OHMYGOSH I JUST CLICKED A BUTTON AND IT MADE A THINGY CALLED A HORIZONTAL RULER. New button! Or.. A button I haven't noticed before! :D
Uh, yeah, this is well overdue. I wont lie when I say that this story has been hard to keep spewing ideas for! But I hope it meets your expectations.. ^-^" I kind of felt the story had been filled with too much dramatic doom and gloom so I decided to let the you, the awesome reader who actually followed the story so far, know a bit more about our lovely main character's personality! Also I needed to lighten it up a little before I died from.. gloominess.
Disclaimer: I don't own Death Note. But I do own Jet, and the plot to this story.. Duh..
Enjoy!
Two weeks ago…
I was saving a man's life. Fighting with the waves valiantly despite my condition.
It's strange to think of that day.
It feels like a lifetime ago.
When we first came to this house, I was prepared for more drama. Things had been too easy for at least 3 hours and that just wasn't how my life had been going for the last few months. I was preparing for an attack or something equally violent and dangerous.
What really surprised me was that it didn't come.
I guess I've always been pretty sceptical, seeing as my upbringing wasn't exactly easy or normal. The idea of being safe was brilliant, yes, but unlikely. It was hard to believe that for once I might be safe. It was nice to know, but I can't help feeling that it's too good to be true, even now, 14 days later exactly. I'm shrouded by the same doubts I was on the first day.
The house is better than anything I've ever been in. It's the sort of thing you would see on the TV.
I've never been in anything quite like it. It looks like one wall is made completely from glass, stretching the expanse of all 3 floors. Everything is white and spotless and I'm afraid to touch things in case I get dirt on them. The whole place is extremely spacious, and very luxurious. I'm sure that to the likes of Near it's a pretty every day house but to me it's a palace.
Due to the fact I'm not exactly in the best of conditions, I sleep, wash and live on the ground floor. It's pretty convenient that there's a bedroom, bathroom, shower and kitchen all downstairs, huh? I'm smitten with the whole situation, mainly.
I'm in crutches now. It was hard to get used to them at first, seeing as one of my arms is in a cast because of a shattered elbow. And because I can't bend the arm I have to stand at awkward angles to do most things. Even I have to admit that it was pretty funny, hobbling about and suddenly falling to the carpet as I tried to work them properly.
… Even though it hurt like a bitch.
My ankle is now in a cast, and my stitches have already been taken out. Although the damage is wide spread no one injury is hugely serious, which makes me feel like a pussy for crying about it at certain times. I mean, I'm still human, even if my life hasn't been that of a typical kid. I cry sometimes. Even if I don't like to, and it makes me look like a spastic asshole.
The most exciting thing is that most of my scabs from the different cuts are starting to heal! I mean, they've left some ugly scars, but they look better than those ugly brown scabs that I've been picking at for who knows how long! I was seriously happy when I got the first one off. I can't stop touching the crinkly skin left behind- it feels so weird!
Gevanni, Near and this girl called Halle come and visit me weekly. It's nice having company, because I never really had it that much. Or at least, not the good kind. I'm quite grateful for their visits, even if they're not doing it to benefit me. You can see that Halle's definitely the ditzy motherly type, even though she doesn't have kids, and she's always fussing over me. It gets kind of annoying- I'm not THAT much younger than her! Even if I am short and frail and vulnerable, it doesn't mean I should be treated as a child.
Tch. At least she's nice.
Each week they bring bags of groceries and it has to be the highlight of the day, seeing what food they bring. Near tested me out on cake and I love it! That and watermelon are my two favourite foods. Ice cream and cookies are close behind. And then gummy worms and marshmallows. I've actually come to mainly live off sweet things, although I'm urged to eat meats and carbohydrates like bread and rice. I do, at meal times, where I only eat small portions, but snack time, which is all the time, is a completely different matter. That's the other thing. Now that I have access to food, my appetite is just about insatiable.
This week, Halle brought me 4 different wigs of real human hair to try on. It has to be the funniest thing ever, trying them on and pretending to be different people.
One is shoulder length platinum blonde with choppy layers and a side fringe. This one's probably the furthest from my real hair colour, and the best to impersonate people with. Surprisingly enough, I look pretty good as a blonde.
Another is waist length mousse brown with curtains. I look like a nerd in it! I'm wearing that one now, actually. It's the least itchy on my head seeing as it's so long and silky. Although the hair nets all feel the same.
The third one is black and choppy jaw length with a side fringe. It turns out that I don't suit short hair.. Which will suck if I ever grow my own hair back, because I'm obviously going to go through a stage where my hair is reaaaaally short. Not that I look any better bald.
