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CHAPTER XI: Celebration for a Generation

Both Sam Braun and William Cisco were extremely pleased the day the new big-top arrived. It came in the largest shipping container that I've ever seen. It took six fully grown men to move it on the wheels. They definitely were pleased with it. The truck arrived when I was on my way to what was supposed to be school. It was really two hours of sitting around pretending to read literature when we were really reading the latest issue of Captain America. That guy could really save the day, y'know. He made everything seem like it would all work out in the end.

With the arrival of the big-top, our carnival days were at an end. It couldn't have happened at a better time. Everyone was down and out, tired of this busy nomadic life. Don't get me wrong, we're still going to be nomads, just living in one place a little longer. I have to admit two to three weeks is a wee bit easier than a handful of days.

Our troupe rushed around the huge box as though it were a Mecca for all us cirque folk. We stood around and ogled it as if it were a God. In certain ways, it was like a God to us. With its arrival, it marked the end of our suffering with the carnival and our liberation to join the world, as we knew it best.

When I looked around at the people gawking at the large wooden crate, I could only see gazes of hope, inspiration, and determination. The carnival folk didn't seem to like it much at all. They glared at it as though it were an infectious disease ready to strike and kill at any moment. I guess in a way, the tent did represent the beginning of an end for the carnies, as well as for the rest of us. When I looked at it from their perspective, I can see why they wouldn't be pleased to see us leave. Having us tag along meant more money for their pockets, while it meant less for us. I didn't envy them either. They lived hard lives and did it on little more than pennies.

On the eve of the big-top's arrival, our troupe gathered around the large crate. Their eyes grew big with desire as they pried the top off and took out the enormous canvas tent. The men hoisted it into the air and shouted at the top of their lungs. It was a liberating sight that had us all shouting joyously. Our days with the carnival were quickly coming to an end and not a moment too soon.

People danced and drank as they sang merry tunes to the sky. The quintet for our show gathered their horns and played their songs for the gathered crowd. It was a party all right, and all of us were invited. Warrick Brown pulled me atop the table and we danced to the quintet's upbeat song. He hoisted me high in the air and I performed my tricks for them. They cheered loudly for each trick I performed.

At the song's end, Cisco pulled me to his side, his eyes beamed with pride. He loved to see me perform like that. He took pride in knowing that I was his boy and displays like that touched his heart. I'm not sure he could have been any prouder of me than he was at that moment. The way his eyes shined as he beamed at me as if to say, 'That's my boy.'

The people clapped their hands to the merry tunes of the brass band. Their feet moved to the rhythmic beats. They danced around in circles exchanging partners with each other. Warrick took me by the hand and pulled me along the line. Faster and faster, we danced around the massive box. The band grew louder as we continued onward with our festivities. My heart raced as the music came to a stop and I could finally see Liam standing inside the middle of our circle holding a massive birthday cake. His lips curled up in a smile that stretched from ear to ear.

"Happy birthday, Birdling," he set the cake down and lit the seven candles.

All at once, the entire festival turned its attention to me. I stood there amazed at the turn of events. I could feel Cisco's hand over my shoulder. I turned to face momma who too was smiling happily.

Liam cleared his throat and a new silence moved through the excited crowd. "As you all know, the arrival of the new big-top is not all we're celebrating today," he said proudly. "I know your birthday isn't for another two days, but we'll be on the road then and we wouldn't be able to give you a proper seventh birthday," his eyes beamed toward me. "I know your fifth birthday wasn't much fun, and your sixth was spent on the road. We all thought it was time that you had a proper birthday for once. Happy birthday Nick and I hope this next year brings you all the joys you haven't had in the last few years."

The rowdy crowd silenced as I took the forefront behind my massive cake. It seemed to tower over everything it was so huge. I had their undivided attention as I stood there in the glow of the seven flickering flames. My family swarmed around me, their eyes filled with pride and joy. The band struck the merry tune as the crowd began to sing. I could feel my cheeks flush in the heat of the moment as the song came to a close.

I clinched my eyes tight as I took a deep breath. Holding it for a second, I carefully made my wish and blew out the seven candles. The gathered crowd cheered and whistled in excitement as I smothered the flickering flames.

I looked around the place to find momma clapping the loudest. Her eyes beamed with all the love and compassion of the world. On the other side of the crowd stood Cisco, his eyes filled with love and pride for me.

Next to him, I could see Travardy talking softly in Cisco's ear. Whatever it was must've been good for the smile that spread over Cisco's face. I know he's probably talking about the catch I made yesterday. It was the first time that I actually caught Warrick and held him in the air. It was the sign Cisco was waiting for. Every day, he'd go find Travardy to see if I had finally managed it. Yesterday I finally did three times. I've never seen Travardy happier.

If Travardy was indeed telling Cisco about my success with Warrick, then my showcase must be right around the corner. The showcase was the last thing that really had me nervous. Really, I don't know why they make such a huge to-do over a new performer, but they do. Every time a person becomes an official performer with our troupe, they are expected to be a featured performer so the audience can judge their worth. For many, this performance will make or break their career. I knew that if I failed my showcase, I would fail my family and that was the last thing that I wanted.

I tried not to worry about it. However, the closer I got to perfecting tricks with Warrick, the closer it came and it had a way of creeping back to the forefront of my mind. It couldn't be long now. Liam had his when he was seven, as did Prue and Mandy Webster and Wendy Simms. Xander had his at eight, so I'm certain mine is just around the corner.

