A Time for Us

Chapter Eleven… Has the world gone mad?

James:

I think the entire world has gone mad. Lily has been all sad, and I've seen her crying three times. In the last twenty four hours. She won't even look at me. I started to go after her once, but Remus beat me to it. He told me he wanted to talk to her. They ended up walking out to the lake until our first class started.

I haven't seen Vara at all- she's holed up in her dormitory- which, in my opinion, is all for the best. For a couple more days, at least. Actually, I think I might have seen her once, but I didn't really pay much attention to her. Maybe she has been out… I don't even know.

When I told Sirius about the Vara-incident, he got all quiet, and ever since, he's hardly said a single word.

Remus is gone most of the time with Lily.

And Peter… Peter is driving me insane. The silence, which is usually occupied by me, Moony, or Padfoot, has been replaced by him, as we have all been suspiciously quiet. He is doing his best to cheer us up, but we aren't exactly taking to it too well. I think the next time he runs up wearing a long, black greasy wig, I'm going to actually believe it is Snivellus, and curse him to bits.

I seriously think the entire world has gone mad.

Well, the Hogwarts world, at least.

"Hey, Prongs."

I look up as Sirius walks through the door, and throws himself upon his four-poster. "Hey." I say quietly.

"You okay?" he asks, lifting his head off his pillow to look at me.

I nod, then sigh. It's not that I don't want him here, but I don't really feel like talking to Sirius. We only have an hour 'til we have to be back in lessons, anyway. But I do want to talk to Lily. At lunch today, I went to sit by her, and she got up to leave. I was definitely confused. So I came up here, instead. I didn't even bother to go after her, obviously she doesn't want to talk to me.

"You're not. I can tell, Prongs."

I frown at him. Sometimes I wish I don't have a friend who knows me better than I know myself. Then again, sometimes it's a bit of a relief. They can tell exactly what you need.

"It's Lily." I shrug, nuzzling deeper into my pillows- mostly to hide my face, just in case I blush at something he says. And, knowing Sirius, he'll try to do just that. He always does when it comes to Lily.

"Oh… yeah. What's wrong with her, anyway? She's been all sad and crying every time I've seen her."

"I know… but she gets away every time I've tried to talk to her. I think she's mad at me… but… Padfoot- you don't think she saw what happened last night, do you?"

I look up in time to see Sirius's look of surprise. He bites his lip, then looks down, and starts plucking at his blanket. "I hate to say it, but she might have, mate." he says quietly.

I, too, start picking at my sheets, needing a diversion.

"But even if you did, you can explain it all to her, and everything will be alright, right? It's not like you had any of it planned, you know." he says quickly.

I nod, making a pile of the strings I've pulled from my sheets. It's kind of relieving, yanking them apart.

"James, she cares for you, it's going to be okay- I think you should go talk to her."

"Since when do you know so much about us? You're the player of the school- what do you know about going up and talking things out with a girl? You've not done it once in your entire life." I say edgily. I know I sound a bit cranky, but I just want things to be right with Lily. Like I let slip the other day, I love her. And Sirius giving me advice on a girl? That's definitely a first. I look up in time to see a large pillow flying at me- not leaving me enough time to duck. "What was that for, you bloody sod?!" I yell.

"I know plenty about girls." He says seriously. I stare at him in disbelief- he just hit me in the face with a pillow and is completely sombre about it. That's another first.

Wow, two in one day. We're making progress.

I blink slowly, and try not to smile. I wait until he looks back down at his blankets before I leap off my four-poster, large pillow in hand, yelling. "A-eeeiiiiii!"

Ooh, I could scare even the bravest of Gryffindors with my war cry.

I hit him over the head, just as he reaches for his pillow.

We laugh, and spend the next twenty minutes, chasing each other with our over-stuffed pillows. I have yet to see a single pillow in Hogwarts that is not over-stuffed. Maybe we got all the Slytherin's feathers out of their pillows.

Um… why am I talking about stuffing and Slytherins?

I barely had time to hit Sirius straight across the face when the door to our room swings open. We stop, pillows suspended in mid-air towards each other, and stare guiltily at Remus as he shakes his head in a disappointed way.

"You two will never grow up, will you?" he laughs, as Peter peeks over his shoulder.

Sirius and I grin innocently, and look around the room. White geese feathers cover the floor, our four-posters, the tables, there are even some in the bathroom floor. I look quickly over at Sirius, who has a particularly large feather stuck in his hair. I snicker, as he look over at me.

"What?" he asks.

I shake with suppressed laughter, then jump as I get hit from behind with another pillow.

