This started out being a cute little idea, and then it kind of got long and stopped being as cute, but since I refuse to lose over 4000 words, I'll go ahead and post it anyway. Things you need to know: basically, I've flipflopped names so Kurt and Blaine can keep their own identities. The show in this fic is called Joy, and all the character names are the actors' real names. I called the Cheerios "Kix" (ya know, 'cause they're both cereal, and 'cause cheerleaders kick and all that...yeah, it was funnier when I thought of it). And Klaine are as big of CrissColfer shippers as I am a Klainer. So this is kinda reenacting my own viewing of the finale.

xXxXxXx

Kurt stood in front of the coffee table taking inventory of their mandatory Joy season finale supplies.

"Let's see… tissues?"

Blaine held up two boxes. "His and his! Check!"

"Water for rehydration?"

Blaine pointed to two glasses and a pitcher of ice water. "Check!"

"Pain relievers for the inevitable crying headaches?"

Blaine looked around, and fining nothing, he dashed off to the bathroom for the bottle of ibuprofen. "Check!"

"Aaaaaannnnd Ben and Jerry's for afterward?"

Blaine went into the kitchen to check the freezer. "The only two men I love almost as much as I love you. Check!" He stood in the doorway holding up his carton of Cherry Garcia and Kurt's of Mint Oreo Cookie.

"I think we've got everything!" Kurt carefully settled himself on the sofa underneath their favorite cuddle blankets, but Blaine, being the giant puppy he was, made a flying leap and landed with a thud on the sofa next to Kurt, jostling him violently.

"What did I tell you about jumping on the furniture, Blaine?"

"The last time I recall you scolding me for jumping on the furniture was way back when you were still at Dalton. The statute of limitations has run out."

"The statue of limitations will never run out on you destroying my furniture. Consider the 'Treat Furniture With Respect and Don't Jump On It' rule reinstated and in effect until further notice."

"You are no fun whatsoever." Blaine burrowed head first under the bottom of Kurt's blanket and crawled up underneath it to spoon with Kurt.

"Hey, get your own blanket!" Kurt said with mock indignation.

"Nope, not happening. You're much warmer, and besides, you always make me feel better when I cry." He got himself situated just as the opening number of Joy started up.

xXxXxXx

"Awww look at them perform Sit Down You're Rockin' the Boat again!" Kurt exclaimed.

"Look at CHRIS! He's so grown up compared to season one!"

"Yeah, they've all changed, but the Puberty Stick beat the hell out of Chris!"

"It sure did him a world of good, though, he's SO gorgeous," Blaine swooned.

Kurt pretended to be offended. "Hey! Swooning is only allowed when it's directed at me.''

"Oh sweetie, you know I'm always happy to swoon over you!" Blaine pretended to scream and faint, and he dropped dramatically into Kurt's lap, pretending to be out cold.

"Get up, you doofus," he said pretending to shove Blaine to the floor, but Blaine held tight and snuggled closer.

"There's only one thing left to do. Say goodbye."

"Aww, look at Chris smile when he looks at Darren. They make each other so happy!"

"Poor Darren, though. You can tell he's still hurting whenever he thinks about Chris leaving."

"I can't blame him," Blaine said. "I put myself in his shoes and get all choked up."

They listened in silence as Mr. Morrison sang Forever Young.

"You know," said Kurt. "I don't normally dig Matt Morrison – I think he's creepy and inappropriate most of the time, but this actually isn't a bad song."

"He's done worse – that Thong Song was a crime."

Kurt shuddered as he recalled the number that never should have been. "It sure was – OOOH Chris voiceover!"

They both watched attentively as Chris walked down the hall and spoke of his life and accomplishments at the school. "I love that scarf."

"We'll have to watch the Fashion of Joy site and see if it pops up. Maybe we can get one and share it, although you look better in blue…"

"LOOK!" Kurt exclaimed. "Baby gays! Oh wait, Chris calls them 'tadpole' gays. I honestly didn't think we'd see more out students before the series was over, the way they're treated at this school."

