Chapter 10: The kiss that was.
She sat facing him with a look of grim resolve.
He smiled inwardly. This was probably the first time in her life that she was faced with a challenge that could not be met with pure intellect. So she obviously planned to adopt a type of bulldozer approach. Plough ahead with relentless determination and beat it into submission. The problem was that when dealing with the subtleties of the mind, sheer dogged determination wasn't the answer either.
"That's not going to work, Granger." His voice was firm, professional.
"What isn't?" She frowned.
"This isn't something you can get right by wrestling it to the ground. You thwart your own efforts."
She glared at him. "Well, how then?" she demanded.
He swallowed, hiding his amusement. "You are going to have to do something that will push you outside of your comfort zone."
"I don't have a comfort zone," she snapped. And anyway I'm already way out of my comfort zone just being near you, you insufferable, blonde prat with your strong hands and your eyes and those bloody long legs that keep walking into my head and….
"Yes, you do. Everyone does. And stop fighting me, Granger. We are on the same side here."
Her shoulders slumped and she sighed. "Go on then."
"We are going to try a different approach today. I want you to not even think about switching off your thoughts. That clearly doesn't work well for you. So today we are going to get you out of your own head."
He stood and made a sweeping movement with his right hand and a large thick mat appeared on the floor.
"Lie down on that."
She stared suspiciously at the mat and then at Draco. "Why?" she asked.
He frowned. "Because I asked you to and I'm the teacher. Remember?"
She rolled her eyes and with an irritated huff, she did as he asked. She was practically bristling with irritation and frustration.
He eyed her speculatively. If she didn't get rid of whatever was causing that mood, this was not going to go well. "Relax, close your eyes, get comfortable."
He sat cross legged next to her. His voice had taken on the low tone she remembered from the previous day.
"OK, now you start off in the same way. But then instead of consciously trying to not think of anything, I want you to focus all your attention on noticing every detail of how you feel. Physically, I mean. Concentrate so hard on that that your mind has no space for thoughts or images or anything else. Start at your feet and work your way through any other area of your body if you like. The sequence doesn't matter. What matters is that you give that bloody brain of yours something to do."
She suddenly laughed. "OK, teacher. That actually might be easier. Trying to switch off my head almost killed me yesterday."
"I know. I was there. So are you ready? This is all we are going to do today. Tomorrow we will go back to blocking thought. But I think if you can do this as your jump off point, it will be easier."
She closed her eyes and they began. It was by no means easy. It still took some mental discipline and a lot of starting over. Every half hour they would spend ten minutes practicing disarming and blocking spells before resuming. But they plugged on and by the end of the day they were both satisfied that they had found a starting point that worked for her.
Her mood lifted slowly as the day progressed. She supposed that he couldn't help it that she was finding him more and more of a distraction. But she was confident in her ability to control her thoughts. Mental discipline - that's what it was all about, wasn't it?
They all spent a quiet evening chatting about inconsequential things and retired early.
The following day, both Ginny and Hermione rose early, and found Blaise and Draco waiting for them in the common room, trays of food and tea on the table.
"Morning, ladies," Draco greeted her. "We thought we could have breakfast here again. Hope that's OK?"
"Here is fine. Gin, sleep well?" she turned to her friend. Ginny nodded, looking as preoccupied as Hermione. The two girls were obviously preparing themselves mentally for a tough day ahead. They helped themselves to a selection of the huge variety of pastries, fruits, cheeses and meats and began to eat with an air of determination.
Blaise exchanged an amused look with Draco. Gryffindors, he thought. He spoke to Ginny. "Don't get discouraged, Red. You are doing fine. It is not a bad thing to have difficulty in summoning this type of energy. It is good that you battle with it."
Ginny aimed a scowl his way and continued eating.
Hermione looked at Draco and found him watching her. She smiled and shrugged. "We don't like not being good at things," she explained.
He nodded, amused. "I've noticed."
They ate their breakfast in near silence, Draco and Blaise chatting quietly while Hermione and Ginny reflected on the lessons of the previous day and the challenges ahead.
A few minutes later Blaise and Ginny headed back to the RoR. Hermione stood up and waited while Draco finished his tea.
He looked at her. "You alright, Granger?" he asked. "You're a bit quiet."
"Yes I'm fine, thanks" she nodded. "Sorry I've been grumpy. Failure makes me irritable. It's not pleasant for the people around me, I know."
He stood. "Well let's get going then, shall we?"
He led the way and she followed.
They sat at the same seats as before, and Hermione was almost immediately ready to begin, her face serious and determined. Draco watched her with a growing sense of respect. She worked with resolve and integrity. She was also progressing a lot faster than she realised.
"OK then. Let's begin. Relax, close your eyes, focus." His voice was gentle but firm. He needed her to get this as much as she did. They couldn't proceed until she could protect her mind.
