Song: Matt Brouwer's version of I Shall Believe
*~.~*
Tony woke up on the couch at 0600. He remembered drifting off to sleep while Ziva was still there the night before. But now she was gone. He shivered from the loss of body heat as he sat up and stretched. Glancing up at the television, he saw it was still on and the news played softly with nothing of interest to him. But he left it alone as it broke the silence in the room.
His eyes fell to the coffee table and saw a piece of paper with writing...a note:
Went home to change. See you at work.
-Z
The corner of his mouth turned up slightly as his thumb grazed over the indentations caused by her writing. Somehow, he felt better this morning. He didn't know why.
He stood from the couch, folding the paper as he walked through his bedroom and into the bathroom. He set the folded paper on the sink and turned on the shower.
*~.~*
Ziva tapped the eraser of her pencil rapidly against the small pile of papers on her desk. Gibbs and McGee were down in Abby's lab and it was nearing 0800. She glanced over at Tony's empty desk and back at her screen as she watched for new email.
The elevator sounded behind her and she didn't turn around, but she knew it was Tony. She set her pencil down and began typing on her keyboard as a relieved grin curled the corner of her mouth.
"Morning, Zee," he said quietly as he entered the bullpen setting his pack down next to his desk before walking around it to sit.
"Sleep well?" she asked. He smirked.
"Got any of that antacid left?" he asked. She pulled open the drawer at her desk and grabbed the blue bottle, tossing it in his direction. "Thanks," he said when he caught it and pulled open the top. He put the bottle to his lips and tipped it up.
"Breakfast of champions, DiNozzo?" Gibbs commented as he entered the bullpen and sat at his desk.
"Had that this morning, Boss," he said as he replaced the cap. "This is just to keep it down." He turned to throw the bottle back to Ziva, but she held a hand up.
"Keep it," she said, and turned back to her screen. Tony went right to work as he opened a file. He'd read halfway down the page when he heard a sound from his computer and looked up at the screen. A new email alert; he clicked to open it.
'Nerves, or medication?' it read. He glanced at Ziva before hitting reply. After typing and sending, he looked back down at the paperwork.
'Meds,' was the reply she received when she opened the email. She glanced up at Tony and saw him looking at his phone. He was searching through the caller ID.
"Expecting a call?" Gibbs asked, and Tony looked up at him.
"Yeah, actually," he said. "Took a rapid results test when I went back to Bethesda yesterday. Thought they'd call by now. It's only supposed to take twenty minutes. I expected them to call yesterday, but..." his eyes drifted back down to the phone. Gibbs nodded out of his view and glanced at Ziva as she pretended to be busy at her desk.
"They tell you why you needed a second test?" Gibbs asked him.
"Not exactly," he replied, glancing briefly at him, then to Ziva, before looking back down at the papers. Gibbs decided to drop the subject.
*~.~*
"It's late," Gibbs said looking at his watch. It was only six, but they'd been writing reports all day. "Wanna grab something to eat?"
This surprised Tony and he looked up at Gibbs. "You mean, order something?" he asked and glanced at Ziva.
"I mean go out and get dinner," he replied. "All of us. My treat." McGee looked up at Gibbs, then Tony and Ziva. Stunned, but not unexcited, the corners of his mouth turned up.
"Sure," Tony said. "Guess I'm kinda hungry."
"You have not eaten all day," Ziva commented.
"I had breakfast," he retorted. "And I even kept it down." She smirked at him. "Where we goin', Boss?" Gibbs cocked his head as he thought.
*~.~*
Tony nursed the one beer he was allowed as he glanced down at his cell for the fiftieth time that evening. Gibbs glanced at him for the fiftieth time as he cut into the small amount of steak left in front of him. Though the bar was noisy, their table was relatively silent.
His intentions had been to keep Tony's mind off the phone. But as he looked around the table, he noticed the worried glances he received from Ziva and Tim as they lazily pushed their food around their plates. Ziva excused herself to go to the bathroom.
Gibbs set down his fork and knife and prepared to swallow the food in his mouth and say something, but Tony's cell rang. He didn't even bother to wait for the caller ID.
"Hello?" he said, and plugged his other ear with his finger. "Hol- hold on, lemme go outside. Too loud in here," he stood from the table, glancing briefly at Gibbs and McGee before heading toward the door.
"Think that's Bethesda?" McGee turned to ask his boss. Gibbs shrugged a shoulder and picked up a napkin to wipe his mouth. He threw it down onto his plate and pushed away from the table.
