DISCLAIMER: I don't own SVU/L&O or any of its storylines or characters, I do however own this plot, and its original characters.

A/N: So the holiday begins let me know what you think about the whole Cragen/Olivia thing. There are going to be a lot of Daddy/Daughter style moments and a lot of them are based on ACTIONS (don't confuse that with the plot of the story) that have been between me and my dad when we have our moments and I'm very much Daddy's little girl so you'll see a lot of that come through. Anyway...

...On with the show!

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When Olivia woke up the next morning she was surprised to find her pillow damp. She knew she'd cried herself to sleep but from the moisture on her face she suspected that she'd been crying in her sleep. It didn't make her feel any better when she rolled out of the king size bed over to the full size mirror in the corner of the room and got a glimpse of how she looked.

Her hair was knotted in a very tangled messed up bun. Her eyes were red, bloodshot with massive black bags beneath them that could have been mistaken for black eyes. The slacks and baggy sweater she'd worn to leave the hospital in were something out of her 'comfy' drawer that Elliot must have chosen for her, they did nothing for her figure and nothing to conceal the small bump that carried her child.

A knock on the bedroom door startled her.

"Come in." She called as she caressed her bump in the mirror.

Don Cragen walked into the room slowly and he smiled seeing Olivia out of bed and her hands on her stomach where his grandchild lay. The smile however faded when he saw how bad Olivia looked. He'd never seen her looking so pale, her caramel skin was almost white and her eyes ... the eyes that captured victims, usually full of love and trust seemed empty and hurt.

"I'm making breakfast I wanted to know what you wanted." He smiled as her hands dropped beside her.

"Uh I'm not hungry thanks." She shrugged.

"Liv..."

"I'm not hungry Don." She said firmer.

"I don't care if you're not hungry Olivia, but my grandbaby is probably starving now how do pancakes sound?" It was obvious to Olivia that he wasn't going to be taking no as an acceptable answer.

"Yeah fine, Thanks." She shrugged knowing better than to argue anymore.

"Ok well why don't you have a bath and change while I cook?" He suggested nodding his head towards the sliding doors.

"Sounds great." Olivia replied attempting to smile but it was definitely looking more like a grimace.

"Ok well I'll give you a shout when it's ready." Don smiled back before slipping out of the room and leaving Olivia on her own once again.

Olivia went through to the bathroom and stood in complete shock when she saw it.

It was as big as the bedroom. The bath was big enough to fit three people in and there were obvious jet streams into the side. There was a two person shower and two person sink and Olivia could tell that it wasn't a cheap place.

She made her way over to the bath and began running the water before brushing her teeth. Once the bath was run she made sure there were towels close enough and she stripped and climbed into the water.

Her hands rested on her very obvious bump. She stroked gently and wondered if her baby could sense or feel her hands.

"Mommy's really sorry rookie." She said as tears stung her eyes once more. "You know Mommy already loves you so much and so does daddy, now he knows about you anyway."

She sighed and laid her head back to look at the roof but her hands stayed firmly on her stomach.

"When you arrive though baby, Mommy's going to be all better all for you I promise. I may not be the best mother in the world to you rookie but I'm going to be the best mother that I can be because Mommy's waited so long to have a baby and now that you're going to be here, I couldn't be more excited it's just ... you see rookie Mommy's going through a hard time at the moment ... the doctors called it prenatal depression ..."

Olivia was blissfully unaware that Don Cragen was outside the bathroom door listening. He hadn't done it on purpose he'd just walked past the second door into the bathroom when he'd heard hr talking and decided to make sure she was alright. The smile that was playing on his lips showed how relieved he was to hear Olivia communicating with her unborn child, that showed that the warning Huang had given him about trying to stop Olivia from dissociating with the baby was pointless because this showed she wasn't dissociating.

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After her bath Olivia dressed in a pair of jeans and a comfortable t-shirt and sweater. She combed her hair and clipped the damp locks to the back of her head before being happy enough with her appearance to go down for breakfast. She met with Don Cragen in the kitchen and he smiled at her before placing a large plateful of pancakes on the table and two empty plates for the pair of them.

"Thank you." Olivia smiled as he handed her a mug of tea.

"No problem, now tuck in, I was thinking maybe we could take a walk around the lake after if you're up for it, it's a beautiful day." He smiled his hand signalling to the open patio door that was letting in some cool air as well as the light from the shining sun.