Amazingly, as midday approached, it seemed that she was able to stay out of her head for longer and longer stretches of time. They stopped briefly for a quick lunch and then continued. By late afternoon they stopped.
"Excellent work today, Granger," he praised her. She smiled proudly. "You're ready for the next step. Perhaps we can leave that for tomorrow?"
"What is the next step?" she asked him.
"Keeping me out of your head."
She frowned. "Why must we wait for tomorrow?"
He raised an eyebrow. "No reason, I just thought maybe you'd like to take a break."
"No," she replied firmly. "We can take a break afterwards. I'm ready now. Let's try it."
He sighed inwardly. Stubborn as ten, he thought. He sat opposite her.
"Right. So now you're going to do what we've worked on today. When I'm ready, I will try to get into your thoughts. You know what it feels like now, so the challenge will be to maintain focus when you feel it. Are you ready?"
She nodded. She closed her eyes and began the technique he had taught her. She moved beyond awareness of breathing to awareness of her heartbeat and then she felt him. The gentle push at her forehead. She frowned.
"No," Draco interrupted her. "As soon as you felt me you started thinking of what you didn't want me to see. And that just brings it all to the front of your mind. When you feel me, you have to focus your entire attention on what your breath feels like as it rushes in and out of your lungs. Or what your hands feel like. Try again."
They did.
Over and over.
Hermione became more and more frustrated and Draco more and more amused at her absolute refusal to quit.
"Granger, it's OK. We can carry on tomorrow."
"NO! Do it again!" she instructed.
On and on. She was beginning to feel shaky and nauseous when, on what felt like the hundredth attempt, she heard his voice as though it was far away.
"Well done, Granger. You've done it." He sounded proud.
She opened her eyes and glanced at him weakly. "I did?"
He nodded. "Yes, you did. Seems that stubborn, obstinate and pig-headed has its advantages." He stood up and stretched. "With more time and practice you will be able to keep me out for longer and longer. And then one day you will suddenly be able to do it without even consciously trying too hard."
She stood and stretched while he walked over to the open window and took a few large breaths.
"Ready for dinner, Princess?"
"Can we eat here? I love this place."
"I know. I arranged for Tinky to bring dinner to us here." He indicated for her to join him at the window. "Look how little it's changed."
Stood and walked over to him. They stood side by side, looking at the sun setting over the grounds, their elbows on the windowsill, each of them lost in their own memories of the place. So much had happened here. Lives lost, lives changed.
"So what did you see?" she asked suddenly. "When you went inside my head."
He didn't reply immediately.
"Tell me, Malfoy. It is my head after all. Could you see my childhood? Things that happened at school? During the war?"
"No," he said. "I wasn't there long enough and I wasn't looking for anything in particular. I could access thoughts and feelings that are fresh in your mind. Right in front, if that makes sense."
She was silent for a moment, considering her thoughts and feelings over the past few days. She felt a slight flutter of anxiety in her chest. Many of her thoughts had been about this man. How many of them had he seen? "I want to know."
He was silent. She turned her head and looked at him. "Tell me," she persisted.
"Well, mostly I got a sense of feelings, not actual thoughts. I felt your love for Red and your concern for Potter. I felt your compassion for Parkinson. I didn't understand that but I felt it. I saw your fear of what's coming and your determination to face it. Your frustration. Your internal conflict about what we are doing."
"That's all?"
Silence. For a moment he thought he would stop there. Careful, Draco, he thought. Sharing headspace with her will make you vulnerable. Be sure. But he found that he didn't want to resist any more. The reasons just didn't seem important suddenly.
"I saw how you felt when I touched you with my energy. And how you felt when I sucked your finger. And… I heard a question you've been asking yourself and I want to answer it, if you will let me."
He turned to her and cautiously watched her face. Being able to see another person's thoughts was seldom a pleasant experience for the other person. Sometimes they felt angry, invaded. Violated.
"Go on then." She said, almost a whisper. She watched the shadows lengthening along the gardens outside, willing her heart to beat slower.
"The answer is yes. Weasley isn't imagining things. She's right."
She turned to look at him as he searched her eyes. She didn't need to ask him what he meant. They both knew. He lifted his hand to her face and gently, whisper-softly, stroked her cheek with the tips of his fingers, caressing her bottom lip with his thumb and when her eyes fluttered closed and her breath hitched in her chest, he felt his head swim. He slipped his hand behind her head, pulled her gently towards him and brushed his lips against hers lightly. She forgot to breathe.
"Tinky has brought food, Master Draco."
Hermione pulled away with a shaky breath. Draco released her with a sigh and looked over at the table, where the elf was waiting with a pile of trays.
"Thank you Tinky. Your timing is perfect."
The elf was pleased. He placed the food on the table. "Tinky is back with drinks," he squeaked and disappeared with a pop.
Draco looked at Hermione, who was attempting unsuccessfully to tidy up her hair. "Come and eat, Granger," he instructed.
