Do you remember love?

by Nessa Yavetil

Is it possible to live without love? For some time, she thought she could do it; she thought she could be the perfect smiling doll forever. But the world she had so carefully built one night started to collapse between her hands, and that's when he appeared, to pick up the pieces. This is a little story about the side effects of a happy ending. ExT. For mature readers only.

11. The Hope

11. The Hope

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"The truth is... there is no world in which everyone could be… happy."

Subaru Sumeragi - X

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…

Once again, she was moving through a long corridor; the one she knew so well, the one she had walked through countless times already. And again, like so many other times, she was alone, but that didn't unsettle her; her footsteps sounding in that vast immensity kept her company, and anyway, she knew she wouldn't be alone for too long.

They would come soon, and she was in a great mood.

Soon enough, she found what she was looking for. It was a door, with a sign above it where the numbers "3-1" could be read. She opened it, and she was suddenly startled when she realized that, despite having gotten up exaggeratedly early that morning, she wasn't the first one there.

In the middle of the huge classroom, leaning over something that seemed like a bottle full of a strange liquid, there was a boy. A fair-skinned, dark-haired, glasses-wearing boy. A boy she had never seen before; and who had a lighter in his hand and who was, at the exact moment she walked into the classroom, setting fire to the end of a long, twirled piece of rag. A rag whose other end was inside the bottle. A rag that looked too much… like a wick.

It all happened in a second.

The boy turned to her with big surprised eyes, as if he wasn't expecting to see her there; and she stared at him for an instant, trying to understand the strange scene that unfolded before her eyes. Then he reacted.

"Get out of here." he said.

"What?"

"Run!" he yelled, and after that it was all confusion. He rushed towards her and grabbed her wrist, and not giving her time to react, he dragged her out of the classroom. She didn't understand anything at all; but suddenly found herself running behind him through the corridors, away from the classroom; and he pulled from her and didn't let her stop until they were outside, in the school yard. Only then he let go of her, panting, and she looked at him, confused and gasping for air.

"What on Earth…?"

"Wait…" he muttered, trying to catch his breath. "You'll find out soon."

Then a loud boom was heard inside the school, as if something had just exploded, and suddenly there was smoke and yelling and dozens of people running out of the building and into the yard, coughing and covering their noses.

"Kids, don't go inside the school!" a teacher yelled as he passed right beside them.

The boy laughed.

"What did you just do?" she exclaimed.

"Nothing. Just a little prank." he said, as he kept laughing. When he saw the serious expression on her face, he added. "A harmless one, believe me. It was just a special… stink bomb. It will leave the school stinking for a couple of hours. You were lucky that I saved you in time."

"Why did you do something like that?" she said, in a censuring tone. "And who are you, by the way?"

The boy smiled.

"My name is Hiiragizawa, Eriol Hiiragizawa. It's a pleasure to meet you." he said, offering his hand to her. "I've just been transferred from England. You're in class 3-1, aren't you? Then we're classmates."

"So, you're new? And you think it's okay to be causing trouble on your first day? Aren't you afraid they suspend you, or expel you?"

"Oh, don't worry. Nothing will happen. They never catch me. Besides, nobody knows I'm the one who did it."

She looked at him critically, narrowing her eyes, still not shaking the hand he offered her.

"I know."

"Yeah…" he said, smiling and scratching his head. "But you'll keep me the secret, right?"

"Why would I?"

"Out of gratitude. I saved your life back there, you know."

"That wouldn't have been in danger if it wasn't for you."

"Then… out of comradeship. You seem like a nice girl… you wouldn't have me expelled on my first day, would you?"

"I barely know you; why should I care about you being expelled? For all I know, I could be saving the school from a world of trouble." she said, showing a smile that had turned slightly cunning.

"Oh." he said, frowning a little. "I see… how things are going to be. You're really not as nice as you seem, are you? Okay. Say your price. What do you want in exchange for not ratting me out?"

"First I want to know if it's worth it at all to save your ass. Tell me, why did you do it? Do you want to draw attention to yourself?"

"No! On the contrary, I would prefer that no one ever knew it. I just thought this was such a beautiful morning, it would be a shame to waste it inside a classroom. Don't you agree?"

She stared at him. She wanted to be mad, but the exaggeratedly innocent look in the newcomer's face was… strangely amusing. Besides, she couldn't deny that he was right; it was indeed a lovely morning. It would really be a shame to waste it inside the school.

"Okay… I won't say anything... for now. But don't make a habit of doing this."

He looked at her, suspiciously.

"Aren't you going to ask for anything in return?"

"Right now I can't think of anything I could want from you." she said, with a somewhat sly grin. "But you owe me a favor, a big one, Hiiragizawa-san. Don't you forget. If I ever need something from you, no matter what it is, you will have to do it. Are you okay with this?"

"I'll have to be, since I don't really have a choice, do I?" he said, in a careless, cheerful tone. "Alright, it sounds fair, a favor for a favor… it almost doesn't look like I'm being blackmailed."

She smiled back, and finally shook his hand.

"Nice to meet you, Hiiragizawa-san. My name is Tomoyo Daidouji."

…

A while later, she was in the school grounds, along with another bunch of students. The teacher was walking among them and talking.

"Well, since it may take hours to ventilate the school and it's such a beautiful day, I thought it would be a good idea to have a Biology class in the outdoors. So, all the girls are going to search for any kind of plants and flowers they can find, and draw them, and the boys will do the same with the insects. Then we'll classify them. Begin."

She was very concentrated drawing a flower, when suddenly she realized she was missing something really important. She was a bit surprised and somewhat upset; she had always been extremely careful with her school supplies, she didn't remember having to borrow anything ever. How could this have happened?

Then, out of nowhere, she heard the voice of the newcomer behind her back.

"Do you need this?"

She turned around, startled, and she saw again that affable, self-satisfied face; that face that was the face of someone who was sure to be able to get away with anything. A face that annoyed her, but at the same time, had started to amuse her. She took the eraser he was offering her, snorting in low voice.

"How long have you been there, spying on me?"

"Long enough to realize you're a talented artist, Daidouji-san. I'm impressed."

"Don't you have bugs to draw?" she said, as she erased and redrew a portion of her sketch.

"Nah, I've already done enough."

"So quickly?"

"I don't need to look for them. I know exactly what kind of insects you could find in a place like this. I can think of forty-three species, but just drawing five or six would be enough to please the teacher. I drew ten. I think that will suffice to get a good grade."

She couldn't help but let out a laugh.

"So, besides being a vandal, you're also a know-it-all? That's a strange combination! You don't mind playing pranks and risking being expelled, but you care about getting good grades. Doing as little effort as possible, of course. You're a curious creature, Hiiragizawa-san, did you know that?"

"Curioser and curioser, Daidouji-san." he said, in a tone that was half mocking, half solemn.

"And a reader as well, for what I see. Quoting Alice in Wonderland and all that… Vandal, know-it-all, reader… and I'm guessing presumptuous? So far, you're making quite an impression, Hiiragizawa-san." she said, but she couldn't stop from smiling.

"You just get people, don't you?" he said, his grin widening as if he was a Cheshire Cat. "But don't be so humble, you're nowhere behind, Daidouji-san. I see you're keen and perceptive, and much less well-mannered than you seem. And also a reader, or you wouldn't know the quote. That's an interesting combination as well. You know… despite that misstep from earlier, I think you and I could get along really well." And then he added, refusing the eraser she was giving back to him. "Keep it. You'll need it more than me. I can tell from a mile away you're much more of a perfectionist than I am."

"Okay, but don't you even think that this dirty eraser will make us even. You still owe me a favor."

"Oh, I would never think that." he said, laughing. "But, you know? I'm still not sure I can trust you; you might still rat me out about the stink bomb. So, I'm thinking I'll have to sit close to you in the classroom, just in case, and keep an eye on you for a while, to make sure you keep your part of the deal. Perhaps it will be best if we pretend to be friends for a while, until you collect your favor and our pact expires. It'll make things easier, don't you think? Besides, you already know me better than anyone in this school."

"If you're going to cause me that much trouble, when I decide to collect that favor, it will be huge, Hiiragizawa-san. Are you sure you want to go on with this? The day may come when you'll regret it."

"Very, very sure." he said, looking amused. "We'll see when the time comes which one of us regrets it. But now, there's no reason to keep being unpleasant to each other. We're friends now, aren't we?"

"Not yet." she said. "Now, can you keep an eye on me in silence? I need to concentrate to finish this."

"But it's already perfect! You should relax a little and enjoy the beautiful morning in the outdoors that I gave you. You're not painting the Sistine Chapel, you know?"

"Go away!" she exclaimed, throwing the eraser at his head. But she couldn't help but laugh as she did so.

And from that day on, the newcomer sat next to her in the class.

…

She was sitting on a bench, in the school yard, eating her lunch next to a girl with brown hair combed into two big braided ponytails, chatting lively. Suddenly, the boy with dark hair and glasses passed in front of them, completely surrounded by a large number of students.

"Look!" said the girl with the braided ponytails. "There's Hiiragizawa-kun. Weren't you looking for him?"

"Yes." she said. "But it would be of no use to call him now; he's always surrounded by so many people in the recesses. I really can't believe how popular he has become."

"What do you mean, you can't believe it?" the other girl said, as she put a stuffed bread into her mouth. "He's kind and smart... he gets the highest grades, but still helps everyone with their homework; and he's also good at sports... the team would be lost without him. And in case you've gone blind and didn't noticed, he's one of the hottest boys in school. Teachers love him, the other boys want to be like him and almost every girl dreams to be his girlfriend… It's only natural that he has become popular."

She let out a barely refrained laugh.

"What are you laughing at? Tomoyo, you're his friend, do you know anything that I don't?"

"It's just that… he isn't like that at all." she said, smiling. "That's just the mask he shows everyone. In truth, he's a presumptuous jerk, who has fun playing pranks and jokes on others, and causing trouble. You can't imagine how different his personality is, when nobody sees him."

The other girl stared at her, her brown eyes wide open.

