Disclaimer: I do not own Legion of Super-Heroes or All That!

Might get a little racy, and special appearance by a character from Kablam!

"And now, it's time for Tenzil Kem With Vital Information For Your Everyday Life."

Ahem. Anyway, Tenzil is sitting on a bed covered with stuffed animals.

"Thaaaaat's me!"

"Oh God, what is wrong with you?! Why do you have a head?!" the off screen voice yelled. "WHO FRICKIN' CARES? Now get over here and come deliver my baby!" "You ain't pregnant and I don't wanna!"

"Really? Then why did I take that maternity leave?"

Tenzil shrugs, then turns to the screen.

"You've all seen the way Lightning Lad and Cosmic Boy fight over Saturn Girl. Lightning Lad calls her sweetheart, Cosmic Boy calls her dearest. I call her tramp."

"Everyone thinks that the only thing windmills are good for are keeping people cool. Well, in the words of my good friend, Morbo... 'WINDMILLS DO NOT WORK THAT WAY!'"

"I don't know why everyone loves the Wizard of Oz? 'If I only had a brain', 'if I only had a heart', 'if I only had da nerve', if I only had the stomach to sit through that crap!"

"Now, as a first on Vital Information, I have excepted a letter from one of my many fans."

Tenzil picks up a pink letter, then clears his throat and puts on a pair of reading glasses as he reads the letter aloud.

"'Dear Tenzil. I just love your show so much I quit my job so I could stay home and watch you. I would just love to get you all to myself and rub maple syrup all over your...' Tenzil stops reading aloud and he starts to blush profusly before he puts it down and grabs another one.

"NEW LETTER!"

Tenzil stops for a minute to wipe away the blood dripping form his nose.

"A-hem. 'Dear Tenzil, I need your help. I'm new at school and no matter how hard I try, no one seems to like me. I don't know what's wrong with me. All the other kids do is stare at me and then laugh. Is it my hair? My clothes? What should I do?'"

Tenzil lowers the letter to show the tears dripping from his face as he starts bawling loudly.

"Kid, you have NOTHING to be ashamed of. You shouldn't have to change anything about yourself just to make friends." Tenzil has stopped crying. "And if they still don't want to be your friend... bribe their asses."

"Little Bo Peep-" Tenzil stops when he gets a tap on the shoulder. "Look, if it's about that gypsy, I-" he stops when he sees that it's Lightning Lad. He's grinning a very sadistic grin.

"Oh. H-hey, Garth. Uh, I'm kinda in the middle of something..."

"Yeah, about that. Y'know, Kem", he said as he placed his arm around his shoulder, "people don't like it when you call their girlfriends tramp. On intergalactic TV."

"Oh! S-so you and Imra are an item?" Tenzil tried to get away, only to see Garth powering up.

"You have ten seconds."

"Can-?" "TEN!" Garth starts shooting off electricity wildly at Tenzil, somewhat destroying the set, as Tenzil starts hopping around and making noises like Daffy Duck before he runs off screen.

"Yeah you BETTER run!" Garth cracked his knuckles as he muttered "talking 'bout my girl like that." "Uh, we still have a minute left." one of the stagehands said.

Garth turned to the screen, then sat down on the bed.

"If you've been reading the latest Green Lantern Corps, you probably know about the Star Sapphire Corps, and how some people think that a male Star Sapphire would be a sissy for wearing pink. Well only a real man wouldn't be afraid to wear pink! For example, if he were to put on the wrong pair of underwear before he get's caught in his girlfriend's room."

Garth starts to blush before he said "well this is fun, but, I gotta go give a guy a beatdown. Peace!"

"This has been Tenzil Kem (and Garth Ranzz) with Vital Information for your every day life."

Meanwhile, Tenzil leaves the studio through a back door, only to get caught by Mr. Foot and tossed inside of a hovercar truck. Phantom Girl and Saturn Girl walk out of the shadows, looking over Tenzil with smirks on their faces, as Mr. Foot closes the trunk.