Chapter 10

Two months later.

Wednesday morning, Abby arrived at work thinking about their current case.

A Navy Officer had been found murdered…injected with some sort of poison that they couldn't identify. It had the properties of numerous "off the shelf" items…but there was no chemical match to be found.

She approached her lab to find the door ajar and no lights on. It no longer worried her, because she knew that Jason had, once again, arrived before her. She pushed the door open and found him sitting in the dark. Although this had become a common occurrence over the last few months, it was usually accompanied by him looking at the picture on his phone.

Today, however, he was sitting with his head down, cradled in his arms.

"Are you OK?" She asked softly, not wanting to startle him.

When he didn't respond, she really got scared. She turned on the lights, slowly walked up to him and put her hand on his shoulder.

When he looked up, she could tell something was wrong. He was ghostly pale and had bloodshot eyes.

"Good morning." He smiled weakly.

"What's wrong?" She asked.

"Didn't sleep last night." He answered.

"Go home and get some rest." She told him.

"I'll be fine." He told her, but she could tell it hurt him to move.

"Jason…" She began, but didn't know what to say.

"Some days are better than others." He said, knowing what she thinking. "Today falls under the category of "other"." He laughed.

She didn't quite accept this, but she didn't want to push the issue.

"Have you thought about the readings we got yesterday?" She changed the subject.

"All night long." He laughed. "But I don't think I'm any closer to understanding them."

"Me neither." She chuckled. "But…today's a new day, maybe we can figure them out."

She looked at his hands and saw how bad they were trembling, and made up her mind that she would push the issue.

"No." She told him as she pulled her phone out to text Jimmy. "I'm calling Ducky."

"Abby, I…" He began.

"Haven't you learned by now not to argue with me?" She said as she pressed "Send".

Jimmy looked at Abby's text…but Ducky hadn't arrived yet, which meant he was probably upstairs, talking with Gibbs.

"I'll go see if he's there." He texted back. "If he isn't, I'll call him and let you know."

"I can IM McGee…it will be faster." She replied. "If you can come here with Ducky's bag?"

"On my way." Jimmy replied.

McGee heard a beep on his computer that indicated an instant message.

Noticing it was from Abby, he opened it.

"Ducky up there?"

"Yes, he is." He replied.

"Please have him come to my lab. I need his help."

"What's wrong?" He asked.

"Jason." Was the reply.

Gibbs and Ducky were having a conversation about the victim, which McGee usually wouldn't interrupt.

"Boss?" He said, making Gibbs look over. "Sorry to bother you, but I just got an instant message from Abby."

"And?" Gibbs asked impatiently.

"She's asking for Ducky to come down…says it's Jason."

Ducky stared at him for a few seconds, then headed to Abby's lab with everyone in tow.

The second Ducky entered the lab, he considered calling an ambulance.

"Sit down." He ordered as he grabbed his bag from Jimmy and pulled out his penlight.

"My vision's fine, Ducky." Jason told him as Ducky shined the light in his eyes.

Although he was attempting to sound normal, Ducky could easily tell it was forced.

"And, I still have feeling everywhere…" He continued, "believe me." He tried to laugh, but it turned into a coughing fit.

"How much sleep did you get last night?" Ducky asked.

"None." Jason replied.

"How long has the pain been this bad?" Ducky asked, checking his reflexes.

"Some days it's manageable, some days it isn't." He answered. "Like I told Abby, today is a bad day…but it usually eases up as the day goes on."

"Grab my wrist and squeeze." Ducky said, holding out his arm.

The effort he exerted in the failed attempt caused him to have another, longer coughing fit. When it was over, Abby handed him a bottle of water while Ducky checked for signs of blood. When he didn't see any, he was slightly comforted, until he noticed how bad the bottle of water that Jason held was shaking.

"I know you well enough to know that you will refuse to go to the emergency room." Ducky glared at him. "Even if I ordered you to."

"What could they do for me?" Jason asked. "Have me sit there for three hours and tell me they can't do anything? They can't even give me another painkiller; it would probably react with what I take."

"What about calling your Doctor?" Gibbs asked.

"I already have…I have to check in twice a day." He answered. "When I told her how I was, she wanted to admit me."

"Would that be a bad thing?" Ziva asked.

Jason looked down at his hands to gather his thoughts, then back up.

"Nobody has…dwelt…on what's in store for me more than I have…" He began, "but, all things considered, I don't want to spend the rest of my life, however short it may be, lying in a hospital bed…with so many drugs in my system that I don't know who I am. Although Doctor Stevens doesn't like it…she accepts it."

"I told him to go home and get some rest." Abby told Ducky.