"Really? I can't believe it! He seems so serious and mature!"

"There's really nothing serious nor mature about him... he's just a great pretender." she said, smiling. "He has everybody fooled."

"You mean he's a liar, like Yamazaki? Oh, now I see why they get along so well! I always found it really weird that a model student like Hiiragizawa-kun would hang out so often with a loose cannon like Yamazaki. Everyone finds it weird, really."

"Yeah, but Eriol is a much better liar than Yamazaki. He's more subtle, nobody can tell when he's lying."

"Except for you." said the other girl, with a sly grin on her face and a suspicious look in her narrowed eyes. "Curious, isn't it? You're the only one who knows him well enough to be able to tell when he's lying. It seems like the two of you have a special thing going on. I wonder… how special?"

"Now that you ask, we're very good friends."

"Just friends?"

"Well, he's also my victim in a blackmail, but don't tell anyone." she said, smiling.

"Oh, come on! Okay, don't tell me if you don't want." said the other girl, with a mischievous look on her face. "You know? I heard that he has received love declarations from many students already, but until now he has always turned them down. Why do you think that would be?"

"I don't know." she said, putting her best innocent face. "Maybe he hasn't found someone he really likes yet?"

"Is that what you think?" the other girl didn't seem too convinced by her answer, but, realizing she would get nowhere following that path, decided to try a different approach. "Hey… do you know who also got very popular lately? That Kinomoto girl, from class 6-2. Do you know her? You must have seen her sometime. She's so pretty and so nice to everyone, and just as good in sports as he is. She's usually surrounded by people as well. You know…" she said, with a certain malicious tone. "Some think she would be the perfect match for Hiiragizawa-kun. They say it's only a matter of time until they get to know each other better and start dating. What do you think about that… Tomoyo-chan?"

That took her by surprise.

"I'm not sure. I don't know her well enough."

"But doesn't it make you feel a bit jealous?"

She remained staring at the other girl, suddenly speechless. Then a yell was heard from the crowd, and she could see the boy with the dark hair and the glasses waving at her, and making his way amongst the other students towards her.

"Tomoyo! There you are. I was looking for you. Where have you been?"

"I was right here, with Chiharu. I didn't want to interrupt your little press conference. You're like a rock star, lately." she said, teasingly.

"Pffft. Don't even tell me, it's so annoying. Most of them just want me to help them with their homework... although a few were asking me to join a club or something, and some were just trying to make conversation. Boring stuff."

"You see? He even puts on rock star airs." she said, winking to the other girl.

"Well, I'll leave you two now…" said the girl with the braided ponytails, looking at her suggestively and getting up. "Rika and Naoko are there, and I have to talk to them. See you later, Tomoyo-chan!"

The boy sat in the place where she had been, smiling.

"Do you have any leftovers? I'm starving. If you give me some, I promise I will cook something delicious for you tomorrow, to pay you back."

"You always say that, and you still expect me to believe you?" she said, laughing, as she handed him over her lunchbox. "What I can't understand is why, being such a great cook, you're always feeding yourself from other people's leftovers. You're too lazy, Eriol."

"That's not true. It's just that I have to study very hard to keep my grades, so I don't have any time left for cooking."

She looked at him incredulously, and he burst out laughing.

"Alright, alright! Sometimes I forget it's you."

She let out a sigh, between resigned and amused.

"Why do you do it, Eriol? I think you like to be admired a little too much."

"You don't get it. If everyone thinks I'm a model student, I can have fun doing whatever I want, and no one would ever suspect me. Teachers will believe anything I say to them. I can do anything I please, it's bulletproof… unless I get reckless and get myself caught, like it happened in third grade…" he said, staring at her. "But that won't happen again."

"But you live playing the part of the perfect boy for all of those…" she said, pointing at the group of students that looked at them from a safe distance. "Don't you get tired?"

"That's why I have you, Tomoyo. You know who I really am. With you, I can relax." he said, as he struggled with a mouthful of rice.

She sighed again, trying to put a disapproving look, but she couldn't avoid a little smile from forming on her face.

"And how did you manage to get rid of them? Those fans of yours, I mean."

"Oh, I found a genius way to get them off my back. I told them I wanted some privacy to have lunch with my girlfriend."

She choked with the rice ball she had just put in her mouth, and started coughing, turning violently red. He patted her on her back, laughing out loud, until she was able to breathe normally again.

"Why on Earth would you say something like that?!" she exclaimed as soon as she could speak again, her face completely red.

"Relax, it was just so they would leave me alone for a while." he said, without stopping his laughter. "Don't tell me it wasn't a great idea. Look, we're alone now."

"But now it's me the one they won't leave alone!"

"Yeah, but that's no longer my problem." he said, cheerfully. "Come on. We have to give them some proof, or they won't believe me. Give me your hand. Let's go for a walk."

"Eriol…!" she said, still indignant and as red as beet. But she let him hold her hand and walk around the school with her like that, at the sight of everyone. And besides the awkwardness, besides the embarrassment, for some reason she couldn't even begin to explain… she felt she liked that.

…

She was sitting for a long while now under that tree that was at the entrance of Seijou High School grounds, reading or pretending to read while her mind wandered, when she finally saw him: the shape of a tall teenager, wearing the school's uniform, carrying a backpack in one of his shoulders and slowly walking towards her. And for some incomprehensible reason, she felt her heart quickening a little.

"Hey." he said with a smile. "I didn't know you were waiting for me."

"I didn't have anything else to do." she said. "My music classes are suspended until they replace the piano. The broken piano… I don't know if you remember. The one that appeared upside down on the school's rooftop… in strange, really strange circumstances." she added, staring at him with narrowed eyes and a slightly suspicious look. "It's odd that you don't remember."

"Hey, stop that already. Do you really believe that I could have taken that huge piano out of the music room and into the school's rooftop?"

"I don't know… No, I guess you couldn't have done it. I can't imagine how could you do it, but the whole thing is extremely suspicious, and every time something weird and suspicious happens around here, you always have something to do with it." she continued, not budging an inch.

"Don't be like that. Even if I could have done it, which defies every notion of common sense; do you think I would have purposefully destroyed something you love? Is that what you think of me?"

"Mmm." she just said.

"And tell me, why were you waiting for me? I hope you didn't do it just to accuse me of breaking a piano."

"No, but just so you know, I've been waiting for a long time; I was starting to get worried. Why did you have to stay so long afterhours? Did you get in trouble?"

"No. You know I never get in trouble. I was just talking to the principal, to see if I could help Yamazaki to get out of his trouble."

"Eriol, you have to stop pulling those pranks!" she said in a very serious tone. "You always find a way to avoid being caught, but Yamazaki is going to be expelled if you two keep doing this! And Chiharu will kill me if that happens."

"And why would she kill you?"

"She thinks that if I manage to convince you to stop doing it, Yamazaki will start behaving as well. She asked me a thousand times to talk to you about stopping those pranks, and also the lies. You know how she gets every time he starts with his stories."

"Now that you mention it, I noticed that lately she gets way too upset about them. I don't understand, they are completely innocent, ridiculous stories. Anyone with half a brain would be able to tell they're lies."

"A lot of people believe them, because you back them up. But that's not the point."

"And what would the point be?"

"You know very well what the point is, Eriol. Don't play the fool on me."

He looked at her; and that Cheshire Cat grin she knew so well started drawing on his face.

"I might know… but I could also be mistaken. I'd rather that you tell me; you're never mistaken, and besides, I like it when you explain people to me. Come on, Tomoyo… tell me."

She sighed, resigned. Whenever he started to grin like that and to speak in that playful tone, there wasn't anything else to do but to go along with it, or he would become really insufferable.

"The thing is…" she started "that Chiharu gets so upset about the lies and the stories because she's afraid that Yamazaki will never be able to speak seriously. She's afraid he might be capable of lying to her… about something important."

"Something important? Like what?"

"Eriol, don't be such a pain in the ass. You know it damn well."

"Chiharu fears that when Yamazaki finally tells her that he likes her, it won't be true, or it would be a joke. Is that it?

She didn't answer.

"Is Chiharu that foolish, to think such a thing? Isn't it obvious that Yamazaki is crazy about her?"

"A girl in love can become very insecure, you idiot."

"And you?" he suddenly asked, taking her by surprise. "Does it bother you when I lie?"

"No, why would it bother me?" she said, her face turning unexpectedly red.

"I don't know. You tell me."

"Look… I don't care about whatever you tell or show to other people. I know when you lie, when you joke and when you're being serious. You couldn't fool me, even if you tried."

"Are you so sure of that?" he said, staring at her with eyes that for the first time, had turned strange and serious, and she felt her heart started quickening again for no good reason.

"I know you, Eriol. Even if you lied to me, I'd know." she said. "Actually… that's why I waited for you today. There's something… I want to talk to you about."

He stared at her for a moment, looking somewhat surprised.

"What is it?"

She took a deep breath, gathering her courage before she dared to continue speaking.

"Eriol… you and I… have been friends for a long time, haven't we?"

"Yes. Since that day you caught me setting a stink bomb in the third grade classroom."

"And do you… trust me?"

"How can you ask me that? There's no one I trust more than you; you know that, Tomoyo."

"Then… why don't you tell me, Eriol?" she said, staring deeply into his eyes. His opened wide, like startled; but he immediately looked away.

"Tell you what? I don't know what you're talking about."

"Eriol… you know you can't lie to me. I know it, I noticed; there's something you've been worrying about for some time now. You're acting weird… you're not the same. Something is happening to you, and I don't know what it is, and you won't tell me. I feel that you're pulling away." she looked at him with sad, concerned eyes. "Eriol, you're my best friend. If something is happening to you, I must know, so I can help you."

His eyes looked strange; between pained and confused. Even a bit annoyed. They almost looked like the eyes of someone else.

"I'm sorry. I never intended to make you worry about me. But you must forget about it. It's not something I can talk about. Please, don't insist, Tomoyo. I just can't." he finally said.

"Oh, come on, it can't be that bad. Did you kill someone? Do you need me to help you hide a corpse?" she said, teasingly.