Chris walked into the auditorium and was surprised to see his dad sitting on the edge of the stage waiting for him.

"YAY! MIKE!" Blaine cheered and clapped his hands. "Best dad EVER!"

"But why is he in the auditorium?

"Dad speech, shhhhh!"

They sat back and listened intently – the Mike scenes were always the best.

"He's so awkward with the ways of gays," Kurt remarked. "He reminds me of my own dad."

"Aww, they're proud of each other!" Blaine pretended to wipe a tear from his eye.

Kurt suddenly clamped his hands down on Blaine's arm. "OH MY GOD. Is he going to do what I think he's going to do?"

Blaine's face broke out into a huge smile. "HE IS! And look at the GLOVE!"

They sat up straight and watched Mike dance his way through the Single Ladies dance and do a surprisingly good job with it.

"They really should have Chris join in on this," Blaine said dreamily. "The videos of the Joy Live tour can NEVER be enough hip thrusting for me."

"I need to learn the Single Ladies dance myself – you seem to like my hip thrusting at other times…" Kurt winked.

Blaine snorted. Loudly. Kurt laughed so hard he started crying. Blaine grabbed a wad of tissues out of the box and handed it to Kurt and took a few for himself. This was truly hilarious.

"Oh my God, that was absolutely perfect. Mike's got MOVES!"

"Oh, shh shh shh! This is that scene that was in the promos!"

Chris and Darren walked into an empty classroom and sat next to each other.

"We've been putting this off for far too long, but um, don't you think that we should have 'the talk'?"

"Yes, dear God, please have the talk. I've been chewing my fingernails off waiting to see what they've decided."

"Do you know how I picture the end of my life? Just like in "The Notebook". I'm sitting in a nursing home, talking endlessly about my high school sweetheart, my first love, going on and on about every little detail, as if they matter. Only, in my version, he's there with me."

"AWWWWWWW!" they cooed simultaneously.

"That is the sweetest thing!" Blaine practically squealed.

"Oh my god, Chris is me!" Kurt looked at Blaine lovingly. "Did you know I've often thought the exact same thing?"

"Aww, I love you too, Kurt!" Blaine quickly pecked Kurt on the cheek, not wanting to pull his eyes away from the screen.

"I told you I'm never saying goodbye to you. We'll figure out this whole long distance relationship thing. I promise."

"Okay."

"That's it?" Kurt asked indignantly. "No kiss? No hug? Still sitting three feet apart? Good grief, Joy. It's the season finale. Toss us a bone, here."

Blaine snorted softly. "Really, Blaine? Must you act like a ten year old boy every time I use that phrase?"

"It's funny!" Blaine protested.

"You're a pervert," Kurt said.

"Shut up! Another Chris speech!"

"Aww he's trying not to cry," Kurt said, grabbing a tissue and delicately dabbing the corners of his eyes.

"'Cause in this room it doesn't matter if you're gay or straight. What matters is that we're friends."

"Oh my gosh, I love Madonna!"

"I love this song. Chris sounds so angelic singing it. I only wish I was as good as he is."

"Hey hey hey, Kurt," Blaine said, pulling Kurt closer to him. "You are every bit as good as he is, and I don't want to hear anything different from you. You make me want to swoon every time I hear you."

"We're back to that swooning thing again, huh?"

"Well, you SAID I could only swoon if it's over you, and it IS over you, so…"

"Oh, right. Carry on," Kurt allowed.

They paused a moment to enjoy how wonderful Chris sounded singing I Remember.

"Look at him every time he sings 'the love that you gave me'. Chris looks at Darren the same way you look at me. And the same way I imagine I look at you."

Kurt nodded. "You do. There is never a moment when I don't feel the love we have for each other."