"Gonna find out," he said as he looked out at Tony who was simply standing outside, facing away from the bar now; his phone at his side.
*~.~*
Tony slipped his phone into his pocket and looked down at his hands. Suddenly Gibbs was at his side. "Am I awake?" Tony asked without looking over. Gibbs squinted at him in question. "That was Bethesda," he told him and glanced over at his boss. "They said it's negative. Tryin' to figure out if I'm just dreaming. Don't wanna get my hopes up and wake up and be wrong."
Gibbs reached over and smacked him upside the back of the head, and Tony straightened, but was suddenly relieved. A smile spread across his face as his boss smirked at him. "You know all the right things to say, Boss." Gibbs laughed at that.
"Come eat your damn steak before it gets cold," he said as he headed back into the bar. Ziva was just sitting back down at the table as Gibbs approached. Her eyes glanced toward the door as Tony came in.
"Marty!" Tony shouted to the bartender and the room hushed a bit as they looked over at him. "Next round's on me!" the crowd cheered at the agent.
"What's the occasion, Tony?" Marty yelled back.
"I'm not gonna die!" he grinned wildly with a laugh. And it was only moments before Ziva had pushed her way through the crowd and threw her arms around him. It felt like he'd done it a thousand times before as he picked her up off her feet and spun around before setting her down again. She pulled gently away as she began to lead him back to the table.
Tony glanced at the waitress who brought McGee a large, multicolored drink. "What'd you order, Probie?" McGee smirked at his question.
"Just trying to get some kinda return on that twenty-five bucks I lost." Tony squinted at him. Gibbs smirked as he took a sip of his beer...
*~.~*
"You didn't have to drive me home, Ziva," Tony said as they entered his apartment. "I just had the one beer."
"I know," she said as she set her keys down on the coffee table. "That is not why I drove you," she walked back over to him and stunned him by pulling his head down to hers and kissing him.
His back gently thudded against the wall and his hands rested on her hips. Her tongue prodded between his lips and caused him to moan against her mouth as the kiss deepened. He felt her hands leave his face and go to the collar of his shirt, seeking the buttons that began there, and unfastened the top two before he pulled his face away. His breath was slightly labored as he looked into her eyes.
"Zee...you sure you wanna do this?" he asked. The corner of her mouth turned up as she continued unbuttoning his shirt. His eyes never left hers. She gently peeled away the shirt from his shoulders and let it fall to the floor. She shoved off her jacket and took his hand to lead him to the bedroom. She reached over to the light switch. "No," he told her, and she looked back at him in question. "Leave the lights on," he pleaded.
She understood his request and her eyes darted back and forth between his. But he sensed something wrong when he looked at her. Her eyes fell to his chest. "What's wrong, Zee? We don't have to do this."
She put her hands on his chest and looked into his eyes again. "I want to do this," she told him.
"Then why are you afraid?" he looked at her with uncertainty.
She breathed for a moment, closing her eyes. He could feel his heart pound and ache in his chest. She was afraid of him...
She opened her eyes and read the uncertainty on his face. "I am not afraid of you, Tony," she reassured him. "I am afraid of what you will see..." He was confused by her words, and his brow furrowed. She turned away from him, reaching under her shirt to unclasp her bra, then reached down to the bottom of her shirt and pulled both articles from her body.
She heard his sharp intake of breath when he saw what she'd revealed to him. Tears welled in her eyes and she couldn't turn around to face him...
Tony reached out to touch the offensive scars that covered her back...so many more than he would have once his healed. Her eyes fluttered closed at the feather light touches, trying desperately not to flinch away. "This was the thing you were talking to Gibbs about," she heard him say. And he watched her as she nodded. "I'm so sorry, Zee," his voice cracked.
She spun around to look at him. "Do not apologize for things you did not do," she swallowed at the intensity in his eyes.
"Is that what you were afraid to show me?" he asked.
She looked at him for a moment before she replied. "I did not want to scare you away," her gaze fell back down to his chest. But he lifted her chin so she would look at him again.
"Don't ever think that," he said, his voice low. "You're beautiful, Zee. Don't ever think that I would feel any different," his hand went to her cheek and stroked it lightly, pushing her hair behind her ear. "Promise you won't," he said, and his eyes stung, remembering the night not so long ago that she'd asked him to make a promise to her.
She let out a small sob as she recalled the same. And he asked her again, in barely a whisper, "Promise me." she nodded as she wiped away the tears from her face, and pulled his head back down to her as she kissed him.