No matter how hard I tried to keep the worried expression off my face, it still bled through. Prue always told me that my eyes were like an open book. You could always look at me and know exactly what I was feeling. I tried not to dwell on my uncertainties and put all my focus on the large cake in front of my face. But, I couldn't stop thinking about my showcase. I stood there next to momma as she took the cake knife and cut the icing-adorned dessert into large squares.

"Here you go sweetie, happy birthday," she bid as she handed me the plate with a hug and a smile.

People gathered around me, congratulating me on making it one more year. One more trip around the sun. That never made sense to me until that year passed. My sixth year was indeed a very hard year for me. It was a year daunted by Travardy and Flemming cracking their whips over my head determined to make a performer out of me yet. If that wasn't enough, we spent nearly every waking moment of it travelling from city to city. It's amazing that I even managed to survive.

Finally, I made my way to the benches that lined this week's Main Street and set my birthday cake on it. Again, my mind wandered to my impending showcase. My uncertainty must've shown heavily on my face for the way Wendy looked at me. Her usually happy eyes, saddened at the sight of me. Slowly, she made her way toward the bench where I sat.

"What's on your mind, Nicky?" she asked as she took a seat next to me.

"Nothing," I replied a little less than truthful. It wasn't an outright lie, because it really wasn't a big deal. I mean, everyone with our troupe went on a showcase, so I'm sure it's not as bad as I believe.

There was a time when I looked forward to my showcase. I thought about it as a rite of passage of sorts, but that was before Liam started talking about his showcase and the expectations Cisco had for him in order to join our troupe as a performer. I really wanted to be a performer with our cirque. I really did. This only made Liam's words resonate with me longer. Deep down, I always knew he was just trying to tease me, but at the time, it really scared me that I might disappoint my entire family.

From the look in her eyes, I knew she wasn't buying my quasi lie. She was always so sharp when it came to the internal problems of others. She always could see right through my façades.

"Are you sure, little Birdling? It doesn't look like nothing to me," she said softly. "What has you so worried?"

"I caught Warrick the other day," I mumbled.

"What's so bad about that?" Wendy genuinely wanted to know. "You should be proud that you finally managed to catch Warrick. That's quite a feat. I mean, look at you? You're so small compared to him and you caught him. That couldn't have been easy."

"It wasn't," I agreed.

"Then what's the problem?"

In my head, it sounds so serious, almost life or death, but audibly I knew it would sound so ridiculous. I mean all this angst was because I'm afraid of something I know I can't avoid.

"It's silly," I admitted. "You'll laugh."

"Try me," she urged. I knew Wendy wouldn't let me off the hook for this. No, no that wouldn't do at all. She got me to this point there was no way she was going to allow me to back out now. She was going to make me tell her if I wanted to or not and I would just have to accept that.

Taking a deep breath, I looked toward the colourful piece of cake sitting in my lap. It did look delicious and definitely edible. "What's it like to perform for your showcase?" I asked.

The instant that word came from my mouth, I could see the concerned expression melt away from Wendy's face. It was replaced by the biggest brightest smile I've seen from her in such a long time. "Is that what this is all about? Your showcase performance?" she laughed as I knew she would.

Not wanting to sound stupid in front of my older sister, I nodded silently to her question.

"You have nothing to worry about."

"I... I don't?" I nearly coughed in surprise.

"No, whoever gave you that idea?" she asked and then quickly answered her own question. "I'm gonna kill Liam for getting you so scared like this. He knows how sensitive you are." She balled her fists in anger and smacked them hard against her leg. "Nick, you have absolutely nothing to fear from your showcase."

"They're not... going to... uh... kick me out if I'm not good enough?" I gulped nervously.

"Lord heavens no. They're not gonna kick you out of the cirque if you don't perform to their expectations. Besides, it's your own expectations that are important anyway."

"Liam said they... they would."

"Well, Liam's just a rotten person," she replied in a tone of absolution. "Nick, don't listen to a thing Liam has to say. He's just yanking your leg like he always does. I thought Jillian would've told you that the showcase is something to be proud of."

"It is?" If I didn't sound silly before, I do now.

"Absolutely," she beamed. "It's the first official show you will star in. It is the show where the audience really gets to see who you are and what you can do, instead of just being out there helping out like you've been doing for the past two years."

"So even if I fall, they won't kick me out?" I asked the stupid question again fearful that she would reverse her statement and I really would be kicked out for not being good enough.

"Nick, honey, you're not going to fall."

"How do you know?"

"I've seen you working with Mr. Travardy, you're excellent. Cisco's holding the audience back by keeping you in the wings. Nicky, you're going to climb that main pole, take the bar in your hands and you're going to win over their hearts with grace and beauty."

"Really?"

"Really, you silly goose, there won't be a dry eye in the place. You're that good."

Up until that point, I've never really thought of my skills as good. It's true, what Wendy said about me falling. I haven't dropped from the bar since I was four. Warrick however, I've let him fall more times than he cares to count. That was different though, that was because I still couldn't hold his weight not that I wasn't good at what I do. Now, I can hold Warrick... well sort of. He's still so heavy and he still slips and slides in my grip.

"Don't worry about your showcase Birdling, Cisco won't put you out on display until Mr. Travardy thinks you're ready and that's only going to be when he's convinced you won't drop Rick for the entire world to see."