Suddenly Kurt burst out laughing. "He's singing, I've never been afraid to cry. Ain't THAT the truth. I swear, all they do on this show is make him cry. Let's give him bullies, let's make his dad have a heart attack, let's vote him prom queen, let's make Lea stuff the ballot box and almost get him suspended… "

"I know, right? Someone should notify the writers that though the phrase is cry me a river, they shouldn't actually make him do it."

"Oooh, acceptance letters are coming out! I'm so excited!" Kurt cheered.

"Darren should really have been included in their little pact. Acceptance letters affect him, too."

"Yeah, no kidding. Though I don't know why they're concerned. We all know both Chris and Lea will make it into NYADA."

"Even though Lea choked?" Blaine asked incredulously. "Honestly, she gave a horrible first impression on that stage, and a show choir performance as part of ensemble isn't really indicative of what she can do in musical theatre. I can't see why they'd choose her."

"PLEASE – this whole show is the Lea show," Kurt scoffed. "Of course she's going to NYADA. Still doesn't mean I'm not going to be pissed off when it happens."

"And Chris is a shoo in. That audition of his was incredible," Blaine gushed.

Kurt laughed. "Tell me your favorite part of the whole audition wasn't those gold pants."

Blaine fidgeted uncomfortably under Kurt's gaze. "Well sue me! I swear to God he was smuggling a can of Pringles in those things!"

"You're turned on right now just thinking of them, aren't you?" Kurt's hand slowly inched up Blaine's leg under the blankets.

Blaine blushed. "Well, mostly I'm just praying Fashion of Glee has them so I can buy you a pair. And I'm gonna make sure yours are about three sizes too small, too, so they're as tight on you as they are on him."

"Oooh, you totally like that idea," Kurt said as his hand reached its destination. He leaned in for a kiss and began to allow his hand to do what it wanted to do when Blaine jumped up.

"Wait, wait! We're missing the show!"

"Seriously Blaine? You care about the show right now?" Kurt flopped against the back of the couch in frustration."

Blaine gestured downward. "Oh, don't get me wrong. I care about this, too, but I think I'd rather care about this behind closed doors…?"

Kurt sighed. "All right, all right. You have a point."

Blaine grabbed the remote control and rewound. "Thank goodness for DVRs – we've missed at least five minutes. Oops, I went too far. Saw that, saw that, didn't see that. Okay."

"Amber got a recording contract. Gee, surprise, surprise."

"Well, duh! She always makes me cry when she sings, it's so gorgeous," Blaine said. "It's just too bad it's only as a backup singer. She deserves to be in the spotlight."

"Everyone has to pay their dues, Blaine. Oh wait, Joffrey? What the hell? Since when has there been any indication that Harry was into classical ballet? Alvin Ailey made so much more sense!"

"This is Joy. Nothing makes sense, Kurt."

"Jeez, no kidding."

"Is that Gloria Estefan? One, two, three, four, come on baby say you love me!" Blaine sang.

"Shut up, Blaine. Okay, so Naya doesn't want to go to Kentucky, and Heather's not graduating. Could've called that."

"Five, six, seven ti-imes," Blaine continued.

"Shut UP, Blaine!"

"Eight, nine, ten, eleven, I'm just gonna keep on counting…"

"I mean it, Blaine!"

"Un-til you are mi-ine!"

Kurt clapped his hand over Blaine's mouth to get him to stop singing, but Blaine licked Kurt's hand.

"Eeew, BLAINE, that's revolting!"

"Really Kurt? It's just spit. You never say that when I'm licking other – "

"ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT! You wanted to keep on watching, let's watch."

Blaine laughed. "Maybe next time you'll let me sing."

"Maybe next time, I'll cut you off," Kurt threatened.

"Oooh, I'm scared."

"You should be. Who knows when the next time you'd be able to get all up in this might be."

"You're so cocky, Kurt."

"I thought you liked that about me."

"Wait, what is Chris doing?"

Finally ripping their attention away from each other and directing it toward the screen, they discovered that there was a group number going on the screen. "Oh that's adorable! Chris is reeling Darren in!"

"Stop the presses, they're touching each other on the shoulders!"

