently asking her a question.
"I think it's time that you get some sleep," she told him quietly, biting her lip.
He shook his head, staring down at the broken wine glass on the floor. "I don't really sleep much these days," he admitted, just as quietly.
Bella understood better than almost anyone.
"I'll stay with you," she volunteered, squeezing his hand.
Edward watched her warily and tiredly as she stood up. He looked so broken.
For a long time in Bella's life, she never really understood the phrase of describing a person as broken. Surely, everything was fixable? It was in human nature to adapt and adjust quickly. But she was beginning to realize that some people truly did break, and the shell that remained was frightening.
She waited patiently, giving him support as he slowly stood up, his knees almost giving out from having been curled up so long.
They walked slowly down the hall to his bedroom. Both of them were feeling weak, one struggling to hide it, and one too tired to begin to try.
Wordlessly, Edward picked up his discarded pajamas from the floor and slipped into the adjoining bathroom. Bella went to work making the bed and then turning it down. It may have seemed silly to make a bed minutes before it would be used and messed up once again, but she had always found that a made bed was easier to sleep in than one still messy from the previous night's tossing and turning.
When Edward came back out of the bathroom, still looking worryingly vacant, Bella was sitting in the bed. She was rested against the pillows at the far edge of the bed. He lifted his eyes up to her questioningly. Bella offered him a half, sad smile and patted her lap.
Edward climbed onto the bed, the movements draining what little energy he had left in his body. He was able to position himself so that he was mostly lying on the pillows with his legs curled up towards him. He let his head fall softly onto Bella's legging clad lap with an air of sorrowful exhaustion.
When her fingers began to run through his hair with soft tenderness, his eyes fluttered closed and he let out a quiet sigh.
"Do you want to talk?" She asked gently.
"How do you do it?" he whispered.
The fingers continued. "What?"
"Be so strong," he replied, his eyes still closed.
He heard a soft sigh from her, and was somewhat conscious of the pause it took her to answer.
"I didn't know I was," she finally confessed.
"You are," he affirmed with a quiet but absolute conviction.
It was silent again. He wasn't sure if she did not want to talk anymore or if he had simply just fallen asleep.
"I guess," she finally whispered, "You don't know how strong you are until it's your only choice."
"It's not your only choice. You could be me."
The fingers running through his hair stopped momentarily.
"Edward, you don't believe that, do you?" He was surprised to hear something akin to fear in her voice.
Mustering the little strength he had left, he lifted his heavy eyelids and rolled slightly onto his back so he could look up at her. Her cheeks were pink from warmth, her hair was messy from their time in the bathroom, and her warm brown eyes were wide and filled with deep sadness.
"Look at me, Bella," he said, in answer to her question.
"What do you want me to see?" she asked gingerly.
He briefly closed his eyes, but then opened them and met her gaze. "A weak, helpless man who is so far gone that he can't even remember the person he was before or the father he used to be."
When she said nothing, and he saw pity in her eyes, he turned back onto his side and closed his eyes. Eventually, the fingers began making their way through his thick, soft hair once again.
"Do you want to know what I see when I look at you?"
Being Bella, she took his lack of response as an affirmative.
"I see a brave man."
Edward couldn't contain his snort.
"No, just listen," she implored. She waited until he turned back to meet her gaze again to continue.
"I see a brave man who is stronger than he will ever know. I see a man who is hurt so very much, but he's fighting not to let that hurt consume him and define him. I see a man who is a fighter."
Her eyes began to water.
"You know what else I see, Edward? I see a man who is an amazing father, and would do anything in the world for his little girl. I see the man Taylor fell in love with, and I see a man who isn't done with life yet. I see a man who will fight for his life, and I see a man who will win."
Edward closed his eyes and turned his head again, backing into her lap. He tried to hide the tears that slowly streamed down his face, one at a time.
She felt the wetness seep through the thin, stretched fabric of her leggings and let a heavy breath out. She continued to run her hands through his hair soothingly.
"Edward, I know how in love you were, far too in love to let it go, now or ever. But you gotta keep trying, because life will get better. I don't know how fast it will happen, or how hard it will be, but it's going to get better. And you and I are just going to have to fight for it."
He did not say a word as he cried. He was as silent as if he had fallen asleep. The only give away that he wasn't asleep was the ragged breathing that he was trying to control.
Bella sat quietly, reflecting on how much she missed her best friend that moment.
While Taylor had never been the best with children to start her life, Bella had never really been the best with people and emotions. Taylor was always ready with a hug that was so genuine that you just knew everything would be okay. Bella had been the one to pick up on other's emotions, but was never sure how best to go about being compassionate or reassuring.
God, she missed her.
Bella hadn't forgotten the reason that found her sitting, comforting a broken man. She had seen the bottle of medicine and understood all of the implications behind it.
But when she had understood, sitting in the bathroom with man pained beyond words, she had faced a choice.
She could have hated Edward, for unknowingly telling his wife to look in the wrong place and forgetting that they owned the medicine, thus sending her on the car ride which killed her…or she could show compassion and understanding.
It wasn't really a choice at all.
Because Bella knew in that moment, she could have destroyed Edward finally beyond repair.
She could have hated him, and just one person blaming him other than himself, would have been his final breaking point. She worried that Edward would finally have lost the last control he had left, and reacted rashly, maybe harming himself.
The fact that she knew he could be capable of doing such a thing had her choice been different terrified her and made her heart clench.
She couldn't lose him. Molly needed him so very much. His family needed him. The world needed. And she needed him.
She truly needed him.
So, she had forgiven him. Not that there was much to forgive. It had been a mistake, an honest mistake that should have been completely harmless. He had not been driving the truck with smashed into Taylor's car.
It wasn't his fault.
Edward was thinking along the same lines, with the exception of the conclusion she had come to. It was his fault.
"Why don't you hate me?" he whispered.
Bella shook her head and sighed. "Edward, don't. It wasn't your fault. You made a mistake which I'm sure millions of people have."
He sniffed and wiped at his eyes. "But they didn't get their wives killed."
"Neither did you."
His silence quite clearly said that he begged to differ.
"You gotta fight," she reminded him quietly, "You gotta fight against it, Edward. You're so strong…I promise. So strong. And I believe in you."
Edward closed his eyes and for the first time, tried to believe what she was saying. He tried to believe that it was true, and he tried to believe that things would get better.
In the quiet, he felt her fingers stroking his hair and her body softly rise and fall as she breathed in an out, a soothing rhythm.
Soon he was asleep, and would be for the next 14 hours, getting the best night of sleep he had had in weeks.
Bella, however, was awake. Her hands went through his hair long after she knew he had fallen asleep.
"I'm going to fix you Edward."
The words were a whisper, and he would never know she had said them.
"And maybe fix myself too."
~O~
End of Part I
When you try your best, but you don't succeed
When you get what you want, but not what you need
When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse
And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone, but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?
And high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you
Fix You, Coldplay
AN: I just love this chapter for some reason. It was the last flashback and it's finally caught up to where the story started and Edward and Bella finally had a much needed, deep talk, which I really enjoyed writing. And this is literally my favorite song ever.
Part II will be starting next week with Chapter 12! It's gonna be lighter so I think I can lift the tissue warning now...
Thank you for your reviews(: I figured out that I get less of them than with SSM because of my lack of cliff hangers which you used to drive some of you crazy...so you're welcome!