It seemed like mere moments before he felt himself being led to the bed. The back of his knees hit the mattress, causing him to reach out to grab her waist as he fell to a sitting position on the end of the bed. When he opened his eyes, her bare chest was in front of his eyes, and he looked up at her face as she blushed. Her eyes closed as he placed a tender kiss on the skin between her breasts; his hands unmoving at her waist.
She took his hands and moved them to her breasts as she bent down to kiss him again, pushing him down to lay on the bed. The feeling of her nipples tickling his palms as he moved his hands went straight to his groin, and as if on cue, she ground her hips against him and he groaned deep in his throat.
His hands moved from her chest and around her back, down to her waist as he pulled her against him, thrusting his hips up at the same time. And he groaned again, pulling away from her mouth and looking at her closed eyes.
There's no one else here...it's just us...just you and me...
She opened her eyes to look at him, sensing his wandering thoughts. Her hand went to his cheek as she laid her weight down on him, causing the bare skin of their chests to meet. "Do not leave me, Tony," she said in barely a whisper. "We are here, together...there is no one else."
"I don't wanna hurt you," he said shakily.
"No...no..." she panicked as she stroked his face with both hands, trying desperately to reassure him. "You have never hurt me, Tony...remember?" she blinked back tears, hoping he would understand...hoping to pull him back from the pit he was falling into again...
She gently rolled off of him onto her side, holding tightly to him so he would face her on the bed. "Please don't be afraid of me," her voice cracked and snapped him back to reality. His hand came up to gently graze her cheek...
-Come to me now, and lay your hands over me...will you find me tonight? Say it will be alright, and I shall believe...-
"I'm not afraid of you, Zee," he told her, searching her eyes. "I'm afraid of me..." his whispered words stung her heart.
-Broken in two, and I know you're onto me; that I only come home when I'm so all alone...but I still believe...-
"I am not afraid of you," she said in just as soft a whisper. "You saved me from so much, Tony...please... don't push me away now..." He hadn't intended on pushing her away...he didn't know what was happening in his head. All he knew was that he loved her and he didn't want her to go...
-That not everything is gonna be the way you think it oughta be...It seems like every time I try to make it right, it all comes down on me...Please say, honestly, you won't give up on me...and I shall believe...-
He pulled her to him in an embrace, intending just to hold her close. He didn't want her to feel that he was pushing her away. That was the last thing he'd ever want to do. She snuggled into his chest, accepting the gesture, and breathed in the scent of him. Her eyes closed and her fingers absentmindedly drew circles on the skin over his ribs.
His stomach muscles fluttered under her touch and his eyes closed. But he allowed her to continue. It felt good. She felt good.
-Open the door and show me your face tonight...I know it's true, no one heals me like you...and you hold the key... Never again will I turn away from you...I'm so heavy tonight, but your love is alright and I do believe...-
When she felt his heartbeat quicken, she chanced to place a kiss upon his chest where she'd drawn circles; long and slow. And she felt his hand gently at the back of her head. She dared to move her mouth closer toward the tiny bud at his breastbone, and when he didn't protest, she took it in her mouth and felt his breath hitch and quicken. But his hand held tightly to her head, willing her to continue her task...
-Not every thing is gonna be the way you think it oughta be...it seems like every time I try to make it right, it all comes down on me... Please say, honestly, you won't give up on me...-
She wanted to go lower, but decided against pushing him too far. The last thing she wanted was to make him feel as if he had no choice. But she was uncertain how to make him want this as much as she did.
She pushed herself up so her face was next to his, and his eyes opened and looked disappointed that she'd stopped. She squinted at him, trying to understand what exactly was going on in his mind. But then he spoke; softly, but intently as his eyes searched hers.
"Tell me what you want," it came as barely a whisper, but it made something unfold inside her and her breath rushed from her lungs. Her mouth went to his, devouring him as her hand went down between them to open the front of her pants. Then she took his hand and pressed it to her chest, slowly moving it down.
"I want you," she said, pulling her face away just slightly, "To touch me," she kissed him again as she guided his hand down to her folds.
"God..." his jaw clenched as the slick heat his fingers met, causing him to painfully harden against his zipper. Suddenly, everything else had left his mind. It was just Ziva...just them. She gasped as his fingers pressed against her, searching, caressing. She wasn't afraid to allow sounds escape her throat now; something she didn't allow herself to do in captivity.
He rolled them so that he was on top of her, still touching her; feeding from the sounds he elicited from her. His mouth crushed hers, devouring each sound until they built in octave, and he felt her going over the edge. Tony pulled his face away enough to watch her face as she came.