"Fox should really blur that out, 'cause it's sooooo controversial," Blaine said sarcastically.

"Oh hey, check it out, Darren has socks on. You should really take a lesson from him, Blaine."

"But I HATE socks!"

"You do not. You have a drawer full of the most flamingly gay socks I've ever seen. I didn't know they made those patterns in mens sizes."

"You can find anything on eBay. And besides, if I MUST wear socks, I insist they be fun."

"And blinding." Kurt mimed putting on a pair of sunglasses.

"EEEW, Monchele scene!" Blaine burst out.

"Chairs? Are they seriously running that low on plot points?" Kurt said. "And for the record, both chairs are absolutely hideous."

"Lea's not very convincing in this scene. No wonder Cory's doubting her."

"Good. I've always thought their relationship was a trainwreck. They break up more than I change my underwear. And we know fastidious I am about my undergarments."

"When you're wearing them, that is," Blaine said suggestively, waggling his pointy eyebrows.

"Don't EVEN start, Blaine Anderson. You said you wanted to watch the show, we're watching the show."

They sat back and listened to Cory's voiceover about his Actor's Studio audition.

"That headshot makes Cory look seriously deranged," Kurt commented.

"He looks like Hammy the Squirrel from Over the Hedge with his eyes bugged out like that."

"Like I said. Deranged."

"Oh my god – is Matt going to tell Cory about the pot?"

"He did! Holy crap! He's gonna FREAK!"

"Ýou are so much cooler than I ever thought you were."

Kurt and Blaine sat staring at the TV for a moment. "Are you SERIOUS? He was cool with that? I would've sued MattyMo's creepy ass!" Blaine exclaimed.

"This show makes no sense," Kurt said, shaking his head.

Blaine chuckled. "Are you just NOW figuring this out?"

"No, just reiterating. For like the jillionth time."

They sat silent for a few moments as they watched a scene with Cory and Romy, and then they were brought back to the choir room once again.

"Now Kevin is making Cory sound like this saint. Will they NEVER realize that he's not as great as everyone makes him out to be?" Kurt wondered.

"Well, I don't think he's as bad as all of that, but this whole song being for him? That's not fair to the other seniors. Wasn't this supposed to be about the juniors saying goodbye to the seniors and vice versa?"

"That would require, I don't know, continuity or something. Oooh, check it out – Darren and Chris got to look meaningfully at each other when they sang the word 'lovers.' I think that's about as close as Fox is going to let Joy get to admitting that they slept together," Kurt said with great sarcasm. "Hell, sometimes I forget they have."

"Oh like hell you have, Kurt. I see you replaying that episode more often than you will admit to."

"Hey, I like the music. So sue me."

"You like the music so much that you skip all of it except for the song in the final scene?" Blaine teased.

"Shut up," Kurt grumbled.

"Oh, I get it. You like the part at the beginning where Darren is listening to Roxy Music and then talks about masturbation."

Kurt's face grew dark red. "I said shut UP! Watch the damn show, would you?"

Blaine grinned. "No problem. I was just killing time 'til this subpar rendition of In My Life was over with anyway."

"It wasn't THAT bad."

"Yeah it was. But what can I expect from someone who also thought Candles 'wasn't that bad'?"

"It WASN'T!" Kurt protested. "It was their first song together as a couple."

"So you basically admit you were in it for the sappy aspect of it, and not for the fact that it was actually any good. I always knew you were a hopeless romantic."

"Yeah, well you're just hopeless."

"Am not!"

"Are too. Now watch Dianna's voiceover or I'm going to turn this off and then NOT let you bitch at me because you're missing it."

"Fine. You're such a sucky boyfriend," Blaine whined.

"Keep it going and you'll find out how 'sucky' I am not," Kurt said with a raised eyebrow. Blaime immediately caught his true meaning and shut his mouth post haste.

"Do you buy this whole Dianna and Lea friendship? I mean, they've fought like stray cats so much. It seems so out of the blue."

