Vriska still wasn't sure what to make of the entire situation; what had happened on New Year's, and the fight with Aradia, and why Tavros was still being so nice to her in spite of it all. She really didn't deserve it. She knew she was right when she said she just didn't know how to be kind, or a good person. It wasn't as if she'd grown up with a great role model. This was what went through her head while she was in Ms. Paint's office, and then after she was cleaned up and had Ms. Paint help replace the arm screws that had been popped, Vriska went back to class. Ms. Paint called Mrs. Serket, but Vriska already knew it wasn't going to make a difference. She'd already been reassured that Aradia would face the repercussions of starting a fight on school campus. But for once, Vriska actually wanted to go home. It was kind of tiring, being humiliated like that, and now it had happened twice within a week and a half. She'd spent the entirety of lunch in the nurse's office, and now was late for Biology class, but she went anyway, not wanting to look John in the eye. They were still on the rocks. Vriska was on the rocks with everyone, actually. Suffering through class with him was almost unbearable. He just looked at her in a way… it wasn't pity, but it wasn't affection, it was this sort of confused yet wistful gaze, like he was thinking "Vriska's dangerous, I can't get close to her". To be fair, that was how most people looked at her as of late, but somehow coming from John, it just hurt more. They maintained this sort of upsetting distance for nearly a month, until John broke that silence during PE class

"Uh… hey, Vriska." She jumped a bit, not having been paying attention, and John's mildly nervous voice was the last thing she'd expected to hear.

"Oh! Hey, John!" she said, trying to sound as though she hadn't been caught off guard. She grinned at him. "What's up?"

"Well. Um." John paused, looked at his shoes, and cleared his throat. Vriska just studied his face, trying to determine the source of his bashfullness and embarrassment. "Well, um… Valentine's Day is coming up, and I was just wondering if you… well… if you'd want to… maybe do something? With me?" he managed to stammer out. He looked like trying to ask her out was going to kill him, all red in the face. It was so unexpected, Vriska wasn't sure whether to laugh or cry. She did neither, feeling her face warm up with blush.

"W-what?"

"I w-was wondering if you'd want to maybe hang out with me for Valentine's Day… you know… like a date?" John smiled a bit, and that sly bucktooth grin made Vriska blush even more. She had been so sure he hated her, but here he was, proving her and her idea that she was unlovable wrong.

"I...I just… wow," she muttered. John looked a bit befuddled for a moment, looking up at her. "I mean, yeah! I'd love to hang out! I'm just surprised… you haven't been talking to me a whole lot lately."

"Yeah… I'm sorry about that. It probably wasn't the best reaction. I mean. You were confiding in me and all." Vriska wanted to tell him that it was okay, that maybe the isolation had actually done her some good and she'd gotten a bit introspective, but they were signaled for class to actually start. "Anyway just message me later! We'll work something out." Vriska slowly nodded, and she wore a stupidly happy grin for the rest of the day. She needed to tell someone she was finally going on a date with John. She scrolled through the chumroll when she got home. Karkat? Ew, no, that would just invite a romance rant. Kanaya, no. Terezi? Well… maybe. Maybe this could be something that would reignite their friendship.

arachnidsGrip [AG] began pestering gallowsCalibrator [GC]

AG: Heeeeeeeey Terezi.

GC: What do you want?

AG: So grouchy.

AG: What's your problem?

GC: Vriska why are you messaging me

AG: Just thought you ought to know that John asked me on a date today and I said yes.

GC: Okay

AG: That's it?

GC: Yeah I don't really care

GC: Date him, don't date him

GC: It doesn't matter to me

AG: Oh come on, you love butting in on my business

GC: Not really

GC: Or, not anymore I guess

GC: I think you make bad decisions

GC: And I would normally advise you against them

GC: But I am not doing that anymore

AG: Right.

AG: Because you're mad at me.

GC: I'm not mad at you

GC: I'm done

GC: I told you until things change I'm done so do whatever you want to do and leave me out of it

AG: Okay?

AG: What am I supposed to do with that?

GC: Take it whatever way you like

GC: I am not in the mood to perpetuate this conversation

AG: You seriously just don't want to talk to me anymore?

GC: Well I'm not having a great day

GC: And I think you just wanted to tell me about your date to make me feel worse about myself

AG: Uuuuuuuugh you're so frustrating :P

AG: Well, fine, I will go, but first let me ask you a question.

GC: Fine

AG: Do you actually think me dating John is a bad decision?

GC: Actually, no

GC: I think saying yes to him is one of the first good decisions you've made regarding boys

AG: Because it was an honest answer?