"Rest is what you need." Ducky said. "But you're staying here. Abby has a couch in her office; you are going to lie down until I tell you that you can get up."

"Ducky, I'll…" He began.

"And if you refuse to do so," Ducky interrupted, "I will call the hospital and have you admitted…against your will, if necessary."

"And forcibly." Gibbs added. "If necessary."

Jason looked at them for a few seconds, then sighed and nodded.

"Would you really have him admitted against his will?" DiNozzo asked after the elevator door closed.

Ducky reached over, hit the emergency stop, and turned to them.

"That…obstinate young man," He pointed in the direction of Abby's lab with a trembling hand, and everyone realized how angry he was, "is in far greater pain than he is letting on. The only reason I haven't called an ambulance…yet…is because he is correct…the only thing they can do for him is put him in a hospital bed and pump him full of morphine."

"Again," Ziva replied, "would that be a bad thing?"

"Although, as in the present case, it can be difficult to practice…the medical profession strives to allow terminal patients the dignity to die in the surroundings they choose." Ducky told them. "As long as they retain the mental capacity to freely choose it. And although, as a Doctor, I am having trouble accepting his decision…I must acquiesce to it, because it is his decision, and I have seen nothing to indicate that this disease has affected his mind."

"Wait a minute." McGee began. "Are you saying…?"

"Unfortunately…I am…And he knows it, too." Ducky nodded, his tone softening. "I understand that you were searching for his family…I hope you have found them."

When Abby checked on him thirty minutes later, she found him asleep. She grabbed a blanket and put it over him, then kissed his cheek and turned to leave.

Gibbs and Ducky were standing at the door to her office.

"Thank you." She told Ducky as she closed the door. "He tries to hide it, but I can tell how bad he's hurting."

"You knew this time would come." Ducky told her.

"But it's not "this time" yet." She retorted and walked over to her computer.

"Abby," Ducky began, "you have to accept…"

"I don't have to accept anything." She snapped, then took a deep breath. "I'm sorry…it's just that…to look at him…every day, knowing what's going on inside him, and how much pain he is in…and to not be able to do anything to comfort him…I can't even hug him."

Gibbs held her as she cried.

"You have given him a purpose, Abby." Ducky said. "This lab gives him a reason to get up in the morning. You can take comfort in knowing that you have made the last few months of his life worth living. If it weren't for you, he probably would not have held on this long."

"So he gives me comfort, but I can't give him any?" Abby replied.

"You have missed my point." Ducky told her. "You have given him the comfort of knowing that somebody cares about him…and that he won't die alone."

She half smiled.

"Have you found anything?" Gibbs asked, changing the subject.

"Still working on the readings we got yesterday." Abby told him. "It's almost as if he were poisoned with two separate chemicals."

Gibbs kissed her on the cheek, then he and Ducky turned to leave.

"Ducky?" She called. "I'm not saying that I'm not worried now…but when should I really be?"

"If he starts coughing up blood or has trouble seeing or moving." He replied. "Call 911 first, then me."

After lunch, Ziva walked in to find them both at the computer, trying to make sense out of what was there.

"How you feeling?" She asked.

"Better." He smiled. "Thank you."

"I take it Ducky knows that you are up?"

"He gave his blessing." He laughed. "And here I thought Abby was the most stubborn person in the building."

Abby and Ziva both laughed at that.

"I'm not even the most stubborn person in this lab." Abby countered.

"I was about to say the same thing." Ziva added, then turned serious. "My father says that he remembers you, and when I told him the situation, he wanted me to tell you that you would be in his prayers."

When she returned to her desk, Ziva looked over at McGee and saw him staring at his computer.

"What's wrong, McGee?" She asked.

For a few seconds, he didn't respond.

"Hey!" Tony yelled, causing McGee to look at him questionably. "Lady ninja asked you a question." He said, gesturing towards Ziva. "My experience is that it isn't wise to make her ask twice."

McGee looked over at Ziva.

"What's wrong?" She repeated.

"Just trying to decide if I should." McGee replied, looking at his monitor.

Tony and Ziva looked at each other, then got up to see what he was looking at.

"Yes." They both said, causing McGee to look up at Ziva.

"You should." She added.

McGee debated for a few more seconds, then hit the print button.

Five minutes later, he entered the lab carrying a manila folder.

"What's up, Timmy?" Abby asked.

McGee looked over at Jason.

"Jason," he began, "I know you asked not to be told of anything…so I won't." He placed the folder on the table, then turned and left.

Jason gave Abby a questioning look, then opened the folder.

Abby saw his eyes fill with tears, and walked over to see what it was.

"She's beautiful." She said when she saw the photo McGee had brought; a recent picture that Jennifer had just posted online the previous weekend.