"And all that money spent on that metro pass? Whatever."

"Whoa, Dianna! 'I love you' Mark?"

"How patronizing can she get? 'Now are you gonna let me kiss you?'"

"Don't do it!"

"Ugh. Dianna, just go away. Go to Yale, leave him ALONE. Neither of you need each other. This whole scene feels completely insincere."

"Oh my gosh. I LOVE Nene and Jane scenes! They are so rude to each other. It's great!"

"That's quite an accomplishment for a pregnant woman, whose ass is so old she went to school with Moses."

Blaine had been taking a sip of soda but did a spit take all over the coffee table.

"EEEWW gross, Blaine!"

"Ooops, sorry babe," Blaine apologized through his laughter. "Her insults are just so funny!"

"Well you should know better than to be drinking something when she's on the screen. You laugh your ass off every time she speaks."

"You think that over, Jane Lynch, while you nurse your 1000 year old vampire baby. You just be sure to bottlefeed because that baby is going to use those sharp ass teeth to bite holes in those saggy old boobs."

Blaine giggled again.

"I swear, this is the only time you are ever going to think boobs are funny. I remember a time when you were totally grossed out by the thought of boobs. That time when all the cheerleaders danced with you? You looked like, eew, boobs, Kurt, save me!"

"No, I was thinking that it should've been you up there dancing with me instead of doing your admittedly adorable little shimmy on the lunch tables without me."

"Yeah, you go ahead and tell yourself that. I know the real reason." Kurt smirked at Blaine, daring him to contradict him.

"Here comes Dianna again,"

"Oooh, nice avoidance tactic. I applaud you, Blaine Anderson."

"Shhh, you keep telling me to watch, I'm watching." Blaine pointedly tried to avoid Kurt.

Dianna returned her Kix uniform to Jane, who promptly told her to keep it as she was retiring it.

"Insert completely stupid crying scene here," Kurt said, his sarcasm still in full force.

"I don't think it was that bad. Jane was a big part of Dianna's life, even if she was a big bitch to her a lot."

Cut to a scene with half the Glee club pacing in front of the history teacher's classroom.

"You think he passed it this time?" Blaine asked.

"Oh, you know he did! Mark was in all the promo pics with all the other seniors. Just like we knew Heather wasn't graduating 'cause she wasn't."

"C-! That's a Salling A+! I'm graduating!"

"See? Told ya!" Kurt said smugly.

"Aww look at all of them in their caps and gowns!"

"Look at Darren in his cute suit and bowtie!" Kurt squealed. "He's just so dapper!"

"Why is Mark jamming on stage with an electric guitar? This doesn't look like any graduation I've ever seen."

"Oh because of course every school sings Glory Days in a mob while ONLY the show choir seniors come dancing out on stage in no particular order."

"Holy SHIT! Look at that leg kick from Chris!" Blaine said in awe.

"Oh, don't get so excited. Have you forgotten that I can kick my leg that high, too?"

"No, and it never ceases to amaze me that you never pull a muscle when you do that. I lift my leg parallel to the floor and throw my back out every time."

"Look, look! The old-fashioned gentleman that Darren is has a proper hanky to give to Chris!"

"And they're both dabbing their eyes! That is adorable as hell," Blaine said as both he and Kurt dabbed their eyes as well.

"Chris is wearing that beetle brooch again. I love that thing! He wore it while he was singing Defying Gravity, too!"

"That ugly thing?"

"IT IS NOT UGLY. It is a sequined Ann Demeulemeester Beetle Brooch and it is fabulous. And it is no longer available."

"Ahh, I see. So you know this because… "

"I may have researched it to see if I could buy it."

"Dammit, can Monchele NOT keep their lips off each other for one second? I mean seriously, what is it about stages that makes them need to plaster their lips together?"

"I don't know, but I'm tired of it took."

"Uh, oh, here we go. Choir room with Chris, Lea, and Cory. This can only mean one thing…"

"I'm seriously having trouble breathing right now."

"Me too, Chris, me too," Kurt said softly.

"He'll be FINE, Kurt. Carmen Tibideaux knows talent when she sees it."

"This is the last moment before we know."

"Shut up and get on with it, Cory."

"Well, it's no surprise Cory didn't get in. He decided, like, what? Two episodes ago? That he wanted to be an actor? People who want to be actors tend to know most of their LIVES that they want to be actors…"

"Chris is up next…"

"WHAT?" Kurt and Blaine screeched simultaneously.

Blaine hit the pause button. "What the FUCK was THAT?"

"Oh god, look at where you hit the pause button – that poor baby's face! He looks so devastated! See, now this is why I wished they had had Darren in on this scene. Cory's got his Lea, but where is Chris' Darren?"

"But… but… he NAILED it! I don't UNDERSTAND!"

"UGH these STUPID writers!"

"Well, let's just keep watching so we can rejoice over Lea's rejection for a little bit," Blaine said as he pressed the play button to continue on with the show.

"I got in."

Silence.

Kurt took the remote away from Blaine and threw it at the wall where it chipped the paint upon impact. "I HATE THIS DAMN SHOW!" he yelled.

"HEY, KEEP IT DOWN DOWN THERE!" Burt's voice could be heard from upstairs.

"SORRY DAD!" Kurt hollered back.

Blaine scanned the room for hidden cameras. "Am I on Candid Camera or Punk'd or something? 'Cause that did NOT just happen. She. Fucked. Up. And she is a STALKER. And yet they WANT a stalker that chokes at their school? Well, Joy, you have my attention. Please tell me what your bullshit reasoning for THAT is."

"Now it's Lea's turn for a voiceover. Can we just fast forward through this?"

Kurt jumped up and grabbed the remote intending to skip Lea's part until they heard her talking about NYADA.

"I can't bring Cory to New York. He'll be reminded of his rejection every day. And being there without Chris would be like remaking Beaches without the Bette Midler character. So I've decided. I'm deferring my acceptance to NYADA for a year and working with the two of them on their applications and auditions to guarantee we'll all go there together next year."

"God, Lea, what makes you think Chris will want your help? What makes you think because you got in and he didn't that he NEEDS your help? Of all the self-centered, self-righteous, BULLSHIT – "

Blaine sighed loudly. "Kurt, I think it's time to accept that this show has disappointed us greatly and just go into the hiatus knowing that the writers and creators don't give a flying monkey's left buttcheek about we fans want for the characters. 'Cause lord knows they haven't given us much so far."

Kurt flopped back onto the couch. "You're right, you're right. I am far too invested in fictional characters. I am far too invested in fictional – oh my GOD, Cory and Lea, lips to your damn SELVES – characters. I am FAR too invested in fictional characters." He excused himself to the restroom, giving Blaine permission to continue watching the show without him.

Kurt was gone long enough where he came back to a scene of Lea walking down the streets of New York singing Roots Before Branches.

"Clearly I missed something. What happened? Readers Digest Condensed Version, please?"

"Well, let's see. First you missed Naya's mom giving her a crapload of money to use to follow her dreams of stardom in New York. Then in the next scene, Cory and Lea were in the car driving to what Lea thought was their wedding but was really a train station. Cory broke their engagement and insisted that she not defer her admission, and he decided to go to Fort Bening, GA, to try to redeem his father by joining the army, and he said he chose it because it was one of the only places she couldn't follow him. You missed an EPIC Lea uglyfaced crying fit, and now you see what I'm seeing here. This song has gone on for awhile."

"Sounds like I didn't miss anything good."

"Nope."

"So… that was it? No Chris resolution? No Darren or Mike reaction? Nothing? Just Lea, Lea, Lea?"

"That's about right."

"Why the hell do I watch this show?"

"Because Darren and Chris are cute?"

"They're not nearly as cute as we are, though," Kurt said, scooting next to Blaine and pulling him close for a kiss.

"Nope, not at all."