Her eyes were closed and her face flushed; a faint smile played on her lips as she came back to reality. And when she opened her eyes, she saw him looking at her, and his eyes had never been so dark; his face so serious and intense, so aroused. The way he was looking at her made her heart jump in her throat.
Her hands went to his face as the corner of her mouth curled up at him, "Is that all you have for me, DiNozzo?" she said playfully. He couldn't help but return the smile as his hand retreated from between her legs and he propped himself up with it next to her, pressing his hips against hers to show her exactly what else he had for her.
With an appreciative moan, she pushed him up from the bed so they could stand as she stepped out of her pants. And he watched her, suddenly dumbfounded again. There she stood; completely exposed in front of him. And all he could do was look at her...
"Did you forget how this works?" she asked with a devilish grin, her hands lightly prodding the button on his pants.
"I love you," he replied, his hands grazing so lightly at her sides. Her grin turned soft and warm and her hands crept up his belly as she looked into his eyes.
"I love you," she told him as she stepped up on her toes to kiss him again. Her hands spread over his neck and she curled her knuckles, allowing her nails to gently graze the skin behind his ears as he deepened the kiss. She would let him be the one to decide when to go any further.
And as if he'd read her mind, he went quickly to work removing his pants; the sudden lack of restriction, causing him to sigh against her mouth. He couldn't help but to cup the curves that met the tops of her thighs as he pressed himself against her.
She gasped, her arousal suddenly renewed, and she spun him around again, slowly guiding him down on the bed until he lay flat on his back. She crawled seductively until she was straddling his waist, and she hovered over him until his eyes focused on hers again. "Do you want me?" she whispered her question.
He breathed; his obvious arousal barely grazing hers. "God yes," he answered, and she sank down over him, eliciting an overwhelming guttural sound from his throat. His eyes clamped shut as he thrust against her, burying himself completely. For an excruciating moment, they stayed like that; afraid to move and end it all at once. She opened her eyes and looked at him as he held back, his breaths coming in short bursts through his nose as he tried to maintain his control.
"Tony, look at me," she said, and he complied. "I want to hear you." Her words were followed by a kegel squeeze and he groaned deep in his throat.
"I'm...not gonna last if you keep doing that, Zee," he said through his teeth. She grinned deviously and repeated the action, moving up and down slowly as she did. He stilled her, his hips betraying him as he thrust up into her again. "God..." he frantically pulled out and pinched the base of his penis in effort to delay his orgasm.
She growled as she watched his face concentrate on his task. No one had ever done this for her before. And she was never more turned on in her life. She watched him as she sat up, kneeling over him, waiting patiently for him to be ready again. When he opened his eyes and let go of himself, he met her eyes. "Bad girl," he said, grinning at her. She smirked, and felt his legs bending under her, spreading her legs farther apart.
She took his cue and guided him into her again, leaning back ever so slightly. The angle made her eyes flutter closed and she felt his hands slide up her thighs until they rested on her hips. She looked at him as she began a steady rhythm. He met her every thrust with his.
He pulled himself up to take her left breast in his mouth, suckling gently and flicking it with his tongue as his thumb reached down to her exposed bundle of nerves between them. His free hand served only to support his position as he allowed her to rock on him. The noises that mingled with her breath grew louder and her head tilted back as she screamed his name almost inaudibly.
He flipped her onto her back and her eyes flew open at him as he thrust back into her. It took her a moment to come back from her release, and his mouth was on hers again. He could still feel her pulsating around him, and he buried his face in her neck as he tried desperately not to allow himself to end it.
"Tony," she breathed, "Do not hold back..." she pulled her knee higher on the bed, and felt him start to lose control. His thrusts became harder and she could sense his closeness. "I want to see you," she squeaked as her hands sought his face and brought it in front of hers.
His eyes, mere inches from hers, were only open for a moment before he went over the edge; his voice held back no emotion with his release. And his forehead then rested upon hers as he rode out the remaining spasms...
When their breath returned to them, they opened their eyes and it felt like they were seeing each other for the first time. And maybe for the millionth time.
Tony thought of a thousand things he wanted to say in that moment as he picked his head up and searched her eyes. But he settled on one. "Wanna sleep over?" he smiled. She laughed, and he laughed with her...
6 weeks later...
"Drop your weapon!" Gibbs yelled with his gun aimed. Bethesda had been the final stopping grounds for an emotionally unstable Marine whom they'd been trying to catch up with for two weeks now. He'd left a trail of dead members of his squad. and one in intensive care in this very hospital.