"Don't be ridiculous."

"Then…?"

He remained in obstinate silence. Finally, she smiled, and said in a cheerful, affable tone of voice.

"Alright. I'm sorry, Eriol, but you leave me no other choice. I'm going to collect that favor now."

"What?"

"That favor you owe me. You're in debt with me, have you forgotten? For not ratting you out the day of the stink bomb. I told you that in exchange, I could ask you for anything, whenever I choose to. And I told you that when I did, it would be huge. And you said yes. Well, the time has come. You can get mad at me and make all the fuss you want, and if you want we can even stop being friends afterwards. After all, that deal was the only reason we became friends in the first place; once it's fulfilled we don't have to be friends anymore, and you won't have to speak to me again if you don't want to. But now, you're going to do what I ask you. You're going to tell me what's happening to you; what is this thing that is troubling you so much and that you're keeping to yourself."

He looked at her for a moment, hesitant.

"Why are you doing this?"

"Because I just won't stand here with my arms crossed while you suffer alone. Because if I can't help you carry with your problems when you need it, then us being friends is pointless anyway. So you will tell me, as unpleasant as it may be, and if this friendship is worth anything, it will endure it, and I will be able to help you."

He smiled then, an odd, resigned smile.

"I'm an idiot. I should have known I wouldn't be able to hide it from you indefinitely; you know me too well and you were always a lot more clever than me. Alright, Tomoyo, I will tell you my secret. Actually, I'll tell you two secrets. But you must know that afterwards, it's very, very possible that we won't be friends anymore. Are you sure this is what you want?"

"Yes." she said, trying to sound certain, but she realized her voice was faltering. "Because if we can't stay friends after you tell me, it means we've never been friends at all. And if that's the case, I'd rather find out now, than to keep fooling myself."

"Okay… it'll be as you want. But I won't tell you here. Meet me tomorrow at sunset, in Tsukimine temple. By the lake."

"Why there?"

"Because there's never anyone there, and I'm really not interested in anyone else hearing us."

"Okay." she said.

"Oh, and, Tomoyo, can I ask you for a little favor?"

"Sure."

"If you want… I'd like you to wear that dress you wore to sing at the school's festival. That lovely white dress you made yourself."

She blinked, confused.

"Why?"

"Because you look like a fairy from a dream in it." he laughed. "What a pain in the ass you are. Do you always have to question everything? Can't you do something for me, just once, without asking why? It may be the last thing I ever ask you."

"O-okay… I'll wear it."

…

And there she was the next day, at sunset, sitting on the small pier on the lake with that white dress, throwing stones into the water and feeling really stupid. Why was she so nervous? She couldn't almost sleep the previous night, or think about anything else in all day. Was it because of the revelation she was about to hear, and that she couldn't even imagine? Was it because of the possibility of having their long friendship gone to the drain that same day, and that this person that was so important in her life could be vanished from it forever? Or was it because he, inexplicably, had asked her to wear that white dress, and had said all those foolish things about fairies and dreams that…?

She didn't know, but she couldn't help biting her lips and keep throwing stones into the lake, as the beautiful sunset unfolded before her eyes, with its reds and yellows and purples, and he still didn't show up.

Finally, she thought she heard footsteps behind her back. She turned around, and she saw the familiar figure; that affable face of features that were still somewhat childish, but also stubborn and determined, like those of an adult; that lethargic walk and those gray eyes that looked at her in an odd, appreciative way. She realized it was because of the dress, there was something in that dress that made him look at her like that, and in her awkwardness, she couldn't do anything but smile at him warmly, as she always did, with that smile that had a bit of complicity, a bit of tenderness and also a bit of mockery. It was a friendly smile; but, she suddenly realized, it was a smile that was meant just for him, because none of her other friends had ever seen it.

In her fourteen years of life, she had never been more nervous than she was then.

"Hey." he said, smiling and sitting next to her on the pier. "I'm sorry I'm a bit late. You look… really pretty in that dress. Thank you for wearing it."

"You're… welcome." she muttered, blushing a little. They remained like that for some minutes, silently staring at the water, until she, unable to stand the wait anymore, finally decided to speak.

"Okay… we're here, like you wanted. Are you going to tell me now?"

"No." he said, suddenly looking at her with a solemn and decided expression. "No, I won't tell you. I was thinking about it all night, and there's really no way in which I could tell you. No, instead of that… I will show you. But you have to promise me you won't scream or get scared. Promise me, Tomoyo; or I'll leave right now."

"Eriol, I swear to God that if this is another disgusting, festering wound like that time when…"

"No, it's nothing like that. It's much, much worse. Promise me, Tomoyo. I wouldn't want to make a scene."

"Okay…" she said, puzzled and perhaps a bit scared. "I promise."

"Look at my hands." he said, and he put them together, hollowing them out as if he wanted to fill them with water from the lake. But then he closed his eyes, and an expression of intense concentration appeared on his face. She didn't understand, but she looked at his hands, and suddenly she thought she saw something in them, but no, it couldn't be! She blinked, disbelieving, but she kept seeing it: there was a flame, a small red and yellow flame had appeared in the hollow of his hands; a flame that sparked like fire and that little by little was growing bigger. And he, he didn't seem to be burning. He opened his eyes and looked at her, somewhere between proud and ashamed; and the flame danced in his hands, it grew, it got bigger, and her eyes were doing exactly the same thing, until they were the size of plates; she wanted to scream, she really wanted to, but she had promised not to, so instead she took a hand to her mouth and stared at him for a few moments that seemed endless.

"Eriol…" she uttered with a hint of voice, as if words could put some sense into that senselessness. "Eriol… there's fire in your hands."

"Yes." he just said.

"Eriol! There's fire in your hands!" she suddenly exclaimed, and a fascinated, huge smile formed in her mouth. "Eriol, how are you doing it? Is this a trick?"

"It's not a trick, Tomoyo." he said, playing with the little flame, passing it from one hand to the other and making it dance between his fingers. "You know it... don't you?"

Astounded, shocked, unable to believe what she was seeing and yet nonetheless, believing it completely, she grabbed his arm and shook him, laughing out loud.

"Is this it, Eriol? Is this your secret? Eriol, it's amazing! You can make fire out of nothing!"

"Do you… like it? Don't you think I'm… some kind of freak?"

"What are you talking about? Of course you're a freak, you've always been one! But this… this is amazing. It's awesome!"

And she said it with a smile that radiated sincerity and warmth. A bit mocking, but still, warm. And he felt some kind of warmth spreading through his chest. Later he would make her pay for her teasing; but now he could do nothing more than to crush that small flame into his hands until he made it disappear, and smile to her.

"And it's not just that." he said, a bit more cheerful. "Do you want to see more?"

She nodded, her big, violet eyes sparkling with expectation.

Then he set his gaze on the lake, and deeply concentrating, started to rise one hand. Suddenly, she could see with astonished eyes how the lake water started to shake, and then started rising in a fine water column. Then he starting moving his hand in circles, and the water started to spin, to dance, to adopt whimsical shapes that he indicated with his hand, as if it was a fountain of dancing waters. She could do nothing but watch, fascinated, the beautiful show that was unfolding before her eyes.

"Eriol…" she muttered, laying her hand over the one he wasn't using to control the water, and he suddenly seemed to lose all concentration. The dancing waters fell down the lake furiously, splashing them and wetting their faces, their clothes and their hair in the process.

"I'm sorry." he said, blushing a little. "I still can't control it too well."

"I knew it!" she said, looking fascinated at the lake. "I knew it. I always knew there was something different about you, something special. But I never imagined it would be something like this. It's amazing, Eriol! What else can you do?"

"Many things. Look." he said, smiling, and his voice sounded almost happy. Suddenly, all the trees and plants around them started to grow and bloom, until they were surrounded by thousands of flowers of all colors. "Look." he said, and small flakes of light started to fall from the sky and over them, like tiny bright fireflies.

"It's beautiful! Oh, if only I had my camera…" she said, looking around entranced. But she suddenly went serious, and stared at him, as if she had just realized of something.

"Then… it was you the one who caused all of those strange incidents at school, wasn't it? Oh! And the piano, too! You bastard, it's your fault that I can't take my music lessons! I should kill you for this!" she exclaimed, punching his arm.

He burst out laughing.

"It wasn't on purpose! I told you before, I would never destroy purposefully something you love. I was just trying to do something… but it went wrong."

"What could you possibly want to do with a piano?"

"I was… learning to play it. So I would be able to play along with you the next time you sang at a festival. The rooftop thing… was an accident. I was trying to give you a surprise. But... it didn't go well."

She looked at him, astounded.

"You were learning to play the piano? For… me?"

"Yeah." he said, blushing a little. "And it was going really well. But then I had that stupid rooftop idea… It's just, these strange powers, I still can't control them very well. Sometimes I think about things and they just happen… but they can happen in any way. Sometimes it scares me, to say the truth. I'm afraid I could hurt somebody without even wanting to."

They both remained silent and serious.

"When did all of this start?" she asked.

"A long time ago, actually. Before I met you. But back then they were small, silly little things… like wishing the sky would clear up in a stormy day and see it happening right away, or have some missing object appear in the most unexpected place when I most needed it. Back then I wasn't even sure if it was me who caused these things. At some points I thought I was going insane. But lately it has started to grow, faster and faster every time… until it reached what you've seen today. And it hasn't finished, I can feel it; soon I will be able to do even more of these... strange things. I don't know how, but I'm sure of that. I think deep down this is something I always had, but it's awakening little by little. I don't really understand it. I don't know why does it happen to me or what does it mean. It makes no sense. That's all I can tell you, Tomoyo." he sighed. "So, you know it now. You know my secret."

"No. There's something I still need to know, something important." she said, looking at him seriously. "Why couldn't you tell me… until now? Why didn't you trust me?"

"Forgive me. It's not that I didn't trust you, it's just that I was afraid. I didn't know how you would react. I thought you would be scared. I am scared of it myself. I was afraid that you would freak out, and walk away from me."