My favourite one is gingery auburn, the closest to my natural hair colour. It is shorted at the back than it is at the front, with choppy layers and a full fringe. I definitely suit this one the best, and I also enjoy wearing it the most, even if it sits kind of weird against my scalp and falls off a lot.
Another bonus about this whole new place is the fact that I actually have a selection of clothes. I mean, there's nothing unique or highly interesting but it's the best I've ever had, and the most. It's a little overwhelming, pulling back the wardrobe door for the first time to find an abundance of fabric that you never thought you'd ever be able to wear. I feel humbled. Ohohoh.
It's mainly just skirts and t-shirts, nice and easy to put on without any zips or buttons, but there are one or two shirts and a couple of pairs of jeans and even a pair of trousers. The best of all are the hoodies- I have two hoodies, one bright blue with white stripes, the other grey with purple stripes, and they are both pretty baggy. They are the warmest things I have ever worn. Ever.
Not that I really need them here. Heheheh.
In all honesty I have never felt as pretty as I do now, even when I was little I had always been pretty limited and quite plain. It's nice to look at myself in the mirror and see an improvement. Because for once I can actually stand to see myself in a mirror- it's comforting to know I'm finally getting better.
Lately, I've kind of come to miss my foster parents. I wonder if they even remember me? If anything the sick stains from childhood sickness on the duvets should remind them. I hope the world's treating them well- I know that Kira was really locking down on criminals lately and dad was a thief. I hope he's had the sense not to get caught, because the idea of him being killed and leaving mum all alone is a little scary.
Don't get me wrong.
Mum was way more manly that dad, right up until the end, but in the end she is still untrained in fighting and prone to getting herself into brawls with other women.
So many things have changed since I was seven. I doubt they even live in the same house now. I doubt they would recognise me if I walked by in the street.
Aw, thinking about that's made me sad now. I reckon I should change the subject. Uh.. You know what's really creepy? Not as in pervert creepy but as in scary creepy. I can't shake the feeling I'm being watched. I'm so conscious of everything I do because I'm sure that someone's analysing every move I make. It's awfully nerve wracking to even just get changed in the morning and at night. And using the toilet is downright embarrassing.
I hate it. I wish that whoever is watching me would just go away.
I mean, I keep on looking but I can't find a single camera on the inside of the building.
Which means whoever is watching me doesn't want me to know that I am being watched. I mean, if I was told I was being watched, I would guess that it wasn't for anything dangerous or bad, so while I would still be awkward, I wouldn't feel threatened. But because it's like they're trying to keep it a secret, I feel as if I'm in the target zone for something bad.
REALLY bad.
I mean, I'm aware that there are cameras on the outside of the building, that watch the perimeter of the house. Full glass wall, remember? So Near didn't try and hide that one. In fact, I'm pretty pleased that they're keeping watch out there, because if anything nasty comes for me, I'm not in any position to run away.
Nor do I have anywhere to run to. I seriously am out here in the middle of no where and I don't know where in the middle of no where I am, so I don't know how I'm meant to go anywhere or find somewhere else to stay. Well, I'm not meant to go anywhere. They don't want me to leave, and it was made pretty clear about how I should NOT try and escape.
No, I wasn't threatened.
But Gevanni's scary.
Don't tell anyone I wrote that…
I think that they have me all the way out here because they are under the impression that I was in some way of use to Mello and Matt. And that maybe they think having me away from civilisation will lure Mello out here, where there's no where to hide.
Like I'm bait for their game of Mello and Matt hunting.
..Heheh…
Moving on from the image of me getting dragged backward through water with rabid Matts and Mellos biting at my crutches, I've been having some pretty weird dreams lately. Yes, I'm basically writing about everything that's on my mind, so you'll just have to deal, huh?
Right, well. It's always just dark, nothing to see, and in the far distance there's a little line of light, like when you open a door a little with the light on and a line of light goes through into the dark room you're going in to? I'm not good at explaining things.. Well, yeah, a thin line of light that ends just before my feet, and I'm trying to walk along it, but it gets shorter with every step I take, always just a centimetre from my toes.
The main thing about it though is that I can hear a woman calling to me. She's saying a name, and while I'm pretty sure the name doesn't belong to me, I know she's calling for me. She wants me to come to her, to save her. She tells me that she's scared, and that it's so dark, and that I have to stay on the light before they write my name down.
She keeps on calling to me and she sounds so helpless.
I get really frustrated and I keep on trying to get onto this line of light but I can't, and then all I can hear is the scratching of pen on paper and a tiny throaty laugh before she starts crying really hard. And then she whimpers a little. And then screams. And when she screams I stop moving, and I can't move any more. I try so hard to fight against the darkness that holds me back. And she keeps on screaming and screaming and I can feel that I'm bleeding but I don't know where from or why and nothing makes sense.