Remus…

Oh, it's payback time.

Lily:

Tina and I have been spending a lot of time together. I never really paid that much attention to her, and now, I have to say I honestly regret it. As I've been in a bit of a depressed mood, Tina has waited patiently for me to poor out my soul about everything I feel, and doesn't complain. She knows when to listen, and when to make me laugh. And she can be quite funny.

We had to go to our lessons, but they weren't so bad. After breakfast- which I spent the whole of out by the lake, talking with Remus- we went to Divination, where Vara was told at least a dozen times she is going to die 'a most painful death' if she goes to the Quidditch Match.

Go Gryffindor.

The next class was History of Magic, but as I sat with Tina today, instead of James, I didn't feel the need to cry once. I thought about it, when I saw Vara staring at James in the middle of the lesson, but he ignored her, so I felt a bit better. I did catch him looking at me three times, though. I had to fight very hard to not smile back. Not that he was smiling, he looked almost as sad as I feel, but I just turned back to the game of tic-tac-toe Tina and I were playing. I didn't get more homework than anyone else in the class, though, which is a definite improvement. Usually, whenever I sit with James during this class, we have to do at least two more feet on our essays than anyone else. I guess that since it's quite obvious James and I aren't talking, Binns didn't feel the need to give me extra. James got it, though.

At lunch, my mood toned down a bit. I was sitting with Tina, halfway through my roasted potatoes when James ambled up and tried to sit next to me. The second I realized he was there, I got up and went out to the lake again. Tina went with me, and we spent the entire lunch hour, just talking. We didn't even bring James up. Maybe this whole getting over him thing will be easier than I thought.

Or not. He was late to Transfiguration, earlier, so he had to sit right in front of me. It was the only seat available. He and the other Marauders. Tina doesn't have this class, as it isn't required, so she has Care of Magical Creatures this period. She and Peter both. Which reminds me, I need to remember to ask her if she likes Peter…

So the only empty seats when they came in was the one by me and the empty desk in front of me. Sirius took one of the two in front of me. James started to sit next to me, but I looked up at Remus and mouthed, 'Help me!' so he slid into the seat before James could. James gave me a sad look before sitting next to Sirius.

And that's where I am now. Trying my best to concentrate on this bloody difficult subject, and not look up at James.

Actually, it isn't all that hard, I'm just a bit distracted. That, and before, James would always help me when I needed it.

"Lily?" Remus whispers, pulling me out of my reverie.

I jump and look over at him. "Yeah?"

"You okay? I can help you if you need me to…"

I look up at McGonagall, who is over helping one of the Hufflepuffs transfigure her owl.

"Oh, I'm fine… just not concentrating hard enough…" I say quietly. it's a review lesson, anyway. I'm not so horrible at Transfiguration that I can't do a lesson from fifth year.

Or am I?

I don't even know anymore. This thing with James has got me so confused, I don't even know what to think anymore. About anything.

As the bell rings, James turns around to try to talk to me, but I look up at Remus. "So, did you finish that essay for Arithmancy?"

James sighs, and turns back around to pack his books in his bag.

"Yeah… I finished it last night. It was longer than usual, I think…" Remus says as he piles his books into his arms.

I get up to leave, ahead of the Marauders, so that I won't have to talk to James. I don't have anyone in this class to talk to, as Tina isn't here, and Remus will probably want to talk to Sirius and James before going to Arithmancy, even though I have the next class with him and James.

"Hey, Lily!"

I look over my shoulder just before going out the door. Remus grabs his bag, and runs after me.

"You weren't going to leave me?" he asks.

"Oh… sorry." I grin apologetically. "I thought you'd want to walk with James since the next class is with him."

"Well, I thought I'd walk with you today… so how are you doing? We couldn't really talk much in there, I was going to ask you, but McGonagall had her eye on me, I think…"

I laugh quietly. "I'm doing just fine I think. How 'bout you?" I ask.

"I meant are you doing okay? You know, about James… he said he saw you crying, I was just wondering if your okay…" he says softly.

I sigh deeply, and look at him. "I'll be okay." I say faintly, hoping I sound better than I feel.

Too bad Remus can tell what I'm thinking. He knows I still want James.

"You could just talk to him, you know… I don't think you know the whole story… he hasn't told me everything yet, but I think there might be more to it than you saw, Lil… what if you walked in just as Vara was… trying to… well, what if James didn't want to kiss her?" Remus asks slowly. I know that for a while, he really liked Vara, even if he never said anything. I'm not sure what he thinks now… Vara is a good person- when she isn't pranking me, or stealing my guy. I think that she and Remus would be good for each other, if she wasn't being so… so… what is the word? Oh… daft lately.

