Kris: I would like to thank fanficssuck for coming up with the title for this chapter. I had something else in mind, but this was better. Also, this is set at some point before the Arrancar arc, so Ichi and Zangetsu don't know any of the Espada yet.
EFFING WITH THE ESPADA
Ring ring. Ring ring. Goes the phone.
Ichigo and Zangetsu have the phone on loudspeaker, sitting on the table in between them. They snicker, but fall silent when the phone is picked up.
"Hello ?" comes a voice belonging to neither Aizen, Gin or Tousen, "Who is it?"
Zangetsu then begins speaking, with no prior thought, "Tell us your name first."
"My name is-"
He is interrupted by Ichigo, "I like cheese."
"Hey, don't interrupt me! Or I'll kill you!"
"Huh?"
"As I was saying, I am the-"
"I think you should get to the point," it is Zangetsu interrupting this time.
"I will! Just let me say my name!"
"That's all we're asking you to do," says Ichigo.
"My name iiiiis-"
"You know once I was talking to this guy and he would just not tell me his name…" says Zangetsu.
"How frustrating!" says Ichigo.
By now, the person on the other end of the line is getting very angry, "Grrrrrrrrr!"
Suddenly, another voice is heard on the other end of the line, in the background.
"Grimmjow, what have I told you about answering the phone when I'm not here?"
A grumbling is heard from the one they had been harassing, who is apparently named Grimmjow, before the other picks up the phone.
"Sorry about him…Who is this?" asks the voice. Ichigo and Zangetsu recognise it as Gin's.
"Never mind," says Ichigo, "Just let Aizen and Tousen join us."
"Hmmm…okay!"
Gin is now making connective calls over to where Aizen and Tousen are. Tousen picks up first and whines to Gin. Ichigo and Zangetsu can't quite understand what he is saying, but it has something to do with a high phone bill. Gin doesn't seem to care.
Aizen picks up the phone next "WHAZZZUP GIIIIIN, MA HOE?!" he declares loudly for all to hear.
"Umm…Aizen-sama…" says Gin, "We have company…"
"Oh"
There is a long awkward pause, in which Ichigo and Zangetsu snicker.
"Whose there?" asks Aizen dumbly.
"We're from the video company," responds Ichigo.
There is another pause.
"Aizen…" Tousen says in a warning tone, "Have you pulled up another video bill?"
"Uhhh…" says Aizen, "I don't know…"
"It's for the Hanna Montana movie," Zangetsu contributes.
"Aizen!" whines Tousen.
"What the?! I swear it wasn't me, it was Ulquiorra!" Aizen is going into damage control.
"Don't blame these things on others, Aizen" says Tousen.
"But he's telling the truth!" says Gin, "Aizen doesn't like Hannah Montana, but we all know Ulquiorra does!"
"Can you prove that Gin?" asks Tousen.
"Yeah, I can," says Gin, "Don't you see Ulquiorra's Hannah underwear every time you do the washing?"
"Umm…" says Tousen.
"He can't see, remember Gin?" remarks Aizen.
"Oh right, my bad…" laughs Gin.
The three evil defectors continue rambling on about bills and the costs of running Las Noches through their phone system.
Ichigo and Zangetsu grow bored and hang up on them.
"Let's go see what Shiro-chan is up to…"
Kris: Stay tuned! 10th Division is next!