"You're an idiot, you know that?" she said, with a smile. "Is that why you said we wouldn't be friends anymore after you told me?"

"That's part of it. But the other part has to do with the second secret. I said I would tell you two secrets yesterday, remember?"

"Yes, but… do you really have another secret? I thought you were joking around. One would think a secret like this is more than enough."

"No, it's not enough. There is another secret I've been keeping from you; and now that I got this far, I need to go through with this till the very end. You have to know everything."

"Okay." she said. "Tell me, then."

"No, I'm not going to tell you this one either. But you will know… in a moment." he said, smiling and staring at her with a strange intensity. Then he got a little closer to her and touched her cheek with his hand, brushing away a lock of hair, and stroking it softly, in a way he had never done before; and her cheeks turned red when she started realizing what was happening, and her heart started to pound like a galloping horse, and she could see he was blushing as well just a second before his face moved closer to hers, and he kissed her amongst those bright little lights that fell on them and surrounded them.

And from that moment on, they weren't friends anymore.

…

They were walking through the park holding hands, happily; everything felt fresh and new to them. Classes had already ended, and once more, night was starting to fall in that magical summer; and once more, it was time for her to go home. Tsukimine temple had become their favorite place for their dates, since it was there where it all had started; and besides, they could do lots of things there without being seen. Sometimes he made the flowers grow and the lake waters dance, and filled the air with bright little fireflies, and other prodigies she asked him to conjure and that she never got tired of taping with her camera; and then they laughed, happily, and kissed under those fabulous lights. Other times they brought food and made a picnic on the grass, and then he laid his head on her lap and took a nap while she read a book, or pretended to read but all she actually did was to look at him and smile and tousle his hair; as she tried to imagine what a sad, gray thing her life would had been if she hadn't met him, or if things had happened in a different way. To think all these things that made her so happy, his eyes that looked at her like that, his words, his lips that kissed her, his dark hair scattered over her summer dress, his constant presence by her side since they were kids, all of that was due to something as incidental as ridiculous as a stink bomb, a boy's mischief on a spring morning, so many years ago…

What would had happened if she hadn't come to school so early that day?

Or if he hadn't put the stink bomb?

Or if, instead of keeping his secret, she had chosen to rat him out?

Or if he had been sent to class 3-2 instead of 3-1?

Or if…?

The list was endless.

It amazed her and it also scared her a little to think about the unbelievable series of coincidences that had to happen in a very precise way so that they could be like this now, walking down King Penguin Park, holding hands as the sunset was starting to paint darker and the first cricket songs could be heard. It made everything seem so precious and fragile… like a dream that could be dissolved with only one word, with the slightest movement.

To think that if just one of those things had happened differently, her life could had been completely other.

How would it had been?

Who would she be?

No, she didn't want to think about it. She wouldn't think about it. All of that didn't matter, it was meaningless brooding; because things had happened this way and not in any other; and they were together and they were happy, and that was all that mattered.

As they walked down the park, she started realizing that in that dusk hour, unlike so many others, the crickets weren't the only thing that could be heard.

An unexpected sound ripped through the peaceful warmth of that summer day that ended. It was like a murmur, like a whimpering; and it seemed to come from some place not far away. Something inside her revolved; she didn't know what it was, but she suddenly felt uneasy; as if she had a bad feeling, as if something was telling her to walk away from there immediately, to close her eyes and start running, and never look back. He kept walking by her side, smiling, and apparently hadn't realized of anything.

Then, she saw her.

In the playground area, there was someone. A girl, sitting on a swing, alone. Crying.

"Eriol…" she said. "Isn't that Kinomoto-san? From class 8-2?"

"You're right." he said. "That's Kinomoto-san."

"What could have happened to her? Why do you think she's sitting there, crying alone?"

"I have no idea. Do you want us to go there and ask her?"

"No, I don't think so. I've never talked to her before, what would I say to her? I was just… surprised, to see her there all by herself. She's a very popular girl, she's usually surrounded by people."

"Just like me. But if I didn't have you, I'd be alone as well, Tomoyo."

She looked at him, touched but also a bit confused. She wanted to give him a kiss, but something stopped her. There was something in his eyes that…

"Look at her." he said. "You're the most perceptive person I know. Look at her, and tell me why she's all alone."

And she looked at her, trying to remember all the times she had passed her by in the school's hallways. Above all, she tried to remember her eyes. They were green; and they sparkled when she smiled but for some strange reason, underneath that, they always seemed a bit melancholic and lost and…

"She's very popular, and everybody likes her. She's always surrounded by people. But it's like… she's missing something. I think she doesn't have a real friend, someone she can really talk to. It looks as if something really sad happened to her today, yet no one is with her. Maybe no one knows. Maybe she doesn't have anyone to share it with."

"What do you think might have happened to her?"

"I don't know… but it gives me an odd feeling to see her like that, Eriol, so sad and lonely. I don't know what it is; I barely know her, yet suddenly I feel as if I knew her. It's the weirdest thing. It's really upsetting. Eriol, I don't want to see her anymore. Let's get out of here. Let's forget about her."

"But, Tomoyo…" he said in the strangest voice, which just added to the unsettling feeling in her chest. "You know you can't do that. You know you can't turn your back on this. On her."

She looked at him, suddenly startled, disconcerted; his gaze looked different, as if it belonged to a completely different person. And suddenly, she felt like a different person as well.

"What's... going on?"

"My dear…" he said, staring at her with a bittersweet smile. "Don't ask me. You know it better than anyone."

"No." she said. "I don't know!"

"Tomoyo…" he said, softly stroking the side of her face. "You know."

And in a terrible, frightening moment, she realized that it was true. She realized that she knew.

"Is this a magic trick? Is this another one of your tricks, like the water thing, Eriol? Are you playing with my head? Because if that's the case, I want you to stop now! It's not funny!"

"It's not a trick, dear. My powers had been increasing more and more lately; now I can control dreams and illusions, I can create them… and I can also wake people up from them. Tomoyo…"

"No!" she screamed, covering her ears with her hands. "Don't say it! I don't want to hear it!"

"I don't need to say it, because you already know it, don't you? You know this isn't your world. You know you don't belong here. You know you'll have to go back to where you belong. You know it, my dear."

"I don't want to!" she screamed, feeling how her eyes filled with tears. "I'm happy here! Let me stay here, with you!"

"But you know very well it's not up to me. It's you who already chose something else. It's you who didn't choose this. And do you know why?"

She shook her head no, her eyes clouded by tears. But deep down, she knew.

"Because of her." he said, pointing at the girl that was still crying alone in that swing, still completely oblivious of them, of everything; unable to hear them or to feel their presence. "It was because of her. This world… is not real. This is just a possible world, one of the many that could have existed; a world where you would never be alone, a world where you would have love and would never have to experience loneliness or grief. But for this world to happen, things would have to be a lot different. I wouldn't have any memories of my previous lives, and the Clow cards would have never existed. She would never have to become the card's mistress, and he would never have to come here from China to collect them. One afternoon, she would declare her love to Tsukishirou, and would be rejected, and he wouldn't be here to comfort her. They would never meet, in this life. And you, you would never be her friend. So you see, everything you said about her is true; she's missing something. She's popular and everybody likes her, but she feels alone, incomplete, she's missing something and she doesn't know what it is; and she would never know, because what she's missing doesn't exist in this world, it's nothing but an unfulfilled possibility. In this world, she's the one who has to cry and feel the emptiness in her heart. It couldn't had been any other way; there is no world in which everyone could be equally happy, in which everyone would have it all. The universe needs balance. And that's why you didn't choose this world. Because of her. And because you're unbelievably strong."

She was already sobbing uncontrollably.

"But I don't want to go! I don't want to leave you! Please, use your magic, do something! Don't let me go away!"

He hugged her, holding her to himself.

"Tomoyo… I can't do anything. You… have already chosen. This word is just a beautiful possibility, a beautiful dream that could had been... but wasn't. Don't cry. It's an amazingly noble thing, what you did. You chose a world that was cruel to you; and you did so that other people could be happy. You're amazing, Tomoyo. I could have never done this. But now you must come back, you must wake up from this dream. Don't cry, my dear…" he said, stroking her hair. "I will be there when you wake up. No matter what reality you choose, I will be there to wipe your tears away, one way or another. I promise."

She pulled a bit away from him, her eyes still tearful, and looked at him once more.

"Really?"

He nodded, staring back at her with a sad smile on his face.

"But then… everything that happened here… everything we shared… didn't really happen at all? It was all just an illusion?"

He looked at her, with a special, strange glow on his eyes, a glow she had never seen on them. Or perhaps she had. She wasn't so sure anymore.

"What do you think?" he just said.

She smiled, wiping her tears with her hand; as a bittersweet smile formed in her face. She touched his cheek, and laid a soft kiss against it.

"Thank you… for being with me in this world… and in the other. Goodbye… Eriol."

…

…

I open my eyes in a room full of shadows, and for a moment I don't know where I am. Am I alone? What am I doing here? A freezing cold runs through my chest, barely for an instant, until I feel the warmth against my back, the weight of an arm on my waist, and the soft tickling of a breath against my shoulder. The knot in my chest loosens considerably. No, I'm not alone. You're here. You're with me, and your arms hold on to me as if you didn't want to let me go. You'll have to forgive me if I can't almost believe it, if I'm tempted to break this embrace and turn around to look at you, to see you, to study you, to make sure you're real and that the unbelievable memories from last night that are slowly returning to me did actually happen, that they're not another crazy invention from my mind, another fantasy like those dark corridors filled with masks from which you saved me; like the shreds of a strange and fantastic dream that I seem to recall, but that are quickly fading from my head. They're vanishing, they're going away, and I feel I want to retain them, something inside me tells me that losing them is like losing something very precious; but I can't keep them, as you can't hold the wind within your hands. I feel some kind of strange and inexplicable sadness, but even that feeling is starting to dissolve, to fade away, and it doesn't really matter, I finally realize; what matters is that I'm here, with you, and you're here, with me. The rest are just details. I want to turn around at look at you, but I can't, because as soon as I start moving I feel your arms tightening around me, as if you unconsciously knew that my first instinct will be to run away, and didn't want to give me the least opportunity to do it. It's so strange that you had gotten to know me so well in such a short time, I can't really explain it, but you're right, it's true, and I have a hard time understanding why my first instinct is always to run away. Run away from what? From you? From me? From what could happen if I dared to love you, perhaps? But what could happen, what is that dreadful thing that could happen, what would be the terrible price that would had to be paid; I just can't explain it. I can't explain this sudden fear, why, if it feels so good to be here in your arms… I don't understand it, but I'm scared, a vague, shapeless but terrible fear, a fear that I don't know towards what it is really. It's as if every time I see myself in your eyes I lost myself a bit more; as if I was transformed into something I still don't know what it is, and it scares me, Eriol. What have you done to me? And why can't I rip myself from your side? But no, that's not true. It's not that I can't. That's the problem. I don't want to. I don't want to.

