Coming Home Again Chapter 11 - final

Tucked into the corner booth, Natalie tried to settle her nerves while she waited for John to bring back their beers. She was shocked that John was determined to start their conversation. Communication had never been his strong suit, especially when it came to her. She wasn't sure what to expect or what she wanted him to say. Did it really matter after all these years? As she watched him walk across the room, she knew the answer to that was yes, it did still matter.

He slid her mug across the table to where she sat. He swore she had never looked more beautiful. He realized it was now or never. She was giving him a chance to talk to her and explain anything he wanted. He couldn't waste this opportunity; he might never get another one.

"Okay, so here goes," he began, his voice cracking slightly. "I'm an idiot."

She tried to stifle the giggle that was threatening to slip between her lips. He saw the look on her face and smiled, the tension in his body easing. "Go ahead and laugh, I deserve it."

She shook her head. "I just didn't expect you to be so, well, honest." She giggled again.

He smiled again before his expression grew serious again. "When you left Llanview, I was in denial at first. I thought you would come back. Not to me. But to this town because your family is here. And I thought that would be enough for me. Just to be able to see you even if you never spoke to me again. But you didn't come back. Not once in three extremely long years."

She put her hand on his to stop him. "Do you know why?"

John shook his head. "No, but wait. Let me finish, please. You need to hear me out. You deserve at least that from me."

She nodded and put her hands back around her beer mug, taking a sip and letting the cold liquid soothe her frazzled nerves.

"I realized that without you here, without some glimpse of you in my life, I was utterly and completely miserable. What I also realized was that I deserved every bit of that misery for what I had put you through. I wouldn't let myself see, when I had the chance, that you were the best thing to ever come into my life. You made me complete. But I was too scared, too stupid and too proud to tell you that. And because of that, I lost it. I lost you. Then two weeks ago I saw a black SUV roll through town and Bo told me you had come home for Christmas. And he also warned me not to do anything to hurt you. When I saw you in Bo's office, it was like I had been taken back three years. I actually felt something. I've been numb and stumbling through life searching for something I had but let get away."

Natalie's eyes filled with tears and she opened her mouth to speak but John shook his head. "I'm not finished. What I realized when I saw you was that while it was the worst thing that could have happened to me, it was the best thing that could happen to you. You got away from your family pressure, away from me and how I made you always feel insecure and you thrived. I would have held you back. I know that now."

Her tears flowed down her face. "Are you breaking up with me when we're not even together?"

Tears also filled his eyes. "I'm saying that you are where you belong, Natalie. You were born for the career you have chosen."

She nodded, still unsure of where the conversation was headed. "I love my job. I love the people I work with."

He felt a pang of jealousy when he thought about one of her co-workers in particular. "Can I ask you a personal question that is none of my business?"

She smiled and nodded. "Sure, you're being this open, I can do the same in return."

"You and Derek seem very, um, close."

She smiled a bit broader. "That's not a question, that's a statement, John."

He smiled sheepishly. "I know. I think I just realized that I don't necessarily want to know the answer to the question I was going to ask."

She wouldn't make this easy on him. "You were an FBI agent, you are a cop. Man up, Johnny boy."

He laughed at her throwing in some Roxy-isms. Her adopted mother only called him 'Johnny boy' and usually when he had done something stupid. Which was a lot when it came to Natalie. "Okay, okay. Are you and Derek more than friends?"

She paused, letting him sweat for a moment. "Derek and I are very close. He's been a great sounding board for me and I have found someone I can trust with all of my past. Good and bad."

John looked down at his beer. "I see."

Natalie rolled her eyes. "No, you don't see because you won't look at me."

His head jerked up and she rolled her eyes again for his benefit. He smiled cautiously, "Okay I see that."

"Good, now let me tell you the rest. Derek is probably my best friend. But he is also completely in love with Penelope Garcia even though he has yet to admit to anyone, including himself. And while I don't admit it to anyone but him, I am also still completely in love with you."

John stared at her incredulously. "You are? Really?"

She couldn't help but laugh. "Yes, I am. Really."

He smiled and held out his hand. She put hers in his and he leaned down to kiss it gently. "I love you, Natalie. I always have and I always will."

She smiled. He smiled back and said, "that's a million watt smile right there. It's been a long time since I've seen it. I want to spend the rest of my life seeing that smile."

"So what do we do now? I work in Virginia and you work here."

"It seems to me I need to check into a job transfer."

Her mouth dropped open. "Really? You would move for me?"

"If you asked, I would move heaven and earth for you, Natalie. I've spent most of my life being broody and miserable. I'm finished with that. I want you back and I will do whatever it takes to make that happen."

She smiled and scooted over next to him. Gently cupping her face in his hands, he leaned closer and kissed her softly. She pressed her forehead to his and said, "you're going to LOVE Virginia."

The End.