She took a seat opposite him as Tinky reappeared briefly to place two bottles of soda on the table and then, with a deep bow, he popped out again.
They ate and made their way back to the dorm in silence, neither quite managing to subdue their racing thoughts as they walked.
When they got back to the common room, Blaise and Ginny were just about to leave.
"We're done for the day, so we're going for a walk," Ginny said. "See you later?"
"Sure," Hermione confirmed. "That sounds nice, actually," she continued. "I could do with a leg stretch."
"I'd invite you to join us, Princess," Blaise laughed, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively. "But we aren't really going to do much walking."
Ginny winked at her friend and then stopped. "Wait a minute.." Her eyes narrowed in suspicion as she looked from Hermione to Draco and back. The tension between them was palpable. "Is there anything you want to tell me, Mione?"
Hermione's eyes widened innocently. "No."
Ginny turned to Blaise. "He kissed her!"
Blaise scrutinised his friend for a moment and then turned his gaze on Hermione.
She and Draco both stared back at him, her face flushed and hot and Draco's absolutely unreadable. Neither could successfully hide the tension and anticipation between them.
Then Blaise smirked. "You could be right, Red."
Ginny laughed. Then she grabbed Blaise's hand and led him out of the room. "And about bloody time too!" she called back to them as the door closed.
Draco cleared his throat. "Red is perceptive, isn't she?"
Hermione looked puzzled. "Is it that obvious?"
Draco pointed at her head. "Your eyes give you away, Gryffindor. And your hair," he said. "You look like you've spent the afternoon in bed."
She blushed and ran her hands over her hair, attempting to fix it. "Why didn't you tell me?" she asked.
"Because I like it like that. And anyway later this evening I'm going to pull you onto the sofa and mess it up again."
The words came tumbling out before she could stop them. "Later? How much later?"
His eyes flashed triumphantly.
He walked slowly towards her and she stepped slowly backwards away from him in a kind of slow motion dance, a look of panic on her face, until she felt the wall behind her. Her heart hammered in her chest as he slowly and deliberately took one of her wrists in each hand and pinned them against the wall above her head and then he unhurriedly leaned in, looking into her eyes until they fluttered closed, her long eyelashes dark against her pale skin.
"You want me to mess it up right now, Granger?" he asked her softly. "Is that what you want?" He nuzzled her, just behind her ear, then ran the tip of his tongue down her neck. She whimpered and the sound almost undid him. Merlin, he thought, I am kissing her neck and no other part of me is touching her and yet she is more responsive than any witch I've ever known.
He gently kissed his way to her collar bones, tasting her skin with the tip of his tongue, feeling her pulse racing under his mouth. She arched her body towards him, but he kept space between them. Then he lifted his head and looked into her face. "Is it?" She opened her eyes and looked at him, her breathing shallow. "Is it, Granger?" he half whispered, his eyes never leaving hers. He brushed his lips against hers, just barely touching, and when she reached for more, he moved away, just out of her reach.
"Uh uh. Stay still," his voice was low and hypnotic.
Then he came in again and gently nipped her bottom lip, tasting her, pulling away again with a low chuckle when she leaned in to him. The next time she held still and didn't move as he gently brushed her lips with his. Her lips parted and her breath mingled with his. With his lips still barely touching hers, he ran his tongue gently along her bottom lip, caressing the tip of her tongue with the tip of his, still watching her eyes.
She was breathing in short panting gasps. He watched her face closely as he passed her left wrist to his other hand, now pinning both of her hands to the wall with his left hand, then his fingertips softly caressed her as he made his way slowly down her arm, the side of her face, down her neck, until his right thumb brushed over her nipple, gently and then harder. He growled as he felt it already pebbled under his touch.
She felt the room sway. Oh god. He was touching her with just the tip of his tongue and one finger and she was so hot and wet she could hardly stand it.
"Do you want me to kiss you, Granger?" He was relentless, damn him.
"Yes." The word was ripped from her despite her determination to not give in.
He released her hands, pulled her against him and kissed her. His tongue invaded her mouth, tasting, devouring her. In that moment he realised that trying to stay away from her was a lost cause. He couldn't. And he didn't want to.
She whimpered into his mouth and kissed him back with every ounce of the passion he had aroused in her, their bodies straining against each other, his hands in her hair, her arms around his neck pulling him roughly against her, feeling his hardness against her lower belly. He pulled her hips roughly against his and hummed approval as she responded.
He was a second away from vanishing her clothes when he somehow managed to find the strength to stop. He ended the kiss abruptly and rested his forehead against hers, his breathing harsh and fast. He couldn't remember the last time a kiss had affected him like that. "Too fast. Let's get out of here for a while."
She couldn't move for a moment, panting and flushed, but then shakily took the hand he offered her and allowed him to lead the way out of the room.
She eventually found her voice. "I've changed my mind about your superpower."