But I need to look at you. I need to see that glow in your eyes again, that unexplainable glow that shows me who you are, and everything you are. That glow that fills my heart with all sorts of warm, unexpected feelings, damn it! feelings I was sure I'd never feel again. Feelings I didn't want, Eriol; I don't want them, I really don't want them yet I inexplicably keep seeking them, like I unconsciously seek for your warmth, I would want to run away from you but all I can do is to snuggle more and more against you.

It's because of her. You know it, don't you? Yes, I think you do. She's still there, hidden in the bottom of my heart. Even if I had forgotten about her for moments, to almost make her disappear, she will return eventually, I know it; and it's just so beautiful to be like this, between your arms, that I don't want to think about what I will feel when she comes back. It feels as if I was betraying her again. It's ridiculous, I know; but I feel I have no right. How can I be here with you, happy, while she suffers somewhere alone?

And what do I do with all of this now, Eriol?

It's almost morning, and it has almost stopped raining. I could leave. I could go without you even noticing, like I did yesterday. You would wake up in this bed, alone, and all of this would have been nothing else but another beautiful dream. But your arms hold on to me and won't let me go; and deep down, I think I like it. Yes, I have to admit it; I like this way you have of holding me, somewhat stubborn and possessive, as if I belonged to you, even if we both know it's not true. I like this way you always had of reminding me, with words and presence, that I'm here, with you. That I'm here. That I am.

I am.

It's not so difficult anymore, to realize it. I breathe, I close my eyes for a moment, and I feel it. It's real, it's not a dream nor an illusion. I'm here, living this strange and sweet moment, and you're here too, I can feel your warmth. There is no lens, there is no mask. Just you and me. It's weird. I feel like a newborn; as if only now I had opened my eyes for the first time and saw the world for real. I have the feeling that something died inside me that night of the bar, and it kept dying, over and over again, every time you looked at me, every time you spoke to me. Something had to die a thousand times so I could be born; that fake Tomoyo, the one that gives up on everything and just grins like a hollow doll. That Tomoyo is dead. Now, I'm just myself. I still don't know what I am, but last night I had some hints. I'm a girl, a woman, who wants to be loved, who wants to be looked at, and kissed, and touched, who wants to make love just like that, with such violent sweetness, not holding anything back, not keeping anything to herself. And apparently, who bites.

All of this you had already understood better than anyone, even better than myself. In truth, I have to be more honest and admit it's not true that I lose myself every time I look at you, every time I see myself in your eyes; I was lost long before that, for a very long time. What really scares me is the possibility of finding myself, because I don't really know what I will find. But you've made me think that it might worth the try.

Did I wake you? Forgive me, I didn't mean to. Not really thinking, I entwined my fingers with yours, and perhaps squeezed your hand a bit too hard. I feel you moving against me, but maybe you're just ensconcing yourself to keep sleeping. I like to be like this, awake by your side while you sleep, slumbering against your body and enjoying your closeness and your presence without you noticing.

But now, what's this?

Your lips on my shoulder startle me. I remain completely still, waiting in silence, to see if it happens again; to see if it was something intended or just an accident, and perhaps they just brushed against my skin without you knowing. And then I feel them again, an inch from where they were last time, and a tremor runs through my body; and I wonder if you're still asleep perhaps and dreaming about something, and what would be the thing you're dreaming about. You kiss me one more time, and I feel myself quivering; without realizing I squeeze your hand again, and you squeeze mine back. So, you're awake… as awake as I am, maybe talking to me inwardly as I'm doing to you, and I idly wonder about what would you be telling me, if your inner chat would be more interesting than mine… But it doesn't really matter, I don't need to know what you're thinking, because anything you might want to tell me, and more, so much more, is already being said by your arms around me and your lips against my ear.

"Can I keep kissing you... here?" your voice startles me when I finally hear it, I feel it vibrate against my neck, and a quiver runs down my body.

"Yeah." I merely get to whisper, and then I feel your soft, playful kisses in the curve of my neck and a tingling starts to awake on my skin wherever your lips touch it, a tingling that runs down my spine and that feels so delightful that I can't do anything but purr and arch my back like a cat, abandoning myself to it. Your hand let go of mine, and I feel it move up to my neck; you push my hair aside, and for a moment the world gets frozen when I feel your lips on my nape.

God, what have you done to me? Just some caresses, and the touch of your lips are enough to turn me into a mass of quivers. See? You've done it again, with so little that it's almost embarrassing; your mouth placing warm kisses against my nape, your hands softly stroking my belly, and the tingling spreads through my body with an incredible speed, and my breathing is no longer as steady and calm as before; and any rest of strangeness or melancholy I could have disappear, are magically dissolved. My nape. God, I could have never guessed that such an ordinary part of my body could be the center of such feelings. And you continue attacking it, mercilessly; first with your lips and then with your tongue, and the tingling runs down my neck and my back and I can't refrain the sighs that escape from my mouth; I twitch between your arms in an exquisite agony, and I'm almost thankful for not having accomplished my wish to turn around.

You're toying with me, I know it. You want to punish me for waking you up with my hand squeezes. You want to make sure I won't be able to go back to sleep easily. Or perhaps you want…

Ohhh.

I'm such an idiot. It's obvious, so obvious what you want, that I don't know why I didn't realize it sooner. I'm sorry, I guess I'm still inexperienced in this kind of thing, but I got it know; all that was needed was for you to draw me closer, pressing me against your body; to feel that insistent pressure against my thigh, but I got it. What I still can't understand is why feeling that there makes that immense heat to spread through my body. The feeling itself is nothing special, not there, anyway. It's even almost uncomfortable. Why, then, I feel my heart quickening and that unexpected tingling starting to awake again between my legs?

It's because you want me.

You can't hide it, you don't try to hide it; you want me and you let me feel your desire, and I, I can't even begin to explain you how much that turns me on.

"Don't you ever get tired?" I whisper, in a teasing tone.

"Of you?" you mutter against my hear. "Never."

Never, you say, and you say it with the same certainty you said it that other time; but unlike that time, this "never" tastes sweet, sweeter than honey, and as I close my eyes and let your words melt in my ears and ignite my chest like a fire bolt, I realized that if you keep this up, I might never get tired of this either.

It's just too nice, your mouth playing in my nape, my neck, your naked body radiating its warmth to mine and your hands that move up my belly and seize my breasts, and your hips that press against mine and that pressure in my thigh increasing... I feel you gasp against my neck and I realize it's my closeness what's making you insane; and that for some reason creates even more agitation inside me, that and your hands on my breasts that don't stop stroking them and squeezing them, and I wonder how much longer are you going to take before you slip between my legs, and rub yourself against my most tender parts, and drive me mad until I can't resist anymore and I beg you, or you can't resist anymore and my warmth and my wetness force you to go inside me, and as I think about it I realize my body is as obvious in its desire as yours, because that heat has gathered between my legs and I can already feel that wetness even without having you there, and I'm shocked, Eriol, I'm honestly shocked about this lustful thing I've turned into, or you've turned me into, or maybe it was already in me all this time and was just waiting for a chance to come to the light? It's something new and unknown and it scares me a bit, but I can't help it, I want to explore it, I want to know this new side of me that had just been revealed, and without even thinking about it my hand goes between our bodies seeking you, seeking that part of you that presses against my thigh and taking it to where it should be, where it belongs, and as I do this I feel you gasp against my neck.

I love it, and it surprises me how much I love it to feel you like this, brushing between my legs and so anxious to sink inside my body; there's a special charm in these previous moments that I didn't imagine before, and that I'm learning to savor. It's a delight to rub myself against you, to feel you shudder and to shudder myself; to bury my hand in your hair and press your face against my nape to remind you that you still have a job to do there. It's a delight to feel you respond, obedient, softly biting my neck and how new tremors run from the place where your teeth touch my skin and spread through my entire body. It's such a wonder all that happens between our bodies when they're so close, like this, but they're still not close enough, and I realize I'm starting to be overcome by some kind of anxiety; I need you, Eriol, but I won't tell you, there's no need, you already know, you know what I want, your body knows, because it's the same thing you want, I know, I know, I can feel it. I want to really feel you, I want to feel you warmth inside me. Now. Now.

Ohh, yes. Yes, like this; this is what I wanted, to feel you like this, slow and deep and to feel how my body melts between your arms and delight runs from my toes to my head and escapes in form of sighs from my mouth; an even though the feeling is still new and odd, I have to admit that I like it, I like this, I like to feel you. To be like this with you drives me insane, and it drives me insane to feel you gasp against my neck while your hands run through my abdomen and my breasts, touching and caressing every inch of skin that can be touched, and your body pushing against mine, gentle but demanding.