"Maybe." Olivia shrugged, she wasn't really in the mood to spend time with Don but she didn't want to let him down or make him think that she wasn't grateful either.

"Ok well if not we can go this afternoon or tomorrow, there's plenty to do around this place that could keep me occupied for hours." He smiled Huang's warnings echoing in his mind as he spoke.

"Ok." Olivia nodded.

Cragen gave her a reassuring smile but he was slowly becoming annoyed with the silence that engulfed them. She'd been down for breakfast for nearly thirty minutes and she's only said four words and he could only hope that she'd begin answering him in more than one word answers soon.

"So uh, I was thinking of having some of the guys from work up for a cook out this Sunday." He decided to try and make conversation with her but she seemed to be barely listening to him. "What do you think?"

"Fine." She shrugged as he fork began to play with the half a pancake left on her plate.

He held in the sigh as he didn't want to upset her, if she didn't want her co-workers over then she only had to say and he wouldn't invite them, but he knew having people around her would be a good thing.

After breakfast Olivia was going to do the dishes when Cragen stopped her.

"I'll do those, why don't you go relax." He smiled gently.

She just nodded and quickly rushed off to her bedroom, she wasn't in the mood for chit chat and she definitely didn't want to be hanging around downstairs. Once in her room she climbed into her bed and rubbed her stomach until sleep engulfed her.

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She wasn't sure how long she'd been sleeping when she was woken up.

"Hey." Cragen smiled as she pushed herself up to sitting. "Huang said not that it wasn't good to let you sleep too much that it isn't good for you." He explained as he passed her a steaming mug of tea.

She just nodded and muttered a thank you almost inaudibly.

"So it's nearly lunch time, I've made us some sandwiches, then I thought we could take that walk around the lake?"

"Uh sure." She shrugged, it was obvious to her that he really wanted to take that walk with her and she didn't want to hurt his feelings by saying that taking that walk was the last thing she wanted to do.

"Ok well come down when you're ready." He smiled before leaving her to it.

She stayed in bed and sipped her tea knowing she'd eventually have to go downstairs. She reached over to the bedside table and looked at her phone to find that she had one new message.

FROM: Elliot.

Message: Enjoy your break. I love you and our baby. El xx

She smiled, the first real smile in days as she decided whether or not to text him back. She hesitated but then hit the reply button.

TO: Elliot.

Message: I'll try. I love you too. Liv xx

After clicking the send button she placed her phone back on the bedside table and climbed out of bed knowing that Cragen would be waiting for her downstairs.

"Hey." She smiled gently at him as she walked into the kitchen where he was putting some juice on the table.

"Hey feeling better?" He asked gently hoping she wouldn't lose it with her.

"Yeah a bit." She nodded before sitting down as Cragen pulled the cling film from the sandwiches and placed a plate in front of her. "Thanks." She smiled picking up half a sandwich and breaking a small piece off before putting it into her mouth, she was actually feeling hungry and it was taking a lot of effort not to devour the whole slice in two mouthfuls.

"I was thinking, if you don't want me to come on this walk or didn't want to take it you don't have to you know Liv, don't feel like you're going to hurt my feelings." Cragen smiled and Olivia felt as if he could read her mind.

"No I want to." She replied, it wasn't that she actually wanted to it was that she was hoping that it would do her some good to get out of the cabin and into the fresh air, and she didn't fancy doing that alone.

"Ok." Cragen smiled. "Have you heard anything off anyone back in Manhattan?" He asked gently.

"Elliot sent me a text."

He could see the twinkle in her eye as well as the smile tugging at her lips at this statement and he couldn't help but feel a little bit relieved.

"That's good." Cragen replied knowing he had to say something.

"How about you?" Olivia asked deciding that the awkward conversation was better than the awkward silence.

"I spoke briefly with George while you were sleeping." He replied honestly.

Every piece of happiness completely vanished from Olivia at that statement.

"Oh." She replied trying to hide the feelings that had filled her from her superior but he was no fool.

"What is it Liv?" he asked as she played with the crust of her sandwich, slowly breaking it into small pieces and dropping them on the plate.

"Nothing." She lied, her gaze fixed firmly on the broken crust in her hands.

"Olivia." He said firmly and using her full name knowing she would know he was serious.

"Did he call you or did you call him?" Olivia asked deciding it would be easier for her to react if she knew.