All he could do was nod, and Abby put her arm around him and laid her head on his shoulder.

As they were getting ready to leave, Abby turned to Jason.

"Do you want to stay at my place tonight?" She asked.

"A year ago," He laughed, "I would have jumped at such an opportunity."

"I guess that could be interpreted wrong." She blushed.

"Could be." He laughed.

She started laughing. "What I meant was…"

"I know what you meant." He interrupted. "And I will have to decline the offer."

She just looked at him.

"Abby." He continued. "I know what you are trying to do. But, if it does happen tonight, I don't want it to happen in your home."

"I love you." She said, tears filling her eyes. "And I don't care how you interpret that…and I want to see you here tomorrow morning…understand?"

Thursday morning, Ziva accompanied Abby down the elevator. Abby breathed a sigh of relief when the doors opened and she saw the door to her lab ajar.

Opening it, she looked at the table, expecting to see Jason there. When he wasn't, she turned on the lights and looked around, finally noticing him sitting on the couch in her office.

"You're not shaking," She said, "but you look worse than yesterday."

"Good morning to you, too." He smiled as Ziva knelt down to feel his pulse.

"His pulse is racing." She said, then felt his forehead. "And he's burning up."

Abby stared at him, then pulled her phone out and texted Jimmy, who told her that Ducky was on the way, then McGee, who told her that everyone was on the way.

"How do you feel?" Ziva asked.

"I'm dying." He told her.

Jason turned when Ducky walked in.

"Déjà vu." He laughed as Ducky checked his pulse.

"Jason…" Ducky began, "your pulse is racing. How do you feel?"

"If that offer to admit me is still open," Jason replied, "I think I'll take you up on it today."

Ducky nodded and reached for the phone as Gibbs entered.

Gibbs took one look at Jason, then turned to Ducky, who only shook his head.

Ducky put the phone down and turned to Gibbs.

"An ambulance is on the way…They will go to our garage. Mr. Palmer, if you would be so kind as to wait for them?"

"Of course, Doctor." Jimmy said, and headed for the elevator.

Ducky turned to Jason. "I want you to lie down."

"Ducky…I need you to relay this to Dr. Stevens…" Jason said, then started shaking his head. "I don't know if it's the medicine, but I haven't completely lost my sight…it's like, a camera with the focus control almost maxed out…I see light and moving colors."

Ducky could only stare at him.

"Can you move?" He finally asked.

"Only with a lot of effort." Jason said. "Again…not complete paralysis…but the pain is gone...Although, I feel like I'm on fire…"

"His forehead is hot to the touch." Ziva interrupted and Ducky reached for his thermometer.

"But, it doesn't hurt." Jason continued. "I don't know how to explain it."

"Like being given a shot of Novocain…but still feeling the pressure of having a tooth pulled?" Ducky asked as he read the thermometer.

"Yea." Jason agreed. "That's about the best way to describe it."

"I'm gonna lay you down." Ducky told him. "Abby, support his head…and can someone wet a towel with cold water?" McGee ran to the sink.

When they had him down, he had a coughing fit…Abby grabbed a towel to wipe the blood off him.

"My phone is on the table." Jason said. "My password is a pattern…a big "J"…3,6,9…8,7,4. Dr. Stevens is speed dial "3"."

Gibbs turned to DiNozzo, who nodded and stepped out to make the call.

"Tell her to meet us at the base hospital." Gibbs said.

"One hundred and five." Ducky said to Gibbs as Abby put the wet towel on Jason's forehead.

"Abby?" Jason asked.

"Right here." She answered as she knelt down and grabbed his arm.

"There is a picture of Jennifer in my drawer." He said. "Can you get it for me?"

"I will." Ziva replied and headed to where he kept his things.

"Abby." He said. "The readings we got Tuesday."

"Don't worry about that right now." She interrupted. "Just relax."

"Listen to me." He insisted. "It was lawn fertilizer mixed with bleach. Whoever did it knows that each bottle is chemically unique, and a sample can be traced…so they contaminated it with bleach."

"Yes." Abby agreed. "Now just relax, I want you to get better so you can be back at work."

"Abby." He turned to her voice. "We both know that's not going to happen."

"No." She shook her head. "You have to think positive thoughts. You…"

"Abby." He interrupted. "I am positive. Thank you for allowing me to work with you…to make a difference."

"And when you get better," She insisted, "you will continue to make a difference."

"Goodbye, Abby." He squeezed her hand.

She shook her head.

"No…no, it's not that." She shook her head. "You're going to get better and be back and…"

She paused and looked at him.

"Goodbye, you beautiful person." She said. "I don't know what you did in the past, but I promise you, you have atoned for it. Thank you for enriching my life…and know that you will live in my memories forever…I meant it yesterday when I told you that I love you."