It didn't take long for DiNozzo to make the suggestion that the bi-polar Lieutenant Commander would come back to finish the job. But by the time they'd found him, he'd taken a nurse hostage and brought her up to the roof of the building.
None of them had a good shot, as he'd bunkered himself against the cement housing for the top of the staircase leading up. The nurse was forced to shield him from the team of agents that surrounded him.
"You drop yours!" he yelled, "Or she dies!" the Marine held his ground.
"Take it easy, Sam," Gibbs said, "You don't have to put another murder on the list," he held his hands up, taking his aim away from the man before him. Tony, Ziva and McGee stayed ready though, off on either side of them.
"They got what they deserved!" Sam shouted, tears streaming his face. There was no logic to his claims. He'd gone off his meds weeks before this started. It had made him paranoid and delusional. Accusing his teammates of conspiracy and the death of his only brother. But in reality, his fallen loved one had perished in Iraq in the line of duty.
They'd given the man's story a chance, following up on his claims. But nothing made sense...nothing fit. He was wrong. But there was no convincing him of that, and they would have to play into his delusions to save the life of the woman he held.
"I know you did what you felt you had to do. But the woman you're holding now...she's innocent," Gibbs said calmly. "Do you wanna kill an innocent woman, Sam? Was this part of your plan?"
The man searched the air around Gibbs, uncertain and afraid. "I want to leave here," he said. "I want to go home!"
"You can't do that, Sam. You killed four people. Doesn't matter what they did."
"I did it for Kevin!" he cried.
"You think he wants you to kill this woman, too?" he furrowed his brow at him. Tony glanced at Ziva who stood on the other side of Sam. All they needed was for him to lean back, and they'd have a shot. But right now, if either of them tried, they would hit the nurse as well. "You kill her, and you're gonna take a bullet, Sam. You think your brother wants you to die up here?"
Sam cried, clearly anguished at the mention of his brother. The nurse's eyes fixed somewhere in the distance. She was afraid, but she knew that panicking would do her no good. So she stood there in his grasp, waiting for the moment she could slip away.
"Don't make your mother bury another one of her sons," Gibbs said, and Sam met his eyes again.
"What's gonna happen to me?" he asked. Gibbs squinted.
"You're gonna go get help, Sam. That's what you need, isn't it?" The troubled man nodded through his tears and loosened his grip on the nurse. She hurriedly ran from him and over to the stairwell. Her sudden movement caused Sam to panic and hold his weapon up at Gibbs.
"Put it down, Sam!" Tony yelled. McGee repositioned his aim from behind his boss.
"Okay! Okay!" Sam slowly lowered the gun and Ziva made her move to tackle it away from him. Tony turned the man up against the cement housing and pulled his hands back to cuff them.
"Guess Probie gets lunch tomorrow," Tony quipped with a grin as he holstered his weapon.
"You really should stop making bets with him," Ziva told Tim.
McGee squinted in their direction. "I didn't make it," he defended, "I was conned into accepting it."
"What the hell was the bet?" Gibbs asked, curiously, as they started down the steps; Tony in the lead with Sam, and Ziva behind Gibbs as McGee trailed behind them.
"Tony bet that you could talk him down in under five minutes," Ziva explained.
"When did you make this bet, exactly?" Gibbs asked the agent in front of him.
"On the way up, Boss," Tony answered, cautiously as they kept moving.
"Sorry, Boss," Tim said. "I didn't exactly refuse to believe you could do it..."
Gibbs smirked out of his view. "Medium rare," he said. McGee got a confused look.
"Uh...what, Boss?"
"How I take my steak, McGee," he replied. Ziva grinned and laughed through her nose.
As they approached the nearest level they could exit the stairway onto a floor with an elevator, Tony pulled open the door, waiting for the rest of them to descend the stairs.
"Steak sounds good to me," Tony smirked.
"I would prefer a philly cheese sandwich," Ziva added. But then suddenly she felt strange, and she stopped short on the steps, gripping the railing.
"Zee?" Tony said when he saw her stagger. Gibbs turned around as she began to fall over, and he caught her in his arms.
"Ziva!" he shouted to her as he gently lowered to the floor. "Tony, get him outta here," he motioned to Sam. "McGee, go get a doctor!" McGee rushed past Tony through the door, and Gibbs saw the panicked look on Tony's face as he looked down at Ziva from where he stood. "Go, DiNozzo! I've got her..."
tbc...