A/N: these characters are not mine! Don't you people understand that by now? Who's going to die today you ask? Colin Creevey! Stupid little shutterbug!

Chapter 11: Hot Off the Presses Colin Creevey

Two weeks after Hermione's suspension, she was still hidden beneathe piles of books trying as hard as she could to catch up. Just then Harry and Ron sauntered into the common room and sat across from Hermione with smug smiles on their faces.

Harry: Ronald, do you have any homework tonight?

Ron: No, Harry I don't! Isn't that strange?

Harry: Now that you mention it, it IS strange. Hermione what do you think of all this?

Hermione glared at the two nitwits over her towers of books. Her gaze alone could burn a hole into their foreheads.

Hermione: If you want to live past sundown, you will leave, now!

Ron: Geez, Hermione, we were just observing that you might be in need of some assistance to get all that work done.

Hermione had heard enough.

Hermione: THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT! IF YOUR LAME BROTHERS HADN'T BOUGHT ALL THAT BUTTERBEER I WOULDN'T HAVE GOTTEN DRUNK! IF I HADN'T GOTTEN DRUNK, THEN I WOULDN'T HAVE GONE UP INTO YOUR ROOM, TAKEN OFF MY SKIRT, AND BEEN SUSPENDED! YOU ARE SUCH A WANKER!

Harry: Hermione, just breathe for a second.

Hermione tried to calm herself, but then as she was intaking her last breath, she fainted. Ron thought that she was faking, so he proceeded to prod her shoulder with his wand.

Ron: Hermione, wake up. We know you're faking!

Harry: Uh, Ron, I don't think she's faking. I think we should take her to the Hospital Wing.

Ron: Yeah, yeah, good idea. Help me carry her.

Harry picked up the left side of Hermione, Ron the right. Hermione's unconscious head lolled dangerously close to the floor as they made their way to the Hospital Wing door.

Harry: Madame P, Hermione's fainted. (A/N: I forget how to spell her name, so she's just be Madame P)

Madame P: Well put her on the bed, and I'll need a little privacy.

Madame P. then shut the curtains around Hermione's bed and set to work examining her. She then came out an hour later and told Harry that Hermione wanted to speak to him. Ron made to go to, but Madame P said that Hermione only wanted to see Harry at this time.

Ron: Okay, I'll be out here if she needs me.

Harry entered the confined space.

Madame P: I'll leave you alone to talk.

Now that he was completely alone with Hermione, Harry was starting to feel uneasy.

Harry: Hi. I'm sorry about the homework thing, I didn't think you'd take it that hard. I'm so sorry.

Hermione: It's not about that Harry. I have a little problem…….actually we have a littleproblem.

Harry: What do you mean by we? What do you mean by problem? What do you mean by little? Do you hate me? Cause you can tell me, I can take it! I'm a man.

Hermione: Yes you are……….(clears throat) Anyways, the problem, the little problem, uhh, it seems that, when I lost my skirt, I may have lost something else.

Harry: What kind of something else? A necklace? Broach? Family heirloom, that kinda crap?

Hermione: No, Harry. It seems I may have lost my….

Hermione nods her head towards her mid drift, hinting to Harry. Harry stares at her blankly.

Harry: Are you okay Hermione? Do you need me to get the nurse?

Hermione: Fine! I'll just say it! I LOST MY VIRGINITY! I GAINED A LITTLE PROBLEM! DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME NOW?

Harry: ………….no.

Hermione: I'M PREGNANT YOU ASS WIPE!

Meanwhile, in the next bed lay Colin Creevey. Recovering from a recent encounter with Crabbe and Goyle's fists. He was busy scratching away on a notepad all the juicy details he had just overheard. Harry heard the scratching and ripped back Hermione's curtains to find Colin staring at him with a scared shitless expression. Harry was furious.

Harry: Colin, give me the notepad.

Colin: …….I c-c-can't.

Harry: I will only ask you one more time…..please, give me the notepad.

Suddenly Colin wiped out his wand and tapped the notebook, which promptly disappeared in a puff of smoke. Harry grabbed at Colin's tie, and yanked him so hard that he nearly fell to the floor.

Harry: WHERE………IS……….THE………NOTEPAD!

Colin: Away. Far away. Amwahahahaahaaha.

Harry then released Colin's tie, and put his grip on his camera. He turned to face Colin's back, and brought the camera with him. The camera's strap was now cutting off any chance of airflow to Colin's lungs. Harry then twisted the strap around his neck three times, and by the fourth, Colin was as white as chalk. Harry released his hold on the camera and let the boys body drop to the floor. Harry walked over Colin's body, back to Hermione's side.

Harry: Nobody will know of our little problem, I promise.

Just then Ron came into the small area around Hermione's bed. He smiled at her. He then took a seat next to her and put his feet up on the end of the bed.

Ron: That Madame P. is a sweet lady. She let me watch the T. V. and listen to this.

Ron produced what looked like a magical version of an iPod.

Harry: So you didn't hear or see any of the last ten minutes.

Ron: Nope. Why did I miss something?

Harry and Hermione: NO.

Ron: Oh, okay then. Hey, what's with Colin?

Harry: Heart attack, very tragic, sudden, very sudden, tragic, nobody could save him.

Ron: Oh that's a little sad. Well at least we won't have to worry about his stupid camera.

Okay that;s it. My friend Sarah came up with this idea. The Trio cannot be killed. Next to die, uh, I'll figure it out later. I'm gonna continue running from the ron/hermione shippers, but hey, stuff happens when you're drunk.