I'm still hoping to wake up in my four-poster on a nice, pretty day, and have Vara to talk to, and James to hold me… but I don't think any of those things are possible now. Ever.

"I can't talk to him… I'll say something I don't mean! I'm not sure whether I'm angry or upset about the Vara-James thing… I'm confused…" I say as we walk slowly down a set of hidden stairs leading to the first floor.

"He wants to talk to you. He needs to talk to you. He needs to explain." Remus say patiently. I have to say, I've always admired how patient Remus is. If I were him, I'd be shaking me, yelling, trying to make me see. But I don't have to heart to talk to James, even though I know I should. We can't have the awkwardness between us forever.

"I know… but I can't… I don't know what to do." I say weakly.

"Do you still… care for him at all?"

I bite my lip, and look up at Remus. He's waiting with baited breath for my answer; I almost laugh, but can't. "Yes… no. Yes! A little. No- maybe… I don't know anymore…" I whisper.

Remus sighs, and we stop walking. I hang my head, eyes closed.

"I'm sorry all this happened, Lil."

I nod, and clench my jaw, hoping the tears that just filled my eyes won't fall. I won't cry, I won't cry, I won't cry.

Okay, I'm crying.

What is with me lately? I think I'm going mad… or maybe its just the whole world… no, I think it might just be me.

"I just don't know w-what t-to do anymore! I don't know what to think anymore. I can't eat- or sleep- and I certainly can't do school work! I must be going mad, because I can't d-do anything without him! I don't think I can do anything with him, either, though… And I don't know if I want to kiss him, or curse him… hit him… yell at him… hug him or kill him- or- or all of t-them! I want him back so much that it hurts! Not just any k-kind o-of hurt, either… I feel like he's been completely taken from my life, and all I f-feel is… e-emptiness- like when my mum died… only that I have to look at him, and think of him… and be around h-him! I can't take it anymore! I'd rather leave Hogwarts and just go… away… But I can't…" I cry miserably, furiously wiping the tears from my cheeks with my cloak. "I j-just feel emptiness…" I whisper.

Its only then that I notice there are other people in the corridor… but then my gaze shifts to Vara. She's standing not even ten feet from us, biting her lip, breathing heavily. I think she's about to cry, but there is no way I'm about to feel sorry for her.

I tear my eyes from her, hoping I'm just hallucinating. Please, let me be hallucinating… Please…

I close my eyes, and sink slowly to the floor. I seem to 'sink to the floor' a lot this year, in the middle of some random corridor… apparently, today is no exception.

I feel Remus kneel down next to me. "Lily- lets go up to the Tower-"

"Lily?"

It's Vara.

Just what I need right now.

NOT.

"Can I talk to you? Please?" she asks uncertainly.

Hmm... Seeing as you snogged my boyfriend, have insulted me at every available opportunity, and have been pranking me like mad lately… THAT WOULD BE A NO!

Which reminds me, that was the reason I was going to talk to James last night… I was going to ask him what he thought I should do about Vara pranking me like that. I never did get to ask, thanks to her. She's ruined everything.

I take a couple deep breaths, and open my eyes. I look at Remus, who is staring at the floor, like he finds it extremely fascinating. I put a hand on my bag, and get to my feet.

"I have a class to attend." I say shortly. I walk the rest of the way down the corridor, to the Arithmancy room, Remus trailing after me. I did, however, look over in time to see him give an anxious glance down the corridor… where James is standing. And he's looking at me.

Don't tell me he heard everything I said.

I turn around, and try not to let everyone see how panicky I feel…

I swallow hard, and as a fresh wave of tears hits, I run as fast as I can away from James, and Remus, and all these people… I just need away.

"Umm… Lily?" says a voice above me. I groan, and pull the blanket up higher over my head. "Please get up! We've been worried about you…"

I lower the blanket a bit to look at McKenzie Henderson, a Hufflepuff prefect in my year. "Why? I'm fine… I just need sleep." I say, squinting in the bright light of the candles floating next to the couch.

"Lily, you've been there since… almost three o'clock this afternoon…" McKenzie says.

I sigh. "What time is it, then?"

"Nine…"

I look at her over the top of my blanket. "I'm fine, really. I just… I need to be alone for a bit, please?"

"Alright… I'll tell them your doing homework, then…"

"Thanks, Kenzie." I smile at her. I've always liked the Hufflepuffs. They don't judge people, and they don't care if you're a pureblood, or not. The first day on the train, I met McKenzie, and we were both disappointed when we didn't get into the same house. That was also the day I met Vara… and James.