"He called me." Cragen replied honestly as he didn't understand what Olivia was getting at.

"Oh." Olivia replied before pushing back her seat and taking her plate, she didn't want to have an argument with Cragen but she was getting more annoyed by the second and she knew it wouldn't take much to have her exploding with anger.

"Why?" Cragen asked taking his own plate over to the sink where she was washing hers.

"No reason." She lied as she picked up a tea towel.

Cragen sighed, he wasn't sure if confronting her was the right thing to do but he knew how stubborn she was and he knew the only way to get her to open up to him was to be pushy until he got some answer or reaction.

"Of course there's a reason Liv, you wouldn't have asked if there wasn't one." He replied as he took the dish towel from her and dried his own plate.

"Just ... leave it." She sighed before walking off, she didn't want to argue and she knew that was the way that it was headed so she did what she did best and ran, only to her room but it was still running.

Cragen picked up his phone and hesitated over one speed dial number. He knew Olivia had been upset by him having contact with Huang but he wasn't sure he could do this without the help of the psychiatrist. Slowly he placed the phone back on the counter coming to the decision that he would first find out why Olivia was upset by him having contact with George Huang before contacting him again.

He went up to her bedroom and knocked lightly on the door. When there was no reply he couldn't help but be fearful that she had done or was doing something stupid. He slowly opened the door just in case she was undressed and he would need to shut it quickly but he found the room empty with the balcony door wide open. He slowly made his way to the blowing white chiffon drapes and found her sitting in one of the deck chairs. Her eyes were glazed over and he knew she was thinking about something but he wasn't sure what it was so he gently placed a hand on her shoulder to let her know he was there. He hadn't expected her to almost jump five feet into the air but when she laughed he realised he'd just startled her. He had to admit it was nice to hear her laugh.

"You scared me!" She laughed as she held her hand over her thumping heart.

"Sorry." He smiled as he took the second seat. "So you want to tell me what upset you about me talking with Huang?"

She sighed, she had hoped he'd understood that she didn't want to talk about it but it was obvious he wasn't going to let the subject go.

"It's nothing." She replied as she sunk back into the chair.

"Livia, it isn't nothing when it rattles you. I promise I won't be offended if that's what you're worried about, and I won't think it's nothing either or stupid or anything else that's going through that very thick skull of yours." He said making her laugh a little again.

"Ok fine." She sighed sitting upright and turning to look at him. "It just feels like I've lost everyone's trust and that everyone thinks I am this fragile and unstable mess who isn't capable of looking after herself and I hate it." She said honestly making Don smile and sit upright.

He reached over and took her hands gently into his own and his eyes connected with her.

"None of us think that Liv. We're concerned because you're not yourself right now, you're sick and don't look at me like that..." he made her smile a little. "Depression is an illness and you have it but you will get better, soon you'll be back to your old self but just like when you have the flu or a virus we all just want to take care of you and that's what we're doing, think of this as holding your hair back when you're vomiting or bringing you soup when you have the flu."

Olivia's smile broadened with Cragen's explanation, as she actually realised he was right.

"Thank you." She smiled gently as she leaned over and wrapped her arms around his neck in an embrace that he didn't hesitate in returning. "I'm sorry I'm such a pain in the ass."

"You're not a pain in the ass or a burden or any of those things, Liv I'm glad for the break from the city, I think I needed it just as much as you and to be able to share that with you while you're carrying my grandbaby just makes it all the more special." He smiled as she let him go and sat back into the chair.

Awkward silence clouded them once more as they tried to figure what to say to one and other.

"Do you think I'm wrong in refusing the drugs?" Olivia asked eventually.

Cragen turned to look at her and found that she was staring out into the distance.

"No." He replied simply making her head snap towards him. "When I was depressed, before I started drinking heavily, they put me on some antidepressants and they ... I couldn't come off them for years. If you can conquer this without hitting the bottle or the pills Liv you can conquer absolutely anything." He explained and she found that he was now looking out into the distance and she suddenly realised that he knew exactly what she was thinking, what she was feeling because he'd been here before, he'd felt everything she was feeling now and if anyone was going to be able to help her while being completely understanding it was going to be him.

"Why don't we take that walk now?" Olivia suggested and Cragen looked at her and smiled, if he was going to get through to her, this was definitely a start.

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Next chapter – Olivia opens up but so does Cragen!