"I won't blow it this time Aims, I promise." Paul continues and I sigh and wipe my eyes.
"How do I know that I'm not going to turn into your ex and find you in bed with some other girl?" I say as he stands before me.
"Because I don't want to hurt you, we'll just have to try Aims and see what happens." he answers.
"I don't want to be wasting my time, Paul." I say and he let's out a frustrated sigh.
"Just come back with me to London in a few days?" he pleads and I shake my head and close my eyes and he walks up to me and pulls me into his arms.
"I'm afraid I'll be treated like those other girls." I mumble into his warm chest as my head is tucked under his chin.
"You won't be cause I love you, I didn't love them." he says simply and I sigh.
"We're not getting any younger Amy and I've thought lately about how now I'm at the age to settle down. I thought back to a woman who I'd like to get married to and have kids with, and the only girl I came up with was you. I just wish you'd let me show that to you." he says in a soft, slightly sad voice and I pull away to look at him and he caresses my cheek.
"We could get married next week if you want and then we could have a baby, we could start a family together Aims, a life together." he says and I avert his gaze and my eyes wander to a picture of my mom and I. She always wanted me to be happy, I know that, and her motto/mantra was; do what makes you happy, no matter if other people find it wrong you still do it because it makes YOU and only you happy.
"Paul, I don't know." I say as I look up at him, I'm so lost with what to do.
"Do you wanna be with me? Just answer me that." he says and I shake my head.
"I don't know." I say and I walk away from him and go to lay in my bed and he follows. Last night in this bed we made love together and it seems so opposite and far away from where we are now, fighting and undecisive about whether we should be together or not. I close my eyes with a sigh as Paul lays next to me but he doesn't touch me. My mind won't stop with all thats running through it and having to make this decision about if I should be with Paul or not. There's the pros and cons of it, like anything there is, because there's the great things and then there's the bad things. We could end up being perfectly happy together or I could end up being hurt, what I fear will happen. Can I really see myself possibly one day marrying this man and having kids with him? That right now is such a bizarre, broad thought to me; marrying him and having children with him. That thought kind of scares me and I'm not ready for those two big things yet, I just hope last night didn't fulfill one of them. I shove the blankets away and grab clean clothes to change into and Paul doesn't follow me until he realizes that I'm going to leave the apartment. He hurriedly throws on his shirt, blazer and socks to follow me while I find my shoes and keys.
"Where do you think you're going?" he asks as I grab my heavy coat from the closet.
"Anywhere but here." I reply as I zip it up and I open the door to meet the chilly air and he follows me to the car and I don't protest. I turn on the heat after starting the car and I wish he would just leave me alone to be honest, he's not helping me with trying to think.
"Can't you just leave me alone?" i ask, still in the driveway.
"What am I supposed to do? Just sit at your bloody apartment while you drive off and I don't know if you'll come back or where you're going!" he says and I rest my forehead on the steering wheel.
"Will you please just get out and go back into the house?" I plead and he doesn't say anything.
"Please Paul?" I say while in tears.
"How do I know you'll come back?" he asks sadly while hot tears still escape my eyes and land on my thighs.
"I will, okay?" I sniffle and he doesn't reply and leaves the car and I stop crying and watch him enter the door. I sigh and back out of the snowy driveway and make my way to anywhere, and I find myself at my work. Even though today is day off, I'm sure they won't send me home. I walk in to find Kelly at the little nurses station, it's probably her break, and she looks up to see my distraught face.
"Hey, what's wrong?" she asks and she stands up to walk over to me and pull me into a hug.
"Paul's back and I don't know what to do." I cry into her neck and she leads me to the room where we change, the locker room really and she sits me down on the bench.
"What do you mean he's back and you don't know what to do?" she asks while I stare at my lap.
"He came back Kel and he wants to get back together and everything was fine until I found out about some girl he had a fling with and how she broke up his then fiancee and him. He just, he won't give up and I don't know if I should be with him or not, I don't want to get hurt." I explain while still crying a little bit.
"What's your gut telling you to do?" she asks and I shake my head.
"That's the thing Kelly, I don't know what to do!" I exclaim. Is it worth it to try this with him again?
AN: Reviews please?