GC: Yes

GC: I don't understand how this is such a difficult concept but people will like you when you stop lying about yourself and manipulating them and being rude

GC: Saying yes to John showed a true interest in him

GC: You know

GC: Beyond trying to make Tavros jealous

AG: Hm.

GC: Because people aren't these little pawns that you get to move around and play against each other

AG: Okay.

AG: So…

Vriska wanted to ask if they could be friends again, even if not in that moment, then at some point down the line. Because Vriska actually was trying to be better, or at the very least, realize she had to be better. But something warned her not to ask, because it was sad and soft and pathetic. So she didn't. She knew better than to look soft.

GC: So…?

AG: Uh. Nevermind.

AG: Bye, Terezi.

arachnidsGrip [AG] ceased pestering gallowsCalibrator [GC]

Vriska sighed. Losing her best friend sure did suck, but she tried to be optimistic about how her date would go.

That weekend was Vriska's date with John. They'd decided on going to a Nic Cage movie marathon since John was the one who told her to watch Con Air and got her hooked on Cage's dumb stupid acting. She sat at the mall for a while, trying to figure out if she'd overdressed or not, when she saw John get out of his dad's car, fussing with his shirt hem. She turned to face him, waving out as he approached.

"Hey John!" she yelled out to get his attention. He looked up at her, seeming unsure of himself. It was sort of endearing.

"Hey Vriska. Uh, you ready?"

"Yeah, do you have the tickets?"

"Yeah," John smiled a bit. Vriska smiled back, then tugged him inside the theater.

"Then let's go!"

They spent most of the movies leaning on each other and making dumb jokes, but Vriska had a good time. Being around John made her stomach flutter, so of course when he asked if she wanted to keep hanging out and get some ice cream, she said yes. She sat on the table, taking small bites from her Rocky Road, just soaking in the quiet for a moment, and then she looked up at John.

"You know… you really caught me off guard here," Vriska said.

"What?"

"When you asked me to hang out. I thought I'd… I thought I'd severed all ties with everyone who ever even remotely cared about me." That was… brutally honest. Vriska was still getting used to the idea about being open emotionally with people she cared about, and she certainly cared about John, so she told him. It was true, though, she'd felt so alone and like she'd completely screwed herself out of having any friends.

"Why's that?"

Oh boy, time for more emotional honesty. "'Cause I'm a gigantic asshole. I told you, I've done some terrible shit."

Vriska looked at John as he paused, sticking his spoon in the ice cream cup. He looked at her, and she studied him, focusing on the thoughts she could see passing behind his bright blue eyes. "Nothing is unforgivable, though," he said after a while.

She thought for a moment. Could she really be forgiven? More importantly, did she want to be forgiven? "You think?"

"Well… yeah. Have you ever apologized to the people you hurt?"

"I guess… I guess I haven't."

"Well then that's probably the first step to feeling better about stuff, right?"

"Yeah…" Vriska muttered. What a smart kid. "Hey John…"

"Hmm?"

"Thanks for not giving up on me," Vriska said, then leaned over and pecked him on the cheek. Seeing his face turn red was worth all the honesty she'd just thrown on the table. Being with him was worth the hard conversations. She'd hated it when he was pretty much silent towards her, so apparently she'd done something right if he still liked her. The fact that they hadn't been talking really made Vriska start to think about things more during that time, especially pertaining to herself. Fuck, why did she push away anyone who ever got close to her? First Tavros, then John. She knew she needed to talk to Tavros, as difficult as it was going to be for her. He was the one she was the worst to, and with John backing her up, she knew she had to at least attempt to make things right. She made a point to get to her English class a bit early just to have some time to talk to him.

"You're…surprisingly early," Tavros muttered as he got settled in for class to start.

"Tavros," she said, trying to stay calm as she put a hand on top of his, "I wanted to...ugh. This is so weird for me."

"What is it?"

"I've been thinking, and talking to John about all the shit I've done, and… I guess I owe you an apology. I tried to tell myself I was a good person, that everything I put you through, and all our friends, I guess, was only me trying to help you; to make you stronger. But it wasn't. It was because… I don't know. Because making someone else feel miserable gave me some kind of joy? Because it meant I wasn't the only one? I don't know. I don't even know what I'm trying to say with this ramble. I guess, what it all amounts to, is that I'm sorry." It didn't feel like a lie. She actually did feel bad for all she'd put Tavros through. It wasn't until he stood up for himself- albeit while drunk- that she realized what a problem it really was. Tavros' silence was killing her. It seemed like he was trying to figure out if it was some kind of trick or not, and Vriska couldn't blame him for doubting her.

"Vriska, I- uh. What are you looking for me to say? I don't…"

She sighed, trying to put more words together. "I guess I want to know if I completely ruined everything between us. Would you forgive me for the shitty things I've done?

"I… don't know, Vriska, sorry. But, like I said, just because I don't want to date you doesn't mean we aren't friends." Vriska pursed her lips. She wasn't looking for him to want to date her, she was fine with staying friends. But somehow the fact that he couldn't bring himself to say "yes, I forgive you" still really hurt.

"...okay."

"Were you…?" Tavros started, his voice trailing. Vriska glanced at him, suddenly very aware of herself.
"Was I what?" she asked, despite feeling like she already knew what the question was going to be.
Tavros sighed. "Were you really just using me to make John jealous?"
"See, that's a long stor—" she paused, cut off by the bell. Class was about to start. "Can I message you about this later?" Tavros nodded at her.

Vriska sat, blankly looking at her computer. She knew she owed Tavros an explanation, it was just going to be… a lot. She could already imagine the conversation Tav was having with his brother, wondering why the hell Tavros would give her yet another chance. Whatever. This wasn't about what other people thought of her, especially Rufioh. She opened up Pesterchum and started a message.

arachnidsGrip [AG] began pestering adiosToreador

AG: So…..
AG: John.
AG: That is a long story, Tavros, and I'm sorry for the way I've handled that entire situation
AG: And how it pertains to you.
AT: um,
AT: how exactly does it pertain to me
AG: So, here's the thing, Tavros.
AG: You know as well as I do that you and I have had an on-and-off thing
AG: Or we did, all through middle school, even when I was dating Eridan.
AG: Which frankly shouldn't even count because we were like 12.
AG: But anyway, I was kind of… conflicted, you could say, about my feelings towards you.
AG: And I knew you were too.
AG: I know I'm the type who seems like they can stand on their own, and I know I don't *need* anyone else to help me be strong.
AG: But that doesn't stop me from wanting someone.
AG: And for a while I thought that might be you.
AG: But man, did we give each other mixed signals.
AG: So, when I met John, I honestly kind of fell for him immediately?
AG: And when we started hanging out and talking more, the feelings were genuine.
AG: They still are, to be honest, but I don't know if he wants anything to do with me anymore.

That was still true. Even if they'd had one date, Vriska wasn't convinced it would be enough to turn around his opinion of her. She was still worried about how she came off, even if John took everything in stride.

AG: Sorry if this isn't what you want to hear.
AG: But here's where you come in.
AG: I saw how jealous you were getting of John, as he started realizing…
AG: How I really am.
AG: That I'm not a nice person
AG: Or a good person.
AT: i dont think youre a bad person, vriska
AG: I wish I could believe that.
AG: But yeah, John started to get wary of me.
AG: And I remembered, how on and off you and I were
AG: And how jealous you got.
AG: So I decided to turn the tables, and make him jealous.
AG: And I used you to do it.
AG: Anyway, now I don't have either of you, so I guess that just blew up in my face.
AT: youre really frustrating
AG: What?
AT: ive told you, im still your friend
AT: i think thats all were supposed to be
AG: Considering what a shit show it's been just getting to this point, you're probably right.
AT: and you havent lost john
AT: uh, speaking as someone whos been in his position
AT: the way he was looking at us, at, uh, the new years party
AT: he still wants to spend time with you
AG: You think?
AT: its just, um, a hunch
AT: but dont give up on him
AG: Okay.
AG: Tavros…
AT: its ok
AT: i know this is hard for you
AT: uh, to apologize, i mean
AG: Okay.
AT: anyway, youre my friend
AT: and i wont be jealous anymore
AT: if you want to be with john
AT: hes probably better for you anyway
AG: Why do you say that?
AT: youre right, vriska
AT: im useless
AG: Jeez, I guess I did say that a lot.
AG: For the record, I don't actually think that's true.
AT: what use is a crippled boy
AG: Hey, you've always taken that in stride
AG: Don't tell me you're going to become your handicap now
AG: You're a really fucking good friend.

Too good, as a matter of fact. Vriska never understood why he'd stuck so close, when she'd been so shitty to him, trying to force people away. And she was beginning to learn that staying close and trying to understand was just part of being a friend, something she'd never really been to him. She didn't deserve for him to be so nice to her.

AT: um
AT: thanks
AG: And anyway, you can always try Equius' prosthetic thing if it's starting to get you down.
AT: you know
AT: i think i will?
AG: Anyway, Tavros
AG: This talk has been great.
AG: But I have to go.
AT: yeah
AT: me too.

arachnidsGrip [AG] has ceased pestering adiosToreador

So… honesty wasn't as difficult as she'd thought it was. In fact, it seemed like it might help her out.