I get so scared and then suddenly the screaming stops and the light has gone and I hear the scratching of pen on paper again, and the laughter comes. I hear woman cry my name one last time before I hit the ground and it feels like I'm drowning in tar. And then everything goes white, and I wake up. But sometimes it takes me a while to wake up after it turns white, and it's like watching the blank screen at the end of the movie, but it's terrifying, and the screaming and the laughing is echoing in my head.
The most annoying part is that I can never remember what she's calling me. That name, it evades me, even though the rest of the dream is so clear in my head. I just can't remember it, no matter how hard I try, and it's so annoying. That name means something, it's important, I can tell. I just don't know what, or why.
Moving on to lighter topics, and slightly more embarrassing issues, there's a certain thing that I can't stop thinking about. Well, a certain someone… And I can't help but think this is the most humiliating thing that has ever happened to me in my entire lifetime. I have suddenly come to the problem that I can't stop thinking about Near, and it's really starting to get on my nerves.
I'm not sure what it is about him that makes him so appealing to me, but I can't shake the countless thoughts I have about him. Somehow just having him walk through the door once a week makes me blush and smile, and it fills me with far too much cheer to be normal.
It makes it increasingly awkward to talk to him. Not that he ever talks much, anyway, most conversations that are held in this house are one sided. I would be sighing if I was talking right now. But I'm not. So I'm not sighing. See my logic?
I hate being reduced to a blushing, helpless girl in his presence. It's so embarrassing! And I know that Halle's noticed, because she always smiles at me and even winks as if telling me that my secret is safe with her. I wish I could say that there wasn't a secret! What's worse is that she finds it cute and always finds reasons to get her and Gevanni away from me and Near. So I kind of sit there, humbled in his presence and worst of all, speechless, and he just kind of looks at me with those calculating eyes while I melt. It's awful.
Of course, not every one of Halle's attempts to get Gevanni out of the room are successful. The man doesn't trust me in the slightest, and he's made it clear. He has a wary look in his eyes whenever he's around me, and it looks like he's ready to jump in front of Near at any time. As if I was going to suddenly launch at him with a dagger or something, with inhumane stealth and speed. It's irrational, seeing as I'm in crutches and he had the entertainment of watching me collapse to the floor many times as I tried to use them correctly.
I mean, he even confronted me. He actually thinks I'm Kira. Have you ever heard anything more ridiculous? I mean, not only was I once a criminal myself, I'm frail and have no access to the internet or the news. Nor do I have the intuition to kill people without touching them, and only knowing their name and face. Or in the case of the second Kira, only their face.
The whole confrontation was triggered when I got curious about if Near was Near's real name. I asked out of childlike curiosity and he obviously took it as something much less innocent. He looked ready to strike me down and murder me there, while Near was his usual emotionless self. He hadn't even had a chance to reply before Gevanni butted in. How rude, and annoying!
The best part was when Near told Gevanni to back down, though. Obviously he didn't say that exactly, in fact, I can't even remember what he said, but he got the guy to leave me alone. It was a relief, because I wasn't sure what to say to his brash accusations. Near actually sounded a little annoyed as well, though it was very subtle. He played the part of the knight in shining armour.
…
I didn't just write that..
You know, sometimes it would be nice if I could go outside, because the fields look so lovely in the sunset. I can't even stick my head out a window and breath in the evening air as the sun plays through the grass and whatever else is growing, as the windows are all firmly locked and Near has the keys. It's just the way that the burnt tones of the light sets fire to the landscape as it sprays out from the horizon. I would love to bathe in it until the light drains out and leaves me lying under silver stars and a glowing moon. It would be perfect.
Most evenings I haven't got a lot to do as I've worn out writing and drawing and even eating and reading. So I listen to the birds singing in the trees, humming along with them sometimes, and I imagine what it would be like to perch on a branch out there and sing so beautifully. I wonder what it would be like to be able to fly away from my cage and all my worries.
I wonder what it would be like to be free.
Yay! So the truth comes out!.. Don't worry, this story isn't going to go soft and gooey romantic.
This is a MANLY story. :D
'Kay, well.. Reviews make good fish food.. SAVE MAH IMAGINARY PET FISHY FRANK! He's starving!
(Sorry if this chapter seemed kind of pointless/plotless. I was running over a few thing to keep it fresh in your head, (and mine) and I'm trying to let people know a bit more about Jet's character. And what better way to do it than have her write a diary/journal? ... I'm so unoriginal *Sobs* -Is shot- )
Bye now! :D
P.S: Just to ask a question.. I don't really think this is fantasy mystery genre any more, so I've changed mystery to drama. But I'm not sure if this could count as crime? Or what. Suggestions, please! D: