Disclaimer: I do not own the characters within this story. All rights and much respect go to Crown Media, Hallmark, Brian Bird, Michael Landon, Jr., the actors, creators, and writers of the show "When Calls the Heart."

Thanks to my dear Heartie BFF LisaNY for again allowing me to benefit from your editing skills!

Chapter 11- My Emotions Runneth Over

It was Saturday, and several weeks had passed since Elizabeth felt that her world had changed. She wrote journal entries, so in a sense she was talking, just not out loud. She went through her days as if nothing out of the ordinary had occurred. She never talked about Charles, and when his name was mentioned, she changed the subject. To those around her, it was as if he'd never existed. She taught school during the day, and her evenings were spent at the barn preparing from the Commonwealth Classic Horse Show.

Jack had seen her almost every evening either at home or the barn, and sometimes at both places. He had fixed her dinner when she was rushing to get progress reports completed for her students. He told her how much he enjoyed the occasional take out dinner she brought home, reminding him that she wasn't an experienced cook, but was learning.

His evening didn't feel complete unless she was in it somewhere. However, the more he saw her, the more he felt her withdrawing and distancing herself not only from him, but from everyone. She often picked fights where one was not warranted. He was worried about her; he tried to talk with her, and when that didn't work; he even suggested that she see a therapist.

"Charles was the crazy one, and you want me to see a therapist?" She asked, finding his suggestion absurd.

It was evident that she wasn't ready to talk, at least not to him, but he would remain supportive. Although concerned, he was afraid to push too hard for fear that he'd end up pushing her away. He decided that patience would be his friend and that he would be there if she ever wanted to talk.

Jack drove by her apartment on his way in to the precinct. It obviously wasn't on his way, but he always felt better after seeing her and sneaking in a kiss or two… or five.

"Good morning Jack. Where are you heading?" She asked with a welcoming smile, one he hadn't seen frequently, and was desperately missing.

She seemed happy the past several days and he could only assume that she was making peace with her inner demons. He walked into her apartment and looked around. Seeing that they were alone, he closed the door and immediately put his arms around her, drawing her closer to him. He gently brushed his lips across her cheek; the light touch which sent shivers through her entire body. He stepped closer, as they began to breathe the same air. He placed his hands on her hips and turned her around, as he slowly, gently backed her up against the door.

The smile on his face was soft, and what she saw in him was something special. She felt that she was moving from hoping to believing that she could trust him with her heart. However, given recent events, she wondered if she was deserving of a man as good as him.

He put his hands on the sides of her face. Just by the way he touched her he made her eyes close and her mouth open slightly. He felt her respiration increase, and yet, if he were honest, when she pressed her lips to his, she could cause him to forget his own name.

He backed away slightly, but only far enough to gauge her emotions. Her arms quickly found their way around his waist. She pulled him back to her with a desire that he had not felt before. The next kiss was more powerful. It was the type of kiss that opened the sky, took away their breath, only to return it back to them.

His hands were on either side of her bracing himself against the door. He stepped back slightly needing to catch his breath. "To what do I owe this pleasure?" He asked.

"Are you complaining?" She was barely able to complete the question.

"Certainly not, but I…"

"Good morning, Jack…Elizabeth," Rosie came out of her bedroom, dressed and ready for the day. "Did I interrupt something?" She asked.

"Yes," she said.

"No," he said.

"Well, which is it?" She asked.

Jack and Elizabeth just looked at each other, but no response was given.

"Oh shoot, Elizabeth. I forgot to tell you, Stacy from the barn called last night and wanted me to give you a message," Rosie said as she shot through the den on her way to the kitchen for coffee.

Elizabeth and Jack followed her into the kitchen, "What was the message?"

"Oh, something about your riding lesson being this morning instead of this afternoon," she replied as she grabbed her coffee and headed for the door.

Elizabeth grabbed her bag, "Jack, I'm sorry. George is only there today, and I have to get to the barn. Hopefully I haven't already missed him. Do you want to come?"

"I need to check in at the precinct. I'll be there in a little while," he replied as he walked her out to the parking lot, and watched her drive away.

Elizabeth pulled into the barn and was surprised at how quiet it seemed. But then again, Miranda and Tammy were usually the lively ones of the bunch. She pulled her tack from the back of her Jeep, sat it on the railing, grabbed a lead line, and headed for the field to retrieve Bugsy.

As she walked deep into the field, she glanced over to the well, and sadly remembered the times when she would help Miranda and Tammy fill the water troughs on a hot summer day. It seemed to take forever, as all of the horses would approach for a cool drink. Once they were satisfied, then and only then, would the tubs fill with water. She recalled just a day before they died, filling the water troughs as usual, then jumping on the horses bareback and racing to the gate. Tammy fell off and Miranda's horse jumped over her. It was ironic as they walked back to the barn that Tammy commented how she saw her life flash before her eyes, and just knew she was going to die.

Elizabeth had to walk to the end of the field to retrieve Bugsy. Normally he would run to her, but her riding schedule had increased recently, and Bugsy wasn't so certain that he wanted to come in. She hooked the lead line onto his halter. She jumped, but it took several attempts before she was able to mount him bareback. They leisurely walked back to the gate, as Bugsy listened to her talk…
"I'm so sorry girls that I didn't see this coming. Please know that if I had, I would have done something to stop him. If I could change places with you right now I would," her tears were falling in a steady stream.

Jack hated desk duty, but he wouldn't be cleared to return to the street until the Commonwealth's Attorney exonerated him in Charles' shooting. His arm had healed and he had long since taken off the sling. He stopped by the precinct to finish filing some paperwork when Sgt. Sanderson called out to him.

"Jack? I'm glad you're here, but you aren't scheduled to work today."

"Yes Sarge, I came in to finish up some filing," Jack responded.

"I need to see you in my office," he walked away carrying two files, with Jack following closely behind.

"Is something wrong?" Jack asked, as he stood on the opposite side of Sgt. Sanderson's desk.

Sgt. Sanderson sat at his desk and opened one of the files he had been holding. "The results of the autopsy on Charles Kensington are in," he stated as he looked up at Jack. "I've also spoken with the Commonwealth's Attorney and the investigation has been completed."

"Yes sir," Jack leaned toward the desk, both nervous and confident at the same time in the results.

Referring to the autopsy results, Sgt. Sanderson revealed, "Mr. Kensington succumbed to cardiac arrest brought on by a gunshot wound to the abdomen."

"That's not surprising, but what about the Commonwealth's Attorney?" Jack asked, knowing in his heart that he had done nothing wrong and had acted appropriately. However, he couldn't help but to be nervous with the possibilities.

Sgt. Sanderson continued, "Some of this information may not be surprising, but this is interesting…"

"Yes sir," Jack was on the edge of his seat.

"Although the gunshot wound was pivotal in Mr. Kensington's death, the medical examiner found a walnut sized tumor in the frontal lobe of his brain." Sgt. Sanderson closed one file and opened another, "Now the results from the Commonwealth's Attorney…"

Jack stood, his nerves getting the better of him.

"Jack please sit down, it's going to be fine, "Sgt. Sanderson assured him.

Jack returned to his seat, but his eyes were focused on the open file on the desk.

Sgt. Sanderson continued, "Although the autopsy did not attribute his death to the tumor, it was evident that it influenced his behavior. The investigation revealed that Miss Thatcher was in mortal danger, as were you, and you have been cleared of any wrongdoing."

Jack released a long cleansing breath, "Thank you, Sarge."

"The Commonwealth's Attorney has cleared you, so once you get the clearance from the doctor, I can release you from desk duty," Sgt. Sanderson advised.

Jack settled back at his desk, trying desperately to digest the information he had just received. Not that he was happy that Charles suffered from a brain tumor, but it did explain much of his abnormal behavior. He quickly finished up the filing and headed for his truck. He knew that he needed to get to Elizabeth to tell her about the results as soon as possible.

"Hey Elizabeth, Landon called me today. He's stopping by and was hoping to see you," Stacy remarked as she walked passed Bugsy's stall.

"What does he want? Oh wait, he still has my jacket. I hope he brings it," Elizabeth commented as she mounted Bugsy and headed for the ring.

Her lesson started in thirty minutes, and she felt that this free time would give her an opportunity to warm up. She picked up a trot, and worked on using her leg to move Bugsy deep into the corners. She smiled as Jack's truck pulled into the driveway. He parked next to her Jeep and sat on the hood to watch her ride. He didn't have the usual smile on his face, and she wondered if something had happened at work, or if she had done something to upset him.

Jack was lost in thought and wasn't paying attention when Landon pulled into the barn. He quickly noticed him as his BMW parked next to Jack's truck. "What's he doing here?" Jack asked himself.

Jack watched as Landon grabbed something from his car and walked toward the ring. He observed Landon intently as he climbed the railing and called Elizabeth over to talk. He didn't want to intrude, but had to admit that he was curious.

"I'm sorry, Elizabeth," were the first words Landon had spoken to her in weeks.

Elizabeth reached out her hand to take her jacket, "Thank you for bringing my jacket back. It's one of my favorites."

As she took her jacket, Landon grabbed her arm, surprising her as she tried to pull away. Jack jumped down from his truck and made the short walk to ringside.

"Is there a problem here, Elizabeth?" Jack asked as he stepped on the bottom railing of the fence.

Landon released her arm, "No, I was just returning her jacket."

"I guess you don't have anything else keeping you here, do you?" Jack suggested that he move along.

"Elizabeth, are you ready," George called out from the middle of the ring.

"Guys, please keep it civil," She requested as she turned Bugsy away from the railing,

Jack started back toward his truck, followed closely by Landon. He returned to his seat on the hood of his truck and settled in to watch Elizabeth ride. Landon walked back to his car, opened the door, and said, "You moved right in on her, didn't you?"

"Excuse me?" Jack remarked.

"You knew I was dating her and you moved right in," Landon stated. "That's Dating 101 man. You don't go after another guy's girl."

"Are you serious?" Jack found it difficult not to laugh. "For your information, I had to come to the beach to pick her up because you were acting like an ass and were too drunk to drive her home."

"You got her into bed yet?" Landon laughed.

Jack jumped down from his truck and headed over to confront Landon.

"Just because she didn't want anything to do with you doesn't mean you have to be crude. You need to watch your mouth," Jack strongly suggested, but without raising his voice. "Elizabeth and I are dating. Beyond that, nothing else is any of your business."

"So, you haven't closed the deal yet?" He laughed. "Don't worry about it Jack. You aren't the only guy who hasn't got very far. She's beautiful, but a bit of a tease, don't you think?"

Out of the corner of her eye, Elizabeth observed Landon standing by his car and Jack standing in front of him. Jack was stiff, his hands were clenched and by his side. "Oh no," she thought as she paid attention to the two men and not the 3' brick wall jump in front of her.

"Use your leg Elizabeth, push, push. Watch what you're doing…"

Elizabeth watched as Jack drew back his arm and punched Landon, knocking him to the ground. Landon used the tire to steady himself as he stood and went to enter his car, "I'll give you that one, but you know I'm right."

Landon wasn't the only one getting off the ground.

"Elizabeth, are you okay? What were you thinking?" George asked her as he helped her up and back into the saddle.

"I'm sorry George. Something else caught my attention," she admitted.

"When you ride with me, your attention is with me and your horse…understood?" He demanded.

"Yes sir, understood," she agreed.

Elizabeth picked up a canter on the opposite side of the ring. She caught a glimpse of Landon's car pulling out of the parking lot, and as she came around the corner, she observed Jack standing by the ring.

"Are you okay?" He asked as she approached, observing a trickle of blood coming from her nose.

"I'm fine," she said curtly.

Jack inhaled deeply, "Great, I try to defend her honor and she's mad at me."

It was apparent that Elizabeth was angry. Her riding became more aggressive. Although George liked some of what he saw, her usual soft hands on a horse's mouth was one talent he wished his other students possessed.

Jack stepped away from the ring, but promised himself that he wasn't leaving. He watched as she wiped the blood from her nose and continued riding. He was taken by her strength and talent. He wondered if his anger toward Landon was solely because he was being crude or was the sexual topic more bothersome than he was willing to admit.

He watched Elizabeth dismount, pull her stirrups up and loosen Bugsy's girth. He walked over to the stalls and was standing there when Elizabeth and Bugsy approached.

"What was that back there?" She asked. She sounded harsh, and it was hard to realize that the combative tone was coming from her perfectly shaped lips.

"I don't want to talk about it here," he responded. "Do you have time to go somewhere and talk after you finish? We really need to talk."

"What's wrong?" She asked. "I've finally pushed him away," she thought. "Did something happen at work or is it something else?" She asked, but she continued talking without giving him time to answer. "It's not like you Jack to take your anger out on someone else."

"That was nothing," he replied.

"Nothing? Jack, you drew your fist back and hit Landon for some reason and I'd like to know what it was. I'm assuming that it has to do with me, so I have a right to know," she retorted.

"Can I help you here?" He asked as he removed her saddle before giving her a chance to respond.

Elizabeth could see that something was bothering him, "Jack," she reached out and took his hand. "I need to walk Bugsy. Do you feel like walking with us? We can talk, and I promise that Bugs won't tell anyone," she smiled.

Jack nodded as they headed for the ring. But both were initially quiet.

"What's wrong Jack?" She asked.

He was staring off in the distance and didn't respond.

"Are you trying to tell me that you want to stop seeing me?" She asked.

"What?" The absurdity of her comment made him feel that he had misunderstood.

"Do you want to stop dating?"

"Where is that coming from? Of course not…"

"Well, then what has you so agitated?" She asked.

"I just didn't appreciate what Landon had to offer," he responded.

"What did Landon say to you to get you so upset?" She asked. However, she was unaware that he had many things on his mind.

"Really, he was just being crude, and I had enough," Jack replied. "Just leave it at that."

"Jack, you are such a calm tempered man. What could he possibly have said that got you so riled up?" She stopped under the huge oak tree. "Please tell me."

He was quiet, not wanting to embarrass her.

"Hey, do you remember saying before that I could tell you anything, or at least you hoped I knew that I could?" She asked.

"Yes…"

"Well, the same goes for you; you can talk to me about anything," she put her arm around his waist, pulling herself in to his body.

Jack took her hand and they continued walking. "Landon wanted to know if I had got you into bed yet," he spoke softly, making sure that no one could hear him even though they were obviously alone.

"Well, I guess you could have said yes since we have actually slept together."

"Was I there?" A shocked look covered his face.

"Jack, I don't mean we had sex; I just mean that we have slept together on my couch," she reminded him.

Jack exhaled the breath he didn't realize he had been holding, "Our private life is no one else's business."

"Does it bother you?" She asked.

"What, the comments about our private life?" He asked.

"No, the fact that we haven't slept together, oh you know what I mean," she remarked.

Cars started entering the driveway and dropping off students for their lessons. It suddenly became a very busy place.

"Not much privacy around here, huh?" He joked. "Seriously, Elizabeth, I love… I love you, come on Jack tell her how you feel… I love spending time with you. I am a man, and I can tell you that there have been a few cold showers since we've been dating."

Elizabeth turned away; her skin began turning red from her neck up to her cheeks.

He could tell she was uncomfortable. He laughed softly, most likely in an attempt to lighten the moment, "Elizabeth, I told you that I would never pressure you to do anything you weren't ready for, and I won't. I'm still here and I'm not planning on going anywhere."

"Are you sure?" She asked, still somewhat unsure.

He stopped, turned her slightly to face him, and gently pressed his lips to hers. "Is that okay?"

"That's okay," she giggled. "That's actually more than okay," she replied.

"Good, because I do enjoy kissing you. What do you say we get Bugsy taken care of, and then go to Sweet Frogs for some yogurt? I need to talk with you about something," He offered.

The redness in her cheeks was gone. She was relaxed, and she smiled. "I love… I love you, come on Elizabeth, tell him how you feel… I love spending time with you, oh and I love Sweet Frog!"

"Elizabeth," Stacy called out, stopping Jack and Elizabeth as they headed down the lane to the field.

"Yes? Do you need me to bring someone in from the field?" Elizabeth asked.

"Actually, Joanne isn't able to come out today, and she was hoping that you had time to take Houdini on a ride today for her. Do you have time?" Stacy asked as she continued to pass out hay pads to the horses that were in.

Elizabeth turned to Jack, "Do you feel like going on a trail ride? It's a beautiful day, and then we can get Sweet Frog afterward. Okay?"

"I have no plans for the day, but to spend it with you. We do need to talk though," He remarked.

"It must be important; you've mentioned it several times. There is a wheat field down the road that we ride through; on the other side is a beautiful meadow. We can talk there," she suggested.

They turned Bugsy out and brought Houdini and Sampson into the barn. Elizabeth cross tied both horses in the aisle way and went into the tack room to find a saddle and bridle for Jack's horse.

"Do you want to ride English or western?" She asked.

"I think I'd prefer western if it's okay," he replied. "It's been a little while since I last rode."

She pointed out a saddle, and he removed it from the rack and carried it outside. Within a few minutes, they had mounted their horses, and were heading down the path away from the barn.

Jack jogged up beside Elizabeth and they held hands as their mounts headed into the woods. When they exited the wooded area, they crossed a road and entered the wheat field. Elizabeth picked up a trot, and began working her way through the field. The plants were soft, but strong, and Jack loved hearing her laugh as her boots hit the head of the wheat plant, causing a swishing sound. The wheat was so tall that if she had been standing in the field, she could have easily disappeared.

Jack was excited to let her know about the Commonwealth's exoneration of him, but he wasn't certain how she would handle the information regarding Charles.

They made their way through acres of wheat fields, and then stood on the edge as they took in the beauty of the meadow. The grass had been freshly mowed, but she loved it because it was a fairly isolated area. On many occasions she brought Bugsy there to cool off after a very strenuous ride, and she would often bring her journal, and sit by the pond and write.

They dismounted, and tied their horses to one of the two large oak trees. He took her hand and led her to the pond where they took a seat.

"Jack, what's bothering you? I don't think it's what Landon said, and you don't want to break up, so what's wrong?" She asked.

"No, I don't want to break up with you." He took her hand in his, bringing it to his lips for a kiss. "I talked with Sgt. Sanderson today. The internal investigation is complete and they cleared me of any wrongdoing."

"Jack that's wonderful," she wrapped her arms around him in a warm embrace, but something still felt wrong. "You don't seem as excited as I thought you'd be," she remarked.

"I need to talk to you about something else," he looked over, taking in the soulful look in her eyes.

"You're scaring me, Jack. Please tell me, is something wrong?" She pleaded. "You're being transferred?"

He smiled, "No, nothing like that." He squeezed her hand gently, "The autopsy results are in on Charles." He sensed her breathing becoming more rapid and shallow.

"Jack, tell me," she yelled.

"The autopsy showed that he died from cardiac arrest during the surgery."

"We already knew that."

"Well, the part we didn't know is that Charles had a walnut sized tumor on the frontal lobe of his brain."

Elizabeth looked confused and simply stared.

"Elizabeth, it is most likely that Charles' erratic behavior was caused by the tumor."

"Well, are you ready to get back?" She asked.

"Elizabeth, did you hear what I said?" He called out to her as she began to walk away. He gently took her arm, turning her back to face him.

"What, Jack? What do you want me to say?" She yelled back at him.

"I just want to know how you feel; what I can do to help you," he was almost begging her to talk to him.

"I don't have anything to say," she turned away.

"Elizabeth, he was a friend, a close friend of yours for almost your entire life. You're bound to have some feelings about him, about this information," he gently took her arm and turned her to face him.

"I don't feel anything. Please, just leave me alone, Jack…" she pulled away from him and started to run toward the horses.

Jack ran after her, catching her just before she reached the tree. He turned her around and pulled her body close, holding her tight, "No, I'm not leaving you alone."

She was fighting to get away; she just wanted to run, but he held her and refused to let go. She continued to fight, flailing her arms as he did his best to deflect their contact. She suddenly stopped. Her breathing was rapid and shallow.

He could see the pain in her eyes, as if she were not seeing him. Her mind was clouded with the decisions that she had recently made and now regretted. She looked at Jack and was immediately caught up in him. She completely surprised him when she suddenly pushed him against the tree…

"Make love to me Jack, right here, right now," she was breathless, nearly begging, as her hands were attempting to make fast work of the buttons on his shirt.

"What are you doing Elizabeth?" He placed his hands on hers as he attempted to stop her from undressing him.

"I'm giving you what all guys want, right? Isn't that what Landon was talking about?" She was pulling at her shirt, trying to release it from the waistband of her jodhpurs.

"No, Elizabeth. This isn't what all guys want. I want you, but not like this. You know this isn't what you want," he took her hands in his as she released her shirt, and the hem fell defeated around her hips.

"How do you know what I want or need? Maybe I should call Landon," she remarked, seemingly unconcerned at how this would upset Jack.

"Elizabeth, I know you don't mean that. You're just trying to hurt me."

The next thing he knew, she slammed her lips to his, nearly sucking all of the air from his lungs. She pressed her tongue to the seam of his lips. As his lips separated slightly, she delved deeper inside his mouth.

Her chest was heaving; she was breathless, as her lips made their way along his jaw line, and down his neck. In between panicked kisses, she rambled, "Love me Jack…Make me feel something. I should feel something, but I don't feel anything. I just want to feel something," she cried out.

He had to admit, he had dreamt of this moment… well, not this particular moment. He had returned to his apartment many times since they began dating, and he wondered and dreamed of what it would be like to make love to her. To wake up in the morning with her snuggled close to his body, but it wasn't like this. He didn't want to make love to her like this. He knew that she would regret it, and resent him.

"I feel so cold…there's nothing inside. I have…nothing inside." Finally losing control of her emotions, she collapsed on the ground; her tears appeared to be endless. "Why did he have to die? Why did he make me hate him? I'm so sorry Miranda…Tammy. I just feel dead, Jack!" She screamed.

Jack knelt beside her. He tried to hold her, to comfort her, but she took his lack of romantic overtures as a rejection of her advances and that made her angrier. They stood and she continued to lash out at him.

"I throw myself at you, and you turn me down. You told me Jack that you had slept with someone before me. What is her name?"

"Elizabeth, that isn't important. She isn't important to me, you are," he implored.

"It's important to me," Elizabeth yelled.

"Jamie…her name is Jamie," he hesitantly admitted.

"Well, I guess Jamie is more worthy of you than I am. I thought you cared about me at least as much as you cared about her. Or is it that you still care about her, Jack?" Without giving him a chance to respond, she continued, "I knew it; I was just a distraction for you."

"Elizabeth, you know that isn't true. My feelings for you go much deeper than what I ever felt for her," his fingers swept through her hair, sweeping strands out of her eyes and behind her ear.

She pulled away from his hand, "But you made love to her."

He held her upper arms forcing her to look at him, "Elizabeth, we never made love. I told you that we had slept together, but it was far from love. It was far from what it should have been. It was for the wrong reasons, and I'm not proud of how I behaved. That's why I won't do what you're asking."

Her body was cold and her emotions were raw, "Is it because you can't perform?"

He exhaled hard. Her words were more hurtful than he ever dreamed possible, but he understood the reason behind her anger, "Say what you need to Elizabeth. If lashing out at me makes you feel better, then have at it, punch away. I'm still not going anywhere," he remarked. Jack knew through his training with the police department that her lashing out at him was her way of dealing with the trauma she'd experienced. She was trying her best to push him away, and he was bound and determined not to allow that to happen.

"Forget it. I'm fine, Jack. Just leave me alone. I don't need anybody." She turned away from him, "I'm so embarrassed. I've never thrown myself at a man before and when I do, I'm turned down!"

She attempted to mount her horse, but he grabbed her around the waist before she could get her foot in the stirrup.

She threw her arms up as if he were robbing her, "Stop, don't touch me! I hate you, Jack Thornton." Although he understood the cause for her outburst, her words were like a dagger in his heart.

He cradled her face in his hands. Tears threatened to spill down his cheeks, "Don't you know by now… I am hopelessly in love with you, Elizabeth. Say what you need to say; yell, scream, be angry at me, but please don't shut me out."

"No Jack, you can't love me; I won't let you," she yelled, the bitterness in her tone was ever present.

"It's too late, Elizabeth. I've already fallen," he looked into her eyes. They were the deepest blue he had ever seen, but there was such sadness there. His body ached at knowing the pain she was in. Without thought, he brought his lips to meet hers.

"Please don't," she cried as she pulled away. "I don't deserve you."

He put his hand on her cheek, turning her head slightly back to him. "Look at me, Elizabeth. Please…"

She looked down, as his finger under her chin brought her eyes to his…

"Can you honestly tell me that you don't care about me?" He asked, holding her arms so she couldn't turn away.

"Jack, it's just not worth…" she couldn't finish her thought.

"Not worth what? Time? Effort? I think you're wrong, Elizabeth. Besides, you haven't answered my question. Can you honestly tell me that you don't care about me?"

His hands cradled her face, as his thumbs gently swept away her tears. She pulled away, "I don't care about you. I won't care about anyone."

He turned her back to face him, "Can you look me in the eye and tell me that?"

"Jack, I…I…" she was unable to answer.

"Tell me. Say the words if that's truly how you feel," he snapped back at her, fearing the love that he had finally found was somehow slipping away.

"Jack, I have nothing to offer you. I'm completely hollow. I have only sadness to give you, and you deserve better than that." She was emotionally drained.