I can't help but to feel myself respond, and my body moves with yours as if it had a will of its own, and with every thrust a storm grows in my loins, it's such a sweet, consuming agony, and God, how I needed this, I'm so thankful that I woke up and that you woke up, and that you have so many urges, thank you, thank you, thank you. I would want to see your face, but to make love like this, almost without seeing you but feeling you with every inch of my body, your mouth devouring my neck and my nape and your heat against my back and your arms enclosing me and your hands running all over my body, has a sensuality that seems unbelievable, overwhelming, and it turns me on more than I could ever imagine. You're everywhere, and your fingers dig into my skin and I wonder what would you be feeling right now; I'd like to know it, and I'd like to show you what I feel, this inexplicable and amazing thing I feel when you're inside me, when your body fills me like this and I discover a delight that I never imagined possible, so deep and so intense it disarms me, so many feelings arising from the place where our bodies merge and, and the pleasure, oh, so much pleasure… But you know it, you feel it too, I can sense it in your agitated breathing and in the moans you try to muffle against my shoulder, against my neck, in the urgency of your body as it moves against mine and your arms that cling to me, holding me against you with such strength and sweetness at the same time… and it's wonderful to feel it, it's like a dance; where you and I alone don't matter, what matters is what happens between us, the magic that happens when we're together, and that is so beautiful…

And we dance with each other, with a growing eagerness and excitement; and our movements are no longer gentle, I feel a passion that grows more and more intensely between us by the minute, you pull me against you in an almost wild frenzy; and I love this part of you as well, I love to feel your strength, I love this moment when you start to lose control, because it makes me go just as wild and I would bite you if I could; but I can't and it's you who bites me, you teeth scrape my skin and it should hurt but I can't feel pain, I can't feel anything other than pleasure, the unbelievable pleasure and the tremors that shake my body violently, and I know I'm close, so close of reaching that amazing Eden, and I want to say something to you, I don't know what… I love you, are the first words that suddenly come to my mind, and I feel something close to fear in my chest, but the words keep sounding inside my head, insistently, and I can't shut them up. I love you, I love you, I love you…

And I'm about to say them, they're about to escape, but then I feel your fingers between my legs, touching and rubbing just in the right place, and instead of words it's moans what come out of my mouth. Oh, Eriol, I can't stop moaning, my body squirms and shakes and everything else disappears; there's only you, sinking so deep inside me, and your teeth against my neck and your fingers doing their magic between my legs, that's all that exist in the world now, there's nothing else, just you and me, and heat and sounds and pleasure and magic, magic, magic…

I feel you moan against my nape, I feel the ecstasy bursting within my body and I let myself go, I melt, I surrender.

After a lapse of time that is beyond measure, I open my eyes in the half-darkness of the room, that is slowly starting to become clearer; and with my body still tingling with pleasure I feel you relaxing against me, and I start to relax as well. You hug me, and once again I entangle my fingers with yours; I feel your agitated breath slowly starting to calm down against my shoulder, and I can't help a smile from forming in my face when I feel your lips there, placing a soft kiss against my feverish skin. We're just like we were at the start of this, Eriol; only more tired, sweatier, and considerably happier. But now I really have to look at you, I can't hold back anymore; and I turn around in your arms until we're face to face and I can see your flushed skin, the small beads of sweat in your forehead and your dark, sparkling eyes that stare back at me in the half light of the early morning.

I feel your erratic, faltering breathing against my face, and your lips are so close I can't refrain from kissing them, and I feel myself overwhelmed by the warmth and the sweetness of your mouth again. To think that, for a moment, I thought about escaping, about running away from this. Forgive me; I'm a crazy person.

Your arms tighten around me; I feel myself being lifted, and suddenly I'm lying on top of you, completely resting over your body. I wonder if my weight would let you breathe; but it's so very nice, and your hands stroke me and your lips kiss me and I know you're not looking for anything else, you're just playing, but it's such a sweet game and here, imprisoned between your arms, feeling the heat of your body underneath mine, the only thing I can do is surrender to it.

Little by little, tiredness starts to overcome me, and my eyelids start to feel heavy; in truth, we didn't get much sleep tonight. It's mostly your fault, but I won't complain, I promise. I try to undo the embrace, I try to slide by your side and resume the interrupted sleep even if only for a couple of hours, but then I feel your arms holding me closer, against your chest, and I'm a bit startled when I hear your sleepy voice in my ear.

"Stay a little longer," you say. "I like to feel you on me."

And they're so simple, yet so wonderful words, that I can't help but smile. Alright, you win. I rest my head on your shoulder, and as I close my eyes, relaxing my body and breathing in the scent of your neck, I realize I never had a mattress that hugged me and from which I could feel the beating of its heart.

…

I woke up hours later, with my face pressed against a pillow. I slowly opened my eyes, and realized it was day already, and the storm seemed to have passed; the room was bathed in the light that entered through the windows, the curtains were open, and the air felt nice and warm against my skin. Events from last night started to come back to me, and remembering them like this, in daylight, made an unexpected blush to come to my cheeks. It was unbelievable, to think about it, to think that that woman from last night was really me; it was unbelievable that all that would had happened, and that it would had happened to me. It was as if I had discovered a completely new Tomoyo, a much more fascinating Tomoyo, one that still was difficult to recognize as myself; but that was more real and alive than the old Tomoyo had ever been. But no, that wasn't entirely true, because this new Tomoyo was, in fact, very old, she had existed for the longest of times; it was the girl who smiled because she felt it and not because she had to, the one who kept, lovingly, that eraser her best friend once gave her; it was that girl who dared to dream and to have hope. And I had tried so hard to keep being that girl, that I hadn't realized that in the effort I had smothered her, I had suffocated her and forbid her to grow up and hid her behind a grotesque mask; one that looked like her but wasn't her, it was just a cheap copy, a shadow; and that shadow was also me, it had been the only me I'd known for a very long time. But the girl was still there, behind the mask, and yesterday I had glimpsed her and I had rediscovered her and she wasn't a child anymore, she had grown; but she still existed inside me, and finding her again had been the most unexpected and wonderful surprise I could ever imagine. Now I knew that, no matter what could happen, even if I forgot about her and covered her again with a mask and completely hid her, she existed inside me, and I could never lose her.

I yawned, stretching a bit my arms and legs. It seemed odd how well I had slept, better than I had in a long time, despite the few hours. Or maybe they hadn't been so few? I didn't have the slightest idea of what time would it be; it could be noon already for all I knew. The words heard not so long ago came back to me then, and I couldn't help but smile when I remembered them.

I never get up before… hmm, noon.

Undoubtedly, he was starting to be a bad influence.

With sleepy eyes and an incipient smile on my lips, I turned around to his side of the bed; and suddenly I was paralyzed when I realized his side of the bed was empty.

Eriol was gone.

Something agitated inside me, I felt like some kind of void in my stomach. All rests of drowsiness immediately left me, and for a few moments I just remained still, blinking stupidly, trying to understand the situation. I had waken up alone, naked in his bed, and Eriol was gone.

Where was he? Why had he left without telling me, leaving me here by myself? And above all… what was I supposed to do now?

I sat up on the bed. Some kind of anxiety, of distressed agitation was starting to stir inside my chest. For some reason I thought about Sakura, about what she might have felt that fatidic morning when she woke up, expecting to find someone besides her, and found herself alone instead; and my anxiety started to grow. Before I could even think about it, my eyes searched the surface of the bed, of the night stand, of almost every piece of furniture that was there, as if they were looking for something, some folded paper, something written, a note of some sort.

Of course, there was nothing.

Idiot.

I breathed, feeling some kind of odd relief but still not being able to completely calm down the anxiety I still felt. Okay, that had been kind of stupid; I knew I wasn't Sakura and Eriol hadn't run out to China, I knew this had nothing to do with that other situation; but… where was he, anyway? Why had he left me there alone? Should I wait for his return?

And then, what?

What was going on between us, now?

I didn't know how to behave in a situation like this. I didn't even know what our situation was now; but in the light of day, and without that storm over my head, everything looked and felt very different. One thing was for sure: I couldn't stay here. I wasn't capable of staying here, naked and alone, waiting indefinitely, waiting for… what? I didn't know where did he go or when would he return, nor why had he left without waking me up, without telling me. Was there any point in waiting for him? It really wasn't very thoughtful of him, to leave me here alone after all the events from last night; or perhaps this absence meant something, some subtle message I had missed? Maybe this was how these things worked, and I hadn't realized it due to my lack of experience?

I didn't know.

The only thing I knew was what I could do, the only thing I could do, given the circumstances: get up, dress up and then… what? Go home? The idea had a bitter taste to it, but, what else, if not that? To stay here waiting indefinitely wasn't an option. No, I'd have to get up and put the white dress on again, and walk through that corridor to the guest room to change clothes, and… pray that Nakuru wouldn't find me in the middle of it. I didn't even want to think about that possibility. Of course, she would know immediately where (and how) I had spent the night; and I didn't even want to imagine the smug, teasing look she would throw at me, and the malicious comments that would follow; it would be last morning all over again, only ten times worse because this time it would be true, and I wouldn't have minded if he was there with me to endure the whole thing, but alone…

God, how should one behave in a situation like this?

I actually knew what I had to do, but I still couldn't decide to move; I just stayed there, doubtful, staring at the room's door as if it was a monster ready to devour me.

Suddenly, I heard the noise of footsteps from the hallway, and I saw the doorknob move. For a moment, a disturbing thought crossed my mind. What if it was Nakuru? The mere thought made my heart stop. God! That would be even worse than anything I had imagined before, the worst thing that could happen to me, in these circumstances. Almost as if by reflex, I laid down again and covered myself with blankets up to the neck. But the figure that appeared through the door was a tall, short-haired one with glasses, wearing a plaid housecoat and slippers, a figure that looked at me and smiled from behind a big teapot that was carrying on a tray. I felt some relief, although my heart kept beating pretty fast as he closed the door behind him and came to the edge of the bed and sat on it, laying the tray and the teapot on the night stand.

"Good morning." he said cheerfully.

"G-good morning." I muttered, still flustered, not moving from the position I was in. I saw his gaze running through my body that was completely covered by blankets, and his eyes turning suddenly serious.

"Are you cold? I lit the fireplace so that the room would be warmer, but maybe it hasn't heat up yet. I'm sorry, I got up just a short while ago."