She held his arm and cried.

"Jason." McGee said. "Obviously, I uh…found your ex-wife and daughter. I promise you that I will make sure they get the fund."

"Thank you." He replied. "The paperwork for the fund, my life insurance policy, and my will are all in a safe deposit box at First Federal."

He was silent for awhile, catching his breath.

"Also." He continued. "In my drawer…is the key to it…and a Power of Attorney giving…Abby access to it…Ducky?"

"Yes?" Ducky answered.

"Also, in the drawer…is a Living Will…denying all medical care." Jason told him. "I don't want…the Emergency Room…to waste their time…or mine."

"I understand." Ducky replied. "And I will make sure they follow it."

He stroked Abby's hair. "Abby?"

"I'm here." She sobbed

"Please tell Patricia that…I am so sorry, and…if I could go back…and end my life to prevent…what I did, I would…without hesitation. And tell Jennifer…that I love her…more than life itself…and I died…thinking of her."

"I will." She promised as Jimmy arrived with the E.M.S. crew.

"I'll ride with him." Ducky and Abby said in unison.

When they opened the ambulance doors, in addition to the uniformed Doctors, there was another woman standing there.

"Jason? Can you hear me?" She asked.

Jason didn't reply, but turned towards the sound.

"That's right, Jason, it's Dr. Stevens…I know you can hear me." She said as the gurney he was on was lowered from the ambulance. "You're at the hospital now."

"Dr. Stevens?" Ducky walked up. "I'm Dr. Mallard."

"Dr. Mallard." She replied. "You're welcome to join us."

"Go to the Waiting Room." He told Abby as they went through the Emergency Room doors.

Fifteen minutes later, Ducky entered the Waiting Room and everyone stood.

When Abby walked up to him, he hugged her. "I'm sorry." He told her. "All they could do was make him as comfortable as possible."

"Did he say anything?" Abby asked.

Ducky only shook his head.

"You must be Abby." Doctor Stevens said as she walked up. "Jason described you perfectly…I'm so sorry."

"Thank you." Abby replied, holding out her hand. "And thank you…for everything you did for him."

"He was one of a kind." Dr. Stevens said as she shook Abby's hand, then turned to Ducky. "I wanted to admit him yesterday."

"As did I." Ducky told her. "But he was just too stubborn…and he had a point…it would not have changed anything."

"My thoughts, exactly." She nodded, then put her hand to her mouth and visibly fought back tears. "I guess I broke unwritten rule number one." She said.

"Never become emotionally attached." Ducky said. "I have always found that one rather difficult to follow, myself…And, in this particular case, I wasn't able to…and you knew him far longer than I did."

"It can wait." She said. "But I do need to talk to you."

"I believe the medicine affected his symptoms." Ducky nodded. "We'll sit down later and I'll tell you everything."

Dr. Stevens also nodded. "I believe in total patient care…so I also treat patients psychologically as well as physically. He…was a stubborn one…and it took me months to get him to start opening up." She turned back to Abby. "But…I never could get him to open up to other people…until he met you. I wish he had met you sooner." She smiled as she looked at each of them. "The way he talked about all of you, I could tell he thought very highly of you." She turned back to Abby. "Especially you…He told me that you reminded him of Jennifer…In our session just after you hired him full time, he was more excited than I had ever seen him…claimed he finally had a reason to get up in the morning…I just thought you would like to know." She smiled. "And…it is I who has to thank all of you…for allowing him to stay, even after you knew how sick he was."

"Is there any hope for a cure?" Abby asked.

"Unfortunately," She shook her head, "the disease is so rare and the number of potential candidates for it is so small that it isn't even being researched. With Jason gone, there are only two known living cases."

"So…they're just gonna let these…heroes…who fought for their country and got sick doing it…die…without even trying to save them?!" Abby couldn't believe it.

"That doesn't mean we have to abandon them." She shook her head. "We can do our best to help ease their suffering…both physically and mentally."

Friday afternoon, Abby and McGee went to his apartment to remove his belongings.

It was a small, one room apartment (about 30 feet squared) furnished with a bed, sink, refrigerator, table, and microwave. All Jason had added were a television and a collapsible lawn chair of the type resembling a recliner. The bathroom was a separate room off to the left as you walked in.

Seeing a piece of paper on the table, Abby walked over and picked it up. She grimaced when she saw it was a note to her.

"Abby," It read, "If you are reading this, then I am…"

She turned away, not wanting to read any more, and handed it to McGee.

Looking around, she noticed another copy of the picture he had showed her on his phone, enlarged, and hanging on the wall next to the bed.

"I wish he could have seen her again." She thought.