"Look at me and tell me that you don't care about me," he was fighting for her…for them.

"No, no I can't Jack, but I don't want to love you," she spoke softly. "It hurts to love someone."

He pulled her into his warm embrace. "Elizabeth, sometimes life hurts. Sometimes we're hurt by those we care about the most, but there is also laughter, and happiness and love."

Jack leaned down and tenderly captured her lips. He was patient, and his lips were soft. Elizabeth's eyes closed as she responded to his touch. She grabbed his arms and pulled him closer. He was her refuge, her security, her port in this gathering storm, and he held her as she cried.

He cried with her, "Let it out. I'm here and I'm not going anywhere."

Her tears quickly soaked his shirt, as she pulled away slightly from him. Her eyes found it difficult to make contact with his. "It's my fault. Three people and the sweetest dog are dead, and it's my fault. If only I had…"

"It isn't your fault, Elizabeth. You didn't steal the car. You didn't run the car off the road, and you didn't shoot Charles," a finger under her chin lifted her eyes to his. "If anyone is guilty, I'm the one who shot Charles."

She swallowed hard. She never blamed him for shooting Charles. "Jack, it's not your fault."

"Do you really believe that?" He asked.

"Of course I do. If you hadn't, he would have shot you and then he would have shot me. Jack, you saved my life," she reminded him. "Please don't blame yourself," she implored.

"If I'm not guilty, then neither are you. Elizabeth, the two girls took your car without your permission. You didn't send them off in your car, they stole it. A joke or not, what happened was due to their actions, not yours." He could see her eyes softening, and he prayed that he was getting through to her.

"I know you're right. It just hurts," she stated as she snuggled her body deep into his chest.

"As for Charles, you had no idea that he had a tumor. I'm assuming that he had no idea that he had a tumor. Knowing what we know now, we may have been able to handle the situation differently. But Elizabeth, you're alive, and that's what I care about."

He held her as she continued to cry. He felt her arms wrap around his waist as she began to relax. Her breathing became slower and more rhythmic.

"Elizabeth, take a walk with me," he stepped back and held out his hand.

She followed him as they walked down and sat by the water. He put his arm around her shoulder and they sat quietly together. Neither person spoke for quite a while until Elizabeth broke the silence, "Jack, did you mean what you said?"

"I meant every word of it." I wonder if she heard me say "I love you?"

"I'm sorry for everything I said, Jack."

"Everything?" He asked somewhat disappointed.

She leaned back slightly, "Not the I love you part."

"No need to be sorry. You needed to release all that you were feeling. Do you feel better?" He asked.

"I do. I'm so embarrassed, but I do feel better." Knowing you love me helps.

"You needn't feel embarrassed around me, Elizabeth. It's getting late. Are you ready to ride back?"

She wiped her eyes one final time, "Yes, I'm ready."

He held out his hand and gently pulled her to her feet. He led her over to the trees, helped her into the saddle, before mounting his own horse. They walked leisurely through the meadow holding hands as they headed back toward the wheat field. Just before entering the woods on their way back to the barn, Jack grabbed her reins, stopping both horses. He leaned over and she met him halfway. He covered her lips with his. It was soft and slow, a kiss that reclaimed her emotions, and comforted her in ways that simple words would have truly fallen short. "Everything is going to be okay," he promised.

After getting back to the barn and taking care of the horses, Jack and Elizabeth headed for the parking lot.

"Elizabeth," Stacy called out to her. Jack continued on to his truck, as she headed for the feed room.

"Yes, I took care of Houdini and Sampson, and turned them back out into the field," she stated.

"Are you okay? Have you been crying? Did you and Jack have a fight?" Her questions seemed endless.

"No, I'm fine. Just feeling guilty over what happened with Miranda and Tammy. I'll work through it." Elizabeth replied.

Stacy put her arm around Elizabeth's shoulder. "Elizabeth, you're the kindest woman I know. Those girls made their choice. Not that I think they deserved what they got, because I certainly don't. However, you are not responsible anymore than if they had stolen my car. Please know that…"

"I do understand. I'm just sorry for their loss," she wiped her eyes before heading back out to see Jack.

"Elizabeth, your feelings are normal. If you'd like to talk to a counselor, I have been seeing one for about six months now. She's helped me immensely." Stacy confided.

"You…you're seeing a counselor?" Elizabeth was surprised and stepped back into the feed room.