"No, I'm not cold." I said. Even if it was him, I felt weird for some reason, like… exposed. I was very aware of my nudeness under the blankets, and for some reason it made me feel shy and vulnerable. I knew it was ridiculous, after everything that we had done; but the truth was I didn't know exactly which ground we were stepping on anymore, or how our relationship was to be redefined after last night (God, I never even knew what kind of a relationship we had before, how on Earth was I supposed to know now?); and I was never very good with situations I couldn't classify. I wondered if all this uneasiness had anything to do with me waking up alone. Would it had been any different if I had found him next to me?

I didn't know, but, whatever it was, he didn't seem to notice my awkwardness, or pretended not to notice as he smiled to me and started pouring some beverage into one of the mugs.

"I fixed us some breakfast. There's orange juice, coffee and toast. I could have made something more elaborated, but it would have taken longer and I had a feeling that you would wake up soon. I'm sorry, I still owe you Nakuru's waffles. I couldn't find her anywhere, she must have gotten out, now that the storm has ended."

"It's okay. This is more than enough. Thank you." I said, forcing myself to sit up as I grabbed the blankets and held them tightly around my body, trying to show as little skin as possible. He stared at me with an air of curiosity.

"Are you okay? You look flustered."

I was. I felt really stupid, and the blush came to my cheeks again. Then he left what he had in his hands on the tray, and moved closer to me. I felt his hands on my face, his eyes staring at mine for an instant, before he leaned over me and kissed me; a short, sweet kiss. I sighed.

"Listen… last night has changed things. I understand if you feel a bit awkward and all, but honestly... you don't have to. I've already seen everything you're trying to hide... and I like all of it."

"I know... I'm sorry." I said, the beginning of a smile started painting on my face, and suddenly I felt my insecurities fading away. Stupid me. Didn't I know it all along, since that very moment when I saw that glow in his eyes? Whatever the relationship we had now was, it was closer now, better than before; and that was all that mattered. He was right, last night had changed a lot of things; I just wasn't too sure for a moment if that was a good thing or not. But now... I was starting to feel that it was. I realized that now there was someone I could be with just the way I was, no masks needed, no even blankets; and as strange as that was for me and although it still required a bit of getting used to... it was also kind of amazing. And it wasn't just about the physical part of it; there was also something else, something I couldn't quite grasp but I seemed to remember, to glimpse as if through a thick, dark veil; something that was in his gaze and that made me feel a strange, unexpected familiarity, as if we've known each other for a very, very long time. Even though it all happened in a very short time, I felt as if he already knew me better than anyone in the world. He had seen every part of me, even the parts I've worked all my life to keep hidden from everyone; and my body was just one of them, not even the most important. I had shown him my heart, my sorrows, my deepest fears, and my darkest places. And he hadn't left. He was still here, with me.

I sighed, as a strange relief invaded my chest. He was staring at me with that glow on his eyes, and I knew I could let go of the fears that still haunted me.

"It's just, when I woke up and didn't find you… I thought you were gone."

His eyes looked suddenly surprised.

"Gone? Where?"

"I don't know. Somewhere. Away."

"Honey... don't be ridiculous." he said. "After a night like that, I'd have to be brain damaged to want to be anywhere, but here."

I couldn't help the little smile that formed on my face. My grip on the covers loosened; and as I reached out and pulled him for a kiss, they fell down a little, and I couldn't care less. It was just a short, shy kiss; but as I backed down he pulled me for another one, and then another, and suddenly I felt the cool fabric of his robe against my bare chest, and his hands on my back as his arms wrapped around me, and I kissed him back. It started sweet and gentle, but little by little he was drawing me closer and the kissing became more passionate, and warm feelings started running through my body again. Before I could realize it, things was starting to heat up again; his breath felt so warm against my face, and his hands on my back, and his lips so sweet against mine; it all felt so good and nice, that I just couldn't stop kissing him. He responded with the same enthusiasm, and between kisses and soft moans, I suddenly realized we weren't going to have that breakfast anytime soon.

"Hey..." I said, as his lips left mine for a second to catch some air. "That coffee that you made..." I shuddered, feeling his warm breath on my neck and his hands barely brushing against my bare breasts; my nipples hardening at the slight contact. "...won't it get cold?"

"I like it cold." he said, lying a kiss on my jaw, and then another one my throat.

"That's not true." I said, chuckling. But his hands were moving over my breasts, caressing them and all my reasoning and my concern with coffee went down the drain really quickly. My hands moved around his back as if by their own accord, and I got lost in the pleasant feelings, unable to understand why I had felt so uneasy just a few minutes ago.

"So... is this how we're going to be like now?" I said.

"How?" he muttered against my neck.

"Like this..." I said, reaching down and touching the incipient bulge I could feel on his housecoat.

He chuckled.

"I don't know." he said, placing a small kiss on my lips and moving his hand under the blankets, and suddenly I felt his fingers brushing between my legs, where it was very warm and already a little wet. "What do you think? Is it?"

I could only gasp.

His fingers kept brushing there, once, and again, and again, and I was starting to see stars when all of a sudden and without any warning he removed them; he took his hands from underneath the covers, depriving me of their glorious contact, and sat up on the bed and started adjusting his housecoat, which was a little open.

"Okay." he said matter-of-factly, as he smiled and ran a hand through his hair. "Breakfast, then?"

I just stared at him in disbelief.

You have to be fucking kidding me.

"What?"

"We don't want that coffee to get cold, right?"

For a second I just stared at him, astonished and even a bit stunned by the sudden twist of the situation. But then I saw the mischievous grin on his face, and the amusement in his eyes. He was messing with me, of course. He just wanted to tease me, to make me all hot and horny and then leave me wanting, like he did last night when he was playing with my underwear, and I almost had to beg him to take me out of my misery.

"You son of a...!" indignant, I grabbed a pillow and hit him with it on the face. He let out a surprised shriek. "Don't... do that!"

"Hey! Stop it! Are you insane?" he said, laughing as I hit him with the pillow again, and again, so that he would learn to behave and not play me like that. I couldn't help but laugh a bit evilly as I did this; I was going to show him what was what, but then he grabbed me by surprise and pulled me down as I yelled and fell on the mattress again, dropping the pillow at the sudden loss of balance; and he seized the opportunity to pin me down on the bed.

"Stop it." he said, chuckling. "Or I'll make you."

"You can try." I said defiantly, though my heart was racing and my cheeks were all flushed from laugher.

"Okay, you asked for it." he said, maliciously, and then he proceeded to... tickle me?

What the fuck.

Of all the things I could have expected, this was certainly not one. I felt childish and ridiculous, but I couldn't stop from laughing and squirming uncontrollably as he held me down and tickled me mercilessly, until my face was all red and I was almost out of breath. He was making me behave like a child, and though it felt utterly silly and embarrassing (and even more so in my current state of undressedness), it was also kind of fun... and even liberating.

"Okay, okay!" I finally yelled, almost completely out of breath. "You win! I'll stop!"

"That's what I want to hear." he said, laughing. He stopped and stared at me for a second, his cheeks flushed, his eyes bright and that little smirk on his lips, and I got caught in the look of his eyes. I was still laughing when he leaned down and kissed me in that mess of covers and pillows; an unexpected, passionate kiss, and in truth I hadn't been really honest with him just now, I still wanted to make him pay for messing with me; but as he kissed me that warm tingling started spreading through my body again, and well… perhaps forgiveness wasn't such a bad thing, after all.

When his lips finally left mine, he kept staring at me, his were still bright and playful but at the same time, there was some strange seriousness in them, that for some reason made my skin quiver.

"Things... could have been different... you know?" he said.

I looked at him, questioningly.

"What... do you mean?" I said, still somewhat out of breath.

"They could have happened in a different way… in a thousand different ways, actually. There was an amazing amount of coincidences that had to take place for us to be like this, now. My return from England… you singing at the bar... the storm... just to name a few. But… I don't really believe in coincidences, Tomoyo. I'm sure now, I know it somehow; that even if things would have happened differently, sooner or later we would had been like this, like we are now. Don't ask me how... but I know it. This is no coincidence. This was meant to happen." he said, running his hands down my arms in a soft caress that gave me goosebumps. "I think that deep down I always knew it, even when we met as kids; I knew there was something about you, I felt that there was a fine, invisible thread connecting us, that would eventually lead me to you; I knew our paths would cross again at some point. But, it didn't feel like it was the right time back then; I knew I had to go away… so, I tried to forget it. You, the thread, everything. And I almost did. I almost forgot you. Only that… I couldn't." I felt his lips brushing my shoulder, my neck, and I shuddered. "But now I'm wondering if it wasn't a terrible mistake, to wait so long to come back… you suffered a lot in all of these years. Maybe I could have been here for you."

I stared at him, and there was genuine guilt in his eyes, and I couldn't help but feel touched.

"You're here now." I said. "That's all that matters. Maybe things could have happened in a thousand different ways, but they happened like this. And you know what? I'm glad they did. I wouldn't change anything."

A smile appeared on his face.

"Really? Don't you have any regrets?"

"There are many things I did that I should regret… but even those, led me to be here now. So, maybe there's a reason why they had to happen. So, no. No regrets." I said, and as I said it, I knew I meant it with all my heart. "I still have some terrible mistakes to fix, Eriol. But, I see things more clearly now… and I trust I will find a way."

"I'm sure you will." he said, smiling, and his hands moved to my face, and then, for a glorious moment, I felt his lips on mine again, sealing our mouths in a soft, exquisite kiss; and I could finally forget about everything else, and let myself be dragged away by those pleasurable feelings.

…

Some time later, we were at the kitchen, drinking reheated coffee and eating cold toasts, but neither of us seemed to care. On the contrary, it was a rather nice, pleasant breakfast. As he helped himself with some coffee, he started talking lively about all kinds of things; his readings, his life in England, his students, the piano concerts he did from time to time; and I told him some things about my life as well, about how difficult it was to get my mom off my back with the whole career thing, how she wanted me to get a Business degree and follow her steps working with her at her company, and how I had to sweeten her up with words and smiles so that she would let me be and study what I really wanted, Fashion Design. About how I had abandoned music, and how I missed it.

