A/N: The good news is that it didn't take me as long to update; the bad news is that it's a short chapter.

I was impressed with Jacob. I was still concerned about his ability to keep Bella safe physically, but I had to admit that it appeared he provided some solid ground for her emotionally. Hearing the inner thoughts of others, I knew all too well that there weren't many men who would stick around for a woman who was in love with someone else. Hell, most men were such fools that they wouldn't stick around for a woman who was in love with them. Fools, just like me...

Jacob may not be the person that I would choose for Bella, but he appeared to be honorable and kind. He was attentive and considerate. Clearly his feelings for her were genuine and I believed he was doing everything in his power to make her happy, make her whole again.

So, as much as I wanted to hate him, to tear him down, to focus on his faults, to demean him, I had to admit that those inklings were fueled by petty jealousy. I didn't like the idea of Bella being associated with the wolves, but perhaps I was worried for nothing. Maybe the "gang" that Bella had mentioned was nothing more than a few young men re-enacting the stories that they had heard about the tribe protectors in generations past.

But try as I might to be noble, it was not effortless. Her casual comment about how it seemed as though Jacob could read her mind cut me to my core. I would have given anything to know Bella's mind, to lose myself in the labyrinth of her thoughts. I was sure that she didn't mean anything by it, doubted that she had any intention of sharing these entries with me as she wrote it. But to read that she felt that sort of connection with Jacob twisted me up inside.

It also pained me to know that I was responsible for Bella's insecurities about being abandoned. Was the damage permanent? Would my actions prevent her from fully trusting and opening herself up to someone else?

I was so naive when I left. I had believed that she would miss me but was certain that she would recover and that she would do so relatively quickly. I underestimated her and the depth of her feelings for me. It's not that I didn't think she loved me—I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that she did. But I had convinced myself that my feelings for her were far deeper than her feelings for me. And the only proof that I needed was the fact that she was human. I assumed that there was no way a human could feel anything as powerfully as a vampire. So that must mean that I loved her more? Better? Stronger?

However, with each entry, I began to believe that I had misjudged Bella and done her an incredible disservice. If I loved her so completely, how could I have discounted her feelings? What a pompous, arrogant buffoon I turned out to be.

Enough of my wallowing. I was allowing my self-pity to distract me from the other thought that had struck me while reading the entry. Bella was comfortable on the motorcycle now and clearly missing the opportunity to hear my voice. I was relieved to learn that there hadn't been any additional injuries, but I was nervous and bracing myself. If she wasn't getting what she wanted from the motorcycle it was only a matter of time before she moved on to the next adrenaline-inducing activity. I was petrified of what that activity might be. I had to assume that my imagination was far worse than anything Bella could dream up, so I steeled myself against whatever dangerous mayhem the next entry had in store and turned the page.

Dear Edward – I can't believe that this is happening again. I can't believe that I was stupid enough to open myself up, to care, and to depend on someone else.

Why didn't I learn my lesson the first time?

Maybe I was greedy. I wasn't content to just go through the motions, to live a half-life. I tried to get better, tried to reclaim some semblance of the girl I used to be.

It's as if the fates were watching and decided that I didn't deserve to be happy, to be at peace. As if the universe has put a cosmic kick me sign on my back. I can't be sure, but I'm pretty sure that it reads, "Lie to me and leave me."

Am I that terrible to be around? Is spending time with me so abhorrent that no one can stand it for very long?

You withstood it much longer than Jake, but maybe he had a lower threshold for the pain or misery or whatever it is that I inflict. After all... he's only human. It would make sense that a vampire with super strength would be able to endure more.

I'm finding it hard to breathe again. The hole in my chest is growing and I'm subjected to its constant, throbbing ache. I can feel myself shutting down, collapsing. And all the while, I'm coming apart at the seams. It's like imploding and exploding all at once and I'm pretty sure that the emotional fallout is going to be the end of my life as I know it.

What I don't understand, though, is why now? Why did he have to abandon me after our heart-to-heart? I know that I told him that I would never be capable of feeling for him the same way he feels for me, but at the time he said that he didn't care. He assured me that he could be patient and that he wasn't going anywhere. He knew that it was because of you and it didn't seem to matter.

He had just promised that he wouldn't do anything to hurt me, that he'd always be there for me. And I believed him. But now he's gone.

Maybe when he took the time to process everything he came to his senses and realized that he doesn't want to waste his time, his life, waiting for something that's unattainable. Maybe he didn't really care for me as strongly as I thought. Maybe this was all just some game to him.

No. No, that's not true. I may not understand what's happening right now, but I know Jake. I know that he was completely sincere when he said all of those things.

But I thought that I knew you too, didn't I? I believed that you loved me. I believed that we were meant to be, that we would be together for at least my entire life... if not longer.

Perhaps I'm naive and too trusting. Perhaps I'm a poor judge of character.

This isn't helping any. I can't stop thinking about what's happening with Jake right now, can't stop this incessant questioning. And I can't stop you from weaving your way into these thoughts. After all, this is just the sequel. It doesn't even begin to compare with the original.

It hurts and I'm falling apart, but it's not nearly as devastating as your leaving me was. But I'm starting from an entirely different place. I'm already broken. How much more can I break?

They say that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. But I'm not getting stronger. So does that mean that this is killing me? You always hear about elderly couples dying of a broken heart shortly after losing their spouse. So maybe it's possible.

I'm feeling helpless and hysterical and... alone.

My nightmares have taken on a darker, nastier edge ever since I realized that Jake's avoiding me. I wake up each morning feeling more drained and exhausted than I did the night before.

At first, I honestly believed that he was just sick. Mike had been a mess and then I caught it and was knocked on my ass for a day or so. It made sense that Jake would get it too.

But it's been almost two weeks now. I made Charlie do some unofficial investigating and Harry Clearwater told him that there were issues with the phone lines down in La Push and that Jake had mono.

I even believed that at first, because I wanted so desperately for it to be true. For there to be a logical explanation that didn't mean that I'm on my own.

But this day and age, phone lines don't stay down for weeks without some sort of natural disaster. And even if Jake does have mono, he wouldn't leave me hanging like this. Just like he knew all of those other things about me without me having to tell him—he knows how much I depend on him. He knows how fragile I am.

The last time I spoke to him he sounded so strange. At the time I figured that it was just because he was sick, but now I think that he was feeling bad because he knew that he didn't want me around any more but he was feeling guilty about it. Guilty because he knows that I'm a basket case who needs him. But what 16 year old boy wants to be saddled with a crazy girl? Especially one who is just a friend.

This is exactly what I was afraid would happen. I saw it coming, and yet that doesn't make it any less devastating.

I'm alone and empty. I have no idea what I'm going to do.

I suppose the silver lining is that, once again I've lost everything, so I know things can't get much worse.