"Yes, and no matter what you're thinking right now, talking to an impartial person is very cathartic. I know Jack's waiting for you. He really may be what you need right now, but I'm here if you want to talk," Stacy offered.

"Thank you Stacy. I'll keep that in mind…all of it!" Elizabeth remarked before heading over to Jack, who was standing by her Jeep.

He opened her door, "Is everything okay?"

"Jack, for the first time in a while it is," she kissed his cheek.

"Sweet Frog?" He asked.

She smiled, "I can never turn down Sweet Frog."

They parked side by side in the shopping center parking lot, and walked in to the yogurt shop hand in hand. Jack took their cups of yogurt and sat out on the patio. It was a beautiful afternoon, and they were alone, and it was perfect.

"Jack, thank you…" she stated.

"You're welcome. I love Sweet Frog too," he responded.

"No, I don't mean about the yogurt. I mean, thank you for being the kind of man you are. Not every man would have turned me down so quickly," she explained.

"Elizabeth, you let me know when you are ready for that step. Until then, I'm fine, okay?" He assured her. He leaned over and brushed her lips. Her mouth was cold and warm at the same time and tasted of strawberries and vanilla. They were quickly becoming his favorite flavors.

He walked her to her Jeep, "Text me when you get home, okay?"

"I will," she agreed.

Fifteen minutes later…

"I'm home…"

"Me too…"

"Thx again 4 2day…"

"My pleasure. Hope U feel better…"

"I do…"

"I love U Elizabeth…"

"I love U 2…"

She sat her phone down on the bedside table. Realizing how emotionally turbulent the day had been, she pulled out her journal. She flipped through a few of her most recent entries…

"I feel numb; I don't want to cry, because you are not worthy of my tears, Charles. I am jealous of some who find it easy to cry and move on. I want to move on, but the only emotions I have for you are those that I've tried desperately never to express. My hatred for you goes so deep that I doubt it will ever see the light of day. You were such a part of my life for so long, and I loved you…truly loved you. But because I was unable to give myself completely to you, you turned a beautiful relationship into something of possession, fear and anger. Without thought, you callously removed two beautiful young women from this Earth, leaving me to feel responsible for the aftermath of your rampage. Sometimes life and relationships are like shattered glass. It's better to simply clean up the mess and move on than it is to risk being hurt trying to put the pieces back together again. I often wonder why God allowed this to happen. God being who he is, couldn't he…wouldn't he have planned better? I will not shed tears for you, Charles."

She thought she had no more tears inside, but she was wrong. They fell quickly like raindrops down a window pane. She flipped to her most recent entry…

"Guilt is a harsh emotion, leading to unworthiness, disgrace, shame and embarrassment. How can we possibly feel worthy of another's love, when we can't accept it from ourselves? Or, how can we offer it to another when they are no longer deserving? I close my eyes, and his once kind face, now leaves me cold, fearful, and unable to trust. We replay scenarios in our mind hoping that this time, the ending will be different; hoping that no one will be hurt, and that anger won't rear its ugly head. But it doesn't change. The ending remains the same, and my feelings for you, once kind and loving, are replaced with hatred."

"Please forgive me Charles. If we had only known, maybe things would have been different," she thought. Now understanding what caused the change in his personality, she flipped to the next blank page and began to write…

"The term 'moving on' is common, and frequently used when dealing with grief, loss, guilt and shame. 'God knows best' is another phrase that conjures up emotions, most of which we may never understand. We fight to make sense of our life's journey, and many things simply leave us raw. Grief and guilt are complex, multilayered and multifaceted. Our experiences with such are integrated into our lives, not things that we easily cast aside. Grief is a strange emotion. It's random, periodic, disappearing, seemingly forever, only to return when you least expect it with renewed vengeance. We often cast blame and anger where it does not belong, hurting those who care about us the most, only to realize later that our feelings were misplaced, and we wish we had handled them differently. I wish I had known about the demon you were battling. I wish I had been able to hold you and tell you that I would be there for you. I wish I could turn back time and make things right for everyone, but I can't. Now I must find a way to forgive myself for letting you down. I need to find a way to put the broken pieces of my life's puzzle back together again. I may not be certain of much, but one thing I know for sure… I do forgive you!"

Elizabeth slipped her journal into the drawer of her bedside table, effectively closing out this chapter in her life.