"You know, you have at your disposal a good quality piano and a decent pianist with a vast repertoire." he said, smiling as he spread some raspberry jam over his toast. "You should take up the opportunity. Your premature retirement from music is an easily remedied crime."

"Thank you… maybe I will, but it'll have to be some other time. Now I have to go home. Now that the storm has passed, my mom is going to worry if I don't show up. If she calls to Sakura's house and finds out I'm not there…"

"Sakura?" he said, looking suddenly serious and his eyes a bit strange.

"Yeah… when I called my mom in the middle of the storm, I kinda… told her I was at her house. I couldn't tell her I was here, it would have been… too complicated."

There was no answer. He was still serious, unmoving; like lost, like if he was somewhere else, or deeply immersed in his own thoughts. I started to get worried.

"Eriol… are you okay?"

Finally, he looked at me, and it was as if he had returned from a short, yet intense journey. He was a little pale, but he showed me a smile.

"Yeah, it's nothing. Don't worry about it. Tomoyo, you can't go home just now."

"Huh? Why not?"

"Because when we're done with breakfast, we have to put on some warm clothes, and go out for a walk."

"Why?"

"Because there's something I need to show you. Something important."

…

Soon enough, we were on the street. We were walking fast, almost without saying a word, but his hand grabbed mine and from time to time I could feel his fingers squeezing mine, stroking them affectionately. We walked for a good while; until we almost got to the city outskirts, but as much as I asked him where were we going, I could only get vague answers from him, until we finally arrived to a place. A place that seemed terribly familiar.

And then, he stopped.

"Here. This is it."

"What…? Tsukimine temple? What could be here that…?" I asked in astonishment, looking at the isolated surroundings, not really believing it. A strange mix of complicated feelings tangled in my chest; this was the place where Kaho Mizuki had lived, that woman that had meant so much to him in the past, and that made it the last place where I wanted to be. Yet, at the same time, to be there caused a strange melancholy to stir up inside my chest, as if this place meant something for us too, something sweet and sad and... What could this mean? What was the reason he had to bring me here? The day was awful to be outside. The storm had passed, but the sky was clouded and it was awfully cold and windy; we had to put on thick coats before we could go out. What was he thinking? Why did he make us leave the warmth and comfort of his house to come to this place, so cold, so isolated, so…?

"You'll find out soon."

He tugged from my hand, and not without some apprehension, I followed him through those stone steps. We went into the temple grounds, which looked really sad and derelict after the furious storm. There was mud, branches and leaves everywhere, which we had to dodge; even a fallen tree. There was no one to be seen, not even a monk, and in the middle of such desolation, the temple, once such a beautiful and lively place, now seemed almost sinister.

I realized he was taking me to the lake that was at center of the temple's grounds, that lake where priests and priestesses used to read the future in the reflection of the moon.

And then… I saw her.

It was a good fifty yards from where we were. A human form, a female form, sitting there, on the edge of the small pier that went into the lake. Alone. She hadn't seen us. She was sitting with her back turned to us, staring at the unsettled waters; her hair mercilessly tousled by the harsh wind, and her arms hugging herself and her slight frame shaking softly, as if she was cold or weeping or…

Oh my god.

"Sa… Sakura!?"

Realization hit me like a blast in the head. My eyes flew open, as my baffled brain tried to relate her presence with the hour, the place, the unreality of the situation. For God's sake, what was she doing here, alone, in that dirty, ramshackle pier, with this cold and this dangerous wind? A mass of forgotten, conflicting feelings started to stir up within my chest, painful feelings that brought me back memories of something I should never have forgotten, something I knew, I couldn't forget. My feet moved towards her by their own will, as if it was a conditioned reaction in me, to see her and go to her. One step… then another… But then, I suddenly stopped. I turned back to look at him, my eyes full of questions, completely oblivious now of the wind, the cold, or anything my body could still feel.

"How did you know…?"

"That doesn't matter" he interrupted me. Then he looked away, to the place where she was sitting; and for a moment, I thought I saw a hint of sadness in those dark, bottomless eyes of him. It disappeared in an instant, and so did the slightly downhearted tone I thought I've perceived in his voice, which sounded completely normal as he continued speaking. "You should go with her. She needs you."

I turned to him, hesitantly.

"But…"

He shook his head, and then he stepped towards me, placing his hands over my shoulders. The darkness in his expression had completely vanished, and instead, he gave me a warm, gentle smile.

"Go."

I looked at her. God, I knew she needed me. She was alone, and crying, and miserable, and I… I still needed to fix this. I had to go with her. And he understood. It made sense. All he had ever asked from me, all he had ever demanded, was to be faithful to my own heart. And this was something my heart needed to do. Really. I realized then why he had brought us here, and how deep was his understanding. He understood me well enough to know that, even if my mind and body were ready to let her go, my heart still wasn't; that I should never be able to forgive myself if I knew that I was happily cuddling with him while she was sad, alone, and needing me; and I wasn't there for her. He knew me more than anybody had ever known me, and so, he knew he had to take me here.

It was enough to make my heart clench.

I felt a hazy, strange feeling in my stomach as I rose my hand to his face, and gently touched his forehead, his temple, the smooth curve of his cheek, as if trying to memorize the feel of his skin, to absorb it with my fingers. I sighed.

"Eriol… Don't you ever say again… that you're not a kind person."

"Don't be silly." he said, breathing out, as he caught my hand and drew it to his lips. "Go. This is what you chose. Do it."

"Thank you." I muttered, with a knot in my throat.

He smiled and, so very gently, he placed a soft, tender kiss over my fingers, and then slowly let go my hand. He looked at me for a moment; a fond, bittersweet smile on his lips, and he turned around, starting to walk away.

But he hadn't made more than a few steps when he turned back again, the glow of his eyes piercing through me.

"Tomoyo?"

"Yes?" I muttered.

"When you're done with this… please… come back?"

And suddenly, I understood what was that thing I saw in the glow of his eyes, that special and unique thing I was never really able to place but that fascinated me, that thing I didn't understand and that was so odd and alien to me just because it was something I hadn't felt for so, so long, that I had almost forgot it existed.

Hope.

Something tightened in my chest, so strongly that I almost couldn't manage the words out.

"It might… take long."

He smiled.

"That's okay. Time means nothing to me. I can wait."

The knot in my chest loosened a little, and I exhaled loudly.

"Then… I'll see you later, Eriol."

He smiled, and was about to turn around again, but suddenly, he seemed to remember something.

"Oh, and, Tomoyo… please don't forget about Nakuru's outfits, or I'll never hear the end of it."

The knot loosened completely, and I felt a smile forming in my lips.

"I won't ."

I stood there for several minutes, watching him disappear into the woods; and I shuddered as, for the first time in what seemed like ages, I felt the cold wind cutting like knives on my skin. I slid my arms around my body, hugging myself to keep warm, and as I gazed at the sky that was covered with gray clouds, I suddenly realized that gray could also be a beautiful color. Maybe it was gray, and not green, the color of my hope.

Maybe.

I looked at the lake. Sakura was still there, still sitting on that dangerous, wind-shaken pier, still weeping. Still oblivious to my presence. And I, after looking at her for a moment, at her beauty, realized that I didn't know if I felt happy or sad.

It didn't really matter.

I started walking towards my friend.

…

...

---

Author's Notes

How hard it is to finish a story! Especially when it's a story you've grown fond of, like it happened to me with this one. It really took me a long time, and believe me, it's a real merit to have finally accomplished it. I have a Ph.D. on leaving things unfinished! There's a whole bunch of half-written fanfictions and original stories in my hard drive, most of them which will never see the light. This one is the first one I finished, and be it good or bad, I'm proud I did it.

For those of you who expected a more "happy" ending: I'm sorry, I'm really not that good in delivering those. For some reason I always prefer open, bittersweet endings; those that leave room for anything to happen afterwards. From the first moment I started writing this story, I thought it couldn't end in any other way than this; if you think about it, it makes sense. The whole thing happened in little more than a week, let's say about ten days from the events of chapter one. It's not long enough to wipe out Tomoyo's feelings for Sakura, which had existed and rooted in her heart for years; things in life aren't that easy… but all of this that happened to her had deep, transforming effects; it shook her, it showed her that she can have feelings for someone else, that she could have a relationship where she can really be herself and show her true feelings, and that's what this chapter is about. As the title says… hope.

And showing that, regardless of Sakura, Tomoyo and Eriol share a deep bond and are meant to be together… one way or another.

I think that's kind of a happy ending in its own way.

When I finished the original story in Spanish, there were some readers who asked me for an epilogue, or a continuation. I wasn't really too fond of that idea at that point, but lately I've been having some ideas running through my mind, about what could had happened after this; and I know how this ideas of mine are… they won't leave me alone until I do something with them. So, I'm thinking about it… hmmm.

A few more comments: I wanted to name all chapters after Clow Cards (except for this last one, which is the name of the only original Sakura Card) because even if it doesn't jump right at you, this fic is also about magic. You have to read between lines to find it, but it's there. And as Eriol said, each and every one of the cards had a deeper meaning than their practical purpose. They can also be used as tarot cards, and each of them can hold a prediction, a foresight of the future. So I treated each title/card as a foresight, a symbol of what that chapter would be about. I accompanied them with related quotes from some of Clamp's characters, because… well, I'm a confessed Clamp fan. If you know nothing from Clamp besides Card Captor Sakura, it's time to go and find out more! Almost everything done by these mangakas is awesome: Magic Knight Rayearth, Tokyo Babylon, X, Clover, Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicles, XXXholic… just to name a few. I'm guessing if you love Card Captor Sakura, you will also love those.

Anyway, there's nothing left to say (for now) but to thank all of you that followed this story and came along with me till its very end, and especially to those that took their time to write a review. I really, really, really hope you had enjoyed it!

See you soon (I hope!) in my next work, whatever it might be! =)

(Edit: I added one more chapter, which is a short sort-of-epilogue. If you check it out, you'll see why it was needed!)