She smiles at me before walking out of the Prefects Lounge.

Have I really been here this long? I don't even remember falling asleep. I laid here and cried for a while. That, and I don't think I could possibly even look at my four-poster without getting sick. Not after I saw Vara and James in it yesterday. I slept in the Common Room all night. I came here because I didn't think anyone would think to look for me here.

Guess I was wrong.

At least I didn't wake up to a whole crowd of people who wanted to talk to me. This way, I can slip out of here without being noticed.

Sirius:

I think I'm mad.

Correction: I think the whole world is mad.

What I was thinking ten minutes ago when I agreed to look for Lily down this corridor, I don't know. James and I have been looking for her since we got out of our lessons, and we split up so we could find her. He said he was going off to check the Common Room again, and the library, and he sent me to search a bunch of random corridors. I could have picked any other corridor in the entire bloody castle, but I picked the one where Lily really is.

Yeah. Thanks, mate.

I was walking along the fourth floor corridor on the east side, thinking wistfully of a large slice of pumpkin pie, when I ran straight into something. I was so caught off guard, that I fell backwards. In a most graceful way, of course.

"Sirius?"

I look up. "Oh, sorry, didn't mean to run into you… and knock you down." I say with a grin. I know Lily is James's and all, but… well… I think I-

NO. I won't be thinking of how much I like Lily at a time like this. I can't, not when we're here, without James, alone, in the middle of nowhere, with-

Wait. Did I just say I like Lily Evans?!

I'm definitely mad.

"That's okay… my fault, too.." Lily says.

"Where ya been?"

"Prefects Lounge… I'm heading for the Tower, wanna come with me?"

"Oh… sure. James sent me to look for you, anyway. He's worried sick over you… He seemed to think the only time you've ever skived off lessons was when… well, I can't even remember what he said, so lets go, shall we?" I say, offering her a hand to help her to her feet.

She frowns. "Why would he be worried over me? Doesn't he have Vara to occupy him?"

"What? No, he-"

"I didn't want to hear it from him, and I'm not in any particular mood to listen to it from you, either." she says.

I clench my jaw and look down at her.

Spiteful little wretch.

She doesn't even know the whole story, and she's trying to cram words in my mouth. I don't think so.

"Look, Lily- I think you need to-"

"Oh, sod off!" she yells. I take a step back, in shock, staring at her wide-eyed. Did she just yell at me?

Merlin, she's so cute when she yells.

NO! I can't think like that- I don't really like her, I just think I do….

She lets out a frustrated groan, and looks up at me. "I'm sorry- I just… well, I'm in a bit of a tetchy mood…" she says apologetically. "I'm just so confused- I can't believe that he would… oh, no…" she says, as a tear slips down her cheek. "I told myself I wasn't going to cry on the way up to the Common Room…"

My heart starts beating wildly, and I can't help but catch one of her tears with the pad of my thumb. I don't want to see her cry over a guy.

Okay, I can't help it… I brush the hair of her flushed cheeks, noticing for the first time just how many freckles she really has.

"Sirius- I can't- please, don't-" she whispers, as I lean down closer…

A/N... don't you just loovvvveee cliffhangers? I had a lot of fun with this chapter.. i got a new keyboard yesterday, and I've spent like the last 24 hours, typing... My family thinks i'm crazy! Hehe- thats the fun part, though, eh?

Oh, yeah, and SakuraTree101 Did i get your name right? I can't really tell what it says on this stupid computer, it isn't mine, and the color is all messed up, and stuff is hard to read.. sincerest apologies if its wrong! I usually spend all of Thursday night (after school) typing up a chapter so i can put it up that night, and then I type all day Saturday... so a chapter usually takes me... oh, about AN ENTIRE DAY. I know, I seriously need a new hobby. Lol. Actually, let me scratch that. My hobbies are homework, band (Tenor Saxes ROCK!!), and.. (drumroll, please...)...... my Lily/James fic!!!! Big surprise, huh? Lol.. I have to go, so I can start on my next chapter- hoped you all liked this one!

By the way... I hope to have chapter twelve up on Thursday- thanks to my lovely, new keyboard, I've already started on it- and I know what its going to be called... here, I'll let you all in on that bit, I guess, but only becuase I love all the reviews I've gotten lately.. I feel all warm and fuzzy inside when i read one... right, the chapter is... (drumroll again, please...)

Chapter Twelve... A Mixed Up, Madcap, Muddled Up Blur of Events.

There, now you have that to think about... I promise, it's gonna be fun! Okay, maybe not so much for you all, but I have fun teasing you!